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 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 3
How many women would admit to this????Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Nah, lots of us are like this.
If we're not getting a commitment, why should we BE committed?

The thing of it is this: If you really WANT a committed relationship, you have to stop this behavior. In your OWN head, you have to be willing to be OPEN to a commitment and to WORK for a commitment.

Right now, you are not wanting one, as judged by your actions.


Yea if a guy only calls you every now and then and cant make a full time commitment to you, that means he's just using you for a piece of Arse, Duh!

Why do people characterize this as being "used"? Why can't it be "we're both getting what we need"?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 5
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:38:55 AM
If you're not in a commited relationship, then you're free to do what you want, and since it sounds like the guys you're dating know you're dating others too, they have the option to see you or not, or to have sex with you or not. They know the risks, presumably, and choose to accept them - as do you. I'd venture that most guys aren't going to be so picky as to pass up even occasional sex in a non-exclusive relationship. If they truly want an exclusive relationship with you, and you with them, you'll find a way to make it happen. Most people keep looking until that indefinable something hits them and they feel they MUST be together.

I don't have problems with casual sex, either, but I have always been careful and selective about my partners.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 6
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:12:13 PM
ForRumOnly I think you've got it right here. If you are only casually dating, and that person is aware that you are dating others, you have provided them with information they need to make the decision if they want to continue casually dating you, or taking it to the next level and starting a physical relationship. In the bdsm community there is something called RACK that many follow. Stands for Risk Aware Consentual Kink... once all the parties are fully aware of information they need, it is up to them to make the decision if they want to follow thru or not based on the information they've gotten.

If I'm casually dating someone, and they inform me they are casually dating someone else but have a physical relationship with that person, I have to decide for myself if I'm willing to risk my health by having a physical relationship with them too.

Problem comes when one or both (or any) of the partners are less than honest about who else they are with. I had a fwb situation go bad on me like this because he failed to inform me of something that put my health at risk. Needless to say that was the end of the benefits portion of our friendship... and very nearly the end of our friendship too.

OP.. if you are being honest with them and not leading them on in any way or misrepresenting your intentions, they're big boys and can decide for themselves what they want to do. Does that make you a slut?? No. Sex is a great thing and we should all enjoy it as much and as often as we can. Some won't agree with me, some will. Either way... as long as you can sleep at night and aren't hurting anyone or breaking the law, go for it.
 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 11
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/16/2009 8:33:17 PM

"If we're not getting a commitment, why should we BE committed?"
That street is a 2-way road, fortunately. A famous quote comes to mind:

"Never make someone your priority, while they make you their option."
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 12
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:04:13 PM
You're a free agent - do what you feel comfortable with. Too many times in my younger days I sat by the phone waiting patiently and pining over someone that barely knew my name- time wasted. I'm more ashamed of that, than the times in my life I was promiscuous. Life's too short. Enjoy yourself - you don't owe anyone an explanation. Some will judge you in this thread and some already have. Fvck em - their just jealous. If they're women they're jealous because they are repressed (or lying) and envy your freedom, and the men who judge belittle you because they don't want women having the same kind of freedom you enjoy. It hurts their little ego that you don't sit by the phone waiting on their call. Don't you know? Women are supposed to use sex as bait to get the holy grail of single women - the wedding ring.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 16
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:36:57 PM
~OP~ Your screwing Mr./Ms. Right Now because Mr./Ms. Right For You isn't calling (if your post #1 is factually stated.) Why do you need validation for what you are doing? Your way certainly wouldn't work for me, I'd rather keep my bats and cobwebs intact than play Hide the Salami with someone just to cure boredom, but hey, to each their own.
 renoirs_dream
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 17
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:07:51 AM
Interesting subject. Hmmmm.... I usually look at the profile of the OP to get some background on the person. Did anyone else besides me look at the profile?????

This is quite a weird situation.... But not one that I haven't seen before.

I see there are 3 relationships.
Hopefully the children from the previous marriage are with good people when you are out on the town and you don't bring home the friends with benefits when your children are there. Do the children from the previous marriage even live with you?

Can you say "Once bitten twice shy?" Afraid of commitment due to the possibility that mr. today may turn into mr. yesterday?

Does Mr. Possible right know that you are with two other men? Does he mind?

Do the other two lovers know that there are other sexual encounters going on?

Do you mind if Mr. Possible is also doing two other women?

Have you completed a background check on Mr. Possible to see that he isn't Mr. Somebody else's property?

I would find it interesting to know if everyone involved have discussed STD's before getting intimate. With all the education out there and the information drilled and pounded into peoples minds for the past 20 years about multiple partners.

The CDC now reports that 1 out of every 3 persons have a STD. Amazing that you are on #3..... It use to be 1 out of 5.....


No judging here... It's all part of life.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 18
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:47:57 AM

So, I've been honest with them that as long as that's the situation I am going to continue to date others.


Ahh if only everyone else was like you.


It keeps me busy and always having a good time. YES, FULLY PREPARED TO BE CALLED A LOT OF AWFUL THINGS HERE , SO FORUM BASHERS, PREPARE TO HAVE A BALL!


And this is why I generally keep quiet about most of my dating habits. Why open myself up to the forum freaks?


I am just really curious if this is something that is a little more common than people like to admit, or just kind of the unspoken reality of casual dating???


I think people really are busy, but I also think that they'd make a bit more time for seeing someone that they're supposedly into.


Am I the only female on here willing to admit this or am I alone in my outrageous sin???


The last guy I dated was ALWAYS running around for his customers (own business), but managed to have once a week.. sometimes more.. to spend with me. On top of this business of his, he also has 3 kids. I really liked him, so I was willing to accept that I wouldn't see him that much. You aren't willing to accept that. Truth be told, I'm more likely to follow in your footsteps than to accept not seeing my BF that often again.


Everyone needs to grow up. If a woman is comfortable with her sexuality and practices safe sex then who is anyone to pass judgement.


What! You wanna take away the rights of these forum-folk to call a woman a whore? What are you thinking? How rude!

/sarcasm

I wonder why people insist that you can't be in love with someone if you're sleeping with someone else?

I was in love with someone I couldn't EVER be with under any circumstances, but that didn't stop me from meeting and falling for other men along the way. Just because I moved on didn't mean the feelings were gone. I had to move on.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 19
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 10:41:24 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^A woman TRULY comfortable in her own sexuality wouldn't be here looking for validation for her actions. Personally, I don't use the outdated/overused and pathetically small minded labels such as whore/slut/ho. I just don't believe this OP is the least bit happy with her own actions, no matter how much boredom she's staving off or how many testimonials she posts to being comfortable in her own skin. JMO
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 20
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 11:42:54 AM
First, I think when it comes to casual dating, a lot of people don't have sex with multiple people at the same time on purpose. They usually just keep the better of the two or three or four, and are "busy" to the others, until the better one falls short.

Now, if you only see someone once every other week? You're not dating -- not even casually. That's just a once-in-a-while booty call. Yes, I'm sure there are many women, most who won't admit it outright, who when in that situation, will (and should) see other people -- and end up sleeping with someone, all while keeping that other booty call in their phonebook, sure. But that's different than casual dating.

I think the problem occurs when you're seeing Johnny and getting porked, then meet Jimmy and then getting porked... but then go back to Johnny because Jimmy's seeing his kids over the weekend... then during the week proking Jimmy, and also meeting a new guy Joey... and getting porked there...

It's a problem when it's a sampler platter and you're trying to juggle sexual partners. Your in-love-twice-a-month booty call isn't a juggling act -- THAT I think is what more women are doing but won't admit... that "friend from out of town" sorta thing.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 21
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 11:53:32 AM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^A woman TRULY comfortable in her own sexuality wouldn't be here looking for validation for her actions.


Sorry, but her original question wasn't.. "So, it this ok, what I'm doing?" Her question was is what she's doing common and no one admits it. This didn't read like a seeking validation post. At all.


Now, if you only see someone once every other week? You're not dating -- not even casually.


Also true.

OP you said you felt that your dreamboat was gonna give you an ultimatum. If it's what you think it is, suggest he spend more time with you before you consider doing whatever it is he asks of you.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 22
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:13:49 PM
Sorry, but her original question wasn't.. "So, it this ok, what I'm doing?" Her question was is what she's doing common and no one admits it. This didn't read like a seeking validation post. At all.

Oh really????

I wish it weren't this way, but I need to see someone I'm dating more often than every couple of weeks and this seems to be a solution that works. Am I the only female on here willing to admit this or am I alone in my outrageous sin???

She's the one labeling her own actions as sinful. She wants female validation that she isn't the ONLY woman on the face of the planet having casual sex with multiple partners. Sure reads like, "Tell me it's OK." to me (i.e.: validation.)

JMO
 Seven1234
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 23
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 9/30/2009 10:09:11 PM
Oh what ever...
Let the OP be! I'm in the same boat...Why would we sit around waiting for some guy to call?

Hey if your doing it why not?

Have fun

L
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 25
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:52:22 AM
OP,you're just being honest & who are we to bombard you w/ our criticism. I understand that you may want a one on one relationship but seeing different men one or two times a month means hopefully you both are interested in a friendly physical relationship; I see nothing wrong with having a few (ie less than three) people like this but it ends up getting dangerous when you chance three different relationships sprouting from different fronts.All and all have fun but you must remember that life is filled with people who we can "Pass the time" with but when it gets down to it all of that fruitless fun time could of been used to make meaningful connections either on a life long friend base or love to last a lifetime sort of thing.


(Saw an interesting documentary about ancient Rome and they touched on the whole pleading to the crowd for overall opinion of if a down and basically out gladiator would live. It would be in the middle and if it went down it meant he'd live and if it stayed at the mid level after fluctuating because he was a neurotic desensitized individual of high clout and he would more than likely always want to play to his citizen the person would then be executed for it was kind of a "Time in" sort of thing. Long story sort play on Play but don't expect any of these dudes to meet the parents anytime soon if ever)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27
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How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/1/2009 4:46:35 AM
If you are being honest with everyone involved, and practicing safe sex....
I don't see where there is an issue.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 29
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:15:39 AM
I think the OP has simply adopted the attitude, "If you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with". If it works for her and she's happy with it, why do so many people get their panties in a bunch over it?
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 30
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:24:51 AM

Hey, they are most likely having just as much fun with the sllut as the sllut is having with them


How come she's a slut, but the guys aren't? I hate when people call women names like that. If she wants to have casual sex with guys she's seeing, and is safe about it, it's her business. No one has the right to push their morals on anyone else, and if she is ok with it, then that's her prerogative.

She is a grown woman. She can do what she wants. If she is not in a monogamous, committed relationship, she's not hurting or lying to anyone, so she can do whatever she wants. There are plenty of people on here with FWBs, at least this woman has relationships, goes out, sees these men in public. FWBs usually slip over in the dark of night, get it on, and sneak away unseen.

OP, you live your life as you see fit. No one here has the right to judge you. You enjoy yourself until you find a man you feel ready to settle down with. You only live once, enjoy it!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 31
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:35:14 AM

It is just common sense. If a woman is having sex with you, she's probably having sex with other people. Unless, of course, you have a deal, like marriage. No good comes from asking; no good comes from telling. If it matters, either don't have sex with her or do some investigating.


That's not necessarily common sense - It misogyny. Marriage is not a guarantee that a woman won't have sex with other men. Look at the divorce rate. If a woman meets someone nice that she finds attractive, maybe she hasn't had sex for a very long time and is ready to live a little. I can understand the quote above coming from an elderly man, but some of the women here are downright witchy.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 33
How many women would admit to this????
Posted: 10/2/2009 4:08:34 PM

sure it's common just look at all the diseases being spread and 40% out of wedlock births. keep up the good work sister!women are the gate keepers. legs closed...not a lot of babies and the spread of STDs. legs open...hey welcome to the new world.

..........so women alone are responsible? Men need to act responsibly instead of putting all on the women's shoulders. I would say that men probably do at least 75% of the lying and coersion when it comes to a relationship becoming a sexual one. I have to say no one pays more than the unwanted children born from recreational irresponsible sex.
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