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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I find this site disheartening....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 netchef
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 9
I find this site disheartening....Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
If you are not getting anywhere, it's possible your profile is saying some things women may not find attractive.

Purely speculative but here are some things I thought about your profile:

Your main pic is as a best man and labeled as such-some women may think, what's wrong with this guy, not good enough to be the groom?

Your description of yourself is very busy, talking about all the places you have been- may make women think this guys attention is elsewhere and he may not have time for me.

just my two cents- not meant to flame you, just sometimes we can't think what others might see.

Also, I would suggest adding a few things about what you are looking for in a woman- people want to feel a sense of connection or compatibility, and a road map may make that easier for some.
Good luck
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 10
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:59:58 PM
here is a hint
work on one person that you like
and that is it

be a man
stop whining

stop scoping
focus
invest your energy
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 11
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:20:21 PM
Meeting someone from any online website is a big crapshoot. In my mind the whole thing boils down to risk vs. reward. If you want to take a little bit of a risk, and talk to just one or two people, then your reward ain't gonna be very big. If you take more risks, invest some time in talking to MORE people, then your reward might well be bigger.

Online dating isn't dating online. It's just a tool that might connect you with someone you otherwise wouldn't stumble across in real life.

Yes, this and other sites are full of people you DON'T want. And I personally think the pay sites are better. YMMV. It's up to you if you want to spend any time looking online. It doesn't hurt to look right? Obviously you shouldn't invest a huge amount of time chatting up/emailing/texting a perfect stranger. Plan on doing a few coffee meets if you really want this thing to work. You won't know how great they are until you meet. I won't waste a lot of time on someone until I meet them. Why bother?

This isn't the only way to meet someone. If someone starts to think this is it...well they're going to be very lonely. Or get carpal tunnel syndrome. Take your pick.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 12
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:24:26 AM
If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.

I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums. I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.

Most of us who have been successful didn't EXPECT to find the love of our lives on here. If we did, we were open to the idea, but it wasn't EXPECTED. Most of us have met and dated others from here who weren't a great match, but we didn't give up and say, "Why bother?". It's the same as in TRW. Not every person you meet is going to be the one for you. Why should meeting someone online be any different?

It took me almost two years to meet the man in my life. So what? Would it make any difference if it had taken 3 years or if it only took one? It doesn't matter how long it took. We did meet and that's what's important. And without meeting online, we would never have had the opportunity of being together.

So join clubs, go to meet and greets, see if there are any POF activities in your area, and continue writing to women who interest you. Don't count on just one venue to work. The more avenues you take, the better chance you have of arriving at your destination.

Good luck!
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:01:14 AM

If you expect an online dating site to be a panacea for your being single, you'll stay disheartened. It is but a tool. One way in which to meet people. For some, it works very well and for others, it doesn't.

I agree *Filly*.
Too many, have too many high expectations that they place on themselves and others, thus, leading to a lot of the 'disheartening' that one sees around here. Not all, but, a lot. As with anything in life........everything doesn't work for everyone.


I have met the man I plan to marry on this site, thanks to the forums.

That's wonderful *Filly*, congrats.
You know we all wish the very best for you and whomever snapped you up.
When this happens it's always a great day at the Pond.....I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that.


I also have friends who have met their S/Os on this site and they are now in exclusive relationships, engaged or married. Sounds pretty successful to me.

Yes, and a lot of us know who some of these couples are.
I'm a thinkin', they too, measure this site a success............what's successful for some won't be for others OP......see? Just as anything in life.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 14
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/17/2009 9:25:23 AM
I don't drink. Like you I may get an e-mail or 2 a month. Men tell me what I would want to hear like "let's go to lunch or breakfast, or meet for coffee.

Then seems like they cancel out and just want to "hang out" at my place. When that suggestion is made it's a real deal breaker for me. Either he's cheap, has something to hide, or maybe just too lazy to date the right way.

If he was someone I knew for awhile and trusted, then sure spend a little time here, but not a stranger I just met online.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 1:44:43 AM
Ah yes... another nice guy that I can seduce to the dark side of the Force!
Join me, my friend... being nice is no good! You know it and everyone else does!
It is your destiny... don't delete your account. Well, do so, but not after going through and ranting all you want! Spread the word!
No more nice guys! EVER! We don't want to hear the whining and complaining!
Be a **stard of the highest order first! Nuke the site from orbit before leaving!

Don't be a martyr anymore! Nuke the site before you leave!


I need soldiers for my war against "good guys". Cast off that burden and follow me!
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 16
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:00:17 AM
OP have you tried the sites that cost money? There might be someone more to your liking on a site that one has to pay to be on. Usually if we pay for it we value it more. Serious people may be there instead of here.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 17
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:18:45 PM
LOL Whats disheartening is seeing the whining crybabys b*tch and rant about bitter people on here. I mean who gives a shit...get over it.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 18
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:48:17 PM
^^Miketheawesome... And don't forget the ones looking for a free meal ticket too..LOL
 renoirs_dream
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:40:29 PM
I read a few of the replies... Not that many BTW...

You are exactly right with the first post.

Take it in stride that this site does not have much in reality. I am here for the forums now because they are a hoot!

Don't "FEEL" you should explain yourself to these people. You posted, they responded, nuff said! Everything in life is an experience. Including this website. Good or bad? Depends on what you might find. So far I've seen more guys with a thumbs down here.

Good luck in the future!
 RUmPsHaKER
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 20
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/22/2009 2:07:44 PM
i'm back again....but, honestly for the forums...i have met some really great people although i think it's more "me" to be quite frank.....too used to being single i guess..

and btw miketheawesome are you really a jedi? hmm
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:52:42 AM
hahaha, you see alot of whining on these sites, and like thats going to get you a date.lmao!!!Aloha




LOL Whats disheartening is seeing the whining crybabys b*tch and rant about bitter people on here. I mean who gives a shit...get over it.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 22
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:10:55 AM
The fact that POF is free to join has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Of course, the downside is that literally anyone with access to a computer and a passing knowledge of how to work a mouse and keyboard can create a profile and become part of the dating community. They can be serial killers, mentally unstable, sexual predators or career criminals - it doesn't matter because they're still allowed in.

Being able to recognize them eventually becomes a talent you hone and refine. OP, if you're doing better meeting quality people in real life, why would you even have a profile on POF anyway?

Must be for the entertainment value.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 23
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:13:06 PM
Posted: 9/24/2009 242 PM
hahaha, you see alot of whining on these sites, and like thats going to get you a date.lmao!!!Aloha


^^^Umm what makes you think Im here looking for a date?.

Didn't it ever occur to you that maybe some people are here just for the forums?
Nice try though single daddy..lol
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 24
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:17:31 AM
This site can be very disheartening at times. I stopped putting my faith in it a long time ago because I realized the chances of meeting somebody special were really few and far between. I still have a little bit of optimisn left though.

In my experiences the majority of women on this site can fall into two categories;

1) Bitter and angry at the world. You see that very much on these forums.

2) Those who have such high expectations that they will likely never find that special person that they are looking for. I wouldn't even describe it as picky as much as I would as narrow minded. I've seen profiles where ladies even put what kind of hairstyle they want their guy to have and they refuse to "settle". Looking at ther laundry-lists of specific things some women want just make me laugh. I even saw one profile where the gal had such a detailed description of what she wants, pretty much down to her ideal man's shoe size. Then she described how she didn't want to get hurt again because she has had such a bad history with men. My first thought was, "you just described in vivid detail the kind of guy who would probably cheat on you". Of course these laundry lists go right out the window if a guy is good looking or has money.

A few friends of mine have moved away from this site to others like eharmony and have had luck there. Personally I consider all the online stuff to be the same. Same games, only on others you have to pay. Stick with things here for a while. There are some pretty good people on this site and hopefully you'll run across them. I still think (could be naive) that I may still meet the one good person who makes the bad ones worth it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:52:41 AM
Just IGNORE all of the TROllS that seem to have crawled out of the woodwork, as they ALWAYS do!!!

Yup I think that it's human to be disheartened at times in the search for that special someone...If it were that easy then there wouldn't be all of those books/songs/etc written about it, n'est-ce pas?!?!?
Anyways...this site is JUST a TOOL and NOT a guarantee...
I believe that meeting that "special person" relies on two people meeting at the "right place", and "the right time" and being the "right" people for each other...That can be a challenge and it's really a numbers game after all...the more people that you meet/ talk to, the better the chance to "click" with the right one...
You\re young though, don't get too discouraged. too quickly. and enjoy being a young single person for the moment...There ARE some advantages to THAT too ya know...

As for all of the "bitter Bettys and Crispy Critters" on here...They just have nothing better to do than to denigrate others for their VERY human feelings in order to make THEMSELVES feel (falsely) superior!!!
 Sweet_Kitten_87
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 26
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:05:49 PM
nmaccari,
Here's my story: I spent just over a year on this site, I had another user name then, at first I wasn't getting a lot of messages, but the more I logged on.. the more messages I got... unfortunately, those guys turned out to be...less than savory.. I closed off my first account, and thought seriously about giving up, just forgetting about this site. I mean, it's not like I had problems meeting people, just never had the time to go out, plus I was from a smaller city, so the pickings were quite slim.. So I decided to give it another try... right now I'm in a loving relationship with an amazing man... we met off of here, and we've been seeing eachother for about 5 months, those three words have been shared and things couldn't be better... so basically I'm trying to tell you not to give up... if I didn't have my account I wouldn't have met him... and I know you can meet your perfect girl too... so good luck hun! <3
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 27
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:45:20 AM

I think that it may be time for me to delete my profile and maybe try to find meet and greet type of events instead. Or join some type of club.

Does anyone else feel the same way?


IMO you would be doing yourself a great injustice by using POF as your only means of meeting others. The more you are involved with the more likely you are to meet someone that you might share a mutual attraction. Groups that offer social activities are the best. Join a bowling league. A pool league. A softball league. Just show up where they play and watch and see how fast you are invited into the group. Who cares if you are any good at it. They usually have openings for all abilities. If you are a religious person, churches often have socail activities and fun raisers. Ooops that was suppose to be fund raisers, but fun raisers sounds good too.
 sammiman
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 28
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:07:36 PM
Seriously....I think some put too much stock in thinking they are going to actually find "the one" and/or "true love" via online dating sites (whether that be paid or free). But let's face it, that ever elusive product is something that can not be ordered up, neatly packaged, and delivered to us express mail, via the world wide web.
harleyhotty you hit the nail on the head square and true.

Too many people have an image in their head of what they want in a mate. That image is a fantasy and not likely to be realized. When after emailing and a talk or two on the phone a pair decides to meet, if either one of them has fantasized of the other as to what their date is like, that person is setting them-self up for disappointment cuz their date is not their fantasy.

I think this progresses to a point that the fantasizer no longer thinks of on line dating as serious, and then only believes it good as entertainment. Then they end up wasting the time of serious people and miss out on a better life for themselves - sammiman
 sammiman
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 29
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:49:02 PM
eharmany I understand is a scam. I paid singlesnet for a month and they took my money and did not upgrade my account. another site sent me computer generated email from women that wanted to date me as soon as I paid to up grade my account so I could email back to them they all disappeared and I never received another email from anyone. so don't put alot of hope in the pay sites

perfectstxrm, keep that chin of your's up! know that the cruel are also mindless. they know not what they do to themselves by being cruel to others, of how they destroy their own future, and they certainly don't realize that they have become just like the people they hate. they only know that dumping on you or anyone they can makes them feel better about themselves for a while. they are shallow and pitiful.
DON'T LET THE HEARTLESS IMBECILES CHANGE YOU understand them and rise above their petty ways sticking to your own beliefs and convictions you will look down on the cruel with forgiving eyes and the satisfaction that you are a better person than they could ever dream of being. in a nut shell "misery loves company" don't fall into their game of hate, in that game there are no winners

In the words of Dr M L King and Gandy and many more all the way back to Jesus Christ,
Hate makes for more hate
Love makes for more love
Hate can not stop hate
only love can stop hate
Look up the full version I can't remember it all but the point is to keep love in your heart and be your own man as hard as it will be at times remember to get revenge is to lower yourself down to a lesser person's level.
Once you have the confidence in yourself as your own man the women will beat down your door to be f---ed by you- sammiman
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 30
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:15:57 PM

I've just started here. The thread forum isn't very comforting. There are quite a bit of jaded posters not sure why that is. Perhaps it's easier to dump insecurities here on a thread.


Oh I wouldn't worry too much about them. You will learn who the always negative and bitter people are and also who the people who's opinion you have grown to respect. I have already given most of the regulars nicknames such as a cartoon character. After awhile you get to a point of reading posts from certain people and ignoring those of some others.

In the end you will find that you might actually learn something and that mixed in with all of the garbage are some very special treasures to be discovered.
 BigBee77
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 31
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:37:41 AM
Well for me it's kind of hit and miss. Really in my local area a lot of women who were once on here deleted their profiles. As a result, the pickings are kind of slim. In more populated surrounding areas (say Atlanta, GA), I get a LOT more responses (some interesting, some bullshit, but still nevertheless I know A LOT of women out there have some interest in me). If I just lived a few more miles up the road, the choices would be phenomenal. Even though I have droughts every now and then, I don't feel the need to delete my profile (just revamp it now and then plus the site is free). Also my search for women doesn't begin or end on this site. This is just AN OUTLET. I get on here, check a few messages, message anyone I may be interested in somewhat, and get on with my day. To the OP, if you truly feel that way then try this before you decide to delete the page (although I don't understand why, it's free). View your profile, with an open mind, then change some things about it if it seems too basic, boring or whatever. Update it also, pictures and all. When you get on here, take a more PROACTIVE role. Message any woman with a confident but sweet stance in your introduction message. Make a message that will INTRIGUE AND FORCE them to wanna know who you are and what you're about. Do this to ANYONE who you wanna get to know, regardless of what they say about themselves on their profile. At first, focus on basic info (job, car, children, interests etc.) in determining who you want to meet (basically simple requirements). Don't focus too heavily on the woman's onscreen personality (although STILL PAY ATTENTION TO IT, it gives you a clue to who they MIGHT be). I say this because if it so happens you meet someone online, how they initially come off to you online MAY be different in person. If onscreen they come off as a ****, they may be sweet when you finally meet and get to know them (and VICE VERSA, just to point that out). So keep ya head up and KEEP PUSHING.
 BigBee77
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:33:55 AM
Now, that being said. Why the HELL are you guys ( yeah, I'll focus on GUYS because I expect more manliness from you) on these forums so bitter. Yes women aren't perfect and some can be straight ****es. I agree with A LOT of what you say but it don't help to get on here and rant and ****. If you a REAL MAN, a woman's negative opinion of you shouldn't affect you and how you feel about yourself. She not perfect her damn self, so why should it faze you. The forums to me are for intelligent debate, not ignorant ass rants from insecure people who are dissatified with their own lives (men and women). If you got dating problems, all this ****ing wont help you. Sometimes the problems aren't with other people, it's with YOU. DO WHAT IT TAKES TO IMPROVE YOURSELF AND DON'T TAKE DATING SO PERSONAL. When I read these posts, I wanna take all you whining, ****ing so-called men out there and do you like Vito Corleone from The Godfather.

(slap) YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!


Just think about what I'm saying
 nmaccari
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 33
I find this site disheartening....
Posted: 12/4/2009 1:19:33 PM
I am the OP for this thread. I want to thank everyone for their positive input and constructive criticism. Some of you guys came up with some good points.

I want to clarify a few things though. My original post wasn't well written. I didn't mean to come across that my dating life is disheartening. In fact, it's really the opposite. I date just about every weekend and they aren't usually from here. I have a much easier time finding someone nice to date in real life than I do on here. It's just that I have a tough time finding someone with a enough common interest and trust in to make the relationship last long term.

So, let me try to explain about what I find disheartening on here. I have this terrible mindset that I believe people would come on here, set up an honest profile, and then try to find others with common interest. However, what I find too often is a lot of lies. Now. I think one poster asked me how I know someone is lying. Well, I find this out just by simply looking at the profile closely or after I meet someone. Things like age, weight, martial status, and number of kids should be a very straight-forward and honest answer. The way I feel is that if I find that someone is lying about anything on their profile or after I meet them then it's a huge red flag. I, then, begin to wonder what else they may be lying about.

Oh. And I know it goes both for men and women. I have a few female friends that told me about some of the guys they've received emails from and some of things are just not very nice. Things like "hey baby, you want to hang out some time." make it seem like the women on here are call girls! I wonder why someone would message someone like that. Or I heard there are a lot of married people on here looking for side action. Is this site just for those looking for sex?

Now, to me, it's cool for what ever floats your boat. Whether it be you're looking for a quick hookup, a friend, or long term relationship. All I wish for is that people would be honest about themselves, their true intent, and what they want to find. That way the site could actually be useful!
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