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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 174
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 10 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Theres a branding opportunity.
Look, just because we never settled, or never did it down ward, just why is the bachelor supposed to be niched and pigeon holed?.... heres the depth charge of truth bomb for you, a bachelor that is free to do what ever he pleases, when ever he pleases, doesn't give one flying ratz @ss what you think, or the 'stigma' you want to attach to him.
It is like the black cat crossing your path. You think it is bad luck! someone with out that notion, just might pet the cat, or not care at all. Just because you have a notion about someone elses life, doesnt mean it is true.

I never expected to ever marry, I told my mom when I as 5 that I was going to grow up and be a bachelor. It seems to have worked out that way so far.
Headed overseas (I figure American rules dont apply over there, and so far they dont)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 175
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/25/2011 10:21:21 PM
It's not. It's a plus. Every year, the size of my dating pool increased.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 176
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/26/2011 7:01:43 PM
I have no idea why people put down people who have not married by the time they are a certain age. Especially today when people can marry and divorce in the same calendar year...big woopy doo-doo, you said I Do knowing as soon as you were no longer 100% of the time happy you could/would divorce. Big step...NOT.

Sure, some foks are single because they are a bit awkward, but most of the older people I know who never married have pretty fantastic lives happening. I dont hear them complain of loneliness and for the most part thier only complaint is this weird perception about being a bachelor/bachelorette at thier age.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 177
view profile
History
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/28/2011 2:50:10 AM

Most of you are creepy. Just accept it.


My other voice says that you're just jealous that they don't talk to you.
 bsmith1976
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 178
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 6/21/2011 11:38:16 AM
I'm not commitment phobic, I just haven't found a woman who meets my expectations. Well, I have come across one or two who have but it just didn't work out in the end. As soon as I find someone (who is single) that can actually communicate their feelings, desires and issues, is financially stable, secure in their career, fun to be around and appreciates those same qualities in myself, I'll settle down. Problem is, there aren't too many out there that fit that bill. At least in the part of the country that I live in.
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 179
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 6/21/2011 1:15:25 PM
Lots of response to this one, obviously a hot topic.

As soon as I see someone who is over 35 and still a bachelor it screams....afraid to commit, the older you are and still a bachelor the louder it screams. If you have been in stable, long term relationships, you have children, you look for someone who has shared some of these life experiences and I think most women are seeking stability, commitment...not just randomly dating. Also, as we get older we can get stuck in our ways, if we have shared living with another we have probably learned compromise, flexibility, sharing...not just doing it our own way...again, a "bachelor" says you probably haven't had this experience nor wished to. Just a thought.

If you do want commitment then maybe explain that in your profile...it might help.


I wonder why women see this as the ONLY reason (non-commital) as to why a bachelor is a bachelor at an older age? Can not anyone figure that there are other reasons other than just the ONE?

As if a divorced person is any better? How does that demonstrate stability?

Can anyone figure that the older bachelor is trying to choose wisely his future mate? I'm the complete opposite of a commitment phobe, in fact I really hope I meet a future long-term partner.


If you have been in stable, long term relationships, you have children, you look for someone who has shared some of these life experiences and I think most women are seeking stability, commitment...not just randomly dating.


Not to sound harsh here, but playing devil's advocate, people can judge divorcee's in a similar fashion.

Like having to deal with the ex issues, baby mamma drama, and whatever issues that COME with a post-divorce situation is somehow better? I mean, I tend to question why someone got a divorce, or wasn't able to work on the marraige the 5 years they were married (5 years is just an example).

One could question why someone couldn't keep a marraige together (esp. with the divorce rate skyrocketing)

Shared life experience, I suppose is okay...I guess...but I really don't see this a major factor.


Also, as we get older we can get stuck in our ways, if we have shared living with another we have probably learned compromise, flexibility, sharing...not just doing it our own way...again, a "bachelor" says you probably haven't had this experience nor wished to.


Sure, I might have have really experienced this, but I DO have the desire to. :-) Call me romantic. ;-)
 Bassbob47
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 180
view profile
History
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/3/2011 5:36:09 PM
i didnt know there was a stigma??
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 181
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/4/2011 9:48:56 AM
Yes there is a stigma and yes there are exceptions to the rule. Don't give up yet bachelors. One of my friends is 30, beautiful, in great shape, sweet and refuses to date a man that isn't a bachelor. She complains all the time that there are so few men out there that are really looking for a forever relationship.
 ALivingDream
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 182
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:51:48 PM
As a man, it "implies" you are VERY flawed or have a commitment issue. Flawed because no one wanted you or commitment issue because you dated, but didn't like anyone in all those years enough to want to be with them as a life partner. As women- we usually are less likely to fear commitment- flaws aren't gender specific.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 183
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:45:46 AM
I don't look at an older bachelor and think that he is flawed, but then I am an older bachelorette. Maybe he was busy working or going to school, etc...or like me, lives in an area where he meets few women or has a profession that does not allow him to meet many women. He may have dated someone for a while, or dated a few women for short periods of time. I do think that an older bachelor has an easier time dating than an older single woman. For some reason the belief that he can choose and has not chosen versus she has not been chosen (people make assumptions without ever even talking to me about my dating history) makes him okay but makes her a woman to ignore. This might be an online thing and not as prevalent in other parts of the country or in large cities. I have found that the older bachelors I have known preferred to marry women with children who were usually younger and they had their own child.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 184
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:11:29 AM
its a faulty logic syllogism with a dreaded pedantic fallacy
" You are a flawed. It shows you cant commit"
Ok.... so if you HAD committed, and got into a marriage... and are now DIVORCED or SEPARATED (because you are obviously back on the dating market being here)
it shows that you can have a relationship that FAILED.
Being previously married doesnt show your committment - STILL being married shows your commitment.

Youve never had a car accident - it shows you are a reckless driver because you dont know how to handle yourself after an accident? WHAT ?!?!
There isnt an insurance company on the planet that would rate the instance of failure better than the absence of occurance.
meh, not surprised, if y'all understood insurance that healthcare bill never would have made it through the house/senate.

So to sum up, Never wrecked - Flawed. Damaged from an accident - Experienced and ready to drive again .....
it is winning logic indeed.
(PS the 20 in the military more than proves I can commit)
Plus the 17 to the girl that were together, though we never got married - because we both knew it was a failed institution.
 bsmith1976
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 185
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 1:21:02 PM
I once broke up with a girl after dating her for just shy of six months. The argument triggering the breakup was that she was pissed at me for not buying her an engagement ring for her birthday.

We barely knew each other at that point and her extreme insecurity and jealousy was already shining through in those five months. She certainly wasn't ready for marriage and I certainly wasn't ready to marry her.

She wanted the "fantasy" that she was grown up believing in "Happily ever after" regardless of the facts of the situation and I just wasn't gullible enough to go along with it.

Of all the women I've dated over the last 10 years or so. A few of them were nowhere near mature enough to marry (too much going out, too jealous/insecure, etc). Some of them were just too different or had goals that were far from my goals to settle down with. (As much as I was different from them and had goals nowhere near what they wanted, not to blame everything on them). A few flaked on me for no apparent reason (rebound?) and I, myself, flaked on a few.

Meanwhile, I've got a great career (12 years at the same place of employment, 10 of those with the employer) and my own house (30 year mortgage, yeah!). But, I'm considered to have commitment issues because I haven't been married or spread my seed all over creation?

If I'm flawed, then I'll continue to be so.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 186
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/11/2011 12:07:53 PM
There's no stigma in being single, so why bachelor?
I think "bachelor" is the equivalent of "old maid", and those titles are not considered "sociable", the way "single" is thought of.
It's just a word.
 petevr
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 187
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:25:14 PM
IT SHOULDNT BE A STIGMA FOR AN OLDER BACHELOR..MOST OF US, MALE AND FEMALE GO THROUGH THE STIGMA OF DIVORCE, SO THERE GOES THE DOUBLE STANDARD, WOMEN LOVE THAT CRAP...

I WAS MARRIED 19 YRS AND HATE BEING SINGLE, AS OPPOSED TO MOST PEOPLE WHO TELL ME IM LUCKY..B.S. ON THAT....

WE WANT TO MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, GET TO KNOW THEM, SETTLE DOWN AND IF THE TIME/FATE IS RIGHT, SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES WITH THEM..ISNT THAT WHAT MOST FOLK WANT, AND WHAT SHOULD AGE HAVE TO DO WITH IT..I CAN SEE AN ISSUE WITH A 50 YR OLD GOING FOR A 30 YR OLD, BUT 40, NO PROBLEM...KIDS CAN BE AN ISSUE, I KNOW I NEVER HAD THEM AND I NEVER THOUGHT ID WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED WITH A LADY THAT DID, BUT THEN THAT WOULD ELIMINATE 90% OF THE DATING POOL, SO HAVE MOVED ON FROM THAT...

SO LADIES..WHAT DO U HAVE TO SAY?????????I'D LOVE TO HEAR...

PETE/LONG ISLAND, NY
 hoth1972
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 188
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:57:06 PM
women unknowingly have it built in their heads that a man cant be happy without a woman..and if he is she will durn sure put a stop to that sh@t. i have foound that while i like women,i know that as soon as i get one i might as well reopen the complaint dept.
1) your never home
2) they want a man to have a good job,and if he doesnt he can work two.
3) your never home
thats all i heard. now i no longer have a job...on disability and in debt. i lost my 4 houses
two cars and a pick up.
as soon as women hear this they bolt. i happily tell them to see if they stick around or not.
surprisingly im mostly happy.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 189
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/14/2011 12:20:36 PM
First, I haven't read all the responses to this question. Personally, I think to not marry is up to the individual and not for me to criticize. However, I'm thinking there is another issue here. Judging by his "old" photo, if OP is truly 57, make that about 60 now, then I am really 87!
 ryfitz75
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 190
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:53:52 PM
Why are all you ladies so hard on this guy? I am divorced dad with a 5 year old daughter. She is awesome and even though my marriage didn't work out , I feel very lucky to have her. Maybe this guy never had that chance, or met someone who was worth having a child with. There are so many variables and scenarios , its ridiculous. I cant stand to see people judging another person because what they do or do not have. I mean, come on.... Exactly the type of women i stay away from. Way too critical and judgmental. Keep your head up bro!
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 191
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 4:05:14 AM

I cant stand to see people judging another person because what they do or do not have. I mean, come on.... Exactly the type of women i stay away from. Way too critical and judgmental.


Agreed....they are always LOOKING for a reason not to date someone. This is what is probably what is keeping some women chronically single.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 192
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:03:26 AM
^^True, although the same thing could be said for some men. I find that most older bachelors I have met online say they will not date a woman who has not been married who does not have children. Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me, but then online it seems that most men seek women who have very specific traits regarding appearance, etc. and wonder why they are not snatched up...Could it be that the majority of men online are interested in the minority of women? I never knew there were so many sheeple until I started looking at dating sites, and it seems to be worse the older the men become.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 193
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:48:42 PM
^^^^ That makes no G'd sense.
If you had managed to escaped kids and divorce this long and remain a bachelor, why the hell foul notion would you only want to be involved with women that have been through the turnstile of divorce and are cartin a kid or two with em ?
I can't for the life of me wrap my head around that.
(actually if you do a search, divorced women with kids are NOT the minority on this site - the 40+ non married/not divorced, non kidded/not wanting kids woman is THE minority) double bonus points for being fit, non smoking, and local.... well that number just went to zero.

(oops thats not true, on further review, Canada ; Vancouver Island has a few - international again. )
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 194
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:20:46 PM
I didn't know there was one.......or I'm too young to have a stigma.


I like Valencia's opinion.

 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 195
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:02:52 PM
A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.)
 pointoffact
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 196
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 8:23:15 PM
Why not do what women do, lie. Just say you've been in a 14 year LTR. You had two kids who ran away from home at a young age. Then all you have to do when you actually meet women is to behave as though you actually were in a LTR. This is easy to do. Just follow these 3 steps.

1. Imagine you've had the life sucked out of your soul. Like you're a corpse locked in a shell that somehow still lives.

2. Imagine that everything that you currently enjoy in life no longer exists and has been replaced with constant nagging and "why don't you listen to me me while I'm yapping on about some incoherent nonsense that means absolutely nothing to you?"

3. Imagine you wake up every morning with your testicles locked firmly in a vice and barbed wire wrapped around your penis.

master these grasshopper and you too will have the "I've been in a LTR" glow that so many men around the world enjoy.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 197
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:34:31 PM
" A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.) "

dear gawd - no. Somebody made it through the obstacle course of the twenties, the hell of divorce at the thirties and is ready to jump into an immediate aggressive/ protective role to a 'damsel in distress' that has run the circus of everything he just tried to avoid ?!?! It is a desperate codependant needy trainwreck headed for disaster.
Actually, Call Dr. Phil - I think his show could use the fodder of that one.

this is the person that runs stack on a door with a shot gun, but no vest, helmet, or armor - and only one round in the barrel - not a risk I am ever indulging.
Have at it.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 198
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/20/2011 10:15:22 PM
I agree that some of us dont want to settle for just anyone and are looking for the love of their lives. So many do compromise and sometimes it works because of low expectation and sometimes it doesnt.

I think that when men dont marry there is the suspicious that they may be closet gays or mama's boys. Set in their ways and selfish..... If you have had serious relationships that have not resulted in formal marriage then that is quite normal.
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