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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 ALivingDream
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 182
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 13 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
As a man, it "implies" you are VERY flawed or have a commitment issue. Flawed because no one wanted you or commitment issue because you dated, but didn't like anyone in all those years enough to want to be with them as a life partner. As women- we usually are less likely to fear commitment- flaws aren't gender specific.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 183
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:45:46 AM
I don't look at an older bachelor and think that he is flawed, but then I am an older bachelorette. Maybe he was busy working or going to school, etc...or like me, lives in an area where he meets few women or has a profession that does not allow him to meet many women. He may have dated someone for a while, or dated a few women for short periods of time. I do think that an older bachelor has an easier time dating than an older single woman. For some reason the belief that he can choose and has not chosen versus she has not been chosen (people make assumptions without ever even talking to me about my dating history) makes him okay but makes her a woman to ignore. This might be an online thing and not as prevalent in other parts of the country or in large cities. I have found that the older bachelors I have known preferred to marry women with children who were usually younger and they had their own child.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 184
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:11:29 AM
its a faulty logic syllogism with a dreaded pedantic fallacy
" You are a flawed. It shows you cant commit"
Ok.... so if you HAD committed, and got into a marriage... and are now DIVORCED or SEPARATED (because you are obviously back on the dating market being here)
it shows that you can have a relationship that FAILED.
Being previously married doesnt show your committment - STILL being married shows your commitment.

Youve never had a car accident - it shows you are a reckless driver because you dont know how to handle yourself after an accident? WHAT ?!?!
There isnt an insurance company on the planet that would rate the instance of failure better than the absence of occurance.
meh, not surprised, if y'all understood insurance that healthcare bill never would have made it through the house/senate.

So to sum up, Never wrecked - Flawed. Damaged from an accident - Experienced and ready to drive again .....
it is winning logic indeed.
(PS the 20 in the military more than proves I can commit)
Plus the 17 to the girl that were together, though we never got married - because we both knew it was a failed institution.
 bsmith1976
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 185
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 1:21:02 PM
I once broke up with a girl after dating her for just shy of six months. The argument triggering the breakup was that she was pissed at me for not buying her an engagement ring for her birthday.

We barely knew each other at that point and her extreme insecurity and jealousy was already shining through in those five months. She certainly wasn't ready for marriage and I certainly wasn't ready to marry her.

She wanted the "fantasy" that she was grown up believing in "Happily ever after" regardless of the facts of the situation and I just wasn't gullible enough to go along with it.

Of all the women I've dated over the last 10 years or so. A few of them were nowhere near mature enough to marry (too much going out, too jealous/insecure, etc). Some of them were just too different or had goals that were far from my goals to settle down with. (As much as I was different from them and had goals nowhere near what they wanted, not to blame everything on them). A few flaked on me for no apparent reason (rebound?) and I, myself, flaked on a few.

Meanwhile, I've got a great career (12 years at the same place of employment, 10 of those with the employer) and my own house (30 year mortgage, yeah!). But, I'm considered to have commitment issues because I haven't been married or spread my seed all over creation?

If I'm flawed, then I'll continue to be so.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 186
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/11/2011 12:07:53 PM
There's no stigma in being single, so why bachelor?
I think "bachelor" is the equivalent of "old maid", and those titles are not considered "sociable", the way "single" is thought of.
It's just a word.
 petevr
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 187
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:25:14 PM
IT SHOULDNT BE A STIGMA FOR AN OLDER BACHELOR..MOST OF US, MALE AND FEMALE GO THROUGH THE STIGMA OF DIVORCE, SO THERE GOES THE DOUBLE STANDARD, WOMEN LOVE THAT CRAP...

I WAS MARRIED 19 YRS AND HATE BEING SINGLE, AS OPPOSED TO MOST PEOPLE WHO TELL ME IM LUCKY..B.S. ON THAT....

WE WANT TO MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, GET TO KNOW THEM, SETTLE DOWN AND IF THE TIME/FATE IS RIGHT, SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES WITH THEM..ISNT THAT WHAT MOST FOLK WANT, AND WHAT SHOULD AGE HAVE TO DO WITH IT..I CAN SEE AN ISSUE WITH A 50 YR OLD GOING FOR A 30 YR OLD, BUT 40, NO PROBLEM...KIDS CAN BE AN ISSUE, I KNOW I NEVER HAD THEM AND I NEVER THOUGHT ID WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED WITH A LADY THAT DID, BUT THEN THAT WOULD ELIMINATE 90% OF THE DATING POOL, SO HAVE MOVED ON FROM THAT...

SO LADIES..WHAT DO U HAVE TO SAY?????????I'D LOVE TO HEAR...

PETE/LONG ISLAND, NY
 hoth1972
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 188
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:57:06 PM
women unknowingly have it built in their heads that a man cant be happy without a woman..and if he is she will durn sure put a stop to that sh@t. i have foound that while i like women,i know that as soon as i get one i might as well reopen the complaint dept.
1) your never home
2) they want a man to have a good job,and if he doesnt he can work two.
3) your never home
thats all i heard. now i no longer have a job...on disability and in debt. i lost my 4 houses
two cars and a pick up.
as soon as women hear this they bolt. i happily tell them to see if they stick around or not.
surprisingly im mostly happy.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 189
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/14/2011 12:20:36 PM
First, I haven't read all the responses to this question. Personally, I think to not marry is up to the individual and not for me to criticize. However, I'm thinking there is another issue here. Judging by his "old" photo, if OP is truly 57, make that about 60 now, then I am really 87!
 ryfitz75
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 190
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/15/2011 4:53:52 PM
Why are all you ladies so hard on this guy? I am divorced dad with a 5 year old daughter. She is awesome and even though my marriage didn't work out , I feel very lucky to have her. Maybe this guy never had that chance, or met someone who was worth having a child with. There are so many variables and scenarios , its ridiculous. I cant stand to see people judging another person because what they do or do not have. I mean, come on.... Exactly the type of women i stay away from. Way too critical and judgmental. Keep your head up bro!
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 191
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 4:05:14 AM

I cant stand to see people judging another person because what they do or do not have. I mean, come on.... Exactly the type of women i stay away from. Way too critical and judgmental.


Agreed....they are always LOOKING for a reason not to date someone. This is what is probably what is keeping some women chronically single.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 192
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:03:26 AM
^^True, although the same thing could be said for some men. I find that most older bachelors I have met online say they will not date a woman who has not been married who does not have children. Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me, but then online it seems that most men seek women who have very specific traits regarding appearance, etc. and wonder why they are not snatched up...Could it be that the majority of men online are interested in the minority of women? I never knew there were so many sheeple until I started looking at dating sites, and it seems to be worse the older the men become.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 193
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:48:42 PM
^^^^ That makes no G'd sense.
If you had managed to escaped kids and divorce this long and remain a bachelor, why the hell foul notion would you only want to be involved with women that have been through the turnstile of divorce and are cartin a kid or two with em ?
I can't for the life of me wrap my head around that.
(actually if you do a search, divorced women with kids are NOT the minority on this site - the 40+ non married/not divorced, non kidded/not wanting kids woman is THE minority) double bonus points for being fit, non smoking, and local.... well that number just went to zero.

(oops thats not true, on further review, Canada ; Vancouver Island has a few - international again. )
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 194
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:20:46 PM
I didn't know there was one.......or I'm too young to have a stigma.


I like Valencia's opinion.

 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 195
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:02:52 PM
A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.)
 pointoffact
Joined: 7/12/2011
Msg: 196
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 8:23:15 PM
Why not do what women do, lie. Just say you've been in a 14 year LTR. You had two kids who ran away from home at a young age. Then all you have to do when you actually meet women is to behave as though you actually were in a LTR. This is easy to do. Just follow these 3 steps.

1. Imagine you've had the life sucked out of your soul. Like you're a corpse locked in a shell that somehow still lives.

2. Imagine that everything that you currently enjoy in life no longer exists and has been replaced with constant nagging and "why don't you listen to me me while I'm yapping on about some incoherent nonsense that means absolutely nothing to you?"

3. Imagine you wake up every morning with your testicles locked firmly in a vice and barbed wire wrapped around your penis.

master these grasshopper and you too will have the "I've been in a LTR" glow that so many men around the world enjoy.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 197
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:34:31 PM
" A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.) "

dear gawd - no. Somebody made it through the obstacle course of the twenties, the hell of divorce at the thirties and is ready to jump into an immediate aggressive/ protective role to a 'damsel in distress' that has run the circus of everything he just tried to avoid ?!?! It is a desperate codependant needy trainwreck headed for disaster.
Actually, Call Dr. Phil - I think his show could use the fodder of that one.

this is the person that runs stack on a door with a shot gun, but no vest, helmet, or armor - and only one round in the barrel - not a risk I am ever indulging.
Have at it.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 198
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/20/2011 10:15:22 PM
I agree that some of us dont want to settle for just anyone and are looking for the love of their lives. So many do compromise and sometimes it works because of low expectation and sometimes it doesnt.

I think that when men dont marry there is the suspicious that they may be closet gays or mama's boys. Set in their ways and selfish..... If you have had serious relationships that have not resulted in formal marriage then that is quite normal.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?