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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 26
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
cfb62,

I'm 47 and I'm not looking for a 60 year old!

But you're looking for a 55 year old... and the guy is 57. Two year difference.

Not getting married before you're 40 is like not losing your virginity until you're 30. Sure, we know it's rough out there, but that's just creepy.

Not necessarily. Take a 40 year old typical movie star who's been in two hollywood marriages. He would have done the right thing NOT getting married.

I think it's peer pressure to get married by a certain age. By a certain age, most people expect you to get married to someone who's not really right, than not to have been married at all. Also, how would a 45 year old, divorcee who hasn't been married in 20 years be different than a 45 year old who never decided not to buy a ring with the same history?

Now, I will say, the basic stereotype for most situations is reasonably accurate. That being that they have a high liklihood of not doing well in relationships OR a fear of long-term settling down. BUT:
a) You will find that problem with MANY people, married before or not
b) There are people who are older and not married who at least didn't take that extra unwise step, and are otherwise within range of being normal about relationships.

The real question is, by a certain age, one's experience in LTRs. It doesn't take a marriage to have serious relationship experience.

That said, I would put 40+ never-married the same way as looking at a gal who's 25 and already divorced. You'd want to know how they are which would clue you into the why, before lumping them into a basket.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 27
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:26:55 PM
Ok, so what you're telling me is that I should just forget about ever getting married, forget about women, period, and just give up on my present life and hope there is such a thing as reincarnation, right? No point in going out on dates anymore, right? Gee, thanks everyone. There goes my belief in the goodness of the human race. Maybe I'll just call it a life and stop living. I guess you'll all be happy then.
 Elmenreich
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 28
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:31:38 PM
No, we're just saying you're a little creepy.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 29
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:18:33 AM
women do it because....they know they are smart! and pissed off they didn't succomb to their perceived powers. easy question.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 30
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:46:26 AM
Pick up a language and shop overseas
He nyxa He nepo
the Russian women I know dont seem to care about the stereotypes that American women want to throw down. Caveat, you cant marry them and bring them back to the US ') best look at the Azores or Ibeza
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 31
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:28:44 PM
I haven't found that women "always" put bachelors down. Those that do usually suspect the reason you're not married by a certain age is that there's something wrong with you. Is he gay? Is he terrified of commitment? Does he have some dark side to his personality that sent previous women running? It's not fair, but I sort of see how it happens.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 32
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:58:44 AM
Ha ha and they say women are picky.

110 lbs, huh?
The suggested height for someone who weighs 110 as 32 yr old female is about 4'9"

http://www.nutribase.com/fwchartf.shtml

So, given that most women are in the 5'3"-5'6" range, I'd say you're going to have to settle for the fatties or the shorties.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 33
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 1:37:33 PM
I would delete my profile, except that I don't think I'd be able to post, and I still want to do that. But, I'm still finished as far as the main point of this site is concerned. In my everyday life, if I meet a woman who likes me and doesn't give a darn about my background, then fine, but if not, I don't care anymore. As for sex, I guess there's always escorts. People on this site are telling me to forget about women, so ok, I'll take you up on that.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 34
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 3:29:15 PM

, humble, thin ladies over there ,.....and who wont care about , or ask me about how much money I make or what kind of job I have!

Okay, then, champ. I don't have a problem with you making choices, but humble and not after your money? Um, good luck with that! I had a friend who couldn't get it through his head that many of those women ( NOT ALL) marry sad American men just to get out of horrible lives of poverty. He went through THREE Philipino wives, all started out all nice and then turned into materialstic shrews who bosse dhim around. So if you're going after them because you're a milquetoast, caveat emptor!

Laktor, I don't get your dilemma. You cannot POSSIBLY be blaming ALL WOMEN for your lack of success with women, can you? That's not logical.

People on this site are telling me to forget about women

Who said THAT?
 J4yz0n
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 35
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:57:56 PM
I can see many reasons why it is a stigma... alas i dont find many of them (most actually) plausable.

Alas some of us have bad luck. Myself for instance who dated a work-aholic and in the end I we dated & I waited 7yrs and gave up as her business was her true love. She loved me but not as much. Then there was my last lady who was 10yrs my junior (we met when she was 18) and at the end of those 5yrs she just wanted to go live her teens again because she had a VERY strict religious family so thought she wanted a husband.... she loved me a lot and it hurt her to leave but she wanted to be hit on, drink, flirt with guys and have casual sex. She wanted to experience being single (as she had never really been single and allowed to go out and be young!)

All in all I dont think im damaged goods (although Im slowly starting to believe real love is a myth).... alas a lot of women still look at me as damaged, that Im maybe to picky, high expectations when all it comes down to is bad luck and that I was to much of a romantic to open my eyes and get out of the relationships I had sooner.

If someone is truely special they will not judge you on why you arent married at 40... they will ask and evaluate how they feel about your reasons.

So again, I see many reasons why it is a stigma... but it shouldn't be
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 36
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 6:06:16 PM
Think of being a bachelor at 40 like being a gladiator, you made it through the war zone with only a few scars and no permanent damage like divorce, alimony,child support,drug habit,mental disorders from depression etc etc etc.

This could be percieved as a strength of your character that you cannot or will not submit or be broken into accepting mediocre relationships only to breed more problems for yourself.

Or you could be a mal adjusted loser with no social skills and phobias about commitment.

But honestly if any guy in 40 years had found what he was looking for chances are she did not feel he was what she was looking for and POOF she's gone.

Being single with no kids and no drama doesn't mean it's a bad thing it just means that if you are 40, single, have a job, a car, and your own place then according to POF profiles you instantly become a hot commodity.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 37
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:19:15 AM

laktor223 is not necessarily "damaged goods" because of his age, he is damaged goods because he's probably a pisser to be around...


Here comes the assumptions again. Why do people have to assume anything? Why can't women just go out and see for themselves what a guy is like? Having a preconceived assumption sabotages a date before it even starts.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 38
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:41:40 AM

Laktor, I don't get your dilemma. You cannot POSSIBLY be blaming ALL WOMEN for your lack of success with women, can you? That's not logical.


No, but I blame them NOW. Their preconceived notions about why I've never been married sabotages us before we even have a chance.

"People on this site are telling me to forget about women"


Who said THAT?


Practically everyone here is telling me that it's normal for women to think there's something seriously wrong with me, and THEY wouldn't give me a chance. So, in effect, they are telling me to just forget about it. They are saying why bother, cos' you won't find anyone.

Let me give you a couple of examples of what's happened to me in my life. I was set up once with my friend's sister-in-law and we seemed to hit it off. She really liked me and we went out 3 to 4 times a week for awhile. But it turned out she was separated and in the process of trying to obtain a divorce. He was making it very difficult for her to get one. I didn't find this out for 3 months after we started going out and eventually, because she was so fragile with men, she couldn't commit and decided to stop dating. At the same time I found out about this situation, I also found out from my friend that she had been in two previous marriages, both lasting less than a year. The first guy left her on her honeymoon!! I could understand how fragile she was!

Then a couple of years ago, a nice woman who lived in my building with a 14 yr. old daughter showed an interest in me. We went out for some lunches and then I asked to take her to dinner and a full evening out. She was getting ready to move and said it would have to wait until after she was settled into her new place. On the day she moved out, I came home to find a note tacked to my door re-inferring this plus her new cell number. Well, she must have written down the number wrong, because I called a few times but got one of those automated voices asking to leave a message and never heard from her. I had no way to reach her. She could have called me, but didn't. See the luck I have??? Earlier in my life, I screwed up possible relationships because of shyness, well into my mid 20's, but that's not the issue anymore. I admit to having difficulty meeting women, so every opportunity I do get is something I need to pursue. And finally, just a few months ago, I met a woman on the subway who caught my eye and we smiled at each other at the same time. She came over to talk and we got off at the same station. For some reason, I froze and didn't ask for her number. Yes, a big mistake, I know. I don't why...I could kick myself. So you get the idea of what has happened to me, and why I'm still single..at least I hope you do.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 39
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 11:36:39 AM
"A man should never base his self-image on what women think of him in any case, because women's concerns are too materialistic and self-centered. The men who have accomplished the greatest things for our civilization have not, by and large, resembled the heroes of women's romance fiction; indeed, they have been disproportionately celibate. Once a man realizes what triggers female attraction, and understands that women's judgments of men are largely rationalizations of this attraction (or its absence), he will not be inclined to overvalue their opinion of him."
- F. Roger Devlin (source: http://www.thornwalker.com/ditch/devlin_shalit.htm)
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 40
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:25:18 PM
It is difficult to find someone to date when we are older, as many people will not date us because we have not been married. I noticed that at about age 40 men seemed to weird out when they learned I was not divorced with children, and I went from seeming great to being probably ugly and psychotic when they realized I have not been married. (if I met a man online or a blind date type situation and we were talking on the phone) I think there is a stigma for both older bachelors and bachelorettes, but we bachelorettes might have it tougher, as being unmarried seems to mean that we have not dated or no one has wanted to marry us, which is probably not true for most of us. Divorced people never seem to have to prove themselves or explain why they are divorced, but it is like single people have to defend their singleness or try to convince people that they are normal. I would love to find a man who is my age who has not been married and has no children, but these men seem to live on planets besides Earth. Most of the single men I have met want to marry younger women to father a child, or marry a divorced woman to be a step father, although they often complain about the woman's issues from being divorced and her ill behaved children.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 41
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:21:11 AM
I have had the same experience with divorced men who do not get their way, and wondered if they are divorced because their ex wives finally got tired of being a doormat, or the men were doormats when married and were trying unsuccessfully to prove they mattered or that their opinions mattered. I doubt that most single people think only of themselves, but then my single friends and myself are teachers so we spend our days thinking of others and trying to help them.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 42
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:46:13 PM
It isn't, it's your perception of society'
~sc~
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 43
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 1:29:33 AM
Big difference between being single in one's 30s and being single in 50s.
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 44
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 1:56:20 AM

First, you're going WAY too far on him. Because he's a bachelor at 57 doesn't mean he was playing the field (picky or non-picky). In his profile, he hasn't been married. Does that mean he hasn't had an LTR? That would be a VERY hasty claim. And since when does someone being single for too long mean they're USING people or viewing others as conquests??


Some people's only exercise is jumping to conclusions about others. She never would have made it through law school thinking like that. That's kind of sad.

But, to the OP, hang there bro. Life can always be fun. It's exactly what you make it no more - no less. I'm having the time of my life and I'm ten years older than you. Go figure.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 45
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:34:30 AM
OP - I don't believe anyone said to give up. I believe what we've all said, pretty much, is that there are some (sometimes valid) issues that you will most likely need to address. One poster pointed out you may be 'a pisser' - do you have a good attitude? Judging solely by your responses here, I'd have to say no. Some have come to your defense that you're not married because you could have been pursuing a career - yet you state you 'aren't rich', and you don't own your own home- see to me, that would require some explaining. Are you financially irresponsible? You state that you've never married because you were never in love with someone who was in love with you - so I'm thinking you've never been in a LTR. That would make me wonder if you're capable of love (some aren't) - and face it, we ain't gettin any younger - it's not likely that a woman of a certain age wants to invest a lot of time in a dead end relationship.
What I'm saying is - rather than get bitter - perhaps you could take some time and figure out why you are in the position you are - and 'I just haven't met the right woman' is not a legitimate answer - it's a multifaceted question. That way, in the event you do meet a potential partner, you will have thoughtful and introspective answers to her legitimate concerns.
Or you could just crawl into a cave somewhere and lick your wounds. Your choice Opie - life is what YOU make it!
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 46
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:36:50 AM
Oh, and for the record, the only person I know who 'got himself a Phillipine wife' - she started out doting and submissive - then took over his life, threw out his kids (one came to live with me) and pretty much made his life a living hell. Getting rid of her cost him half of everything he had (which wasn't much). Caveat emptor is right!
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 47
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 8:19:23 AM
Here comes the assumptions again. Why do people have to assume anything? Why can't women just go out and see for themselves what a guy is like? Having a preconceived assumption sabotages a date before it even starts.
These are no longer assumptions: you have proven yourself to be a sad sack who just will NOT see the good side of life. People say "many women won't date an older bachelor" and YOU hear "forget about women". A woman leaves her number and you can't contact her and YOU say "I only have bad luck". You date one woman who couldn't commit to you and somehow think you are the ONLY person this has EVER happened to?! OY! You've missed out on opportunities? Boo friggin' hoo. AND NOW YOU ADMIT YOU ARE BLAMING THE WOMEN!? "Their preconceived notions about why I've never been married sabotages us before we even have a chance. " REALLY?! Your failing to ask for a phone number is THEIR fault? No! YOUR missed opps are YOUR FAULT.


I can tell you one thing: your negative attitude is NOT conducive to online dating. There are FAR FAR more rejections online than off. I suggest you go to a church singles and get yourself a nice, quiet, submissive woman. A woman out here will eat your guts for breakfast.
 16madison
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 48
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/6/2009 9:32:41 PM
OP - No one said that you should give up. I said that you have unrealistic expectations. My advice to you would be to remove the restrictions from your profile, and email ladies your age and up. ALL the ladies in your area, including those that are in less-than-perfect shape like yourself. If you truely want to meet someone, you could get on the ball and start being realistic. ( like millions of other people had to do before you )

You are not the first or last man to have problems due to incorrectly expecting things to be a certain way.


For example: Steve2600

He is listed as 42 yrs old, and he looks like a 50-something Mr. Rogers in his first photo. He wants a thin woman, but hasn't done anything to be attractive to those women.
He doesn't understand that lots of thin girls spend a lot of gym time staying that way. While, Steve2600 looks as though he hasn't put in the gym time to build himself up to what girls in demand are attracted to.

He's 42, and trying to use his stated desire to have children as a reason for him to be paired with younger females. ( It's 2009, and females are no longer forced to accept sex with someone inappropriately older to prevent homelessness. Notice that his church has the correct idea, to pair him with people his own age. ) As if his failure to have children at an earlier age somehow makes him attractive to younger ladies? ( that's not their fault that you missed the boat. They have guys their own age to consider. )

Especially with the increased birth defect risk attributed to men over 40, what smart young lady would risk her future children? He won't accept that he let the time pass him by.

He complains that women have expectations in a marriage, but SO DO MEN. Marriage is a give and take, not the man gets everything he wants and expects only.

He complains in his profile about American's attitude of "self-entitlement", while he is a prime example of someone (incorrectly) believing that they are entitled to someone. As if he is entitled to a 110 lb female? Females are NOT possessions.

It's hysterical that he has visited those countries that sell their females as possessions, and he still has not found a wife. Those countries where the ladies must not be educated about the health risks associated with a man's increased age??

I guess he doesn't care how old or risky his sperm becomes? Completely selfish, no regard for the welfare of possible children.


Bluesman2008




She never would have made it through law school thinking like that. That's kind of sad.


?? I'm in the medical field. Not everyone holds law school in high regard. I have always been 100% opposed to that field. I imagine that puzzles you. I guess your world revolves around those that would enter or make it through law school. Sad. Not to mention embarrassing.

The question involved what women think of older bachelors. No matter how many of you men explain the situation/defend it , many females are going to continue to think the same.

Oh, and an LTR is not a commitment, just a label that is easily removed, so, no it doesn't matter if a guy had several LTRs. And, as some have mentioned, it's not about taming someone or control, it's not about damage or mistakes.

It's about saving time. If a guy has already proven that he doesn't want marriage, a smart girl doesn't want to invest a few years just to realize that HE is always going to be looking for something better. Why would we want to share bodily fluids and risk STDs with someone that most likely isn't a one-woman guy and/or doesn't really want to be married?
 Wavesport
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 49
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/7/2009 4:16:37 PM
I never thought of it as a big deal.

I just turned 41, and up until two years ago never was in one spot long enough to form a relationship, Joined the navy after highschool, at sea most of term, saw the world. after that college for four years, while working full time. Then pursued a career as a biologist in which I worked on various projects. (Lived in 7 states in 5 years), finally worked as a resource manager on a barrier island which had the nicest beach on the east coast. All that fell through, now have a stable job and settled. I really never thought of it as a big deal until I read this post.

Will keep trying though, aand not let it bother me, I've seen and done alot.
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 50
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:34:28 PM
Yes, making blanket generalizations and prejudicial assumptions rather than considering a person's individual situation will save you a lot of time.

Must be endemic to the medical profession
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