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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 51
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
CassaGo, sad sack? I've proven no such thing, but if you want to see it that way, go right ahead. I don't see the good side of life. Yea, right. I don't sit home. I go out and and enjoy everything that life has to offer. Other than the lack of women, I go out and do a lot of thing, and have a lot of fun. When the woman left her number and I couldn't contact her, of course it's bad luck and I have a right to be upset about it. This woman really showed a huge interest in me. Am I supposed to be happy about a missed opportunity like that when they don't happen that often? And failing to ask for a phone number is my fault, not theirs. Where did you get that idea? Do you know how to read? However, when you say the missed opps are my fault, you are exactly right. I blame myself for most of my missed opps. However, I do blame the women for their preconceived assumptions. Fortunately, most of my recent opps, like the woman who I could no longer contact when she moved, never asked about my status and if she took the time to get to know me without asking about my relationship history, then I'm sure there others like her....Hmm, maybe I won't give up after all.
 Bonita fish
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 52
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/7/2009 11:24:57 PM
Just my own thinking. But anyone who reaches 40..57 and has never been in a LTR
does not have much expereince in life sharing.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 53
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:53:35 AM
Because you let the voices in your head convince you that everyone is absolutely concerned with your life and the tiniest detail in it. There should be a brandish B on your forhead so we can all publicly mock you as you hear in your head.

Get over it, you really arent that self important. Just admit you are single because you choose to be.

Hell, if I want to give up that kind of freedom, I would go back out to sea and let the military tell me what to do for another twenty years.
 hotrodharry1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 54
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:03:28 PM
First of all Ms. Madison, women play the field too, even the married ones from my experience. So you tell me why I would even consider marriage, what, to make a fool out of myself.
 one foot in
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 55
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:25:05 PM
Women think the man has done something wrong in their previous relationships; which is why you're a bachelor.
 hotrodharry1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 56
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:46:31 PM
Just like you said, "they think", that is a preconceived notion of someone they know nothing about. I choose to be a bachelor, because I have yet to meet a woman that can even come close to showing me that she can be faithful! I think you got your thoughts there, ass backwards.
 16madison
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 57
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:06:41 AM
ryant162:

I choose to be a bachelor, because I have yet to meet a woman that can even come close to showing me that she can be faithful!


That shows what type of girls you are picking out. Your picker is broken. You must be selecting females based on some common trait. Why not spend some time figuring out why you are picking out those cheaters? Oh, because you really like ___*****_________about them. Well, now you know that those girls like to spread their __*****___around.


Just like you said, "they think", that is a preconceived notion of someone they know nothing about.


Yes, preconceived notions are out there, just about in all subjects. Even if you don't agree with them, a lot of people are going to continue to have them. (lol, and history repeats itself)

You are 35. A lot of people will have a preconceived notion that you are an eligible bachelor at that age, maybe expecting you to be looking to start a family. You know, dating, hoping to find someone to share your life with. By 35, you've had time for college, dating, work/life experience, established career.

(I see your profile says that you are looking for an "activity partner" , which will probably remove you from the searches for dating or long term - shows what you are looking for. )

In a few years, the closer you get to 40, you will lose your eligible bachelor status, and will appear, to many, as someone who is not interested in getting married.

It doesn't matter how many cheaters that you subconsciously select because you don't want to commit. When 40 hits you, you will be thought of as the picky-user-player-gay guy. : D

Dismiss it as a preconceived notion all you want. A fool would expect someone to change after 40 years. It may be possible, but it should NOT be expected to happen.

What if you were 40, and had never held a job before?
- should I assume that you will be getting one now?

What if you have always had short hair?
-should I believe that you will grow a pony-tail at 40?

40 years of not cross-dressing, gonna start today?

--------------------------
maybe, it's possible, but not probable.
--------------------------

IMO, there is an underlying problem. SOME people want marriage and commitment. (this includes women and men) OTHER people want the excitement of new or multiple partners.

There is nothing wrong with either choice.

Here's where the problem comes in:

Sometimes, a person that desires multiple partners, will desire a person that wants long term. Even if the LTR person states very clearly that they don't want to just play around, that they don't want a casual person, the CASUAL person will still try to be with them. The casual person may try to keep their player intentions hidden.

(dishonest, right? you know that person is looking for a relationship, but, you want a piece, so you pursue what YOU want, possibly claiming to want something permanent, ignoring the wants/needs/rights of the other person...)

What older bachelor's don't like, is the fact that after MANY years of them NOT settling down, their intentions become obvious. The LTR person will no longer be as easily fooled. The LTR person can analyze the fact that for 20 years or more, you did not want to get married.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
That's the reason why SO MANY of you don't like the stigma. You want to continue the game of pretending that you may want an LTR, just so you can get some!
But, the jig is up. Around 40, if you realistically wanted to spend a "life" with someone, you are running low on years. Many people start having major health problems in their 50's, and 60's.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to marry! But, why not be fair and honest? If you know that you just want to be casual, date other casual people!

That LTR person is hot, you want them, but, you don't want the same things.

The LTR person does not want to control you, or force you to commit, they actually do not want you at all! They just want to be with someone that shares the SAME GOALS.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 58
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:49:46 AM
I can assume that all divorced people did not know how to pick the right person to marry, they could not keep a committment, or they all had affairs. These ideas are unfounded, closed minded and really unfair to divorced people, as if I assume these things I am painting them all with the same brush. I have always wanted to get married, and feel that it was a good thing that I did not marry the men who wanted to marry me, and dated some men a short period of time if they did not want to get serious about me and I wanted to get serious about them. I have been appalled at how many divorced people seem to have a "one up" attitude regarding being better than single people, and seem to know all about what is wrong with us and what we have done wrong as far as not being married at this point in our lives. I am glad that I have avoided relationships that could have resulted in a broken committment of marriage, not caused children pain and heartache, and/or not been in a bad marriage just for the sake of being married and/or having children. I am maligned because I have not lived my life like most others my age have chosen to live their life. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I try to look at every person as an individual.
 hotrodharry1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 59
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 7:11:39 AM
It's funny to watch all these other people getting divorced, being miserable, having financial problems, all because they thought they found the right person, got married, & did what society says you're supposed to do. Now, they realize that hey, I have changed, my interests have changed, I want something different, & they're stuck in a situation that's hard to get out of.
So you can label me with your preconceived notions all you want, guess what, I don't care, I know who I am, & what I want.
 hotrodharry1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 60
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:24:25 AM
Pictures, & profiles like yours "one foot in", is just another reason, I choose to be a bachelor!
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 61
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 6:14:41 PM
By my advanced age of 42,, the vast majority of people have been married at LEAST once, so that is 'normal' to them. Freaks like us are considered 'broken' in any number of ways.

I remember a female poster in another thread declaring that she wouldn't consider dating someone who hadn't been divorced at least once. The implication was that 'practice makes perfect', but she wouldn't date someone divorced 3 or more times. Guess there's a limit to how much practice is good for relationships.

Heck, I could've had several bad marriages if I felt like settling for a bit, and I'll wager you could've as well. There's still plenty of fish, and plenty of time for that.
 16madison
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 62
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:51:11 PM


ryant162 - Right, you can be a bachelor, and *ahem* continue to look for activity partners all you want!

I really don't care what any of you think about my profile, because I'm "not single/not looking" . I just use this site for research of this nature. If you glanced at my profile, the "not single" should have been easy to see.

---------------

littlerockfun



Your comments are riciculous!! your no prize youuself!!!


Again, I'm not looking for a date, and I'm certainly not interested in you.

Here's a fact: The OP started this topic, because he has experienced people that thought this way about men that had never been married. So, there is obviously more females than me that think this way.

Even if you think something is ridiculous or unfair, or even if you're really, really, really, upset that you can't trick girls into a pretend relationship for sex, that doesn't change the way people perceive you!

-----------------

Sure, people have ideas about divorced people. Especially people in their early 20's that have been divorced. BUT, by the time you have been on this earth for 40 years, that changes for many. It's must more realistic to either be 1)married 2)divorced 3) widowed by 40, because that's a lot of time.


You men can do whatever you want! Just the same way that women can view your actions any way that they want! There is also new research out about men over 40 causing birth defects due to their age. More and more people will be hearing about this. You guys all want to think you have 70-80 years to get serious, it's not true.

If you don't want serious, you can find casual party types at most drinking establishments.

Notice this: The nice gentleman that posted, demanding1, he's been married 3 times. Not that I'm advocating multiple marriages, but consider that 3 times in his life he's decided that he loved someone enough to marry them, be serious about a life with them, and was willing to risk pain to be with them. You aren't willing to do the same, so what does that say?
 hotrodharry1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 63
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:46:36 AM
16madison-By saying that I'm looking for an activity partner, I mean someone with similar interests, like outdoor activities, riding motorcycles, being outdoors, & active. Yeah, I should probably change that, it probably doesn't look good. I'm new to this dating site thing, & I grew up in a very small deprived little town, where there was nothing to do but drink, & sleep around. I wasted all of of my 20's, I can't change that. Yes, I'm still here, I was working in the oilfield, there is no oilfield right now, don't know if you pay attention to what is going on in the world or not, but the economy is not in good shape, & won't be for awhile. I haven't drank in over 2 yrs., & have turned my life around for the better. I'm starting school this month, out of my own pocket, so if you think I'm a total loser, you better think again. Yes, I'm doing things now that I should of, could of, would of, in my 20's, I realize that, but I had a hell of a lot of fun, & learned a lot of things that you will probably never experience in your lifetime.
So now I suppose you are going to try, & turn it around and say, great, he's an alcoholic. Go ahead, I don't give a shit. Already got you figured out. Yes, I am a little bitter, jaded, whatever you want to call it, towards women, & I am very cautious, if that clarifies any of it for you. I still believe there is someone out there for everyone, so I must not be that angry, or given up. Still just a little bitter, but I'm getting over it.
Hope that clarifies things for you a little, as to why I'm in the position that I'm in, before you start jumping on the bandwagon about 30+, & can't commit, just a player, etc. bullshit!
 GeekedNow
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 64
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/11/2009 8:14:22 PM
Netfix movie *Single is a GREAT documentry.

A point was made that women in fact DO hold a double standard toward men when it comes to age and marriage. Its ok for a woman to be 35+ and never married becuase she just hasnt found the right one but for guys its "havent been house broken".

kind of funny in my view.
Single life is changing radically very fast and more and more people are simply not getting married at all. Ironically those who do get married now have a better chance of it lasting becuase they do it out of a strong choice.

oh and P.S. Bill Gates was f*cking 40 when he got married.
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 65
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:54:07 PM

Ironically those who do get married now have a better chance of it lasting becuase they do it out of a strong choice.


Even given that, the divorce rate is still roughly 50%.


Bill Gates was f*cking 40 when he got married.


Hey. It took twenty years to draft the prenup. Even then it was still in beta.


Society has certain things which "normal" ppl are suppose to do.


Personally, I could care less what society thinks.
 inspirabull
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 66
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:43:30 AM
Well at least no one is trying to claim that there is not a stigma. And really that is not the real question here. It is how to get what you want in spite of it. So what if a Madison has you nailed? She is not going to be your choice in a million years anyway. She has advice but it sucks - it says hey get real accept your limitations and that is what people have done before. I have zero respect for anyone that accepts their limitations. That mostly includes myself. Like that old saw says "to thine own self be true" --- it does not say be true to everyone else does it? The world is full of Madison's if you listen to them you will get something but it wont be what you want. You just have to try harder, be smarter, and have a thicker skin.
There is one guy responding who is older than you saying hey man I am having a blast here- I am getting what I want. In his way he saying, " if you want to know you gotta ask me what I am doing, cause I ain't just going to tell ya, it won't mean anything if I do. It will only mean something if you are trying hard enough to be teachable." You aren't going to learn by complaining about what is.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 67
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:26:40 AM
ha ha I like seeing all the excuses guys have for being single after a certain age.

I'm single, too, never married. So what? I never made a conscious choice to not marry, just never found the "right" guy, or had much of an inclination. It's not because I'm smarter -- or because I'm lesser quality, either. Get over yourselves.

Some of you have a bad attitude (OP), like women are your enemy and THAT's why you "chose" not to get married.

Funnily enough, though, back in the day, often a "confirmed bachelor" was a gay man. So maybe that is why the "stigma" survives? Just like a spinster was a frigid woman (unless she dressed like a man, then she was gay).
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 68
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:21:44 PM
I'm single, too, never married. So what? I never made a conscious choice to not marry, just never found the "right" guy, or had much of an inclination. It's not because I'm smarter -- or because I'm lesser quality, either. Get over yourselves.

I think what some are saying is just that the same sort of story doesn't seem to fly so well for single men, that he's often presumed guilty of something even before any interrogation takes place and no matter what the facts or circumstances are. Hence the word "stigma". Then he gets blamed for being a bit testy over this injustice...

Some of you have a bad attitude (OP), like women are your enemy and THAT's why you "chose" not to get married.

Well, that's one of the fall-outs from feminism which has a very long half-life, because a major portion of feminism was based on the notion that men and women are basically enemies. So you could look on the bright side and say they're feminists after all because they adopt this stance.
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 69
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:44:10 PM

because a major portion of feminism was based on the notion that men and women are basically enemies.


Most of the threads I've read here appear to support that notion. There's a lot of hostility out there. Plenty enough to go around. I wonder if a truce is at all possible. Naaaa probably not.
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 70
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:44:55 PM
From what I have learned over the years is that women will put bachelors down because many women operate on the mindset of 'pre-selection'. If another woman is with a guy then this is a signal to the other women that this guy has something to offer. He's good enough for her to be seen with him in public. And that gets their curiosity up. Single men are held in a regard as pigs, slobs, stuck in their ways, or must they have something wrong with them otherwise they would be with someone.

Many women are also looking for a man that will commit. It will make a woman wonder why you've never been married if you are in your late 30's or early 40's. It's like they would prefer a guy that has a few divorces under his belt at those ages. Because at least it shows he is able to commit.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 71
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:00:29 AM

Most of the threads I've read here appear to support that notion.

Really? Cuz most of the people who bring up "feminism" are men. Stop promulgating myths and half-truths about what you think "feminism" is and you'll do better in the "war". Truthfully? Most of you are feminists and don't even REALIZE it. Most American men are (I can think of only a few on these threads that are not, and they are glaringly "out there").
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 72
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:43:14 PM
I SAID STOP PROMULGATING MYTHS AND HALF-TRUTHS



Nowadays women enjoy things like high-paying careers, but once they find a guy who makes much more than her, she's ready to get married and sit around at home all day and not doing much cooking, cleaning, or other housework at all.

Bullshit. Show me stats that this is even true, much less that this is a feminist.



Men are only useful for reproduction and taking care of me and the kids until I get tired of him and/or find a guy I can trade up to, then I'll take most of my husband's stuff and the kids we had together and move in with the other guy (or kick my husband out and have the other guy move in with us)."

Who are you quoting? Give your source.

Opinions and facts are not the same thing.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 73
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:02:39 PM
^^^ ugh. self-fulfilling prophecy. face it guys - if you were getting the share of poontang you want, feminism would be a nonissue. but you blame it for whatever career or relationship lack you feel because it's easier than looking at yourself and your choices. cassago is asking for evidence and you have none. you're entitled to whatever opinion you cook up, but consider yourself to have no credibility on the subject until you can produce some. even self-reporting survey results.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 74
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:04:11 PM

Why do women always put bachelors down? Do you really think it's easy to find someone, fall in love, and get married? Some guys sincerely want that, but it just doesn't happen to everyone. So why do you always put us down?


Because most aren't very bright. They think they are, but sadly, a lot of them are about as bright as a box of hammers.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 75
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:47:53 PM

Why do women always put bachelors down? ... So why do you always put us down?

Because most aren't very bright.

THIS is your great explanation? "Girls are dumb?" Are you still six?? Or just sort of dull-minded yourself?

So DO women "always" put bachelors down? That's not what I hear--in FACT, I hear single women PREFER bachelors. Weird, eh? In fact, I hear most single women get pissed when married guys (opposite of bachelors) hit on them. Why, I even read somewhere that MOST of the guys that women eventually marry are bachelors!
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