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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 79
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
When I see an older bachelor, I tend to think that probably when he was young and in his twenties he was an intelligent, respectful or shy person and the women in his social circle probably married young to guys who were better looking or had more money than he did.

I know a lot of bachelors in my age group and a few years down who literally are in the same boat.
One of my friends is in his thirties and single. He dates even less than I do, despite being much better looking. He is intelligent, funny and nice. The thing is, the women around here in that age group are mostly married.

When you live in a small rural area, most people pair up and marry off in their very early twenties.
And when the inevitable divorces come the women tend to remarry quickly in less than six months as it's a seller's market, I guess you would say.

For every single woman I know in her late 20s or early thirties I know about ten guys in the same age bracket who are single.
When you compound that factor with the lack of respect a lot of women in their 40s and early 50s have towards men, because they are angry over bad relationships THEY CHOSE to get into in thier early twenties, you can see why their are so many older bachelors out there.
When you date women younger than you, people give you crap about it and stare. When you date women your own age they treat you disrespectully and with contempt.
Whats a single guy in his 40s to do?
I know very few "players" who are alone in their mature years.
For one thing, most players and ladies men get tired of baching it and settle down. Even if they have no intention of being faithful.
Chances are when you see an old bachelor, somewhere out there there is a woman in a bad relationship who is viewing him as the one who got away, not a creep or pervert or loser. Those are often the ones who hook into a relationship and don't appreciate it.
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 80
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/8/2010 5:35:26 PM
Hey, I prefer to date only men 10-20 years older who have never been married and never had kids. But, you would be hard pressed to find another one like me! And, sorry, I'm already taken. Yup, he sure is a lucky one! lol
 heyimshane
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 81
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/11/2010 2:05:51 AM
cause ur old and and ugly
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 82
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:34:13 PM
I was marked, and divorced. So I guess I'm not a bachelor in the truest sense of the word. I like my life. I do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want. I would entertain the notion of getting married again,


But she would have to be something else.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 83
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/12/2010 10:29:52 AM
stimga is only in your mind & those who don't matter

~sc~
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 84
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:16:25 PM

ohhh I like the above comment A LOT


I do too. Thank you!
 notjustatokenman
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 85
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:13:03 AM
I don't subscribe to the view that if a man (or woman) isn't married by a certain age, they must be flawed or non-commital.
First, who sets the standard?
Second, it IS possible to try to commit to a relationship even if you are with the wrong person.
Third, some people just never meet that special someone, and some are too picky for too long.
We are all living in different contexts. The things that bring us together are sharing, understanding, and compassion. Why focus on the negative aspects of a relationship at the very outset? Focus on what the person is, not what they aren't, and focus in the persons' own context. One should not make assumptions about anyone. Assumptions are a bad place to start a relationship. They lead to false expectations and deception in the end.
JMHO
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 86
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/21/2010 9:15:37 PM
Bachelor at your age would make me think:
1. He coudnt settle down with the countless others why would I be any different.
2. He would never be able to share his life with anyone. He has never had to do it before it would be impossible for him to do with me.
3. He is just looking for someone to sit and hold his hand now that he feels his immorality lmining ahead. And wants a nurse maid to care for him.
 Leadfingers
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 87
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:24:49 PM
I wouldn't call it a stigma so much as murphy's law. Think about the days when you were just getting out of high school and wanted a car. The catch was you needed a job to buy a car but you needed a car to get back and forth to work. The same applies to women or has, at least, in my case. I've always had a hard time meeting women but just as soon as I was dating one I was getting more attention than I ever had before. A similar thing applies even now. I could go into a bar and mind my own business and would probably wind up going home early however if I wore a wedding band I would almost certainly have a woman approach me.
 worf1972
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 88
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/27/2010 1:58:07 AM
lol what married guy out there wished he was without baggage and headacres of a wife and kids? I KNOW I DO AND SEVERAL 100 OTHER GUYS I KNOW. SO to all of you guys never attached, ENJOY LIFE AND TO HELL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Because they certainly wish they were in your shoes.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 89
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:30:54 AM
stigma!....cool!


~sc~
 phelsuma
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 90
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:02:46 PM
Well said! Who wants to date someone who has such a negative outlook?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 91
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:41:00 AM
Putting myself in the shoes of "I-think-red-flag-if-hes-still-a-bachelor":

Should I have just got married to someone I knew I would not stay with and become another statistic of a divorced relationship???

Well, you shouldn't marry someone you know you wouldn't stay with. But you should marry someone who you want to be with if you've been happy with them and content with for a year or so. If you're thinking too much about how you two would mesh in the far years ahead, you're ruining it, as with everything there's "risks" -- and relationships take work, which you're not willing to do. So the answer is YES, you should marry someone you've been with for a while and are content with -- because you have something to prove to others which is very important!

Too many people "settle" rather than wait for the right woman to come along.

Are you waiting for your imaginary dream girl? Not being able to settle for too long shows either your hopes are unrealistic, which makes you unrealistic in other areas, you're too difficult to work with, or are just a free-wheeling serial dater at heart. Yes, you do "settle" -- you settle down with someone you can work with. If you can't work with anyone, you won't ever get married.

Now, I do not agree with what I just said. :) It is based on some truths, sure, but that's just how a lot of people think, who think still-bachelor-over-30 is a red flag. Their lives have been defined & molded by a life with a marriage, especially having kids, etc. They see never been married as someone who's gone out on a 4th date-at-best with someone.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 92
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/25/2011 10:21:21 PM
It's not. It's a plus. Every year, the size of my dating pool increased.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 93
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/26/2011 7:01:43 PM
I have no idea why people put down people who have not married by the time they are a certain age. Especially today when people can marry and divorce in the same calendar year...big woopy doo-doo, you said I Do knowing as soon as you were no longer 100% of the time happy you could/would divorce. Big step...NOT.

Sure, some foks are single because they are a bit awkward, but most of the older people I know who never married have pretty fantastic lives happening. I dont hear them complain of loneliness and for the most part thier only complaint is this weird perception about being a bachelor/bachelorette at thier age.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 94
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/28/2011 2:50:10 AM

Most of you are creepy. Just accept it.


My other voice says that you're just jealous that they don't talk to you.
 Bassbob47
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 95
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/3/2011 5:36:09 PM
i didnt know there was a stigma??
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 96
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/4/2011 9:48:56 AM
Yes there is a stigma and yes there are exceptions to the rule. Don't give up yet bachelors. One of my friends is 30, beautiful, in great shape, sweet and refuses to date a man that isn't a bachelor. She complains all the time that there are so few men out there that are really looking for a forever relationship.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 97
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:45:46 AM
I don't look at an older bachelor and think that he is flawed, but then I am an older bachelorette. Maybe he was busy working or going to school, etc...or like me, lives in an area where he meets few women or has a profession that does not allow him to meet many women. He may have dated someone for a while, or dated a few women for short periods of time. I do think that an older bachelor has an easier time dating than an older single woman. For some reason the belief that he can choose and has not chosen versus she has not been chosen (people make assumptions without ever even talking to me about my dating history) makes him okay but makes her a woman to ignore. This might be an online thing and not as prevalent in other parts of the country or in large cities. I have found that the older bachelors I have known preferred to marry women with children who were usually younger and they had their own child.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 98
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/11/2011 12:07:53 PM
There's no stigma in being single, so why bachelor?
I think "bachelor" is the equivalent of "old maid", and those titles are not considered "sociable", the way "single" is thought of.
It's just a word.
 petevr
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 99
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:25:14 PM
IT SHOULDNT BE A STIGMA FOR AN OLDER BACHELOR..MOST OF US, MALE AND FEMALE GO THROUGH THE STIGMA OF DIVORCE, SO THERE GOES THE DOUBLE STANDARD, WOMEN LOVE THAT CRAP...

I WAS MARRIED 19 YRS AND HATE BEING SINGLE, AS OPPOSED TO MOST PEOPLE WHO TELL ME IM LUCKY..B.S. ON THAT....

WE WANT TO MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, GET TO KNOW THEM, SETTLE DOWN AND IF THE TIME/FATE IS RIGHT, SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES WITH THEM..ISNT THAT WHAT MOST FOLK WANT, AND WHAT SHOULD AGE HAVE TO DO WITH IT..I CAN SEE AN ISSUE WITH A 50 YR OLD GOING FOR A 30 YR OLD, BUT 40, NO PROBLEM...KIDS CAN BE AN ISSUE, I KNOW I NEVER HAD THEM AND I NEVER THOUGHT ID WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED WITH A LADY THAT DID, BUT THEN THAT WOULD ELIMINATE 90% OF THE DATING POOL, SO HAVE MOVED ON FROM THAT...

SO LADIES..WHAT DO U HAVE TO SAY?????????I'D LOVE TO HEAR...

PETE/LONG ISLAND, NY
 hoth1972
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 100
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:57:06 PM
women unknowingly have it built in their heads that a man cant be happy without a woman..and if he is she will durn sure put a stop to that sh@t. i have foound that while i like women,i know that as soon as i get one i might as well reopen the complaint dept.
1) your never home
2) they want a man to have a good job,and if he doesnt he can work two.
3) your never home
thats all i heard. now i no longer have a job...on disability and in debt. i lost my 4 houses
two cars and a pick up.
as soon as women hear this they bolt. i happily tell them to see if they stick around or not.
surprisingly im mostly happy.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 101
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/14/2011 12:20:36 PM
First, I haven't read all the responses to this question. Personally, I think to not marry is up to the individual and not for me to criticize. However, I'm thinking there is another issue here. Judging by his "old" photo, if OP is truly 57, make that about 60 now, then I am really 87!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 102
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:03:26 AM
^^True, although the same thing could be said for some men. I find that most older bachelors I have met online say they will not date a woman who has not been married who does not have children. Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me, but then online it seems that most men seek women who have very specific traits regarding appearance, etc. and wonder why they are not snatched up...Could it be that the majority of men online are interested in the minority of women? I never knew there were so many sheeple until I started looking at dating sites, and it seems to be worse the older the men become.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 103
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:02:52 PM
A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.)
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