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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?      Home login  
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 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 109
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?Page 7 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

ohhh I like the above comment A LOT


I do too. Thank you!
 notjustatokenman
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 110
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/17/2010 1:13:03 AM
I don't subscribe to the view that if a man (or woman) isn't married by a certain age, they must be flawed or non-commital.
First, who sets the standard?
Second, it IS possible to try to commit to a relationship even if you are with the wrong person.
Third, some people just never meet that special someone, and some are too picky for too long.
We are all living in different contexts. The things that bring us together are sharing, understanding, and compassion. Why focus on the negative aspects of a relationship at the very outset? Focus on what the person is, not what they aren't, and focus in the persons' own context. One should not make assumptions about anyone. Assumptions are a bad place to start a relationship. They lead to false expectations and deception in the end.
JMHO
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 111
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/21/2010 9:15:37 PM
Bachelor at your age would make me think:
1. He coudnt settle down with the countless others why would I be any different.
2. He would never be able to share his life with anyone. He has never had to do it before it would be impossible for him to do with me.
3. He is just looking for someone to sit and hold his hand now that he feels his immorality lmining ahead. And wants a nurse maid to care for him.
 Leadfingers
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 112
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/23/2010 7:24:49 PM
I wouldn't call it a stigma so much as murphy's law. Think about the days when you were just getting out of high school and wanted a car. The catch was you needed a job to buy a car but you needed a car to get back and forth to work. The same applies to women or has, at least, in my case. I've always had a hard time meeting women but just as soon as I was dating one I was getting more attention than I ever had before. A similar thing applies even now. I could go into a bar and mind my own business and would probably wind up going home early however if I wore a wedding band I would almost certainly have a woman approach me.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 113
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/26/2010 1:08:25 AM
when half of marriages end in divorce and the other half you have to die to get out of.... why would you ever want to get married ? Livin the Charlie Harper experience.... without the house in Malibu
 worf1972
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 114
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/27/2010 1:58:07 AM
lol what married guy out there wished he was without baggage and headacres of a wife and kids? I KNOW I DO AND SEVERAL 100 OTHER GUYS I KNOW. SO to all of you guys never attached, ENJOY LIFE AND TO HELL WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. Because they certainly wish they were in your shoes.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 115
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:30:54 AM
stigma!....cool!


~sc~
 phelsuma
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 116
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:02:46 PM
Well said! Who wants to date someone who has such a negative outlook?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 117
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:41:00 AM
Putting myself in the shoes of "I-think-red-flag-if-hes-still-a-bachelor":

Should I have just got married to someone I knew I would not stay with and become another statistic of a divorced relationship???

Well, you shouldn't marry someone you know you wouldn't stay with. But you should marry someone who you want to be with if you've been happy with them and content with for a year or so. If you're thinking too much about how you two would mesh in the far years ahead, you're ruining it, as with everything there's "risks" -- and relationships take work, which you're not willing to do. So the answer is YES, you should marry someone you've been with for a while and are content with -- because you have something to prove to others which is very important!

Too many people "settle" rather than wait for the right woman to come along.

Are you waiting for your imaginary dream girl? Not being able to settle for too long shows either your hopes are unrealistic, which makes you unrealistic in other areas, you're too difficult to work with, or are just a free-wheeling serial dater at heart. Yes, you do "settle" -- you settle down with someone you can work with. If you can't work with anyone, you won't ever get married.

Now, I do not agree with what I just said. :) It is based on some truths, sure, but that's just how a lot of people think, who think still-bachelor-over-30 is a red flag. Their lives have been defined & molded by a life with a marriage, especially having kids, etc. They see never been married as someone who's gone out on a 4th date-at-best with someone.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 118
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/23/2011 11:49:20 PM
Theres a branding opportunity.
Look, just because we never settled, or never did it down ward, just why is the bachelor supposed to be niched and pigeon holed?.... heres the depth charge of truth bomb for you, a bachelor that is free to do what ever he pleases, when ever he pleases, doesn't give one flying ratz @ss what you think, or the 'stigma' you want to attach to him.
It is like the black cat crossing your path. You think it is bad luck! someone with out that notion, just might pet the cat, or not care at all. Just because you have a notion about someone elses life, doesnt mean it is true.

I never expected to ever marry, I told my mom when I as 5 that I was going to grow up and be a bachelor. It seems to have worked out that way so far.
Headed overseas (I figure American rules dont apply over there, and so far they dont)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 119
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/25/2011 10:21:21 PM
It's not. It's a plus. Every year, the size of my dating pool increased.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 120
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/26/2011 7:01:43 PM
I have no idea why people put down people who have not married by the time they are a certain age. Especially today when people can marry and divorce in the same calendar year...big woopy doo-doo, you said I Do knowing as soon as you were no longer 100% of the time happy you could/would divorce. Big step...NOT.

Sure, some foks are single because they are a bit awkward, but most of the older people I know who never married have pretty fantastic lives happening. I dont hear them complain of loneliness and for the most part thier only complaint is this weird perception about being a bachelor/bachelorette at thier age.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 121
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 5/28/2011 2:50:10 AM

Most of you are creepy. Just accept it.


My other voice says that you're just jealous that they don't talk to you.
 Bassbob47
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 123
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Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/3/2011 5:36:09 PM
i didnt know there was a stigma??
 Penpal46
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 124
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/4/2011 9:48:56 AM
Yes there is a stigma and yes there are exceptions to the rule. Don't give up yet bachelors. One of my friends is 30, beautiful, in great shape, sweet and refuses to date a man that isn't a bachelor. She complains all the time that there are so few men out there that are really looking for a forever relationship.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 125
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 6:45:46 AM
I don't look at an older bachelor and think that he is flawed, but then I am an older bachelorette. Maybe he was busy working or going to school, etc...or like me, lives in an area where he meets few women or has a profession that does not allow him to meet many women. He may have dated someone for a while, or dated a few women for short periods of time. I do think that an older bachelor has an easier time dating than an older single woman. For some reason the belief that he can choose and has not chosen versus she has not been chosen (people make assumptions without ever even talking to me about my dating history) makes him okay but makes her a woman to ignore. This might be an online thing and not as prevalent in other parts of the country or in large cities. I have found that the older bachelors I have known preferred to marry women with children who were usually younger and they had their own child.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 126
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:11:29 AM
its a faulty logic syllogism with a dreaded pedantic fallacy
" You are a flawed. It shows you cant commit"
Ok.... so if you HAD committed, and got into a marriage... and are now DIVORCED or SEPARATED (because you are obviously back on the dating market being here)
it shows that you can have a relationship that FAILED.
Being previously married doesnt show your committment - STILL being married shows your commitment.

Youve never had a car accident - it shows you are a reckless driver because you dont know how to handle yourself after an accident? WHAT ?!?!
There isnt an insurance company on the planet that would rate the instance of failure better than the absence of occurance.
meh, not surprised, if y'all understood insurance that healthcare bill never would have made it through the house/senate.

So to sum up, Never wrecked - Flawed. Damaged from an accident - Experienced and ready to drive again .....
it is winning logic indeed.
(PS the 20 in the military more than proves I can commit)
Plus the 17 to the girl that were together, though we never got married - because we both knew it was a failed institution.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 127
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/11/2011 12:07:53 PM
There's no stigma in being single, so why bachelor?
I think "bachelor" is the equivalent of "old maid", and those titles are not considered "sociable", the way "single" is thought of.
It's just a word.
 petevr
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 128
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:25:14 PM
IT SHOULDNT BE A STIGMA FOR AN OLDER BACHELOR..MOST OF US, MALE AND FEMALE GO THROUGH THE STIGMA OF DIVORCE, SO THERE GOES THE DOUBLE STANDARD, WOMEN LOVE THAT CRAP...

I WAS MARRIED 19 YRS AND HATE BEING SINGLE, AS OPPOSED TO MOST PEOPLE WHO TELL ME IM LUCKY..B.S. ON THAT....

WE WANT TO MEET THE RIGHT PERSON, GET TO KNOW THEM, SETTLE DOWN AND IF THE TIME/FATE IS RIGHT, SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES WITH THEM..ISNT THAT WHAT MOST FOLK WANT, AND WHAT SHOULD AGE HAVE TO DO WITH IT..I CAN SEE AN ISSUE WITH A 50 YR OLD GOING FOR A 30 YR OLD, BUT 40, NO PROBLEM...KIDS CAN BE AN ISSUE, I KNOW I NEVER HAD THEM AND I NEVER THOUGHT ID WANT TO BECOME INVOLVED WITH A LADY THAT DID, BUT THEN THAT WOULD ELIMINATE 90% OF THE DATING POOL, SO HAVE MOVED ON FROM THAT...

SO LADIES..WHAT DO U HAVE TO SAY?????????I'D LOVE TO HEAR...

PETE/LONG ISLAND, NY
 hoth1972
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 129
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/13/2011 8:57:06 PM
women unknowingly have it built in their heads that a man cant be happy without a woman..and if he is she will durn sure put a stop to that sh@t. i have foound that while i like women,i know that as soon as i get one i might as well reopen the complaint dept.
1) your never home
2) they want a man to have a good job,and if he doesnt he can work two.
3) your never home
thats all i heard. now i no longer have a job...on disability and in debt. i lost my 4 houses
two cars and a pick up.
as soon as women hear this they bolt. i happily tell them to see if they stick around or not.
surprisingly im mostly happy.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 130
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/14/2011 12:20:36 PM
First, I haven't read all the responses to this question. Personally, I think to not marry is up to the individual and not for me to criticize. However, I'm thinking there is another issue here. Judging by his "old" photo, if OP is truly 57, make that about 60 now, then I am really 87!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 132
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/16/2011 6:03:26 AM
^^True, although the same thing could be said for some men. I find that most older bachelors I have met online say they will not date a woman who has not been married who does not have children. Seems like the pot calling the kettle black to me, but then online it seems that most men seek women who have very specific traits regarding appearance, etc. and wonder why they are not snatched up...Could it be that the majority of men online are interested in the minority of women? I never knew there were so many sheeple until I started looking at dating sites, and it seems to be worse the older the men become.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 133
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:48:42 PM
^^^^ That makes no G'd sense.
If you had managed to escaped kids and divorce this long and remain a bachelor, why the hell foul notion would you only want to be involved with women that have been through the turnstile of divorce and are cartin a kid or two with em ?
I can't for the life of me wrap my head around that.
(actually if you do a search, divorced women with kids are NOT the minority on this site - the 40+ non married/not divorced, non kidded/not wanting kids woman is THE minority) double bonus points for being fit, non smoking, and local.... well that number just went to zero.

(oops thats not true, on further review, Canada ; Vancouver Island has a few - international again. )
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 134
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:02:52 PM
A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.)
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 135
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 7/18/2011 1:34:31 PM
" A never been married man who marries a divorced woman with kids makes sense to the ones who said they would have a ready made family, their wife knew how to be a wife and mother already, and they could be a knight in shining armor and protect her from the sorry ex husband and be the right kind of step father to the children. (in response to Valencia's comment....just saying what I have been told more than a few times.) "

dear gawd - no. Somebody made it through the obstacle course of the twenties, the hell of divorce at the thirties and is ready to jump into an immediate aggressive/ protective role to a 'damsel in distress' that has run the circus of everything he just tried to avoid ?!?! It is a desperate codependant needy trainwreck headed for disaster.
Actually, Call Dr. Phil - I think his show could use the fodder of that one.

this is the person that runs stack on a door with a shot gun, but no vest, helmet, or armor - and only one round in the barrel - not a risk I am ever indulging.
Have at it.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?