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 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 48
Why do girls go for a**holes?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
i wouldnt say shut the **** up thats crazy. I would say sorry im not your shrink and I'm not here to analyze your brain and leave it at that. She wants a shrink have her pay it with her own time and money.
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 53
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/19/2005 11:45:23 AM
confidence spills over to arrogance and they arent far apart from each other. Its the arrogance that is perceived as being an ahole.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 55
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/23/2005 12:17:56 PM
I think Janbanana said it best. I'm glad a woman said it. If a guy had said it, it would be discounted.

However, it seems to be age related. When woman are young, they are attracted to bad boys. No question. However, after they have been burned five times, and they age two decades more, then their thinking changes. But usually it is far too late to start over.

So to the original poster, yes there is some truth to this matter. But don't be bitter about it. There are lots of girls who will not dump you for some lout. And the type that do, you don't want anyway. Consider it a filtering mechanism. And take consolation in the fact that the bombshell woman who is that way, will end up getting cheated on and run over by the very guy she dumped you for. Call it nature. Call it karma. Call it poetic justice. Call it revenge of the nerd. But you will end up having the last laugh. So just laugh it off.

Good women are everywhere. But, remember, don't be too nice right off the bat. Play it cool and you will probably fair better. Ironically, this is what many would call playing mind games.
 Brish
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 59
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:32:55 PM
I think the problem is a women's "chemistry" is set off based on what a woman needs instinctively rather than what she needs emotionally.

In the past having a big strong scary guy was useful for survival. Women don't need men for survival anymore. Their instinctive attraction didn't change but society did.

Their "chemistry" is set off based on things that make men good hunters, and protectors which has nothing to do with satisfying a woman's emotional needs.

A lot of nice guys feel sorry for themselves because they have a really difficult time competing with the types of guys that women call jerks.

Personally, I feel sorry for women because they end up with the exact opposite of what they need.
 Fortlib
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 61
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:41:50 PM
I have found that women are deathly afraid of nice guys. They are afraid they might actually like him and settle down. You have to find the one who not only SAYS they are ready to settle down but actually means it. That is the kicker. Some will screw you and leave. Believe me, it isn't as fun as it sounds. Some will tell you, no, I don't want you as a friend, you are different but still leave you (this is for those who are not the **** type of nice guy.) Otherwise I just don't know. The bad guy is always there waiting and the low self-esteemed (not sure if that is a word) woman is all for it because she thinks she deserves it. Find a well-rounded successful woman who is confident in herself and ready to commit. LOL, I know, it ain't happenin. Anyway, no solutions here, just observations.

Jeremy
 sexysajon
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 63
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/27/2005 1:28:22 AM
good question and we will never know the answer but i thought i'd share my little experiment with all of you i met this girl about 9 months ago who lived down the street and i was instantly sprung shes 19 hott and not to skinny not too big you know well anywayz she was just all out amazing i treated her like everywoman should be treated walked her home at nite opened doors thats just me and she constantly turned me down time after time well one day i just thought i'll try being an a****le and see if it's true i ignored her stopped walking her home let her open the door for me next thing you know she was trying to get me to go out with her so i still played the jerk and said well i don't know that drove her nuts she was more sprung on me than i was on her so we hooked up and and finaly told her about this soo my experiment proves that most women do go for the rude crude spitting cursing man it's just like wild lions the females allways go for the more dominant alpha male it's nature
 navarone
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 70
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 7/30/2005 5:46:45 AM
As it turns out, I think that MOST guys want what I want when it comes to "women and dating", but they just haven't thought about it long enough to be able to say it.
I think that what 90% of men are looking for is a GREAT long-term relationship with a GREAT woman. What do I mean when I use the term "Great Woman"?
I mean a woman who is naturally beautiful, who takes care of herself physically, who is
emotionally and financially stable... who doesn't "need" you, but "wants" you, who can take care of herself in every way...

...you know what I'm saying here. But guess what?
Women like this are VERY rare. I mean like one in a thousand or so. And they are NEVER at a loss for a date. I digress... but I'll come back to this later.
Now I want to talk about WHY it's such a big problem.
There are two main reasons:

1) Not knowing what you want, lowers the chances of GETTING what you want.

2) In this particular situation, when it comes to this type of woman, not understanding what you want makes your chances of getting one almost ZERO.
Let's talk about these two issues.
- NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT LOWERS YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING IT
If you've read any "self help" books at all, then you know that it's important to set goals in
your life. Why?
Because setting goals makes your mind work on getting them.
When you think through your goals, and take the time to figure them out, write them down, and make plans to get them, you put a set of processes in motion that dramatically increase your chance of getting what you want.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, go read "Think And Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill.

Just do it.

- NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS PARTICULAR TYPE OF WOMAN MAKES YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING ONE ALMOST ZERO

This is the big issue here.

This is the one that most guys just don't get...and the one that, by itself, really leads to
failure. The fact is that most guys would really like to meet a great girl.
The times in my life when I've had an amazing woman as my girlfriend have been FANTASTIC.

There is nothing quite like having a stunning, intelligent, well-dressed, interesting woman in
your life. Nothing. To put it another way, if you meet a really interesting, exceptional woman, you can bet that she has been approached between 150 and 300 times
in the past month ALONE.

Think about that.

Imagine what it must be like to be a woman who is approached so often.

Even if she WANTED to spend time with many of the men, there would be no way to do it.

It's just not practical. So what's a girl to do?

The only thing that an exceptional girl CAN do is use TIME MANAGEMENT principals.

She has to decide almost INSTANTLY if a guy is "worth" spending more time with.

And she has to make her decision based on very little information.

AND, she can't make the mistake of being "too friendly" and giving a guy the "wrong idea"...
because if she does, he'll probably call her 100 times over the next month.

Unusually attractive, exceptional women become very good at ELIMINATING men based on very little information.

If you're a man who hasn't made it a goal to attract one of these women, who doesn't understand this particular fact, and who doesn't understand how to get past this initial "test", then your chances of attracting one of these women is as close to zero as anything is in the world.

The REALITY of this situation is that you are not the only guy in the world who wants a woman like this.

EVERY guy would like to meet her.

There are a lot of guys out there that are willing to call her more, spend more money on her, do more things for her, and pay her more attention than you...

You can't get a girl like this one by doing the "normal" things.

And here's the KICKER...

The next girl you date probably isn't going to be this girl.

In fact, you're probably going to need to go out with MANY women before you're going to run into one of these rare women.

But as they say, "Every cloud has a silver lining". And this cloud does.

The fact is that spending time dating other women is EXACTLY what will TEACH you how to
attract one of these exceptional women.

You HAVE to do it.

So let's wrap this up.

First, take some time and figure out what it is that you want. Write it down, and make a list.
What are the physical, intellectual, and emotional qualities that you're looking for?
Be specific, and get a clear picture in your mind.
Next, become the guy that she'll feel ATTRACTION for when you meet her.

There are two parts to this one.
The first part is preparing yourself to date many women to find her... and then getting out
there and doing it.

The second (and most important) part is to LEARN what you need to do in order to be the guy that she'll be attracted to.
 wausauman
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 71
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/1/2005 10:01:34 PM
I think the man who wrote message #119 has read one too many of David DeAngelos' regular internet ads for his**** Comedy program.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 72
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/2/2005 1:51:31 AM
Reality check.........

Shawn (the initiater of this thread) experienced this with 1 woman...and now he thinks that women are not worth his time.......WOW


Shawn...whatever you do....dont become a statistician
 Avraham
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 73
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/2/2005 8:36:45 AM
I liked a girl for the longest time, yet she wouldn't budge. I would try to woo her over with so many different types of schemes and plots, yet none worked. One day she said something peculiar, she would eventually end up in the hands of a man who had lots of money. The answer: money. Make money, and you will have flocks of the type of woman you seek. That is, if you're into a freeloading, uneducated, egocentric, self absorbed, and generally a nuisance causing woman. If you want any girl with said characteristics, you deserve what you get. If not, look for girls who are not out on Friday and Saturday nights. Look for them in places like libraries, coffee shops, etc,.
 Mr O
Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 74
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/2/2005 8:47:30 AM
sometimes it's more fun to phuck an a$$hole!
 Avraham
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 75
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/2/2005 9:01:03 AM

And the computer! ;)


Sure, why not? I have discovered that the best girls are the ones who are half way decent. You will find the caricature of dumb blonde bimbos on POF as well as anywhere else.
 dwacorn
Joined: 1/23/2005
Msg: 77
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 8/2/2005 5:19:49 PM
Girls love men butt naked. Maybe they go for what they have in common with men. Yes, that's it. Eureka dude!
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 78
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 10/29/2005 3:08:22 PM
^^^explains me quite well
 temp-account
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 81
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/8/2005 7:46:11 PM
Guess what, this is my first post here. And I decided to create a new account just so I can post this, since I know this will cause problems for most women I want to meet here. Pathetic, isn’t it?

From my own experiences there is CERTAINLY a trend where women are attracted to the type of men they end up regretting. It confused me for a long time, and actually caused me a lot of agony. I watched a few of the players have sex with almost all the hot women in town, and could not believe what I saw. I would have bet money that some of them would of rejected these guys, but even the smart good girls fell for it, KNOWING the players had already has sex with their friends. It was an absolutely amazing eye opener. Thankfully these guys were my friends, so I have the ability to observe their behavior. I never would have thought acting like that would work, but it certainly did. From that point on, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why. I even went out of my way to take a class in college that covered evolution, and switched psychology classes, JUST to try to better understand this issue. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like unsolved mysteries, I like to understand things, I’m an engineer. For those of you that know psychology, on they Meyers-Brigs personality type index, I’m an INTJ.

If you’ve ever watched the discovery channel, and seen something like the mating habits of birds, where a small percentage of the males have sex with all the females, because they sing and dance just right, well, the same thing happens with humans. Unless you are willing to accept that we are a part of the animal kingdom and act the same way, this explanation will never make sense to you.

I believe I now understand. I took the scientific perspective to understand this, because it was all that made no sense to me, and I really wanted to understand why women do this. I’d talk to women about it, and came to the conclusion that even they don’t know why they do what they do. The ONLY explanation that made sense was the scientific one. Basically, in my opinion, it boils down evolution theory. Women are genetically programmed to be attracted to certain types of men, and vice versa. Strong, healthy, and somewhat aggressive men are desired because they are the survivors. I don’t want to bore all of you with the details, but to understand this you need to assume we are living in the primate tribal caveman days. The older man is desirable because he’s survived. The strong man (not talking about muscles here, but mentality) is desirable because that’s what survives. The confident man is desirable because winners become confident, and losers do not. It’s all about survival in the caveman days. In the last 10,000 years our DNA hasn’t changed, we’re just modern cavemen. I won’t go into the explanations of why men are attracted to young women with certain features, because this message is about women, but guys we are programmed too.

Women (and men) do not intellectually rationalize who they are attracted to. Instead, it’s the deep primitive parts of our brains that decides for us who we are attracted to. Guys, you must understand that your goal is to turn on that primate part of a woman’s mind without getting rejected by the intellectual part. THAT’s the overall strategy.

Nice guys give women the vibe that they are weak, and weakness is undesirable, so women are genetically programmed to reject (or take advantage of) nice guys. Women are programmed to be attracted to strong men, and strong men are confident, and confident men can be a**holes because they are not punished for it. Think of a Viking. Is he a nice guy? Nope. Is a nerd a nice guy? Yup. Back in the caveman days, who would survive, the Viking or the nerd? Think about it. Now think of the theory of natural selection, specifically sexual selection. Read about it you want.

I don’t think I’m doing the best job of explaining this, but hopefully this is enough to quell the confusion you guys feel. I’m not saying that will fix the problems, but for myself I just HAD to understand why women do this.

From my own experiences I’ve noticed that many women eventually realize the bad boys are not the ones they want to marry, so they end up marrying a nice guy, but some of these women also end up cheating on them, because they are still attracted to the bad guys. Many women know they don’t want to marry a bad boy even when they’re as young as 16 years old. But they still date them, they still spend time with them, they still have sex with them, while the nice guys sit at home watching TV feeling sorry for themselves.

I’ve been in the same position as all of you guys, and still end up in that same position sometimes. Without a doubt I know that if you treat an average women too well she will lose interest. I highly recommend that you CONSTANTLY adjust your strategy, ALWAYS experiment with new methods. This is no different than anything else in life. If you are failing at work or in school or on any other endeavor you will make adjustments, but for some reason when it comes to women lots of us guys just keep banging our heads into the wall over and over again. I wasted 10 years to this problem, it caused me so much grief I expected an ulcer. I was ready to shoot some of the scumbags who had sex with all the women who rejected me. The ONLY women that can even come close to understanding are the ugly ones who have been rejected by most men, beyond that don’t even waste your time talking about this issue with most women. In my opinion, intellectual women who are interested in human behavior are great to talk to, but they are rare. To this day, my own mother still tells me the same crap she did when I was a kid “be very kind to women, treat them very very well”... (what a crock of sh*t)

Accept the fact that it’s one big game, and if you use the same strategy over and over and you fail most of the time, then obviously you are using the wrong strategy. At this point you must either accept defeat and jerk off for the rest of your life and be lonely, or be flexible. I had the mental ability to figure this out when I was in my 20’s, but instead I staying in denial.

Convince yourself before you go on a date that you don’t care about the outcome. Yeah, easier said than done, but still try. Make it your routine, then it will become a (good) habit. When women “smell” confidence, they are going to be more attracted to you. This does not mean you should be a jerk, but instead you should give the vibe that you are out to have fun and could really care less if she’s interested or not. If you appear to be trying to hard, they are turned off. The old saying of “women want what they can’t have” does have a lot of truth to it. If a woman thinks she can have you with no effort, then she’s automatically not interested, even if you are the ideal man for her. Remember, this isn’t an intellectual thing, it’s all primal.

Also, be very weary of older women who have a history of going for players. Don’t hesitate to ask about their previous boyfriends, when the time is right. And for god sakes, don’t be stupid enough to think you can change somebody, because you can’t. If you find a hot/intelligent/fun/whatever woman who says she wants to settle down, but has a history of only dating losers, I recommend not having a serious relationship with her, you’re only asking for trouble. I’ve had 2 of those types of women from my past, both of who rejected me and screwed the players, then got played, start eyeing me for a husband in the last few years. Know what I did? I acted partly interested, met them for lunch, acted somewhat interested in their lives, got them to talk about whatever they seemed interested in talking about, and contacted them a week or so later. I ended up dating both of them, having sex with both of them as much as I could, then refusing to get into a relationship with either one of them. I waited until they figured it out, and let them “dump” me. And I have to admit, it was the most rewarding feeling in the world. Now let me also say I still get rejected a lot, so don’t think I’m some Don Juan or anything. But deep down inside, I admit I wanted revenge, and I got it, and damn it felt good.

I hope the time I’ve spent typing this wasn’t a waste. I wish I had some guys set me straight years ago. Also, I live in Southern California, on the coast, in a somewhat rich area. Many women here are very stuck up and really try to run with the herd, they are more interested in what their friends think than what they themselves think. It’s pathetic. Many men are the same way here. I’ve been in Northern California, and noticed the women are much less stuck up and act more like themselves, but the same rules still apply. I mention this because I’m convinced that if I had grown up elsewhere, I would not have dealt with half as much agony over women. The weather is good here, but so many of the people here are a**holes that I’m eventually going to move, that plus the high real estate costs.
 trevcda
Joined: 8/4/2005
Msg: 83
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/8/2005 8:31:00 PM
"You need 'Anchor Arms!' I was a puny wimp. Now I'm a jerk and everybody loves me!"

Great post temp-account (if that's your real name!). A lot of information that I think pretty much nails it, no pun intended. Maybe I can paraphrase it, though-

It really does take a lot of confidence to pull of being an a$$hole. I think that often times the two can be confused and realized, when it's too late. Sometimes being an a$$hole is just being an a$$hole, especially when it stems from bitterness. Being confident is the key, here not being an a$$hole. There will always be that group of people who get what they want from practicing a certain behavior. If it ain't broke don't fix it! But look a around a little more. When you look beyond the loud mouth assclown that apparently has the attention of everyone in the room, there is almost always someone one else that has the undivided attention of a smaller group of people. He (or she) exudes a confidence that stems from intelligence, charisma and being the kind of person that other people want to be around, not treating people like crap. That who I want to be! Who am I kidding! That's who I am! Seriously, though, confidence comes from different places. Find your confidence and revel in it! I hate cliches more than anyone, but you've got roll with the punches, learn from your mistakes and move on with life. You can also find solice in the fact that Karma Is A B*i*t*c*h!

Hope I didn't stray too far of the OP!

TREV
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 85
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/10/2005 9:52:53 AM
^^^^ And lack of drive, confidence, ambition or intelligence
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 87
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/10/2005 10:19:43 AM
You got me on that one, but its not all girls, just for the record.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 88
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/11/2005 11:18:33 AM
Guys who look like players don't get a fair shake either.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 93
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/2/2008 10:50:40 AM

"This man, just oozing of confidence, he wanted to dance with me... he set his eyes on me and it was like he was going to get me.
How ironic that the most of the so called "nice guys" can't seem to display those very same traits *shrugs*
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 94
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/3/2008 10:01:55 AM

If a woman walks into a room full of a thousand guys, she might actually date and sleep with two of them. Maybe two of them will have that potential.

Trust me, lots of a**holes don't get the girls too.

I think there is some kind of backwards logic that says that only what men choose to do makes most women behave in a way that seems contrary to her best interests.

The first point I want to make is some people are just stupid. Some people want to date a loser with no job and a bunch of STDs and beats her because they are just plain stupid.

The second point I want to make is most women are just plain mean. Even if there were no a**holes in the world, most of you supposed "nice guys" out there would still get screwed over anyway.

The third point I want to make is that you might all have it backwards. Are a**holes more attractive? Or are people who are more attractive to the opposite sex more prone to be a**holes? Because most people will do as much as they can get away with.

Be yourself. Maybe that gets you the relationship you want. Maybe it doesn't. But at least it's true.


Because women are now as shallow as men; they are into looks and money just like guys are; The Girls gone wild video series has a 20,000 girl sign up list; they are into "hot" party boys and money.

Instead of women being the better sex, they are now equals; they are as shallow and sleazy as men are.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 96
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Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/3/2008 8:07:14 PM
^^^ Right on! *waits for the day when we can point our camera phone at them and an A$$Hole detector flashes a red stop sign for obvious reasons or. a green light for a good guy who just happens to be confident. ..
 mickuandme
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 98
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/4/2008 1:01:02 AM
hey shawn wake up and look around you,have you ever heard of being**** and funny at the same time.Well your girl don;t need to be treated nice in the bedroom ,and thats where it all starts you must have said the wrong words ,which eventually turned off by you ,girls likes to be treated in a**** way make them beg for you,and you need to be the dominant person you take control.girls don't like wuess guys and thats what you are you crawl up to her all to her all the time thinking that you doing the right thing by her.wake up the more you behave like a wuess the further you driving her away from you.you need to be in control.you need talk dirty to her in the right time and the right mood.and most of all you need her to surrender to you,stop buying her any thing make her work for it if she is worth it. ignore her at some times be straight forward with her don't have any remorse and stop telling her how you feel about her (e.g.i feel so close to you when you are around and i miss you every minute of the day when i;m not around you )ekkkhhhh phewwwww.)STOP she does not want to hear that from you.she is loosing attraction for you think about it when you first met ,how was she every thing about you was all new to her now you are becoming old and lame she needs some thing new.a spark to keep her coming back for more.(LAUGHTER)yes (LAUGHTER)thats what the other person has and you don't have any more girls like guys to make fun of them selves and not feel embarased about it and make her laugh you will get her attention and don't spin like a record repeating the same thing over and over again keep her in suspence i have been there trust me and i have learnt the hard way 20 years of relation-ship and she leaves me for a B... hole guy sleeping on a single bed for 2 years and can't afford to buy her a $2.00 garment .you can imagine what i mean and she preffered to stay with him and i learnt why did she do that he makes her laugh because both are stoned on illegal drugs thats what she liked about him and she feels very attracted to him prepared to do any thing for him they recycle smoked cigaretes out of an ashtray and thats fine her she is madly in love with him. yes i did exactly what you did but her expensive clothes car always has plenty of money on her she gave it all away.he fills her up with dreams different ideas almost every day and never deliver keeps her in suspence never answers her question tries to avoid the real issue by turning her attention to some thing else that he got control of her with.i don;t want to go on any further but I hope I have been any help to you if you want know more post it and i will try to help further happy days to come .
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 103
Why do girls go for a**holes?
Posted: 11/5/2008 4:06:16 AM
OP-

Perhaps it's because some women prefer an a$$hole than the whole a$$?! Honestly, when some folks fall in love we unintentionally put up blinders to their faults, because all we can see is the GOOD things in the person, even if it's overshadowed by some bad traits. No one can predict how a relationship will unfold, but I'd like to believe we all enter into relationships hoping for the best...good, bad or indifferent.

Maybe it is simply what one person has become accustom to, so therefore, they see nothing wrong with the 'bad boy' stereotypes--vs the 'good guy' stereotypes. My mother always told me that I was a 'bum magnet' but in my mind any person I was interested in had certain qualities I found attractive, but to others, like my mother, they weren't good enough for me.

The best you can do is be true to yourself and hope you will find someone who compliments your life. No one is perfect, so either accept them for who they are or find someone who is better suited for you. Simplistic I suppose, but it makes sense.
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