Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Gold-digger is just a term men invented to      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Morris Choco
Joined: 12/20/2009
Msg: 251
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 11 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

But I think it's the entitlement that affects people. If a lady expects a guy to finance things for her, from dates to living expenses, from an entitlement point of view, OR out on the chase for someone who can do that specifically for her, she's a "gold-digger". Even if her needs aren't grand. It goes beyond a same-old-same-old courting process where the guy picks up 90%+ of the bill or 90%+ of the bills... it's about being taken care of like kid or pet.

I think guys can be weary of said women, so if they demand a guy to buy them a drink to arrogantly "give them a chance to talk with me", then he'll hastily call her one -- making an assumption that may be right, may be wrong (but it carries the same attitude as a classic 'gold digger').


Stop spending money on women, stop emailing them - just STOP. See what happens, ya know.
I agree with both comments 1000 % Its just so much harder to do the second though unless you are cool with being by yourself since alot of women are scarred to talk to a guy they are interested in. I definitely don't do the buying women drinks in the bar, club, etc. Only if we are dating if not we are going dutch and if she doesn't like that are think I'm cheap that's okay that is her opinion. It's not true but people believe what they believe. I just like it that way so nobody feels anyway at the end. I don't feel like she just tried to get my "little money as alot of chicks like to say" for eating and she doesn't feel like she owes me anything either (which I'm sure a majority don't think anyway).
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 252
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/30/2010 8:09:10 AM

I agree with you.
The fact of the matter is 100 years ago a women didnt pay for a thing. Women were courted and loved and adored and waited on and respected....
Now adays men sleep with us before marrying us, expect us to pay for dinner and expect sex well and truely before marriage.

Sucks.

I was born in tha wrong era.


Yes women might not have paid for a thing but that was because of course, they had no real earning potential- except maybe as a whore...the world's oldest profession. lol

honestly i think right now in western society- the roles have been reversed. women have the 'power' and man has become pussified. with women having more equality in education and earning ability, they don't "need" men to court, love, adore, wait on and respect them...

its really to the doing of women- yall wanted to be equal...and now that things are more equal, yall dont' like it so much.

Why? because it goes against the natural order of things. the way things have been done for centuries...

Even still- back before all this stuff came about- while men have done what you said- women also knew their place. they cooked, cleaned and took care of their man. they respected that the man was the man and that they were the woman. they knew their place and they knew the man's place.

it was a better marriage of things IMO- each gender played to their strengths which was the other's weakness.

now we got women wanting to be men and then want men to still do everything for them...

so get over it...


My future engagement right is sitting in Tiffany and co and is worth a lot more that 4k and if a guy doesnt think im worth that then he sure as %^& is not worth marring and certainly doesnt deserve the privilege of calling me his wife!!!


that comment right there is the "princess entitlement"...trust me- its not a quality that men find attractive...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 253
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/30/2010 11:17:38 AM
Champagne,

The fact of the matter is 100 years ago a women didnt pay for a thing.

Because they didn't have any money that was 100% their own -- only from a daddy or guy they got hitched with.

Women were courted and loved and adored and waited on and respected....

Women couldn't vote, they were treated as baby-makers. Respected? Depends on the guy -- same as today. However, in another sense, they were less respected, but many/most didn't mind it because they were raised as that's how women should be. Waited on? Actually, they'd be waited on to finish cleaning the kitchen, but I digress...

Now adays men sleep with us before marrying us

Just the same as you sleep with men before marrying them.

expect us to pay for dinner

Nope, sorry. There is absolutely ZERO cultural push toward women paying for all the dates. Zero. Advice: don't let yourself be influenced by revisionist history.

expect sex well and truely before marriage

... and so do women, JUST as much. If you disagree, then you'd have to say a majority of non-married couples having sex is a guy raping the woman (date rape). A -majority- of ALL sex situations outside of any marriage. Do you really believe that?

I was born in tha wrong era.

I don't think you'd like it. If a woman's deemed attractive and in the right social class or worked her way up to the right social class, they would probably get a more of a "princess" treatment, I'll grant you that. However, if that is your dream/goal, that's really sad. You would basically be living off of a guy like a 13 year old lives off their parents. Women were seen (and still are in some sub-cultural circles) as pets or kids. If you're attractive and a great one, yeah, you'd be respected like a sugar daddy respects his gal. If not -- clean the floors. :)

You wouldn't have liked that era.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 254
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 2:02:22 PM
she wanted at least $4K ring...said not to bother if he didn't buy her one...it was what she wanted...


I don't get this either....I think there is a club of women for this. There are a bunch at work.

Personally for me about rings is what it looks like, the actual setting. If it has gems in it, how are they placed? It could be just a band and be very nice. Besides, I can't wear a huge rock because I have huge knuckles and the ring just moves around so I would prefer a band anyway :)

A ring that is different (which I don't find those diamond ones to be) is much more cherished, at least to me. Besides, it is just too much money to be wearing around - I'd be scared to lose it!

As for a man buying drinks? I don't care, I'll give him the money and like the fact that he is the one that goes up and waits at the bar for them. I think the whole buying a woman a drink thing went out in the 90's anyway.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 255
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 2:46:21 PM
@mjyawn67



A golddigger to me is one that a few dates in starts dropping hints on how she can't pay for this or that!!!! RED FLAG guys!!!


So is she asking for money, or just telling you how broke she is?

If it is the latter, then I am willing to bet she is just poor at budgeting her money.

In any case, both are red flags. I cannot tell you how many ladies I know that are totally broke but yet shop up a storm like they are rich. Like really, nobody sees the designer tag when you are wearing the damned clothes!

A good number of people are on a budget however, if done correctly, I don't see why there is no reason a lady cannot afford a little treat now and then for her man?
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 256
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 5:04:45 PM
Are there women willing to go dutch? Why don't I ever meet that kind?
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 257
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 6:31:47 PM
Because men generally don't go for those ones. They are still stuck in the old mentality (just as women are).

My father has told me alot about his choices in women over the years and admitted his weaknesses to me, but did he regret it? Nope.

Most women who are willing to go dutch don't have the patience to pander to a man's ego by being all feminine and "nice" to every man that she meets. And those are the type of women that men on here claim are missing nowadays.

It's funny how years ago I read that men wanted women to start being more independant. Now it seems they don't want us to. I really think women have been listening, but maybe we should have just ignored the lot of you and things would have been okay? LMAO.

I'm not saying this in a "blame" way, I'm just saying. We are wired a certain way by the old ways and by our parents ways. Gonna take a few decades to weed that out.

Besides, why do YOU keep paying. Insist on dutch if paying bothers you that much. If you say you don't want to lose the interest of the lady, then you should just shut up :)
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 258
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 10:08:06 PM
Abraham Shakespeare, $31M Florida lottery winner, found dead 9 months after disappearing

The Plant City, Fla., backyard where Shakespeare was discovered is linked to a woman who claims the lottery winner gave her $1 million after they became friends.

Yea...I want to see the person who says their ain't no GOLD DIGGERS. I'm not saying she buried him in her yard.....um but...he was in a 5 foot grave, covered with a concrete slab!
Oh and she sent text messages and gifts to his family pretending to be him...saying that he was doing well.

Fuk her and Fuk Steve Harvey too!
 kiwis01
Joined: 1/25/2010
Msg: 259
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/1/2010 11:03:10 PM
The term gold digger was used way long before the book written. It is the usa laws that corrupted people not the book, terms or either males or females.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 260
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:52:56 AM
>>>Most women who are willing to go dutch don't have the patience to pander to a man's ego by being all feminine and "nice" to every man that she meets. And those are the type of women that men on here claim are missing nowadays.


Wild heart.....Most of my ex's are the super independent non feminine outdoorsy type, as selfish and non pandering as any guy. But women do love to pick and choose their favorite double standards.

If I'm paying anyway a little pandering sounds nice.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 261
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 7:08:35 AM
Women like men with resources.

Men primarily want to know "is she hot."

Can we stop pretending this needs discussed or analyzed?


No pretending and you need to get your head out of the 1950's.

I assure you, lots of women with resources of their own can now afford to be primarily interested in whether a man is HOT or not. They don't have to settle for someone they aren't attracted to to survive. Of course for many, he also has to have a great personality and attitude. Looks and charm ALONE will only get you so far.

Get with the times. I've never once looked at a mans resources as being what interests me about him. I take as much pride in earning my own resources as any man does. Why shouldn't I. Oh is that sense of pride reserved for men only. Pfffft. Yes I know some men think they are the ONLY ones entitled (yes many men have a HUGE ENTITLEMENT complex - hence so many single chavenist jerks) to a sense of pride but you need to get over it.

You also think you should be the only ones with the resources to be able to CHOOSE someone attractive while we have to settle for a gorilla because we are poor. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

If I am going to put up with a man he better be good lookin' lol.
 Euroalex
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 262
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 7:46:44 AM
the common of these - the money, and the hot looks - that both of them are superficial.
when you choose to b with a partner,
sooner or later his/her looks fade away, financial status changes up or down...
you get used to looks, wealth, and it will be no longer interesting...
hot girls will be cheated on, rich men will be cheated...
neither of these two are good basis for a LTR
 December1980
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 263
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 8:13:25 AM
OP....

Steve Harvey is talking from a black man's perspective in that yes there are lots of single black women raised by mothers and no fathers who pay for themselves because they don't feel they can trust any man to actually be real and pay for a simple drink and want nothing in return.

However, in other cases, there are women who come off with intitlement and that a man should prove to her he likes her and wants to be with her by paying for an expensive dinner and drinks. To me, there is no duty in a man paying for a drink. Paying for a drink only says he has 40 bucks in his pocket... not how he really truly thinks a man can and should treat a woman.

And towards the term Golddigger, the term is used looser now then before. However, a Golddigger, is just that. a woman who dates with only the intention of getting a guys money. And yes it can start with a drink. Just like catching the Swine Flu can start with a simple handshake. Sometimes some women use the "drink" as a way to see how open a guy is to paying for things. And many a man have started with a drink and within months payed some rent, jewlery, etc.

Best case is talk before the date. and try to make the first date money free. Meet for a walk at a book store. Or if weather permitts, just talk and walk in the park and really get to know one another. Then see the vibe, talk about the feelings on who pays for what and when.

Most of this stuff can be stopped with real honest communication on ones true feelings and if you realize that during a conversation, you and the person do not vibe, then go seperate ways. But people do not do that because they basically have alterior motives to get money or sex and so they say what wants to be heard and it gets ugly after that...
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 264
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 8:50:20 AM

The term gold digger was used way long before the book written.

You're right, of course. For example, it was the title of a Harry Beaumont movie way back in the silent film era (1923) which was based on a famous and popular comedic stage play.

So the term long pre-dates the concept of child support and beat-dead dads and who pays. IOW, Harvey is just plain wrong if he thinks the concept is something new.

Gold digging probably existed even before the first gold was ever dug up.
 SBM4U2
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 265
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:48:18 AM
Don't find it too intriguing. Mr. Harvey is an Opportunist.

I'm not a fan of Steve Harvey as an advisor on relationships. He's just a guy (a comedian without any training and divorced at that) who's giving his two cent, possibly with the intention of bettering his ratings. There is nothing that makes him qualified. He's always, always, always MAN BASHING. You know why? Because the majority of the radio audience is women. How can you offend the audience that pays your salary and bills? You can't. Don't get it twisted

We're trying to follow traditional values when traditional morals have been thrown out of the window because women only want to reap the benefit of tradition, not follow it. There is no exclusive dating, avoidance of promiscuity, etc and so forth. Where is the traditional or special treatment for men?

Women, from beyond the last half century mark, weren't really employed outside of the house. Most of their employment was underpaid. Times have changed. Women are now employed, educated and earning as much as or more than men. They aren't stuck inside cleaning or raising children like their moms or grandmas. They have their own money and mindset.

Women are always complaining about men that live at home, men that don't have material things, men who don't look like they have it going on. It's very expensive being a man. Especially when he's doing most of this to impress women or seem like a suitable match. Now add in the equation that he has to come out of pocket for every date this month until he meets the right young lady. Dates aren't cheap and if you take a woman on a cheap date, expect to be treated like a cheapskate.

Ask yourself this, do women have to set aside 150-500 a month for dating? That's what a few dates will cost a guy.

Now with that being said, that's not what the term Gold Digger means. A Gold Digger is a woman who looks for and exploits a man for his money. A regular date is not a gold digger situaton. A woman who serial dates without the purpose of trying to be in a relationship or with the purpose of someone footing the bill for her entertainment, might be considered a gold digger. A woman who only dates you because you have money that would otherwise not be interested in you? That's a Gold Digger. A woman who knows you will be worth money someday and just hangs in there? That's a Gold Digger. A gold digger won't be around when the going gets tough. She'll be moving on to the next meal ticket
 Srqdjm
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 266
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:29:05 PM
I haven't read this thread; but heck with gold selling for over $1,100 an ounce today, I'd think some men would love to have a "gold digging woman" in their life
Can see it now...he says...keep on digging honey, yahoo we's gonna be rich...
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 267
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:34:10 PM
Wild heart.....Most of my ex's are the super independent non feminine outdoorsy type, as selfish and non pandering as any guy. But women do love to pick and choose their favorite double standards.

If I'm paying anyway a little pandering sounds nice.


Oh well - insert shrug icon - I don't really have an answer then. But I put it down to this sometimes, women have their things and men have theirs. Complaining and being bitter about it doesn't help those guys that keep doing this - that's the point that doesn't seem to be sinking in.

I'm not pandering to a guy's ego simply because he paid for me! If he looks good, smells good, holds my door for me, helps me install something that I don't know how to do, makes me feel sexy etc., or just 'cause I like him - he certainly deserves some ego stroking. Paying for something is simply responded to with a "thank you" just as any gift would be.


Sometimes some women use the "drink" as a way to see how open a guy is to paying for things.


Really? It's just a drink and to me not an indicator of whether a guy is cheap or not. One of the more enjoyable dates I have gone on, the man paid first but he said he would pay and that I would get the next one. Now, I went on the next date and paid and we went like that a few more times. But I truly wonder what happens when a "gold digger" meets a man like that? How does she wrangle her way out of not paying? Do guys really give in in those cases? If so, I blame the men as they "fall" for it, especially if they then come on here and b*tch about it.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 268
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:59:33 PM
Wow I spent a while reading these responses and I have to say somethings really caught my attention. First and foremost
Gold digger is not gender bias, I k now my ex was a great one..

Now some peoples comments here just plain baffle me.


...wish more women were ladies and more men were gentlemen

How in sam hill does a wallet have anything to do with being a lady or gentlemen. I thought those things were monitered by actions of opening a door, holding your elbow when entering or leaving, showing each other how much you respect and honor each other. I never knew by offering to pay my own way I wan't a lady instead, I thought I was showing someone that his money wasn't what I was interested in he was the object of my interest. boy have I got it all wrong.


The fact of the matter is 100 years ago a women didnt pay for a thing. Women were courted and loved and adored and waited on and respected....

What romance novels are you reading a 100 years ago many many women weren't respected. Waited on by who a servant maybe... Loved and adored maybe if one was lucky... Sorry, this again I have to ask where does the wallet come in. I would much rather have a guy pick me a bouquet of flowers than spend a couple of hundred at a leading florist..They don't last as long or smell as nice. Adored, cherished, respected, courted, absolutely wouldn't have it any other way and yet that comes from within not a back or inner pocket where the credit cards are held.


I have been told too many times I am a very proper lady in public even with halibut bloody guts on my jeans...

This statement caused me to shake my head in wonder and ask myself wow I wonder how this is working for you. Tiffany is so bloody over rated, if you are going for the money honey google the top designers Tiffany isn't in the top 5. If someone is spending the bucks on me let him design something that shows he knows me not buy me something every other poor smuck is buying to impress a " Gold digger" IMO.


My future engagement right is sitting in Tiffany and co and is worth a lot more that 4k and if a guy doesnt think im worth that then he sure as %^& is not worth marring and certainly doesnt deserve the privilege of calling me his wife!!!
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 269
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:50:53 AM

No pretending and you need to get your head out of the 1950's. I assure you, lots of women with resources of their own can now afford to be primarily interested in whether a man is HOT or not.


Sure. The difference is, the vast majority of men aren't attracted to 'resources'. If you aren't physically attractive to us, no amount of money will make a difference. Face it, men don't get sexually excited by the fat ugly chick who owns her own company, so unless you have resources AND are physically 'hot', your pickings of men are going to be slim. A lot of women have worked very hard to become equals in the workplace, only to find that no one's attracted to her because she forgot what a guy is interested in, in the first place. Many of the single women in my workplace are way out of shape and have cut their hair quite short, don't pay attention to their appearance, and then wonder why men don't find them attractive, after all, they have a good steady job with a nice salary and a nice car. They've BECOME the men that they were trying to attract. Yes, it's nice if a woman at least tries to work at least part time, but men don't really care what a woman does for a living, while for women, what her mate does for a living and how much he makes reflects on her attractiveness as judged by her peers. Lots of men will gladly (and HAVE gladly) married the hot brainless babe wearing a string bikini that they meet by the pool. Few women will marry the pool boy, or be proud to take him to social functions and declare that they are engaged.
Men and women will continue to value different things in their mates. Yes, some traits will overlap. But not all.
 CJ8Rock
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 270
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:16:21 AM


Oh and just FYI...
My future engagement right is sitting in Tiffany and co and is worth a lot more that 4k and if a guy doesnt think im worth that then he sure as %^& is not worth marring and certainly doesnt deserve the privilege of calling me his wife!!!



b.s. like that spewing from you - I wouldn't rate you above 4 cents, let alone 4k. I think the term "materialistic" comes to mind, but that is the polite version.
Sweetie - I could easily afford the ring - I just couldn't afford the patience level required to put up with someone like you that would think such a statement is acceptable. But who knows - perhaps you will find a sugar-daddy, which I believe would be perfect for both of you.

I think it quite honestly funny as hell to watch both people get used, and smile about it, thinking they have the upper hand.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 271
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/3/2010 9:33:32 AM

Sure. The difference is, the vast majority of men aren't attracted to 'resources'. If you aren't physically attractive to us, no amount of money will make a difference. Face it, men don't get sexually excited by the fat ugly chick who owns her own company, so unless you have resources AND are physically 'hot', your pickings of men are going to be slim. A lot of women have worked very hard to become equals in the workplace, only to find that no one's attracted to her because she forgot what a guy is interested in, in the first place.


Thank you for the first honest posting I have seen in a long time. Like I said in an earlier post, in the late 80's and into the 90's many men did push for women to be more independant - I remember hearing this from men back then. Now they realize the monster they created with this request.

I think some men should try to understand a little more how difficult it really is to balance being feminine and trying to make it in a man's world it really was. I don't think that is the case any longer, but the backlash of that comes down on the generations after that and we left with that influence, realizing only now how it has affected both men AND women. I work with "career" women and although I have no children, I am a family oriented woman so it's kinda weird for me to be surrounded by women who make career their be all, end all.

As for short hair - I encourage men who complain about that to grow their hair long and get up every AM to style it whilst taking care of baby, work, professional development AND keeping in shape.

Once most of you start taking a really objective look at this, you might stop realizing how these things have affected our romantic relationships. Really listen to the men and women around you talk about their lives, don't just discuss it to impart your opinion.
 Thesumofallparts
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 272
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/3/2010 12:57:32 PM

When I hear a man use that word bells go off...he's divorced and a woman hater. I run!!!!!!!! I've learned never to date divorced men.


Yup, maturity and wisdom once again spews from honeyangel's keyboard
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 273
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/4/2010 1:05:36 AM
I think honeyangel has a point.

If I read anything on a guy's profile stating "no golddiggers" then I just pass him by. It is totally negative, and I avoid negative people like the plague. I don't want or need a man that is so worried about his money.

Quite frankly, if his money is so important, then he should make love to it instead. And when he is dying in the hospital, perhaps his money will come visit him in his last hours.

If these men think that all women are golddiggers, then perhaps they should just turn gay and date men.

Just my thoughts.

~crazyhorsewoman~
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 274
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/4/2010 6:27:44 AM
^^^^ With "love" like that I think I'll take the money instead.

Money never calls ones masculinity into question or hits below the belt.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 275
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:09:43 AM
Ok colonelingus, what would you suggest for those guys to do who are so worried about their money and view every woman as a potential gold digger?

And I did not intend to "calls ones masculinity into question or hits below the belt." My apologies, please forgive.

It was merely a suggestion because obviously he would feel less vulnerable with a man as a partner....but I guess he can always get a dog or cat as a companion too.

Do you not think that being coined a "golddigger" just because you are woman is an insult to our characters as women? Ya ya, I know there are a few that exist out there, but I'm sure the percentage is low.

Nevertheless, as soon as I hear that word, I'm gone as fast as a racehorse from the starting gate. So move outta my way or I'll kick like one too.

~crazyhorsewoman~
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Gold-digger is just a term men invented to