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 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 141
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
goodwitchbeth, it sounds like you have a great guy. Hang on to him.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 142
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 1:51:57 PM

Think Like A Man where he said on pages 26-28 something to the effect that men have created a certain mindset among women that if she expects him to pay for her drink, then she is automatically a golddigger, that women should expect a real man to do that, that because there are so many men out there who walked out on their families leaving women supporting their kids alone now women take pride in paying for things men should be "man enough" to pay for.

There's actually a huge flaw in his logic there, though. You can't say guys have to pay for drinks because other guys walk out on their kids. You can't pass a responsibility onto someone, even if they are man enough to handle it, just because other men with other women did this-and-that. That's really immature logic.

I wouldn't say a woman's a golddigger if she expects a guy to pay for *A* drink. But let's be honest here... it's not about A drink, it's about the bar tab. And the dinner tab. Such situations should be a treat, not a requirement. If a lady expects ALL of that as a requirement by default, she is at least a "bronze-digger", if not a silver-digger or gold-digger (yeah, I just came up with that).

But there are situations where a woman SHOULD "expect" a guy to virtually all tabs, etc. It's when the financially stable & fine guy knowingly is taking out a lady who's just getting by in life and has very little money.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 143
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:21:47 PM
But there are situations where a woman SHOULD "expect' a guy to virtually all tabs,etc. It's when the financially a stable & fine guy knowingly is taking out a lady who's just getting by in life and* has very little money*.


And the said (No Pride) woman knows the answers~~~ of what's the CATCH ??? on that generosity of that stable and fine guy. There are alot of men in that category,they buy the company of a woman + to appease their sexual hunger through good times like posh restaurant ,ect.. And when they got tired of these women they are thrown like a used rugs...

 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 151
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:50:04 PM

Then it must also be acceptable for men to cheat on women since it's "natural."


Sounds about right ~ if a man wants to cheat on me I only hope that he's discrete and doesn't bring home any "gifts"
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 155
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:58:59 PM
Of course it's acceptable or else prostitution wouldn't have been around forever

Someone is finding it acceptable and useful ~ Gregory House, for example
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 172
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:31:14 PM
These men that are whining about a Gold-digger are men with no personality, they invited a woman for a date ,pay $4.00 + drinks and if he can't get a score for that amount he'd be screaming high up to heaven 'Gold diggers !!!!! LOL.

To these Gigolo who hate Golddiggers get a great personality and get a life, .. Those good women is just around the corner but are not looking for Gigolos... It's as simple as that.

Water seeks its own level.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 173
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/9/2010 6:23:36 PM

Now that I consider it, in a Club, I would expect a man to buy drinks for me. That is how they show concrete evidence of their interest in me. Talk is cheap! Why should I hang around with a guy who won't spring? In a way, he is golddigging my time, because if he is not paying, he is monopolizing me and keeping me from meeting someone who may want to shower his attention on me! Really, I feel like the guy is a golddigger if he is not paying for BOTH of us!


so you are saying that a man gets to date you O.A.C.?



 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 176
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 6:31:31 AM
Thanks for your banter that offers little to the topic at hand


You are welcome, my comment though it stated as a banter is a big factor on the topic of golddiggers ,paying for drinks, Steve Harvey's book ,ect.. that diversify in to different subjects of man and woman..
My guide line on my comment is reading some argument of some Author here,and understand the way I percieve it.. Some men complained in POF forum on those women they dated that they are golddiger, it is their own will to pay for the woman drinks or food,the woman did n't put a gun on his head to pay for her meals or drinks so he can not say that he has no choice....... On the other hand , he is hoping that he can get a run on his money by getting a score on that woman. I repeat these men have no personality and no life. I am not speaking on theories but on experiences.

Men can play a savvy, upscale ,intelligent gentleman to his date,treat his date with hospitality that he can afford and enjoy their social event. Or act like a babboon complained "golddigger",because he didn't get to paw her intimate anatomy and appease his sexual urges,for treating her a dinner or c*cktail drinks.

Your comment is just one man opinion of my argument, and it doesn't bother me..
Actually ,there is no RIGHT and WRONG on people's commentaries, but some of it are impressive and some are not. Teenwolf, both of us did not lose anything,because I am not impressed of your comments. When a person argue for the sake of argument it lose the meaning of what it conveys ,it becomes a Blah Blah Blah...
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 180
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:22:29 AM
Meeting opposite sex is not really hard, when the rapport is already stablished through emails ,phone . Just be honest... One guy that I met (first time) through here, told me that we''ll dine at this certain casino near a nice lake. He sound like he doesn't have very much money to burn,so I offer and insisted I 'll bring the food and pop soda all he has to do is bring his hungry self at the lake. We have a nice time getting to know each other personally and enjoyed a good chat...


Ghostdog , high five!!!! I am impressed of your insight as a true gentleman.
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 186
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 8:10:11 AM

Best to just get the one on the corner. She'll tell you exactly how much she costs.


Exactly!!! That's my approach to guys who are only looking to get laid ~ go buy yourself some tail
 MonieLove_LovesU
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 188
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 8:17:57 AM
Bravo! Bravo! Well said, you have hit all the points in your posting and I enjoyed reading every bit of it...thanks for sharing your great insight....

MonieLove...
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 189
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 8:20:50 AM
Best to just get the one on the corner. She'll tell you exactly how much she costs.


If you are talking about that corner near the Red Light, she'll you tell that it is costly for an easy POP.
But that other corner she'll tell you it will cost you ~ your emotional commitment and devotion that is priceless.....
 MonieLove_LovesU
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 190
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 8:24:08 AM
Bravo...Well spoken! I enjoyed every word of your posting...and you've established your point quite well....With that, it sounds as if you have a winning relationship, one that only most of us will dream of having...and spend a life time searching for...therefore I say to you....Hold on to your loved one...and when and if you do hit a few bumps in the road.... retreat back to this posting and remind yourself how good it was and how good it could be again...allow your own words to heal whatever ripples that come about...Anyway...Great post...Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight....

MonieLove...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 194
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:54:38 PM

should know that women are HARD WIRED to be picky about a guy

That's cultural. It's because they have more options (that part has a biological root). Guys come up to them, not the other way around. It's the options that makes ANYONE more picky. Take for instance a famous guy. He's more picky about a girl he's going to genuinely date, just as a decent looking gal is going to be more picky about a guy she's going to date. They both have more easy-attainable options. Regular dudes have to "battle" for a decent option, because regular dudes don't have girls flocking to them at a bar or social event -- they are the ones flocking for it.
The real biological root is men are the ones who are superior physically, hence more able to protect, hunt, gather, etc., while the woman tends to the young, etc., hence the man "bringing home the bacon" and being the provider of goods & services. That's no longer the case in modern civilization, although our genetic inclinations still keep the cultural roots alive in that direction that some 'traditionalists' will still defend.
My point was not *A* drink, it was all bar tabs, all dinner tabs at all times. That's cultural. If we were in a dog-eat-dog-world w/o any real civlization, yes, that would be something more fitting and natural in THAT environment. But we're not in that environment anymore. And women are not children or pets.

if you have any inclination towards having her see you again romantically and not 'friend zone you' you should be picking up that tab

My argument was that it's not a requirement, but a treat. And it's all about attitude. If a woman sees it as "I EXPECT a guy to pay. You always pay for all my sh!t buster if you want even a chance with me", and feels she has an -entitlement- lol -- bye bye -- she's dropped like a rock. :) It's about the attitude. If a guy asks to TAKE a lady out, of course he should pay -- it was because HE asked to TAKE her out.

There are alot of men in that category,they buy the company of a woman + to appease their sexual hunger through good times like posh restaurant ,ect

My example there was not about a rich guy and a regular lady. The focus was the woman can't afford much at all, and scrapes by paycheck to paycheck as it is, and the guy is doing just fine. Hence, if the guy and the girl are going to Olive Garden, it should be expected in that situation, when they both -know- their financial situations (or he assumes hers is not great), that he's paying for it. If a rich lady is taking out the pool boy who makes $8/hr part time, same thing, in that case, it's expected she's paying. In that case, it's about feasibility of even BEING ABLE to go out at ALL to a more expensive place when only one person is able to afford it knowingly, ya know? Not about financing one's life though -- just about particular situations.

Not every 'gold-digger' is out looking for guys that make $500K/year... some just are fine with getting a guy to pay for their water bill or every little utility/incidental that comes along.

That's just a replacement of bling-bling with household bills & general finances. The motive/world-viewpoint is exactly the same, it's "being taken care of", like a pet or child. But gold is too strong a word in that case, I say. A bronze or silver-digger, depending on the level of wants & needs.

If they don't like these gold diggers, why do they keep chasing them?

I think some mingle in a demographic where they run into too many, yes... but as far as the FORUMS are concerned, they aren't chasing the women like that, they're just arguing against them on here. :) That's what the forums are for, right?? ;)
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 195
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:07:58 PM

but as far as the FORUMS are concerned, they aren't chasing the women like that, they're just arguing against them on here.

Actually, *many* of the guys on here argue that "women are golddiggers"--not just that golddiggers exist, but that normal, everyday women ARE golddiggers because they "allow" the man to pay for dinner, or, more infamously, coffee. Also, it is regularly implied that all women are prostituting themselves by allowing men to buy their coffee.

Not very many HUMAN BEINGS think a"golddigger" is a stellar person. I think the wealthy men who actually GET golddiggers treat their relationships as they do any other business transaction: they figure they're paying to have a beautiful woman on their arms. Isn't it funny (not) that there is not term for THOSE MEN? Only the women in this mutually-agreed-upon transaction are negatively termed. Ferrrry interestink.
 Toodlez
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 200
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:17:45 PM
It depends on the situation. Optimally it would go unspoken that who ever is paying gets paid for next time, or whoever is "hosting" pays. For example, if I take her to my favorite restaurant, I pay, and next week when we go to see the sequel to her favorite movie, she pays.

I'm more likely to pay if the woman acts like she doesn't want me to. I had one date where she outright expected me to pay - I sucked it up and blew fifty bucks just to never call her again. Worst part was, it was a movie she wanted to see and dinner at a place catering to vegetarians, so it was devoid of protein and hot sauce, which is all I really want for any meal.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 203
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:45:05 AM

A bronze or silver-digger, depending on the level of wants & needs.

Oh great, just what we need more derogatory terms.....

Actually, a financially distraught guy or girl expecting the opposite sex to pay for their bills in order to date is being derogatory, IMO. If someone sees it as an entitlement to be taken care of in life (different metals = different levels), then a label should be had that sounds as silly as their expectations, right? :)

The only reason we think it belongs to females is because men have MADE it that way.

Well a Sugar Daddy would have a Golddigger. And guys can be gold-diggers, but there are far few dudes looking for rich women (see pool boy example). However, I do think it's growing, with young guys going after cougars! :)
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 208
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:58:45 AM

Now I was a perfect husband and father for 26 years and when I got sick and couldnt work and had no money, my bible thumping wife threw me out for someone else. All women have a price.

You were "perfect"? Wow. I'd like to get a second opinion on THAT, perhaps from your ex-wife.

It's not the money.
You are misassigning motives of females, based on YOUR value system.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 210
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:48:22 AM

I've done my own on here - sex gets most men everytime......but men are not only after one thing right? At least that is what I try to see, but when I see posts about gold diggers, well it automatically makes me think about the men and sex equation.

Well, it's not the ONLY thing they're going after. But if a guy comes across a profile of a woman who's showing some leg and bikini and saying they like sex, yeah -- that scores them mega-brownie points in many guys' eyes, obviously with sex-only guys regardless of how it's portrayed, and among more good catches if it's done in a tasteful way, too. Same goes for a guy with a boat & fancy car pics. Even normal ladies will be more likely to respond, and yes, gold-diggers will be drooling in that case. In either case, both are valuable commodities for most, right? :)

Any man showing off his money on his profile is a turn-off to me.

Well, depends what you mean by showing off, in terms of you being in line with the common populace. I can see how that would intimidate or even turn off some women, but a mere showing it w/o coming across as a braggart, will draw in many women. I think it'd be hasty to turn away from a guy just because he has a pic of his sailboat or car in his profile, right? Wouldn't it depend on what he said in his profile?

One poster on here asked where I kept seeing men calling women gold diggers. Well, they may skirt around it by saying "women are only after money", but they are still saying it.

Yeah, there are bitter, jaded guys out there who think most women are just after money. For some low-income guys that's partially true, as most women want men who are more financially settled, but aren't necessarily gold-diggers at all. And also, knowing that standard Janes will gravitate toward the guy with some bling vs guy without any, all other things being equal. But the same can be said for attractiveness on both sides of the gender coin, too. Just bitterness.

However, I will say this: I saw one post about a poster saying he hasn't seen guys calling women-gold-diggers -just because- she LETS him pay for dinner or coffee. That part I agree with -- I've never seen a post say or imply that, although I'm sure one could dig one up by a crackpot somewhere if one researched the threads long enough.
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 212
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:43:54 AM
What the hell? Why cant people be evaluated as a package? If your attracted to someone for thier looks your shallow, if you attracted by the finanicial prolisness your a gold digger, if your attracted by their humor/personalty your board and need to be entertained. Maybe this is just the cold hard engineer in me but I personaly just rate people and who ever get the highest score wins

looks (1-30)
money (1-20)
humor (1-10)
intillectual (1-10)
chemistry (1-10)
honesty/trust (1-30)
-------------------------
 ironman333
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 221
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:29:26 AM
I don’t understand whats with all the expectations?! When both people get together there should be no expectations what so ever. If two people go to dinner or movie woman or man should not sit back and expect anything to be given to them. You are there to get to know each other and not to get something for free. If a guy offers to pay then great but if not then pay for your own meal like a grown person you are.

Instead pay attention more to things like, did he open a door for you, did he tell you nice things, was he on time, was he polite. That’s the things to look for in a partner. Money part should only come in when two people live together and that’s when two people should talk about who pays for what 50/50. Until then both people are grown ups and both should be able to pay for themselves and not get offended just because you did not get free meal. There are tons of other qualities to look for besides who paid for what.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 228
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:49:11 PM

There is a whole lot of people out there that use the whole "I'm a victim" mentality to justify what they do, and to some extent convincing yourself that it was all their fault because they are a gold-digger is playing the victim.

Yeah, there are people who will say a woman's a gold-digger when it comes to things falling apart. They'll call her a cheater when she's not really, a liar when she's not really, a b!tch when she's not really... and yes, gold-digger when she's not really.

But the terminology isn't about failed relationships. Or necessarily a girl not interested when approaching her. That's a whole different subject which "gold digger" is just one term among just about anything negative hastily used.

It's not about laying claim to "victim", it's about whether it's OKAY for a woman to be entitled to free food and drink if a guy and girl are going to give it a chance to interact on a potential dating level. I wouldn't say a woman desiring a guy to pay for a first date, or even "usually pay" or "pay for most of the bills on dates" is gold-digging, if it's not glamorous in it's way and it's more of a standard cultural norm in dates had, and not anything to financially ooh and ahh about.

But I think it's the entitlement that affects people. If a lady expects a guy to finance things for her, from dates to living expenses, from an entitlement point of view, OR out on the chase for someone who can do that specifically for her, she's a "gold-digger". Even if her needs aren't grand. It goes beyond a same-old-same-old courting process where the guy picks up 90%+ of the bill or 90%+ of the bills... it's about being taken care of like kid or pet.

I think guys can be weary of said women, so if they demand a guy to buy them a drink to arrogantly "give them a chance to talk with me", then he'll hastily call her one -- making an assumption that may be right, may be wrong (but it carries the same attitude as a classic 'gold digger').
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 233
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:42:27 AM

Since most women can pay for their own way, why does the fact that he pays for her impress her?

Women who groan at the thought of a split bill on any date of any situation, would think these 3 things, with probably one of them being their own strongest focus:
- "it makes her feel special"
- "shows he can be a provider"
- "it shows he's not cheap"

Any azzhole can pay for a meal (well not any), but there are smaller actions which show what kind of a person he is.

Yeah, I think they know that too. I think a lot of women (AND men) don't really know WHY -- they just do it. It's culture. There's already expectations on a certain "safe mode" level in the world of engaging with the opposite sex. Nobody wants to rock the boat. I think when anyone sits down and thinks about it -- yes, it has nothing to do with whether he's an azzhole or not. That's just a front.

When you really look at the situation, in today's day and age -- yeah, it's silly that there is a set standard of "general rules", applying to everyone -- women who are poor to women who are rich, and the same for men.

I think a forum discussion is good, because it will make people think about the topic more. The more you think about it, the more odd it seems when it comes to a guy and a girl who are both in the working world, when it comes to "man always pays if it's a date-like setting, even if he didn't chase her or ask to treat her to dinner". IMO, there's nothing wrong with playing along with the oddities of culture, but taking a pit-stop in the forums to roll your eyes about it. :)
 Ron429
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 236
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:51:01 AM
Yeah, GoSunset has it correct. I recently almost married one until she was demanding a marquis cut, 2 carats, internallyflawless, and about 12-15K on local markets. My sisters reminded me that if she was truly in love with me she should have been happy with whatever a man was offering. (Her reason was that she did not want to be embarrassed by "stepping down" in front of her children). There were multiple other indications, such as telling me what to do with my real estate, IRA, etc. etc. Hey, I dodged a bullet, but you learn from such an experience with these ****es.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 237
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/29/2010 10:58:58 AM

So here's the question that needs answering the gold diggers.

if you gals want the man with money and such...how many of you ladies once your man gives you some money that you are digging for do the womanly things?

cooking for him, cleaning his house, washing his clothes and having sex with him whenever he wants it?

I mean if i'm gonna be paying for a gal to improve her quality of life, then I expect my money to give me a good return for my investment...



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