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 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 208
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 9 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Now I was a perfect husband and father for 26 years and when I got sick and couldnt work and had no money, my bible thumping wife threw me out for someone else. All women have a price.

You were "perfect"? Wow. I'd like to get a second opinion on THAT, perhaps from your ex-wife.

It's not the money.
You are misassigning motives of females, based on YOUR value system.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 209
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:00:43 AM
Viking - aren't those little tests fun? I've done my own on here - sex gets most men everytime......but men are not only after one thing right? At least that is what I try to see, but when I see posts about gold diggers, well it automatically makes me think about the men and sex equation.

Sorry to tell you this, but most men who think they are the perfect husband usually are not satisfying their wife in the bedroom department. So she is unsatisfied, so starts shopping to fill the void. I'm not saying this is the case, but I've seen it many times.


<div class="quote">So I didn't change anything in my profile, but I did add a picture of me as a doctor, a picture of a sport car and sailboat.

As I've said before, any man either bragging or whining about money loses my interest. A man telling me he wants to retire in Paris doesn't interest me, it kinda freaks me out because I'm not sure I can afford to do that. See how I automatically think about my $$ in that scenario. But I guess that matters little because the women that most men want or end up with are always the ones who are after money right? Any man showing off his money on his profile is a turn-off to me.

Most of you need to also realize that how we were raised and the type of men that were around us has alot to do with this whole issue.

I guess as someone who has never been married, never really had biological parents who spoiled her, I am very aware that no man is going to "save me" or "take care of me". My family has never been a rich family. When I say I want a man to take care of me, I want him to be there when I need him - which sadly most have not been for me as yet. I cannot seem to find a man that I am attracted to and who is attracted to me who is stronger than me emotionally.

One poster on here asked where I kept seeing men calling women gold diggers. Well, they may skirt around it by saying "women are only after money", but they are still saying it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 210
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:48:22 AM

I've done my own on here - sex gets most men everytime......but men are not only after one thing right? At least that is what I try to see, but when I see posts about gold diggers, well it automatically makes me think about the men and sex equation.

Well, it's not the ONLY thing they're going after. But if a guy comes across a profile of a woman who's showing some leg and bikini and saying they like sex, yeah -- that scores them mega-brownie points in many guys' eyes, obviously with sex-only guys regardless of how it's portrayed, and among more good catches if it's done in a tasteful way, too. Same goes for a guy with a boat & fancy car pics. Even normal ladies will be more likely to respond, and yes, gold-diggers will be drooling in that case. In either case, both are valuable commodities for most, right? :)

Any man showing off his money on his profile is a turn-off to me.

Well, depends what you mean by showing off, in terms of you being in line with the common populace. I can see how that would intimidate or even turn off some women, but a mere showing it w/o coming across as a braggart, will draw in many women. I think it'd be hasty to turn away from a guy just because he has a pic of his sailboat or car in his profile, right? Wouldn't it depend on what he said in his profile?

One poster on here asked where I kept seeing men calling women gold diggers. Well, they may skirt around it by saying "women are only after money", but they are still saying it.

Yeah, there are bitter, jaded guys out there who think most women are just after money. For some low-income guys that's partially true, as most women want men who are more financially settled, but aren't necessarily gold-diggers at all. And also, knowing that standard Janes will gravitate toward the guy with some bling vs guy without any, all other things being equal. But the same can be said for attractiveness on both sides of the gender coin, too. Just bitterness.

However, I will say this: I saw one post about a poster saying he hasn't seen guys calling women-gold-diggers -just because- she LETS him pay for dinner or coffee. That part I agree with -- I've never seen a post say or imply that, although I'm sure one could dig one up by a crackpot somewhere if one researched the threads long enough.
 vikingpatrick
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 211
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:17:24 AM
Ah Cassago and wild heart,

Now you both bring up the sex cut, but I didnt bleed.
You both proved my other point that all you think of is sex and how can you get money for it.....
And you never have beens are giving advice!

Maybe the sex was the only thing that kept me in her marriage?
It was, she told me, so as usual, you females are wrong, sorry, its just another thing you have no clue about.

I have a feeling you see your selves in my comments. As I say, if the cellulite fits, wear it!
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 212
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:43:54 AM
What the hell? Why cant people be evaluated as a package? If your attracted to someone for thier looks your shallow, if you attracted by the finanicial prolisness your a gold digger, if your attracted by their humor/personalty your board and need to be entertained. Maybe this is just the cold hard engineer in me but I personaly just rate people and who ever get the highest score wins

looks (1-30)
money (1-20)
humor (1-10)
intillectual (1-10)
chemistry (1-10)
honesty/trust (1-30)
-------------------------
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 213
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:09:36 PM
Well, it's not the ONLY thing they're going after. But if a guy comes across a profile of a woman who's showing some leg and bikini and saying they like sex, yeah -- that scores them mega-brownie points in many guys' eyes, obviously with sex-only guys regardless of how it's portrayed, and among more good catches if it's done in a tasteful way, too. Same goes for a guy with a boat & fancy car pics. Even normal ladies will be more likely to respond, and yes, gold-diggers will be drooling in that case. In either case, both are valuable commodities for most, right? :)


I don't disagree with you at all and I have no problem with the fact that men go after sex more readily than women. I don't care about that anymore, I just let it slide. I only bring it up because it annoys men; just as threads about the ongoing mighty dollar annoy some of us women. Who wants a man who doesn't like sex? I sure don't LOL. Viking totally misunderstood my point obviously.

As for what he had on his profile, I dunno - the pics of a fancy car, boat etc really do kinda turn me away because I've met men who do have money and I really couldn't relate to them, so perhaps I'm just judging but hey at least I'm not gold digging right?! LOL. Perhaps it is the fact that he has to show these items in his profile comes across him possibly being a braggart and all about the toys type. But you are right, it would depend on several factors for me - age and what is in his profile.


And also, knowing that standard Janes will gravitate toward the guy with some bling vs guy without any, all other things being equal. But the same can be said for attractiveness on both sides of the gender coin, too.


And I don't have a problem with this. People are gonna date who they are gonna date. Complaining about it ain't gonna help, seeking answers will though.

Posts like yours are interesting and not bitter and they are the ones I enjoy reading because one could actually learn something about the opposite sex. But when a post is littered with negativity and bitterness, how can I be expected to WANT to learn or even listen? I guess that is one of the biggest points we are trying to get across.

As we struggle with the changing world and how it affects our male/female relationships, we should all understand that these changes are not easy.
 1honestfrenchman
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 215
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:16:48 PM
For most (NOT ALL) women, that's all you ever look for. It wouldn't matter to them if the guy was absolutely perfect for them they still couldn't see it because they're blinded by how much cash he potentially has or makes. IMO, I would like to meet a women that actually made more than I did just so that I would know she wasn't looking at how much I made. In the end, money is just paper and is shouldn't have anything to do with the attraction between them.
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 216
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:36:10 PM
Frenchman.... consider this:

For most (NOT ALL) men, looks is all you ever look for. It wouldn't matter to them if the woman was absolutely perfect for them they still couldn't see it because they're blinded by how she looks in a bikini. In the end, looks fade, we all get old, and it shouldn't have anything to do with the attraction between them.

See... looks, money, status, fame, popularity, hair, no hair, green eyes, blue eyes...

Everyone is entitled to their preferences and it is really no one else's business what makes person A want to be with person B.
 breeze1978
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 217
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/17/2010 8:52:19 PM
Try Estabished men.com ,,,Rich Men .com there are all kinds of people out there lol.
 GGarbo
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 218
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/20/2010 5:41:17 PM
I'd agree with it.

I'm rubber, you are glue, what bounces off me, sticks to you.

People tend to criticize what they fear in themselves. So if someone is fearing a gold digger, they are really fearing themselves because if they were not one, it wouldn't enter their mind so easily.

I've had lots of guys who ended up relying on me more than I relied on them. I'm responsible and giving. Even after that, it still doesn't occur to me this is how people naturally act because its not how I naturally act.

...so I don't run around calling men gold diggers. I just say, finding an independent functional man without a giant chip on his shoulder caused by his own actions...isn't easy.
 Fishingexperiment
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 219
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:24:52 PM
I'm old school. I grew up and dated in a time when men paid for everything on a date, and a woman would respond by providing a home cooked meal (not sex). To date, I have never gone Dutch with a man (although I've hardly dated in the past 35 years). I would NEVER pay on a date with a man. If he is asking me out, then he pays. I definitely cannot afford to pay and wouldn't open myself to that debt. I'd rather not go out.

Having said that, I have paid all my own expenses my entire life, plus brought up a wonderful daughter single handedly on my own without any financial help from anybody.

World wide single parents (divorced, etc) have the least financial resources. And world wide, single men have the most financial resources. I guess they can afford to date. I cannot.
 ironman333
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 221
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:29:26 AM
I don’t understand whats with all the expectations?! When both people get together there should be no expectations what so ever. If two people go to dinner or movie woman or man should not sit back and expect anything to be given to them. You are there to get to know each other and not to get something for free. If a guy offers to pay then great but if not then pay for your own meal like a grown person you are.

Instead pay attention more to things like, did he open a door for you, did he tell you nice things, was he on time, was he polite. That’s the things to look for in a partner. Money part should only come in when two people live together and that’s when two people should talk about who pays for what 50/50. Until then both people are grown ups and both should be able to pay for themselves and not get offended just because you did not get free meal. There are tons of other qualities to look for besides who paid for what.
 2ears1mouth
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 222
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:03:34 AM
Remember that where people stand usually depends upon where they sit. I would suspect the guy is so rich he could use $100 bills to wipe his ass, and just wants to eliminate some of the competition.

Some women who have liked me enough have insisted on paying their tab, buying a drink for me every now and again, etc., even though they made less money than me. Probably because they didn't want to feel "bought" (i.e., a ho). And there have been others who were rather feminist, but didn't mind me picking up the tab because they made a lot less money than I. Everybody and every situation is different.

I just do what feels right to me for the situation.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 223
Gold Digger is becoming more an excuse.
Posted: 1/21/2010 8:06:20 AM
The term gold-digger is becoming more of an extinct term anyway. It is us men that becoming the underachievers in relationships!


"It's been dubbed "The Rise of Wives" — an increasingly common shift in gender roles where women are better educated and bigger wage earners than their husbands.

And in Florida, experts say the phenomenon is likely intensified by a growth-based economy where construction-type jobs traditionally held by men have been devastated by the recession.

As of 2007, 22 percent of men nationally brought home a smaller paycheck than their wives. That's up from 4 percent in 1970, according to a Pew Research Center report released Tuesday that measured the proliferation of working wives over the past 40 years.

"The shift has been under way for a while but the recession has exacerbated it because a lot of the jobs lost were held by men," said Tanya Koropeckyj-Cox, an associate professor in sociology at the University of Florida. "Women, in some cases happily, in other cases reluctantly, are stepping in to take their places as the more stable source of income."

In 1970, according to the report, 28 percent of wives had husbands who were better educated than they were. By 2007, just 19 percent of wives reported that their husbands were better educated. In both years, about 50 percent of the couples reported equal educations.

"You have women who are much more likely to be college graduates while for men it's becoming less and less likely and that's the real issue. What in the world is happening there?" said David Denslow, an economics professor at the University of Florida.

In 2007, about 56 percent of the full-time students in Florida's public universities were female. Last year, 60 percent of students graduating with a bachelor's degree from a public Florida university were female.

Also:

Marriage Reportedly Benefits Men More Than Women
Pew Research Center: Men Marrying Women More Educated, Financially Secure

Historically, marriage was the surest route to financial security for women. Nowadays it's men who are increasingly getting the biggest economic boost from tying the knot, according to a new analysis of census data.

The changes, summarized in a Pew Research Center report being released Tuesday, reflect the proliferation of working wives over the past 40 years — a period in which American women outpaced men in both education and earnings growth. A larger share of today's men, compared with their 1970 counterparts, are married to women whose education and income exceed their own, and a larger share of women are married to men with less education and income.

"From an economic perspective, these trends have contributed to a gender role reversal in the gains from marriage," wrote the report's authors, Richard Fry and D'Vera Cohn.

"In the past, when relatively few wives worked, marriage enhanced the economic status of women more than that of men. In recent decades, however, the economic gains associated with marriage have been greater for men."

One barometer is median household income — which rose 60 percent between 1970 and 2007 for married men, married women and unmarried women, but only 16 percent for unmarried men, according to the Pew data.
 Big Byoo-Tox
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 224
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/21/2010 10:07:54 AM
I don't know exactly how much i agree. There is a whole lot of people out there that use the whole "I'm a victim" mentality to justify what they do, and to some extent convincing yourself that it was all their fault because they are a gold-digger is playing the victim.
I think for the most part a lot of guys try to pay for everything with the idea that they're providing and being manly, which in itself isn't entirely a bad thing, but then when the relationship starts to die a lot of them start playing the "she was a gold-digger" card as a justification behind an unhealthy relationship. There is a lot of people who don't contribute as much to a relationship as their partner, and i'm not saying that there aren't true gold-diggers out there, but when you insist on paying for everything all the time and then refer to your partner as a gold-digger it's just kinda hipocritical.
Gold-digger is just another pissy thing we can complain about when things don't make us happy, cause not a lot of people say "my girlfriend is gold-digger, and boy howdy don't i love her for it"
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 225
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:48:16 AM
^^^^ 100% correct. Hindsight is... easy to revise. Gift one day is... 'she stole from me' the next. Or, I paid for dinner and she didn't have sex with me... technically I can't call her a whore but I will grab at some other demeaning title.
 cmdrfunk
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 226
view profile
History
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/22/2010 7:56:50 AM
Women like men with resources.

Men primarily want to know "is she hot."



Can we stop pretending this needs discussed or analyzed?

No matter how much you disagree with the ways of the world, they won't change. Men don't go about womens careers or if they're successful really. They want to know if she's hot. Women are more lenient about looks and much more demanding of other aspects like resource allocation.

How you get to be 30+ and haven't accepted this stuff I won't ever know.

Stop trying to change the world and start changing yourself to adapt to the world. Even retarded michael jackson had a song about that.



I just saw THIS today somewhere else, which is a good summary. This isn't exactly new but apparently 10 pages of thread are needed for such a simple subject anyway.




Sorry, but this is the biggest lie ever to be floated out by the 'Today's Woman' crowd. Men could care less what a woman earns or what she does to earn it - it's simply not a factor in attraction for us - we don't take a woman's status or wealth into consideration, all she has to be is hot. That is a guy's one condition for intimacy, physical attraction. She's gotta be hot - whether she makes six figures or is in the pit of poverty is irrelevant in attraction. Oprah and Star Jones' husbands still have to get aroused, and all the money in the world wont be any better an aphrodesiac.

Status, wealth and the other rewards that result from 'professional' life are conditions women have for men in attraction. That's not to discount men being physically attractive or other conditions, but women have far more conditions for their intimacy than men, and these conditions are predicated on characteristics that prove a man as a good provider for her and any future offspring's security. These male characteristics (or sometimes just the prospects of a man attaining them) are defined by women as having value and are therefore attractive. Attractive enough to make a man with these qualities one to be competed over with other women.

Women in the professional realm would like the conditions for attraction to be predicated upon their professional status (wealth), individual merit and/or aspects their personal integrity, and a whole list of esoteric qualities, but they still fight against men's basic impulses - she's-go-to-be-hot! If a woman is attractive a man is more than happy to have her foot the bill regardless of comparative incomes, it's just icing on the cake for us, but this is analogous to a woman who marries a rich guy who also happens to be good looking. Professional women would love to change that rule to fit their capacity to fulfill it; they know on some instinctive level that time is their enemy so attempting to alter the game of attraction to suit their ability is a natural deduction.

The 'Today's Woman' crowd love to use this pseudo-fear that men are expected to have in response as to why guy's ought to be ashamed of themselves for basing their attraction of the physical by blaming it on 'men's fragile egoes' or how they 'feel threatened by professional women'. It comes down to an expectation and entitlement from their 'professionalism' that men should redefine their own attraction based on what women find attractive in the masculine.

The ideology then grinds it's teeth at the men 'qualified' to date professional women for having a tendency to hit on women far younger, less 'powerful' and (surprise) generally in much better physical shape than the 'professional' they should be dating. For this they're called 'infantile', 'immature', or the behavior is regarded as a character flaw, or a desire to relive his youth with a 'trophy wife' - interesting that this term should come from the same faction to complain about the evils of objectifying women. All the man is doing is following his primary impulse, she has to be hot!

As most women bemoan, men have a tendency to see women as sex objects in attraction. Women have a tendency to see men as success objects. The problem with this 'professional woman' mythology is that professional women want to be success objects, but nature keeps confounding their efforts.

Now, all of that said, if a woman's choice is to enter the public realm and pursue a career in the same fashion that men have for years, more power to her. Great, you go girl, so long as they understand the responsibilities and liabilities of doing so. They should also thoughroughly understand that men will define what is attractive for them, not women, professional or otherwise.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 227
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:15:12 AM
So here's the question that needs answering the gold diggers.

if you gals want the man with money and such...how many of you ladies once your man gives you some money that you are digging for do the womanly things?

cooking for him, cleaning his house, washing his clothes and having sex with him whenever he wants it?

I mean if i'm gonna be paying for a gal to improve her quality of life, then I expect my money to give me a good return for my investment...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 228
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/22/2010 12:49:11 PM

There is a whole lot of people out there that use the whole "I'm a victim" mentality to justify what they do, and to some extent convincing yourself that it was all their fault because they are a gold-digger is playing the victim.

Yeah, there are people who will say a woman's a gold-digger when it comes to things falling apart. They'll call her a cheater when she's not really, a liar when she's not really, a b!tch when she's not really... and yes, gold-digger when she's not really.

But the terminology isn't about failed relationships. Or necessarily a girl not interested when approaching her. That's a whole different subject which "gold digger" is just one term among just about anything negative hastily used.

It's not about laying claim to "victim", it's about whether it's OKAY for a woman to be entitled to free food and drink if a guy and girl are going to give it a chance to interact on a potential dating level. I wouldn't say a woman desiring a guy to pay for a first date, or even "usually pay" or "pay for most of the bills on dates" is gold-digging, if it's not glamorous in it's way and it's more of a standard cultural norm in dates had, and not anything to financially ooh and ahh about.

But I think it's the entitlement that affects people. If a lady expects a guy to finance things for her, from dates to living expenses, from an entitlement point of view, OR out on the chase for someone who can do that specifically for her, she's a "gold-digger". Even if her needs aren't grand. It goes beyond a same-old-same-old courting process where the guy picks up 90%+ of the bill or 90%+ of the bills... it's about being taken care of like kid or pet.

I think guys can be weary of said women, so if they demand a guy to buy them a drink to arrogantly "give them a chance to talk with me", then he'll hastily call her one -- making an assumption that may be right, may be wrong (but it carries the same attitude as a classic 'gold digger').
 baron1914
Joined: 1/13/2010
Msg: 229
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:34:10 PM
To me the term "Gold Digger" means a user plain and simple. If a woman was wanting to get together with me strictly to leech off of me, dig into my assets or bank account this would indicate to me that she does not give a flip about me at all but rather the things i have which would be sad.

Technically i do not see gold diggers as being any different then illegal immigrants leeching off of taxpayer's money, Section 8 people leeching off of the goverment or druggers drugging all day without having the initiative to go out and get a job.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 230
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:43:21 AM
Can we stop pretending this needs discussed or analyzed?
No matter how much you disagree with the ways of the world, they won't change. Men don't go about womens careers or if they're successful really. They want to know if she's hot. Women are more lenient about looks and much more demanding of other aspects like resource allocation.

Stop trying to change the world and start changing yourself to adapt to the world.


I agree with some of this. While I think things have changed slightly and moreso for some people (some women learned that money isn't the be all end all, while some still seek only that), I think it still works this way. I guess what gets me is that people come on here, b*tch and moan about stuff yet don't change their ways. When I started complaining about something in my "dating realm", I changed something.

Like I always suggest to men: Stop spending money on women, stop emailing them - just STOP. See what happens, ya know.

And I agree with some of the men above. Men don't start out being bitter or not spending money on women. Think back to when you were younger. Most men could care less about money - they were proud to spend their paycheck on their girlfriend - it came from a good place. Problem is people take advantage of generosity. Not all parents talk to their kids about dating and when one was raised by a certain generation, it makes it even harder.

Women don't start out being bitter at men for "using them for sex" either.

It's time that both sexes take responsibility for their weak part in these situations. No man can use me for sex since I am the one who gives my consent; no woman can use a man for money since he is the one who spends the money.

And remember: Everyone likes the person who buys the round of drinks. He is everyone's buddy.
 ShrimpScampi
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 231
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/28/2010 11:45:43 AM
goodwitchbeth
i could not agree with you more. very well spoken. and i do the exact same...wish more women were ladies and more men were gentlemen, we would have a much better society. frankly, i would be embarassed if i were a man taking a woman to dinner and sat there while she took out her wallet to pay hers. also, i have many gentlemen friends who are just friends, and they always pay. they always invite. they know i am a single mom and would not feel right asking me to pay for a dime. i dated a guy once who was cheap and we always went to parks, once a picnic, and he let me pay for the chicken we got at the store. then he came over and suggested we go to the mall to eat...food court...seperate checks. we went to a regular rest. the total was twenty bucks and he wanted to split it. oh we split it and then i split. i will not go the rest of my life with a cheapskate. i am worth more.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 232
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/28/2010 1:53:00 PM
I don’t understand whats with all the expectations?! When both people get together there should be no expectations what so ever. If two people go to dinner or movie woman or man should not sit back and expect anything to be given to them. You are there to get to know each other and not to get something for free. If a guy offers to pay then great but if not then pay for your own meal like a grown person you are.

Instead pay attention more to things like, did he open a door for you, did he tell you nice things, was he on time, was he polite. That’s the things to look for in a partner. Money part should only come in when two people live together and that’s when two people should talk about who pays for what 50/50. Until then both people are grown ups and both should be able to pay for themselves and not get offended just because you did not get free meal. There are tons of other qualities to look for besides who paid for what.


This is exactly what I look at. Since most women can pay for their own way, why does the fact that he pays for her impress her? Any azzhole can pay for a meal (well not any), but there are smaller actions which show what kind of a person he is. For example, does he answer his phone, does he text, does he chew with mouth closed, how does he speak about his friends and loved ones etc., etc. 50/50 is just easier today than to have to deal with bitter men and for men to have to deal with greedy women. This way everyone is satisfied. And if a man wants that hot princess, he will probably HAVE to pay. Depends what one wants.

And yes, once a man and woman have been out a few times, it is appreciated by most women that he pays, but since alot of men on these forums talk differently than they act when on a date (most end up paying), they have only resulted in making everyone feel bad and stupid on a date. Congrats.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 233
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:42:27 AM

Since most women can pay for their own way, why does the fact that he pays for her impress her?

Women who groan at the thought of a split bill on any date of any situation, would think these 3 things, with probably one of them being their own strongest focus:
- "it makes her feel special"
- "shows he can be a provider"
- "it shows he's not cheap"

Any azzhole can pay for a meal (well not any), but there are smaller actions which show what kind of a person he is.

Yeah, I think they know that too. I think a lot of women (AND men) don't really know WHY -- they just do it. It's culture. There's already expectations on a certain "safe mode" level in the world of engaging with the opposite sex. Nobody wants to rock the boat. I think when anyone sits down and thinks about it -- yes, it has nothing to do with whether he's an azzhole or not. That's just a front.

When you really look at the situation, in today's day and age -- yeah, it's silly that there is a set standard of "general rules", applying to everyone -- women who are poor to women who are rich, and the same for men.

I think a forum discussion is good, because it will make people think about the topic more. The more you think about it, the more odd it seems when it comes to a guy and a girl who are both in the working world, when it comes to "man always pays if it's a date-like setting, even if he didn't chase her or ask to treat her to dinner". IMO, there's nothing wrong with playing along with the oddities of culture, but taking a pit-stop in the forums to roll your eyes about it. :)
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 234
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:58:52 AM
^^^I prefer a man to start paying once we get to know each other better. Then it is being done FOR me the person, not me the possible "paramour".

Cheap doesn't show itself simply because he doesn't pay. I've met some really cheap men who did pay for the first date, but ended up showing their cheap colors later.

As for making it a forum topic for learning, well I learned how men feel about this eons ago (in the 90's actually!) so I'm not sure why it keeps coming up. Maybe we keep seeing new people in here who haven't really thought about it yet?

If a man insists on paying and I'm interested, I let him pay - if I'm not sure I like 50/50. Many men feel happy and proud to pay (granted some may be trying to get her into bed or be in her favour), but some just "like" to do it. It doesn't matter either way to me because paying for me won't make a man win my favour OR get me into bed.
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