Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  >      Home login  
Joined: 5/23/2012
Msg: 55
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or PsychopathPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
People who are narcissistic have almost same characteristics as psychopaths; the major difference is lack of crime in their psychological makeup .
Try to read "Without Conscience" by Robert Hare and it should you help escape the situation.
Good luck
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 56
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/17/2012 4:54:32 PM
A lot of people are saying to do things for, volunteering, etc. I'd take it a step further. It sounds to me like you have the female version of the male "nice guy" syndrome, and meatbags like your ex prey on that. Basically, you're TOO nice. Try to be a bit more selfish....bring out your inner ****iness. Stop putting up with the bullsh*ters in your everyday life, and start saying "no" more often. Try getting what you want, and dont' stop until you have it.

I don't mean become a full-blown narcissistic psychopath...I mean it in the same way that Obama sometimes needs to act a BIT more like George W. Bush.
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 57
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/2/2012 8:25:20 AM
This is a sad fact but some people are born with the neurotransmitters in their brains not working properly and some just really don't give a damn about others feelings but we can't help who we fall for and we'll always make excuses for their behavior. I don't think a sociopath says to himself I am glad I was born this way if that is the case just like a person born with no arms or legs they most likely are not saying glad I was born this way a sociopath might be missing components not wired properly.
Joined: 7/21/2012
Msg: 58
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:52:35 AM
^ Met a guy like this. He actually did know he was a sociopath, just did not admit it until later. He somewhat had to, as I was calling him out on certain traits & behaviors. It ( according to him ) has been an issue since being a child. His parents were told he had * anger issues * and Sociopathic tendencies. He did some weird shit I tell ya ~ and into about month 3 was when it was becoming clear. That is what is SO difficult with these people, is because everyone can have some signs of these * types * but are not clinically whacked. This guy I met ? Was !!! It was very, very sad. I actually liked him a lot. SIDE of him. But the things he has done in his past and was still doing? Yikes !!!

We make excuses for behavior because we do not know ( at the time ) if it is really a Clinical issue or not. I can handle some mistakes, and I can handle some issues. I cannot handle major insanity. :(

Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 59
view profile
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/4/2012 11:17:23 AM
I was unlucky to find myself in a relationship similar to this. She started off by playing me off against another man for six months before blaming it all on depression and her menopause kicking in when things went serioudly awry. To cut a long story short, she reeled me in, and then left me two years later emotionally and financially damaged. I agree that it's behaviour that's hard to deal with when you've put in a lot of commitment. These people like nothing better than a constant victim to push around.
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 60
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/4/2012 8:24:00 PM
Very wise.. This very true.. Do not beat yourself up. Ir's just a life lesson you still need to harness. Once you do, men like him, you won't even bother with. I know from experience
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 61
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/5/2012 1:47:25 PM
So, who abused you as a child? Who was the alcoholic/addict? Was there love in your family?

I had a real sociopath in my head, my heart, and under my skin for a very long time. I remember the rush I felt when I met him and when he first kissed me. It was a drug. The physical part of our relationship got weird and dangerous. I even thought to myself at one point that I should scratch him for DNA and to photograph the bruises -- just in case he lost control.

I'm a good girl, so why was I so accepting of such violence? My sister abused me as a child. Yes, my older sister. Sure, Dad is the alcoholic but he never bothered me. Sis verbally and physically tortured me, and I was so small that I couldn't hit back.

Coming to this has taken a long, long time especially since I was told to forget the "sibling rivalry" of my past.
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 62
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/5/2012 2:28:11 PM
Is it possible to flag someone to plenty of fish as a narcissit?
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 64
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/8/2012 5:50:39 PM
Congratulations you took the first positive step towards regaining self control over your life.
Seek help from family and friends who truly do care for you. It may take you a long time to recover. Be kind to yourself you do deserve to find that person who will love you and you will love back. When I was growing up nothing I did ever could please my father. He called fat, stupid, lazy, a cow, worthless. I actually was very good child and an honor roll student who never got into trouble, however I could never see that until I was much older and wiser. I still love my father, but I refuse to take his abuse any more. I suggest you stop pining for this man and start living again. He does not deserve you and he never will!
Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones.
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 65
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:48:20 AM
Thanks whoever bumped this thread----I needed it. My situation may seem quite minimal to ones that have been posted before as I was in a one month, short-lived relationship with a narcissistic guy. It ended one month ago...and I still am traumatized over the whole thing. As a social worker who is trained to recognize these "signs," I am flabbergasted as to how I was lured into this guy's manipulation and lies. As has been said, the whole thing is like a drug. It's really like being addicted to heroin, some have argued worse. Personally I have suffered withdrawal effects, headaches, nausea, lack of appetite, obsession.

The dude really made me think he liked me. He called and we talked for hours each day, seeing each other several times a week, and would give me all these seemingly compliments that were still laced with criticism. And then "subtly" suggesting I wear my hair this way, that way, wear these clothes or that clothes. Or criticize me but then say he was joking. I literally remember saying something bad about myself and he said "Don't criticize yourself. Save the put downs for me." like a big joke. Twisted, right? To me the flags weren't even red, but somehow I knew in my gut things weren't right. I didn't even see his true colors until l I ended it and got all these hateful E-mails, that were all just terrible put downs to my self-esteem. And to top it all off this guy is a Christian, or so I thought, this great guy, with seemingly great relationships with his parents, sister, friends, co-workers (I witnessed several interactions). So I have and still have the hardest time trying to comprehend how someone who can have all these meaningful relationships, could be so heartless to someone like me? This dude is active in his church, even PREACHES for God's sake, ha. And he would even pray for me, and it seemed so sincere..."Dear Lord, let this girl see how beautiful she is...." but then later would criticize everything.

Until a few days ago, I would obsessively monitor his Rhapsody account which he had programmed into my phone and see how he was listening to all this Christian music--praise and worship songs, etc...and I would try to convince myself that surely his faith can change him....if God could get through to him...
I kept (and even as I write this) secretly wishing for some apologetic E-mail, text, or phone call to indicate that he felt sorry for how he has treated me. And I am the type that has to be at peace with a week after things “ended,” I called him, hoping that I could have at least some closure...I was greeted with hostility and a "have a nice life" by immediately hanging up on me. BIG MISTAKE. I received more follow up hate e-mails, one in which stated how he had regrets about being so mean, having bad humor, and not communicating well, but in the same paragraph informed me that he was back together with his ex and in case I didn't believe him, attached a photo of the two of them, along with her phone number in case I wanted to confirm.

Having researched more into this "disorder", psychopathism, whatever we shall label it, I realize this dude has no capacity for remorse or even true empathy. I guess somehow he feels better covering it all up with this big Christisan facade....the trouble with these types of relationships is that even when you know these still have a hell of a time letting it go, or just "getting over it."
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 66
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/9/2012 11:43:02 AM
Thank you, Clearsky, for your story. All the negative critiques sound so familiar. That's my mother who is a full blown narcissist with the personality order to go with it.

My sociopath/psychopath is far more intelligent than Mom. Furthermore, he was/is so sexually restless that after years of harassing, or flirting, with hundreds of women (excluding his wife) that he finally got fired from a high powered position at an amazing company for sexual harassment. Although in therapy for over a year, he still thinks that he is smarter than his brain and will never be normal.

As for Mom, I no longer speak to her even though Mother's Day was a complete success. I cannot have that negative vortex in my life. She'll never get better, only worse.
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 67
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/11/2012 11:20:12 PM
you will never stop loving that man ... and in time, when you are emotionally healthier, another man will treat you so good, it will make it easier to ignore the feelings. It took me 4 years and moving twice, last time 4 hours away to small town temporarily for 2 years to get my head on straight ..

learn to love yourself so much that you will never allow him or anyone else to ever poison your wonderful self again ...

and yes, like everyone else said .. it is all about self-love including exercise, proper nutrition, etc ..

good luck hun ...
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 68
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/14/2012 4:58:59 PM
Disconnect yourself completely its the only way.
Ive been there done that only it was my mother I dont know how I got out to be humble and sane because it can really F*ck you up mentally but I came out fine. I completely disconnected myself from her physically and emotionally and saw everything completely clear. They play the victim and make you feel bad for their mistakes its always your fault no matter what and they never take responsibility for their own actions its like a bratty child they are like leeches. Most people have to go to therapy because of people like that they are in a tainted world and they bring others down with them.
It will take lots of time for you to recover too depending on how deep you are in :( I truly feel sorry for you because its not a good place at all. I am so thankful that I am free the only thing is now I am an emotionally distant person because of my past and I still need to work on that. Bless your heart and I hope you got out ok.
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 69
view profile
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/17/2012 11:34:26 PM
A year and a half? Might you consider therapy to discover why you are choosing to place yourself in this type of situation, for a protracted period of time? Worry not about his "issues" & think of yourself; lest you continue the same patterns & we have to read another similar post in 12 months.. Some personal insight would be really helpful to you.
Do you take no personal responsibility for your own choices? Your post is screaming 'projection'.
Honestly, a therapist can help you work out how to "move yourself on." Your "abuser" is yourself...
I wish you well.
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 70
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/18/2012 2:00:33 AM
This post is 3 years old , LMAO...
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 72
view profile
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/18/2012 7:38:01 AM
Yet you too posted..lmafmo
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 73
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/18/2012 4:54:18 PM

How I sacrificed so much of myself and received absolutley nothing back in the terms of any emotional connection or support (He never loved me or cared when he's hurt me) This man DOES have Narcissitic Personality Disorder...

I get that it's easier to point fingers at the ex and diagnose him with some disorder... but really, what disorder do you have that you would have "sacrificed so much and received nothing back?" Why would you stay with someone you had no emotional connection or support with? Did you therapist mention your codependent tendencies layered with victim mentality?

I don't say that to be mean, but all your power is in YOU. Nothing you analyze or discover about your ex will change anything in your life. Take the time to investigate your own weaknesses and make sure your therapist is challenging you to work on yourself in a productive way.

Otherwise you're setting yourself up for the next ding-dong you happen to match up with.
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 74
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/18/2012 10:51:21 PM

Yet you too posted..lmafmo

Yet you choose to respond to my post, lmfaomtu...
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 78
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/19/2012 6:22:26 AM
And for all pointing fingers at the victims

There is a difference between blaming someone and having them accept their part. There is ALWAYS some part where the victim fell short and left themselves open to being taken advantage of.

That is where your true healing and recovery will take place, within yourself...

To spend time psychoanalyzing the other person is just a continuation of the codependent behavior that got you in that position in the first place.
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 80
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/19/2012 9:40:31 AM
NPD is very real and doesn't require a rocket scientist to diagnose. My ex BF is a prime example. He is on this site seeking his next victim.
Joined: 7/18/2012
Msg: 84
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/19/2012 3:59:25 PM
You don't miss that guy, you miss the way he treated you--in the beginning. I wish I didn't as much about this stuff as I do. A really good book to make you understand the differences is "Attached". It explains why you are attracted to that and what to do to attract a more fulfilling relationship. Good luck.
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 85
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/20/2012 9:39:58 AM
Those that are worried about you "blaming others" simply dont understand and haven't been through it. Dealing with someone that has NPD, they suck you into their world at your most vulnerable time and twist everything to make themselves look like they are angels when in reality its just a devil in disguise. I have been through that (As stated earlier in this thread) and now I try my best to stay away from ANY signs of it in anyone because once you get sucked in it becomes way too difficult to get out.

You are going to be fine though because you atleast recognized it and got out before it was too late. Alot of times situations like this end in suicide if you research it there are plenty of stories where the victim couldnt handle the NPD(usually family members) and felt it was best to end their own life. Sadly its more serious than people are willing to recognize everyone is too busy looking at the victim thinking they are the crazy ones when in reality it is the person with NPD sucking the life out of them.
There are also situations where if the NPD is no longer seeking the praise and attention they need(or dont have anyone to abuse) they end their life. Ie Rusell Armstrong, Taylor Armstrong's husband from Housewives of Beverly hills, was an abusive NPD and when discoveries of his abuse became widely known and Taylor wanted to leave him, he ended his life.
I wish more people would recognize this before it can get fatal but not many people understand it and too many people sweep it under the rug.

I am glad you put your story out there though and hopefully it will help others to recognize this a serious matter and get out.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 87
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:32:30 AM

My problem is I still think I love him in some way, sounds stupid, but I am not getting over him.

What you are going through is quite normal. There are two elements taking place. One is a chemical addiction, the other one is a mental condition. The chemical addiction is very similar to going on a roller coaster. The feelings of fear, excitement, fun, that go through your body are produced by chemicals in your body. When you are in a toxic relationship, every anguish, every emotion you experience is a chemical that floods your body. These chemicals are very toxic, but very addictive. So after a relationship like this is over, you need a fix and as much as you may not want to see the person, or know how bad they are, your body wants the toxicity that it has become used to it.

The only way out of this is to start generating positive emotions and feelings, thus getting your body involved in a new chemical co ck tail. To do so, pick up some hobbies that are physical and generate a lot of endorphins.

Second problem, the memories of this person. This can be very difficult to deal with because such person puts you down on areas where they can have a hold on your personality, so you feel that perhaps they were right in calling you x,y,z. The reality is that they are wrong. But to work with this, keep going to therapy. That is what I did. Also I began to date, and eventually met someone that I am spending more time. Now my thoughts are not entangled with that person of the past, but with a much better relationship based on positive things.

Also work with your therapist about what is it that attracts you to people like this one. Realize that a lot of times, there's a pattern. And you need to break that pattern, otherwise on the next relationship you will end up with someone that is exactly the same.
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 88
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/24/2012 8:50:56 AM
Outmind did an exceptional job in relaying what I failed to communicate... thanks.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  >