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 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 89
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or PsychopathPage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I had a guy like this...All about him...Get out...Lick your wounds but get out...Trust me....Only dread and doom will come of this...One other thing....Mine was codependent with his 35 year old son...Please...for your own sanity...Move on. And it is easy to move on...Just imagine your life...You won't stand a chance... And trust me...when you ignore him you'll never hear from him...HE IS MENTALLY ILL...That is all you need to know
 prettyflowers
Joined: 7/16/2012
Msg: 90
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/24/2012 2:48:49 PM
And my guy was and is an upstanding Lawyer type who is an executive director of a well known organization...Mental illness knows no bounderies....Trust me..
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 91
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/25/2012 6:28:46 PM
RACHEL is spot on with these sick people..wont go into my story but it was ugly and ONLY WHEN YOU have dealt with this disorder will you understand why we put up with the BULSH*T ...they are cunning and clever and have two characters = Jekyll and Hyde.

We are sucked in initially, they show us a perfect vision of who we all hope to date or end up with BUT in reality it is all a false, wicked, painful, game to them. They have an xtra gene; one that causes the worst emotional / mental pain that you can imagine.

When we finally realize their true selves and while we curl up and lick our wounds, they continue on to their next victim to charm and disarm them..

They are snakes of the worst kind.

DONT EVER GO BACK TO ONE because it WILL get worse!!
 PutYouOnBlast
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 92
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/25/2012 7:04:55 PM
In every relationship that breaks down, both people are responsible. Some people never take responsibility for what their part of the blame was, whether it was the outright problem or the enabler. I was in a relationship that didn't last more than two months, the time it took to see the first angry outburst. When it happened the second time, I was out of there. Too many people ignore warning signs, 'red flags', and let things spiral out of control. Nothing ever goes away on its own. When you see a problem, address it. Simple.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 96
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/19/2014 10:16:40 PM
They are snakes of the worst kind.


And yet they don't seem to spend much time without a partner:


they continue on to their next victim to charm and disarm them..


The situations described on this thread DO answer a lot of the questions many men have about women.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 7/10/2014
Msg: 97
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/19/2014 10:54:24 PM
When you feel like you are missing him or having some sort of fondness for him, be aware of what else you have been thinking during and leading up to those times. Do you really want to be with him -or has doubt and fear made being with him seem easier than moving forward? It may be that his ways have affected you more deeply than you realize. Do you feel good about yourself? Do you believe others would think highly of you? Do you think you can be successful on your own?

After prolonged abuse, the mind grows weary and begins to see what it wants/needs to see -not reality. His charm may also be better described as guile -even a protection racket. As long as you act as he wants, you don't suffer.

Stay away from him and clear your mind.
 Sahasrara
Joined: 10/7/2011
Msg: 99
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/23/2014 6:13:34 PM
Anyone dating or even befriending a true narcissist, covert, overt, cerebral or somatic, should run for the hills. Psychopathic or not. Cut your losses, get out, and never look back! Their mind games, projection, manipulation, bullying, tantrums, psychotic rages, empty promises and lies will NEVER end. If that's not bad enough, narcs are incapable of empathy, love, caring about you or your life, wants, feelings and needs, so why would you want someone like that in your life? They're not even human as far as I can tell. More like reptilian androids who've learned to mimic genuine human qualities, to get whatever they want.

People are nothing more than disposable play toys, rag dolls, to a narc. They're poisonous psy-vamps, who will suck out your soul, trample your heart, destroy your life, put you in a psych ward, suicidal, and laugh about it. They are absolute tyrants, control freaks to the nth degree. They'll try to dominate you, pwn you, break your mind and will, self-esteem, identity, control your every thought, word, action, emotion, facial expression, and even the clothes that you wear.

The moment you fail to mindlessly obey the narc, or provide adequate N supply, (attention, adulation, admiration) or dare to question or criticize or their evil abusive behavior, and stand up for yourself... the splitting begins, and they'll fly into a rage and blame you, (project project project), then toss you in the trash and forget you ever existed, leaving you in broken pieces, tears, bewildered by the sudden chilling inexplicable shift from "friend" or "companion" status to absolute stranger or mortal enemy. They might also make threats, tell lies and try to have you tossed in jail, as punishment for defying the almighty narc. If they run out of N supply victims, they may try to charm their way back into your life with more empty promises and lies. But they'll never apologize, because it's always someone else's fault, never the narcs, most of whom are so deluded by the grandiose false self image they've created for themselves and the world, they're incapable of realizing or accepting how truly toxic they are.

No shortage of narcs on dating sites. Some are easy to spot, such as women who refer themselves as a "princess", and audaciously declare they expect to be spoiled and pampered. And they'll announce how awesome they are. Like how well educated and successful, or gorgeous and sexy they are, or how they've traveled the world, doing many incredible things, awesome adventures, and post photos to show how many brilliant talented friends and admirers they have. Often they'll state how men should "keep up" or kiss off. Others aren't so obvious, they're covert, and are perhaps the most dangerous of all. They've learned how to tone it down, play it low key, appear really cool and down to earth, to sucker in more N suppliers, new puppets to play with, break and callously discard, fresh victims to devour and destroy.

If ever you foolishly begin feeling sorry for your narc friend or lover, STOP. Because you're probably developing Stockholm syndrome, and don't realize it. Believe me your narc abuser has no sympathy for you, and sheds not one tear for how much pain they've inflicted, or how many hearts and souls they crush, or lives they destroy.

The only way to win is not play the game. Don't fall for their charms, empty promises and lies, and crocodile tears. Don't fall for their love-bombing, or let them shower you with compliments or gifts, because it's a TRAP. It's the web the deadly spider narc weaves. Nothing comes from their genuine hearts, because narcs have no heart or soul. The only thing they will ever care about is themselves, and their endless personal wants, needs and demands.

Heed my advice, get out while you still have a shred of dignity and sanity left.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 100
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/21/2014 10:10:18 AM
In addition, it's worth noting that, behavior-wise, there's quite a bit of overlap between Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm given to understand (I am NOT a professional) that the latter is in a person who can't control their emotions, and the former is more with people who deliberately plan and manipulate. Both are just as damaging.

(I've also noticed that some of these behaviors overlap that of the Sociopath - particularly in what Sahasrara described as people who have to mimic genuine human qualities to get what they want)
 402gal
Joined: 1/15/2014
Msg: 101
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/21/2014 3:23:08 PM
"The only way to win is not play the game. Don't fall for their charms, empty promises and lies, and crocodile tears. Don't fall for their love-bombing, or let them shower you with compliments or gifts, because it's a TRAP. It's the web the deadly spider narc weaves. Nothing comes from their genuine hearts, because narcs have no heart or soul. The only thing they will ever care about is themselves, and their endless personal wants, needs and demands.

Heed my advice, get out while you still have a shred of dignity and sanity left."



I spent a year dating a narcissist, getting out of that kind of toxic relationship is so difficult. Reading all these posts sure helps to clarify what I already knew deep down about this guy. I guess many people might be like me and not want to admit they fell in love with someone like that.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 102
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/28/2014 6:29:16 PM
How do you get over a relationship with a control freak or Psychopath? Counseling can help, therapists know a lot of ways to ease the pain. But ultimately, time is the great healer. Someday you will get over this guy.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 103
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 10/12/2014 10:28:59 PM
Your therapist gave you good advice. Keep following it, it just takes time, maybe a few months, maybe a year or two. You've probably heard the old adage "Time heals all wounds". It does have some validity, it just takes time for the edge of the hurt to wear off. Physical wounds don't heal overnight and neither do mental wounds. Just keep surrounding yourself with good people, nice people, healthy people. If/when you do start new relationships, keep your eyes open for the signs and skate out of there if it starts to happen again.

They can really do a number on you, definitely.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 104
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 10/15/2014 8:58:44 AM
I'm a nurse who has dealt with some strange people over 35 years.

Firstly. I read the OP completely different from most here. We just don't have the facts. Mahogany-rush gets right to the point in his first few responses...why are you posting here when seeing a therapist? Why? Because the OP may be the classic delusional stalker. Not getting the answers she wants from the therapist. Need validation for her actions.

Kept calling him? Kept texting him? Locks changed.

Obsessed people often heap all types of inaccurate variables upon their former partner. He is this, she is that...etc. it is very common. The reality is often that he 'other' person is either (a) all of these things or (b) a victim themselves of the obsessed partner's delusions.

The classic stalker blames the victim....the obsessed don't even acknowledge they are stalkers.

Have you never known a person who rattles on about the faults of their former partner. While the whole time thinking to yourself....'not really...he/she was lucky to get away from you'

The obsessed often are seeking confirmation of their so called persecution. They get it when presenting an over the top one sided view of a relationship. They don't focus on themselves but the evil of the 'other person'. He did this.... Bottom line. Don't assume which partner is the 'victim'. Just urge therapy.
 railrider1952
Joined: 4/19/2015
Msg: 105
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/16/2015 9:19:53 AM
Will you please send me that link? Thanks in advance!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 106
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/16/2015 12:53:30 PM

My problem is I still think I love him in some way, sounds stupid, but I am not getting over him.

It's because you can't really "have" him. To grasp him, etc.

What do I need to to do to move on?

Well, seeing as though this was almost 6 years ago, hopefully you have by now. :) But really to see it for what it is. Know the human instinct to chase/want someone you've been in love with who doesn't want you -- to want them moreso than what is wise. One reason why "follow the heart" is Not universal advice by any means.

For me, with two narcs, one being more on the psychopathic side -- it was actually Easier to Not want them. It still rung in my head with a "WTF". I mean, they're crazy. In the industry, there's a lot of debate between the difference between a narc & psychopath. Professionals argue and disagree a lot. Lots of talk about combining them, too. One thing is is that most psychopaths aren't violent criminals. Highest professions are CEOs and lawyers. Cut-throat mentality, as empathy can get in the way of things there.

I read one article outlining the difference between Narc & Psychopath (although, again, profs differ, sometimes wildly on this; but this made sense): A Narc & Psychopath are both "happily" married with kids. Both of them, guys, cheat on their wives one day. Driving home while the wife's making dinner after the sexathon, both hit a stoplight and have a thought.

NARC: "Man, I still got it. Man, she was hot. Wow. I am the man. Hell Yeah..." -- He, like the psychopath, doesn't naturally/easily register with how his wife feels or what he's doing to her. He's caring about himself. He's out in left field with this. It's all about him. And he'll do it again. To him, it's about the same thing as an average guy having a cute little flirt session with a hot intern in the break room.

PSYCHOP: "That was great. My wife deserved it. I go thru [this and that]... I got what I deserved, and this is how I roll." -- He, like the Narc isn't putting his wife as a human with emotions in to play. But to him, how hot she is, is of no matter, really. That's not part of it. It's about control and making himself feel In Control and to appease that notion of dominance. Like the Narc, it's all about him and his only-self-minded view of sexual appeasement. The PsychoP, he's doing this not to have a "yeah, still got it!" really -- but instead it gives him a feeling of power & dominance that "tickles his Elmo" more instead, hence, the gal's looks aren't all that important.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 107
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/18/2015 11:23:33 AM
Fortunately, I've never been in a relationship with such a person. But I'm dealing with a co-worker right now who's boyfriend I believe is a narcissistic sociopath. Very controlling, calls hundreds of times a day, if she doesn't answer her cell immediately he calls the office phone, has friends call her from different phone numbers to see if she'll answer and then goes on a tirade for hours if she answers; wants to know what she's doing all hours of the day, wants unlimited access to her phone, he walks into her house any time he wants, he goes through her mail, is constantly accusing her of cheating on him. Oh, did I mention this loser is MARRIED? And she just goes along with everything he says or wants. She constantly complains about the way he treats her and nit-picks and micro-manages her life, but she says she loves him. I've offered advice, but she never changes anything. She goes out of her way to make sure he's happy and he could care less if she is. I don't get it.

So, I guess the point of that is, no one can tell you what you need to do to move on, but you better do it before he duct tapes you to a chair with a bare lightbulb hanging down for the interrogation -- which is what I tell my co-worker this psycho is likely to do to her when his jealousy and controlling nature consume him.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 108
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:03:30 PM
sky2007- You are not in love with him, you are in love with who you thought he was.
I'm glad you are seeing a counselor, keep going until you realize the truth of what I said above.
You got out, you can be free, but not until you are completely free of any illusion that this person was anything other than what he is, an awful person.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 109
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/21/2015 12:29:54 AM

sky2007- You are not in love with him, you are in love with who you thought he was.

I totally agree. Classic case. The good thing about it, from my past experience, it's Easier to get over it as far as right/wrong and logistical coulda-shoulda-maybe-if stuff. It eliminates that. They are Actually crazy (not a "all men/women are crazy" from bitter folk). The BAD part is that it sticks in your head. From my POV and experience, going thru many dating situations and handfuls of relationship experiences, you shed the high-school-ish cloudiness about dating/relationships, so that Easy part becomes actually easy. There's plenty of not-a-freaking-psychopath/big-narc where they can screw ya over, hurt pierces in, they're just a **stard/b!tch, etc. So when it IS them being Truly bat-sh!t-crazy, it's easier to not Struggle with it about what-if-did-this/that/etc. However, even though that part is satisfyingly resolved, again, it sticks in your mind More because they Were Truly cray-cray. It "burns in" in a different way, but IMO, with enough dating/relationship experience, it doesn't HURT as much at all, pound for pound.

You got out, you can be free, but not until you are completely free of any illusion that this person was anything other than what he is, an awful person.

I think the key is that he just wasn't an "awful person". That's giving said folk too much credit in some sense. It's that they're fvcked up. It's not like the guy chased too much tail and/or liked to have his cake and eat it too, too much, etc. Or had an attitude problem which got in the way, degrading things, and ya struggle, etc. That sucks. A lot. But in her situation, that guy was more than that. Nucking Futs. The confusing thing is, we're told psychopaths are jail-oriented people... and narcs (pretty much a different flavor of psychopath in actuality) are just merely a classical self-centered jerk or something and 'acceptable'. But most psychopaths aren't sitting in jail during their lives and is far more common than we're led to believe, while narcs is downplayed and miscalculated as just being in some boat as a 'jerk' -- when it's deeper than that.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 110
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/22/2015 7:27:50 AM

I think the key is that he just wasn't an "awful person". That's giving said folk too much credit in some sense. It's that they're fvcked up. It's not like the guy chased too much tail and/or liked to have his cake and eat it too, too much, etc. Or had an attitude problem which got in the way, degrading things, and ya struggle, etc. That sucks. A lot. But in her situation, that guy was more than that. Nucking Futs. The confusing thing is, we're told psychopaths are jail-oriented people... and narcs (pretty much a different flavor of psychopath in actuality) are just merely a classical self-centered jerk or something and 'acceptable'. But most psychopaths aren't sitting in jail during their lives and is far more common than we're led to believe, while narcs is downplayed and miscalculated as just being in some boat as a 'jerk' -- when it's deeper than that.


Correct. Criminalistic minds are cunning. How else do they hide in plain sight? They make a concerted effort NOT to be found out. They stack the odds against you.

They never mean it if ever they say they're 'sorry'.


Move on. Let it go.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 111
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/22/2015 5:23:20 PM

Correct. Criminalistic minds are cunning. How else do they hide in plain sight? They make a concerted effort NOT to be found out. They stack the odds against you.

To clarify (just in case), was that we tend to think psychopaths are serial killers/robbers/criminals -- where they can be, and there's a lot of them IN jail... but most are not. And it comes in Degrees, not an on/off switch (although for some it is a Full "ON"). A lot of criminals in jail are psychopathic, but a lot of psychopaths are not criminals in jail. Being a psychopath isn't criminal nor defined as focused on criminal acts -- but it obviously does ante up the % chance they have or will spend time in jail when their wants/needs conflict with laws that'd put them there.

They never mean it if ever they say they're 'sorry'.

True. They lack empathy. They aren't truly sorry.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 112
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/27/2015 7:52:29 PM
For the same reason anyone gets into a bad relationship, yet for whatever reason can't find their way out of it - because the idea of being without that person, is far worse than the idea of being without that person. Its the same reason people turn to alcohol, the regardless of the damages that are done as a result of drinking. You are compelled to be with this person, and unfortunately this person also knows that you won't leave them, and for whatever reason - this person likes to abuse you.

As far as him being a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist... obviously that can't be diagnosed by your personal account of his behavior. If you cited things he did, they could fall in line with sociopathic tendencies or narcissistic behavior, but that can't qualify to fit the criteria, there is a lot that goes into a diagnosis... chiefly, that a person cannot be diagnosed unless they are evaluated.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 113
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 6/27/2015 8:15:26 PM

chiefly, that a person cannot be diagnosed unless they are evaluated.

And even those will differ, from evaluator to evaluator since it's on a spectrum, and not an on/off switch. But one can evaluate their SO over a long period of time and at least to them in within their circle, they are "call it what you want" but totally askew in ways that fit molds of that to certain degrees or another.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 114
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 7/14/2015 7:54:22 AM
http://www.lisaescott.com/

http://baggagereclaim.com/
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 115
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/8/2015 11:19:38 AM
Get some confidence.
 missyganda
Joined: 4/19/2015
Msg: 116
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/17/2015 9:24:05 PM
are you still together?

Read the book "women who love too much" by Robin Norwood.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 117
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 8/17/2015 9:32:45 PM
Sounds like textbook Codependency.

OP read this book, it is helping me.

"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

Use it to break the chain connecting you to him. When you do that you will be free.
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