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 AUTHOR
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 118
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or PsychopathPage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
This thread really hits home, because I just found out that the person I was involved with is a full blown Narc and sociopath. I read up all about it and boy, does everything I learned about this disorder describe him to a T. I wasted 2.5 years pining for this guy, and he contacted me again this February after 18 months of silence. In retrospect, it all makes sense now. I could never figure out how he could go from worshiping the ground I walked on to breaking up with me over text over some bullshit reason, accusing me of cheating when really he was the one doing it, and still managing to reel me back in. He even spent two weeks with me this summer at my place, even though he is stationed in Germany. I still had no idea that he was a Narc at that time, we got along wonderfully and were like a married couple. The first week particularly was really, really amazing, the second week I noticed some red flags, but of course, they are great at deflecting and making you feel like you are the crazy one.

The entire time he was with me he was telling me that he was not seeing anybody, wasn't interested in dating, was just going to focus on his job and go back to school, and that he was done partying and dating, and that he would come back to the US where I live in two years. He even let me go through his phone and Facebook to "prove" that he had "nothing to hide". I never asked him for any proof, I still trusted him at that point. The day before he left, he acted weird and aloof, and I figured it was because of the impeding separation. When he arrived back in GErmany, he texted me and thanked me for everything. Things were still good. But then I just got this weird sense that something was up - a very common feeling those involved with Narcs have. I stared digging online and found it - the Facebook page of a girl who had pics of herself and him all over her page, stating to be in a relationship with him since this spring - two months before he even came to see me. I was livid. I immediately confronted him, sent him the link to her page and he blocked me. Did not even try to talk to me - in typical Narc fashion he just discarded me again.

This time though, I was done covering for him. I contacted his German girlfriend (I'm German as well, so communication in German was easy for me) and showed her everything that had happened between him and I, starting from over two years ago up until the present. She was shocked but thanked me. Of course, she could not believe that he was lying (he's great at it, plus he is incredibly good looking and charming). She must have told him that I contacted her, because shortly after I told her, he unblocked me on Facebook and started raging at me, going on that I was a "****ing crazy ****", that he and I never dated, and never had sex, and to "tell her the truth" and that I was must mad that I "could not have him". WOW!! That was my ultimate wake up call. I sent his girlfriend everything he told me just so she could see what a psycho he was. I also sent her screen shots of him being on Tinder before he came to see me, but after he had been in a "relationship" with her for several months. That's when he realized he "lost". He then threatened me that I would "get mine", to which I replied that I would tell his commander if he kept threatening me. That shut him up. I then blocked him on Facebook. The girlfriend wrote to me again a few days after that confrontation and told me that he had "confessed" to her that he and I had indeed been in a relationship before, but that it was "long ago" and that he had been "really in love with me" but I had broken his heart, and that he had stayed at his aunt's house those two weeks, not at my place, he had only visited me but nothing else had happened. He even had someone posing as his "aunt" call her and "confirm" that that's where he had stayed. WOW WOW WOW. He has no relatives here at all, and his girlfriend fell for his lies and gave him a "second chance". Because of course, it will be all different with her. It's unreal how he gets away with all over and over again.

THis summer has been a huge learning experience for me. It's like my whole world has changed. As painful as it has been, at the same time I'm also glad that now I can finally move on and stop idealizing this guy and see him for the pathetic piece of shit he really is. My attraction for him is completely gone, I feel repulsed by him, but I have to admit it would make me happy if something horrible happened to him. This tells me that I'm not fully over the whole deal - it will take a while, but in the meantime I can finally stop comparing every man to this "perfect" guy. He never really existed.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 119
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/4/2015 9:15:32 PM
You are not in love with him, you are in love with who you thought he was.

---


Yes. That is the truth. Unreal stuff.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 120
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/4/2015 9:19:59 PM
http://narcissistsupport.com/category/you-tube-videos-on-narcissism/


This is what made me come to the conclusion that he has NPD - every single red flag that this site lists fits him 100%. All his exes are "crazy", the lies, the double life, the obsession with his looks. He even tells lies when the truth would be just as good. For example, he told his girlfriend in Germany that I have a 22 year old son who is in the military. WTF? My son is 15 and not in the military, lol. Why lie about dumb stuff like that?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 121
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 5:27:54 AM
Karma - well hell :( All this time I reckoned things were going wonderful and was happy for you . I remember your excitement about him and the relationship. Truly sorry it played out that way.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 122
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 6:53:52 AM
From memory the guy is about twenty years younger and really still a boy, right??? I hope there are no further repercussions with this guy. You could see the red flags waving but chose to ignore them, basically because of his great good looks. If a guy contacted me after 18 months I would not have given him the time of day but I get you were infatuated.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 123
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:49:33 AM
Only someone who has been involved with a person with NPD can understand why they can weasel their way back into your life after all this time. The last breakup we had before in 2013 had me believe it was something that I did wrong, that I "misunderstood" him. They are great at making you doubt your sanity. I had another great looking guy from my past come back, but I told him no, no longer interested, because he did not have the hold on me like the Narc. They are fantastic at mind-****ing people and the world's greatest actors. Looks help, but are by far not the only thing that make them get into your head.

Incidentally, he no longer looked as hot as he did when I first met him in 2012. He lost quite a bit of his muscles and looked rather skinny now. His six-packs were not as defined as before and he was lamenting about getting older (at age 26!) and losing his looks. When he said that I didn't know that he was a Narc and I made fun of him for being silly, and he shot me a chilling look for that. He knows that without his looks, he is nothing. He has no other skills besides conning people and getting them hooked based on his looks and his charm. Living with him for two weeks made me realize that he really didn't have any hobbies or ambitions in life, besides his military career, which he claims he hates.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 124
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:54:13 AM
Thank you Ouija - yes, I was so happy when I heard from him again in February, thinking that he wanted to work things out with me. I mean, why else would someone who is stationed in Europe and could use his annual leave to travel over there come back to WA State, where he has no families or other ties? Who does that? I still don't know what his real reason was for coming back here. I will never know for sure, but it's OK, as much as it hurt for the whole thing to end like that, I'm also relieved that the craziness and the roller coaster ride are finally over. I've reconnected with several men that were good to me in the past and whom I didn't give a fair chance because I was still so hung up on the Narc. That's why I put my pr9file back up, they are still on here and I'm giving them all a shot with my rose colored glasses off.
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 125
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 11:03:06 AM
"I still don't know what his real reason was for coming back here."

A guaranteed fun 2 week holiday with no strings attached?
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 126
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 11:32:50 AM
A guaranteed fun 2 week holiday with no strings attached?

---

Why spend a thousand dollars for a plane ticket when he had more than enough willing girls in Europe lined up already? Who are younger and hotter than me? The girl in Germany who is now his official "girlfriend" has lots of money, he could have spent two weeks with her traveling on her dime. Why go through the trouble of convincing me that he was single? No, doesn't make sense. He could have had way more fun in Europe with a different girl every night and/or with the rich girlfriend.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 127
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:02:15 PM
^^^
You just don't get it.

The amount of money spent on courting you doesn't equal his interest in a relationship.

I've spent plenty on weekend getaways with no expectation of anything more then a getaway with a mature adult for the weekend.

Sometimes dangling a trip gets the girl, and sometimes the poon gets the man.

You roll the dice when offering everything in reverse like that.

YMMV
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 128
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:14:55 PM
You don't make any sense Clooney. He is not a rich man, he is in the military and he spent his whole block leave to come to WA instead of travelling in Europe. I never asked him for a commitment nor a relationship, and if sex was all he wanted, he could have gotten that in Europe without having to travel far and wasting his leave on only one woman (me). While he was staying with me, I never asked him for a relationship, nor did I ask him if he was dating - he brought all that up himself and tried very hard to "prove" that he was single. I just don't understand why he did all that, when in the end all he wanted and got was sex. Again, he could have had sex with lots of different younger/hotter women in Europe, but he chose to spend his time and money to come to WA. This is not normal behavior if all someone wants is "just sex".
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 129
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:22:56 PM
No ma'am. You don't get it.

Listen up, ok?

Those young hot mommas are high maintenance.

You are not.

He stayed with you? Wow! No lodging expenses. You didn't pressure him for a relationship. I'd be in heaven for 2 weeks!

2 weeks of bliss for a plane ticket is better then a string of 3 date rejections with an odd chance of fun.

You were not duped.

You were naive. You keep focusing on his money. You think it's a sacrifice to him. Not really. He got what he wanted.

In the end, he spent wisely to get sex rather then chase the hot mommas.

I'd be stoked if a gal offered me lodging for 2 weeks!
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 130
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:24:33 PM
^ Maybe you're particularly good at sex?

*The attractive lady, not Clooney.

*Wait! That isn't to say - oh dear :( I give up.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 131
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:35:22 PM

Those young hot mommas are high maintenance


These hot young mommas in Germany are CRAZY for him - you don't get how easy it is for this guy to get HOT women. He was actively in a relationship with a 22 year old German girl when he came to see me - and she took him back even after I showed her tons of proof that he was with me - pics, text messages, etc. How "high maintenane" is that?? She has more money than I do, her own place, and Im pretty sure he stays with her on his weekends. Makes no sense for him to come here to WA - heck, he has lots of girls in NYC where he's from who would do him in a heartbeat. There is NO NEED for him to travel all the way here to get sex. It might be heaven for you, but for a guy like him, it's nothing special to get sex.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 132
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 8:56:07 PM
^^^^NYC is pretty easy to get sex. Gals come from all over the world and many of them are open to doing the naughty things they could NEVER do back home. Sometimes it is shocking. We have places that are basically hook up joints!

*I hope I don' know the guy!
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 133
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:03:25 PM
Older woman lamenting about the non committal younger man.

Swap genders and the results are the same.

Grow up.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 134
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:05:51 PM
Also, Clooney, since I was willing to have sex with him without commitment, why did he keep trying to convince me that he was single? No need to bring that up when I wasn't asking for it right? Why not just "enjoy the ride", why bring up the "heavy stuff"? Makes no sense for a normal person. For a narc, though, it makes sense, because it's not about sex for them, it's about control. They don't just want sex, they want women to be CRAZY for them, to pine for them, to be always there for them, to not move on. They are masters of manipulation.

Haha, right - the other women in Germany I talked to are in their early 20s and had the same experience with him as I did. Age has nothing to do with it.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 135
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:08:51 PM
Puhleeze...

I could write manifestos about the sh!t I've encountered.

You are my polar opposite.

You offer secks for love and I commit too easily.

Learn some new tricks.

I am...
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 136
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:13:05 PM
Clooney, again, I was NOT asking him for a commitment. I even told him I was not going to ask for a anything serious since he is going to be in Germany for the next two years anyways, but HE (!) kept bringing up how he wanted it to "work", how he wouldn't even talk to any other women, wasn't seeing anyone, etc. How in the heck do you come to the conclusion that I am angry about him being non-commital? That's not what happened - what happened is that he told me this stuff when there was no need to bring it up. I would have been fine just having him here for two weeks and then maybe stay in casual contact. But he pushed the envelope and did the narc "love bombing" stuff again and the LIES. THAT's what got me angry, not him not willing to "commit". Heck, he's not committing to the young girls over in Germany either, he screws around on them and lies to them too.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 137
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:19:58 PM
Trv: I can't help but wonder if it might have a little bit to do with age? In my experience, middle aged men are more honest about these things. (Granted, that's in my experience. But I honestly can't think of an exception.)
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:20:11 PM
OP: Why is this an either or situation? Could it not be possible that he cares for and desires you AND he cares and desires the woman in Germany?

I'm assuming you both knew that there wasn't the potential for an ongoing relationship given that he lives in Germany and you re in the USA! Maybe, he simply wanted to spend time with you during his vacation....and wanted to maintain his ongoing relationship with his GF in Germany...who he sees on a more regular basis.
 02saltydog
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 139
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:21:25 PM
Sorry, I only read the last two pages. I think the person you describe above as a narcissist is not actually a narcissist but a young man, barely out of boyhood. You chose a "boy" instead of a man. When you choose a "boy" instead of man this is what you get; immaturity, lies and telling you what he thinks you want to hear. He's not a narcissist, he is too young, finding his way and you're old enough to know to select a better mate.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 140
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:22:45 PM
I get it! Some men want to get the most extreme feelings from their partner. Makes them feel secure. Overdoing it when it isn't necessary.
Gals do it too.
He wanted complete devotion so he bumped up his game to get it! Actually logical! (why did I just say that?)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:27:21 PM
Karma

I get why you are puzzled about it all. However he is way younger and in another country, this was never going to be a legitimate relationship, where you were committed partners. How do you see your future with him, really???

That you felt he was not as fit and hot as you remembered I think the rose coloured glasses fell off. He is in his twenties and should not be deteriorating so much physically unless he is ill.

Something had to be worked out between you I would say. That you hung in for so long and connected with him after quite a long absence, and now are so disillusioned I guess it had to get real before you could really cut him out of your heart.

He may well be a sociopath and a narcissist. Neither of which he can really help. It was only two weeks of staying with you before the shit hit the fan and be thankful you were not more involved or that your children were not affected in some negative way.

No point in being bitter or vengeful. Just let it all go and move on... I know you will.

Clooneys
you are way oversimplifying the situation. It has little to do with what money was spent, getting and giving sex etc., and the guy's others options with hot young women....
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 142
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/5/2015 9:28:26 PM
Hugs Karma... hang in there. You can't explain why people do the things they do. My best friend's ex told her he was moving to a faraway state, told her all kinds of stories and kept up the charade for a year until she accidentally found out he was here in Jersey the whole time. WHY? They weren't even together or anything, barely speaking. She can't understand for the life of her why he did this.
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