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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 145
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or PsychopathPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
One of my best friends growing up had his high school sweet heart (Italian)who he got in engaged to but all along he wanted a nice Irish girl. So he cheated like crazy but strung her along for for 6-7 years. Yearly he went to Ireland for a month in the summer. He found an nice Irish gal, made her promises, came home broke up with his fiance. He bought Irish gal here and they are married 15 yrs now.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 146
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 7:07:17 AM
Sorry for your experience Karma....we have all been there.
Maybe, not with a guy that has traveled across countries for us... but have said the same things..
Just maybe....this guy really was testing the waters with you...did you ever think of that?
Just maybe....He was wondering, if you could have been more than just the "older" woman to have fun with.
Just maybe...He was wondering, if he could take on a ready made family.
Just maybe....He was willing to give up his life of the many gf for you.
Just maybe....He was willing to work out the distance thing.

I don't really understand why you are so upset. It didn't work out...it hurts...we know.
You....yourself stated....you didn't want anything from him but you were hung up on him for a few years.
Well....Now you have found out.
Rejection hurts us all. Even though, this young man didn't outright reject you but the lies and other girlfriends put you
on the same field as them. No better or worse. He'll find what he's looking for and settle down...just not with you.

Just the other day...my friend, who instantly falls for the lines and actions that are shown at the beginning of any new relationship.
She is all "giddy" when she is telling me...the new man did this or said that.(as she should be)
I am hoping this is the man....who will be her forever after but I can't help but remind her....that's what the last guy said/did.
And I only do that to soften the blow....when/if reality hits.
Is that bad/mean of me...I don't know.
It's rough but I can only tell you....so worth it when you meet the right one.
Good Luck!
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 147
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 7:55:49 AM
Trvstin, under your previous and almost identical username, you were warned about this very thing happening ad nauseam. Quite frankly, for all of us here then, I think you are the only one surprised now.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 148
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 10:52:01 AM
^^^ Humans are creatures of habit.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 149
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 11:44:59 AM
Haiku~

Perhaps it's just me
Who sees an incipient
Wardrobe malfunction

---Basho (from his 'accidental haiku' collection)
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 150
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 7:10:41 PM

Just maybe....this guy really was testing the waters with you...did you ever think of that?
Just maybe....He was wondering, if you could have been more than just the "older" woman to have fun with.
Just maybe...He was wondering, if he could take on a ready made family.
Just maybe....He was willing to give up his life of the many gf for you.
Just maybe....He was willing to work out the distance thing.


Whistle, I appreciate your kind words. There are so many more things about this guy that I don't have the time or energy to post here, but let me just say this....he was NOT testing the waters with me, he asked me if I still loved him when he first contacted me again, and I was honest and told him yes. He KNEW how I felt about him, but he doesn't care - it's all a game for him. Just having sex does not cut it for him - he collects women, he wants them to pine for him, always be there for him and devoted to him, while he will not do the same in return. He will never give up his life of lying and cheating and manipulating for anyone - talking to two of his latest two GFs has made that very clear to me. He is a pro at this, and again, the description of NPD fits him perfectly in every respect. Plus, in retrospect, I'm certain that he also hooked up with other women while I was at work - hypersexuality is also a sign of NPD. He went out one weekend, supposedly with his friends, but I found a receipt for a hotel in the trash after he left. Pretty sure he didn't stay there with his friends.

He was putting on an Oscar-worthy performance when he looked me in the eyes and said that he was done with whoring around/partying and that I would have to come see him in NYC and Germany for the next two years until he comes back to WA. Then, when I was at work, he called his GF in Germany every day telling her how much he missed her (that's what she told me). Sorry, even a player is not that two-faced. The other GF he was with before this latest one was also shocked beyond belief when I told her all this stuff about him. For instance, he told both me and her that he absolutely can't stand it when a woman is as tall as he (he's 6 foot) - and both she and I are much shorter than him, but the current one is his height. She was also shocked that he had been dating his current GF since May - because she was still with him at that time! And let me tell you, this woman is drop dead gorgeous very exotic looking Arabic beauty with amazing long dark hair. I can't hold a candle to her, yet he dumped her like a bad habit just like me for some bullshit excuse. She was in love with him as well, she was pining for him too. She told me that he dumped the girl he was with before her for some BS reason as well. It's a pattern - the exact same scenario with every woman he is with.
 02saltydog
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 151
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 8:13:49 PM
You're still talking about a young man you met when he was 24, barely a man in his head. He may look like a man, do many things a man does but he hasn't figured out who he is or what he wants so he's still a "child" and playing. You made a poor choice. Actually, you being the adult should have made the wiser choice and not engaged him in the first place. Now you sound like the child and are making up some psycho babble reason why he is "screwed up" when in reality the majority of this is on you. He is still young and will grow up and you should be a grown up. He's playing the field, as he should, he's young and he just had the ultimate young guy fantasy in that he had sex with a much older woman. All he needs now is a super model and a threesome and his fantasies are complete. But like many of us out there, we only had the older woman.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 152
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 8:37:02 PM
I also don't think the guy is necessarily a Narcissist or a psychopath ( though I don't know him personally either).
I just think he is a guy who thinks with his lower head instead of his upper. Young guys are immature! SHOCKER!!! I know, but that is all.

Op, you just got a guy that was immature and had fidelity issues. I can understand that you are extremely hurt, and by the Agnostic "maybe" god (see what I did there?), you have every right to be. Allow this pain, anger, and frustration to pass. I say you need time for yourself to put everything in order, especially before trying again with someone else. Didn't you have a good friend on here for awhile? Hopefully you have someone you can talk to and vent to. Revenge, while sweet will always be empty after the fact. The pain will still be there, and you will have to deal with it and eventually forgive to move past it.
People who are often betrayed find it hard to forgive the betrayer, but you should not forgive for them, you forgive to release yourself from them. Eventually, when you find another dude, be they young or old, you will be happier to not carry around your old boyfriends and husband(s) into a relationship. Best of luck
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 153
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 8:40:32 PM
Age has nothing to do with it - stop getting hung up on me being "the older woman". The level of mind-games and deceit is not normal, not even for a guy "playing the field". I've been with younger men who are playing the field, they don't act like this, they are upfront and honest about their intentions, or at the very least don't put on acts as if they want to marry me or are in love with me. He did, and he was very good at it and very persistent. Plus, as I've said many times, this guy has been doing this to women who are younger than him as well. And yes, the one girl in Germany he dated could very well be a super model, she is that gorgeous.

Also, I did make the wise choice and ended it with him - three times! And he kept coming back and played with my mind - I'm not a gullible person, but he still managed to reel me back in, just like he has with other women. He is definitely a disordered person.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 154
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 8:46:34 PM
Yes, my good friend Jessebunnies knows all about this psycho.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 155
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:07:26 PM
Ok, I take it back. As I said, I don't know the guy. He might just have some screws loose. It happens. I wonder what made you keep going back to him so many times though. That might be more cause for concern than the whole infidelity part. It is an issue to explore to make sure this has little chance to happen again. There is some great books out there about this subject you might want to read, and can bring a core problem into view to be worked through.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 156
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:09:27 PM
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melissa-schenker/its-easy-to-get-hooked-by_b_4657469.html
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 157
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/6/2015 9:34:07 PM
"One thing that gets said about people who find themselves on the receiving side of a relationship with a difficult person like a narcissist is that they are somehow wired to attract and be involved with people like that. This implies that there really is something wrong with you if you are involved with a narcissist. This is a trap. It is a trap that plays into the hands of a narcissist, who actually does believe there is something wrong with you and colludes against you to get you to buy into that notion. There is not one among us who is perfect, who has absolutely no issues left over from childhood. Every day narcissists are everywhere and lacking awareness, we fall for them -- for their charm, for their attractive qualities for being made to feel special, for attempting to grasp their elusive attention. It is easy to fall into relationship with a narcissist. The good news is that you can also grow to be more aware and watch for telltale narcissist red flags and avoid this type of relationship before it happens at all."

This last paragraph is quite true, but at the same time not entirely accurate. There is a problem with people who keep falling for narcissists, but it isn't what the narcissist tells you it is. It is called weak self love and boundary issues.

A person with a high amount of self love will have an easier time recognizing a manipulative toxic personality earlier. The reason being that if you hold your love for yourself above your love for them, then they will have a very hard time messing with your mind to manipulate you. Now, loving yourself most does not make you a narcissist. It is when you lack empathy and appropriate consideration that you become a narcissist. Boundaries play into this as well. A person with a high amount of self love will have well maintained boundaries and know what is and is not acceptable.
They might be tricked once, but they will learn and take appropriate measures to ensure they will not fall for the same trick again.. Everyone is human, and can make mistakes.
"To err is human; to forgive, divine." - Alexander Pope
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 158
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 4:49:15 AM
Trvstin Msg 162:
"Yes, my good friend Jessebunnies knows all about this psycho."

Jessiebunnies to another poster in AGE GAP thread msg. 393:
"You have no idea what age appropriate means? It's common sense! We don't need Wikipedia for this! "


 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 159
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 5:55:20 AM

Also, I did make the wise choice and ended it with him - three times! And he kept coming back and played with my mind - I'm not a gullible person, but he still managed to reel me back in, just like he has with other women. He is definitely a disordered person.


How does the fact that you took him back twice make you a victim, in any way? You're a willing participant.


his ego will not look at his own flaws:(


Looks like there's two of those in this story.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 160
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 6:00:46 AM
26 is a boy when you are 45 and he is young enough to be your son. Some men are very immature at that age and others are not. He is an ill man and needs help. If he threatened to harm you it is because you got involved with his personal life and other girlfriends in some way and took it too far instead of just letting it all go. YOu cant seem to see that it was in appropriate liaison from the word go.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 161
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 9:58:20 AM

Karma ~ he wanted revenge on you~ I've no doubt he has NPD
But I really feel the coming to see you was pay back


Sunny, no doubt about it - it was revenge and/or need of narcissistic supply, even though he had plenty of that in Germany. So revenge because I dumped him two years earlier makes sense. A "normal" player, especially a young one, would not bother with some old chick like me after two years, when he's got tons of hotter/younger/richer girls in Europe who he could play. Makes no sense to return to some old washed-up broad like me and spend more than a thousand dollars on a ticket and waste his block leave like that, when he could have been travelling and "gaming" lots of new flesh over there. But narcs don't work like "normal" players - it's about revenge, power, control, etc., not just the sex. Until I figured that he has NPD, it made no sense to me at all for him to come over here just to "get laid", but now it does make sense. Also, he threatened me after I exposed him, so I wonder if he'll try again to get "revenge" on me. He is far away now, but his flying monkeys could be here as well.
 02saltydog
Joined: 8/21/2015
Msg: 162
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 12:56:43 PM
So now that you have determined he has a mental issue of some sort and have diagnosed this as such; what about you. What did you learn? And I don't mean what did you learn about NPD but what did you learn about yourself? And don't say "I learned not to trust men". You had a part in this.
 TheWhitetigress
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 163
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 3:19:20 PM
[So now that you have determined he has a mental issue of some sort and have diagnosed this as such; what about you. What did you learn? And I don't mean what did you learn about NPD but what did you learn about yourself? And don't say "I learned not to trust men". You had a part in this.]



+1
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 164
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Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 5:57:19 PM
cfb62

Some women are drawn to the bad boy like a moth to a flame. Especially if he is perceived as very attractive.
Karma will have time to reflect on why she bought into that drama and she wont be seeing him again, is what I gathered. It was an on and off thing and it tantalised her. Two weeks together and it was all over.....

Having two young children involved in all this is what would concern me. What would they have thought of a guy of 26 coming into their house to be with their mother of 45??
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 165
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/7/2015 7:20:56 PM

So now that you have determined he has a mental issue of some sort and have diagnosed this as such; what about you. What did you learn? And I don't mean what did you learn about NPD but what did you learn about yourself? And don't say "I learned not to trust men". You had a part in this.


I have learned that I was raised by a mother who also has NPD - I had a fallout with her a month after I dumped the narc guy. I'm attract narcs and am attracted to them because that's what I'm used to , that's how I was raised - the silent treatment, the emotional rollercoaster was "normal" for me growing up. That was the biggest eye-opener for me.


Having two young children involved in all this is what would concern me. What would they have thought of a guy of 26 coming into their house to be with their mother of 45??


My kids never saw him, they were in Germany visiting family while he was here. Plus, not everybody is so hung up on age like you, btw.

Sunny, the thing is, I have no doubt he was going to discard me eventually after returning to Germany, but I beat him to the punch and probably shocked him when I ended it FIRST and then told his GF. Things were still "fine" in his mind, he even stayed in touch after he left and was back in GErmany. He messaged me and thanked me for everything, and we were on good terms. A few days later is when I found out about the GF, told him to **** off and exposed him to his GF. That's when he started raging - he cussed me out and threatened me. He said "you will get yours tho I'll promise you that you ****ing crazy ****". When I told him that I would show his threatening messages to his commander is when he cooled off and became "nice" again, asking me why I was so angry, but still denying that he ever stayed at my house, that crazy psycho.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 166
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History
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/9/2015 6:16:03 PM
^^^^^
It is called Co-dependency I think
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 167
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/18/2015 1:56:13 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4knwSh7NlY

Tips on how to prevent dating another narcissist.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 168
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/18/2015 2:07:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIIbwMVwSPA
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 169
Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath
Posted: 9/20/2015 12:55:46 PM

Oftentimes a Narcissist takes their victims to the highest of highs, only to drop them to the lowest of lows. The first time I had this happen to me, I remember thinking that all of the secrets and lies, besides being malicious and hurtful, were just so…unnecessary. After all, at first I didn’t want to be in a serious relationship. I was fresh out of a divorce and needed time to breathe. I even encouraged him to date other people, but he wouldn’t have it. He only wanted to be with me. …Or so he said.

A Narcissist’s lack of regard, lack of remorse, and lack of empathy is absolutely jaw dropping.

Of all the emails I get, the one I get most frequently has to do with people trying to understand how another human being can go from being so loving to so hateful, demeaning, destructive, and humiliating all at seemingly the flick of a switch. It’s hard to wrap your brain around that one–I totally get it–I was there once too. There are so many different levels of destruction, that until a person goes through it they’ll never really understand it.


http://narcissistsupport.com/narcissistic-behavior-2/

This has been my experience as well. A regular "player" does not act like this, they just want to "hit it and quit it", but a narc wants to get his target all wrapped up in him, devoted to him, only to devalue and cruelly discard them.
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