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Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 2
How not to screw it up.Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
ok you found 1 out of 3, thats a pretty good percentage, don't stop there.......imagine if you went through 10 20 30 ect you would have more guys to choose the best are young and you are cute dont rush into anything yet, live your life, find out who you are and who you want to be, there are so many girls my age that are divorced with kids cause they got married way to early, relax enjoy life......have fun with it
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 4
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:25:04 PM
Remember, the ones who are the most charming at first sometimes have the most skeletons in the closet. I'm not trying to burst your bubble, but as someone who has dated quite a few gentlemen from this site and in general, you should definitely take your time, get to know him, get to know his friends, and eventually meet his family before you rush into anything. Sometimes you get lucky and find a true gem of a man and that's when you jump for joy and hang on and do all you can to make it work...and be real about it, relationships are work.

Just keep your eyes open, and trust your instincts. Don't fall in love too quickly, but when you do, treasure it! I hope for your sake, this is the real thing and he is a wonderful man who treats you like a princess, because anything less is not enough!

Good luck and God Bless!
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 7
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/3/2009 5:31:49 AM
"Tonight I hung out with someone from POF. This has only been my third "date" since I started on this site. The other two guys had qualities that I look for in a guy, but there just wasn't any connection. I didn't think this meeting would be any different, but I was wrong. I actually had a connection with this guy (similar interests, good sense of humor, was attracted to him). No, I'm not saying "Oh we're going to get into a relationship" etc etc. I was just pleasantly surprised!

Since I'm young and just entering the dating world, what advice can you give me?"
Then you wrote: "Oh don't worry, I still have people from this site I would like to meet!"
You've hardly entered the dating world and already the signs to screw it up are there. Let me just tell you that there will always be someone "better" right around the corner. It's a circle that will never close and you'll keep looking forever for someone who doesn't exist. You aren't there yet, but it's just a question of time really. You asked for advice and then ones given have all been pure nonsense, garbage. If you like this guy you give him a chance and disappear from POF today. That's how it works but few people are prepared to do what it takes. It doesn't matter matter if you're 19 or 90. The same should apply for all of us.
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:21:13 AM
I'd give you the same advice I'd give anyone else, regardless of their age. Namely, be honest. Be courteous. Be patient. Treat him the way you want to be treated yourself. Make sure you are friends before you become lovers. And don't pressure and burden yourself or him with unrealistic expectations. Good luck!
Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 13
view profile
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:35:41 PM
" Meet his friends. Meet his family. Meet his co-workers." Don't even wotrry about that right now. Take one day and one date at a time. If you are worried about that stuff above; you are being too goal-oriented at this point; like on the hunt for a life companion. Waaaay too premature at this point, because there isn't a "relationship" yet. One day and one date at a time.
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:57:22 PM
don't take candy from strangers and don't go near anyone over 40 who owns a windowless van and hangs out near parks and school yards.

i'd also say that about 80% of guys are liars, dogs and cheats and not worth a damn. however, about the same percentage of "throwaways" goes for women. you gotta kiss your share of toads before you find your prince.

ps- don't get knocked the eff up and ALWAYS make a guy wear protection.
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/3/2009 10:59:38 PM
...and take this out of your profile:

"I'm 5 foot, 95 lbs, and very petite. Yes, I do get picked up and slung over people's shoulders a lot and I'm getting used to it. It's also a good way to flirt with me, so you should give it a try!"
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 27
view profile
How not to screw it up.
Posted: 10/4/2009 8:26:26 AM
Good news is that your post and follow-ups seem 100% normal and stable. You saw there was no reason to "eliminate" this guy from your consideration, you're not in "instant relationship" mode immediately with the first guy with whom you connected, you don't expect him to be, and you're not putting all of your eggs in that one basket.

The best approach for you is as was said, be completely open and honest about not being exclusive at this point. You don't have to go into detail beyond just saying you're not exclusive right away. It's never a "screw up" even if he decides that he's uncomfortable with that and stops wanting to see you.

I once was told to not put all your eggs into one basket so when I had opportunities to date multiple women in the first few date stages with each, I learned that I was uncomfortable doing so. So my approach is that if I decide to chat with then meet one, that I limit my focus on just her until we decide if we want to continue further. It just works and feels better for me even though I agree with the logic of not being exclusive in the beginning.

For that reason, I usually don't continue to see someone that isn't taking the same approach as I do in just focusing on where we might or might not be headed. I don't expect nor demand she be exclusive right away, I understand the perfectly reasonable logic of not being exclusive right away and don't judge her character on that. It's just my preference. But I will ALWAYS have COMPLETE RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING for her openly stating that she is not exclusive.

You can never go wrong with the respectful approach of honesty even if the end result isn't what you hoped.
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