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 cabanaboy65
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 66
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How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
How about when you start dating them. she/he want s you to change your personality. You may feel you have to "walk on egg shells" to keep them happy. It may be something out in the left field. some people are too picky. That my friends is either a bad red neck joke or a red flag.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 76
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/30/2009 3:47:24 AM

4. dislike of your child or pet


- What if the dog is an ankle biter?! LOL!

How much would you really like to know about red flags?! LOL!

Yes, rejection is a red flag. Some people don't see the red flag and would contact the person again, and likely be rejected again.

There is no way to list all or even a fraction of possible red flags... red flags are based on intuition, many years of life experiences in dealing with others. They are literally non-picture memories of previous problems... it's your subconscious telling you that dealing with a person in this manner in the past caused you pain (this goes all the way back to childhood and kindergarten, folks... did you think you were just learning the alphabet?!)... and that based on experience, which is the best teacher, this interaction will likely cause you pain again if you continue on this path.

Red flags are very real, they are fact, not fiction... it is said that people only consciously use a small portion of the brain... this is true.. there is a lot more going on behind the scenes than most people are fully aware of on a conscious level.

Red flags have also been called gut feelings, intuition, "reading" people, and my favorite, women's intuition. calling it women's intuition does make some sense... the portion in the brain used for intuition is twice the size on average in women than in men... but the ability, because it is a skill, can be learned and improved upon... and there are men who are as good as women in this regard... but across the board, women on average are better at it. One of the secrets to understanding women is intuition.

If you did not have intuition, you would be in a rubber room (some people are... or should be!)... we all use it to some extent, to relate properly to different people, such as your boss, your mother, a stranger, a lover etc. at any given instant... again, some people are better at it... if you are a boss, you may not need it much (but it can still be an asset sometimes), because often it's your way or the highway... but if you come home without taking your boss cap off and try to relate to your wife as if she were an employee, you might have some problems. One of the biggest problems in dating and relationships today is control freaks... the underlying reason is, they don't use their intuition well enough or often enough, and hence have trouble playing well with others. Make nice now. Class dismissed!
 njbris
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 77
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:56:00 AM
Most average women single and looking who have hang around this site more than 6 months when its obvious in this amount of time they have rejected 100s of average men because they think they are better than most of the male population on this site.

RED FLAG!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 78
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:57:03 AM
Sometimes dogs are better judges of character than we are!


Well, if my kids don't like him, that's okay. But, if the dog doesn't approve, there must be something really wrong!

Dogs do seem to pretty good judges of character. Plato said “A dog has the soul of a philosopher.”, I believe he was right.


But the Australian Cattle Dog being kept indoors upstairs from me is extremely aggressive biting my wrists and ankles, barking at me ferociously, slobbering and snarling, and even biting his own owners sometimes and totally ignores any of their commands. He has known me for 2 years, I give him treats, I love animals and am kind to everyone I meet, but it has come down to having to kick him to get him off of me & I can't allow a dog to injure me and have medical bills and not able to work. They say he's just doing his job - I say he's a liability. I am losing my patience with him but also realize being a high energy working dog cooped up indoors with a retired inactive couple isn't suitable for the dog. He's not aggressive towards everyone but he's particularly aggressive towards me because I'm around the most when he's bored. It's owner (my brother) has made the comment that the dog maybe senses something about my character, which is very hurtful to me.
Dog owners who justify their dog's aggressiveness and thinks it's funny when the dog uses other people for a chew toy are just bad pet owners.

Now if someone is callous towards my 2 cats who are affectionate to strangers, socialized, well behaved, declawed and never hurt anybody, the guy has to go.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 81
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/3/2010 7:04:32 PM
Red eyes convey much more important and true information... In my experience and researching relationship books, meeting in PERSON is the most successful way to begin a relationship. When we try to mind read we can conjure a usually false image of someone online from their text and few pictures.

Our imagination takes over and fills in the blanks with our "perfect SO" fantasy image, or their careless and disrespectful behavior shows they are the "devil" who is flirting with 6 others at the same time.

For best results, use profiles, email and text messages even phone calls to just plan a meeting IRL as soon as convenient for both. If one person delays excessively, that's a huge red flag as to their true intent or their profiles veracity. S
 indigo1357
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 90
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/19/2010 7:41:54 PM
ooook... chatting online and having mysterious logging off isnt a red flag that could be internet trouble, laggy computer, something happening where he is...

reasons why women ive talked to vanish off chatting with no explanation

-her dad fell down in the kitchen and passed out
-power out
-bad internet
-old crappy computer
-guests come over, dont have a chance to go back and type why
-dog fight outside
-neibors house on fire
-messaged me "hi" twice then logged off unaware her status was offline and wondered why I wasnt messaging back.

There have been many, many times when talking to women I say something then they just drop offline and I wonder if it was the last thing I said or just something not related. most of the time its not related.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 93
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/24/2011 7:21:57 PM
What in the name of White Flags is a Red Flag?

A red flag is any indication that something is not right about the person. Some people on dating sites aren't exactly the people they claim to be; they could be married but claim to be single, or single but players, or even scammers. (The last one is a problem on Singlesnet right now.)

A few of my personal red flags are: no picture, but they contact me; picture appears to be several years old, suggesting the person doesn't look like that today; contradictory information in the profile; person's first message talks about sex; the first message just says "Hi, wanna chat?"; the only profile pic is a "glamor shot" -- professional-done hair, makeup, lighting and pose, shot with a soft-focus lens.

I also have a few yellow flags. The biggest one is a profile that says almost nothing about the person -- if you don't tell me about yourself in your "advertisement", why should I want to talk to you? Another is when every photograph is poorly lit, or so small that you can't see the person's face clearly.

Going back to the original post in this thread, having someone disappear in the middle of an instant message session isn't necessarily a red flag -- as others pointed out, it could just be a computer or ISP failure -- but it would definitely be a yellow flag. If it happens more than once, especially on different days, then I would upgrade it to red-flag status.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 97
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 5:48:45 AM
when the relationship is brand-new..(ie: we met twice) blalablabla..i dont get too worked up on red flags..i give everyone the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. Now, after u boink them..thats a different story..but u cant really cant tell if you are totally compatible until get between the sheets.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 100
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:39:59 PM
He could also have detected a red flag in something you said, or something that didnt seem to match up with something said earlier and cut off communication too

A family member could have been taken suddenly ill, and some stranger on the internet isnt really going to figure very high on the list of priorities of anyone sane really

As he never remade contact though its not a "red flag" its simply the fact he, for whatever reason didnt want to talk to you anymore

A red flag is something you pick up, or in many cases far more acurately "assume", "imagine" or think you see in an interaction where they DO still talk to you

Otherwise its a bit like saying "After our second date he said he didnt want to see or talk to me anymore, is that a red flag?" lol



The truth though is that for most people they see far FAR more red flags than are actually there, some are because of drivel they pick up from other people or forums like this claiming that a particular action can ONLY have one possible explaination when the reality is that any occurence can have countless explainations

Or because of their own issues, fears, personal experiences or insecurities meaning theyre hypersensitive of even the merest hint of certain things which they then stew over and amplify to ridiculous proportions until it begins to feel real and factual to them

The rest are the times that they genuinely did pick up on a valid bad indicator. But with many people they will be the minority rather than the majority of occurences

Either way though its not a science and its not as acurate as most people prefer to think it is, and youre always going to make some wrong assumptions in with the correct ones. But so what?

Until theres a population shortage who cares?

And as long as people do at least some of the time "test" their assumptions too, just to make sure they ARE acurate then its like anything else in life, a learning curve

Its only a majorly bad thing with the people who are totally convinced theyre always right, as theyre actually the ones that tend to be wrong the highest percentage of their time which tends to be cyclic and leads them to make more and more assumptions increasing the number of false calls at each escalation as the belief theyre "always" right removes any need or reason to ever check or accept their own fallibility

But that said, that kind of personality is a good one to avoid carte blanche anyway, so theyre actually doing you a favour by making so many false assumptions so its kind of cool too really I guess :)
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 101
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:50:40 PM
My main red flags tend to be along the lines of

Passive aggressive

Singular perspectives IE in all my failed relationships it was ALWAYS my exe's faults

Inability to see shared blame in negative situations or take any responsibility for their own decisions or actions

Contradictive stances, or ones that change to suit the views of their company

Women who talk too frequently about an ex in a negative way and never with any positives

People whos criticisms revolve solely around other people not doing what they wanted, as thats often indicative of an entitlement mentality or princess syndrome. This kind of thing is often seen when a non working partner complains about an ex or exes not keeping them in a style to which they had never been accustomed, but which they didnt feel inclined to contribute towards by also getting off their ass and working towards

Women who clearly and without a decent reason try to obstruct their ex seeing their kids

Women who are emotionless

Women who are overly emotional

Women who have only ever had either long term or casual relationships rather than a mixture

Women who have had less than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime

Women who have an egocentric view, or a belief that their outlook is univerally correct or the only "right" one

Women who think women are the only sex with feelings or emotional needs as though men dont have any

Women who feel their somehow more important in a relationship than a partner

Women who tend to talk to anyone except their partner about problems in a relationship

Women who focus too heavily on "what other people might think"

Women who are obsessive about their appearance

Basically ANY extreme of personality really. I tend to be an "all things in moderation" type of person and cant honestly think of any extreme at all thats in the slightest bit attractive in a partner or even a friend for that matter other than it being a mildly amusing curiosity for a short time
 tonita
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 102
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 2:09:38 PM
One thing I look at is what is the longest relationship they have been in... if it hasn't been a long time then chances are they can't commit to you very long...
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 103
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:33:35 PM
I have one for you.
I just had a chat pop up today. Looking at his profile he seemed like a nice guy so I started a conversation. Within a couple of minutes he suggested we move to Yahoo Chat. I said that POF chat system worked for me since I didn't have an active Yahoo. He again suggested I try to log onto Yahoo again. When I repeated my answer he said ok and then canceled the chat without another word.

Would you concider this a red or yellow flag? I'm curious what the advantages to Yahoo over this site, plus all the warnings say to stay within POF for chat until you know the person.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 104
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:51:07 PM
^^^^ I'm on another website where that same ploy is frequently used, by profiles of 20-something girls, most all of them slim/petite and remarkably the same 5'2". Lol And they all wanna link up on yahoo, it seems. Must be $$ in your yahoo address, for reasons unknown to me.
Sooo, watch out!! Fagin's thieves are among us!
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 105
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:57:19 PM
thank you whytwater, my antana went up right away , so am glad to know I was thinking straight.
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 106
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:53:07 PM
Too late to edit my earlier post, so I'll add to it here. If anyone wants you to leave the online dating service's "anonymous" e-mail or chat service for a different service right away, that is a big red flag. Another online dating site is being flooded with scammers who (in the messages I've received) ask for replies on Yahoo! or Gmail. This may be in part to seem more "intimate", but mainly because they know they will be detected, reported and removed from the system very quickly. When I get these, I report and block them immediately.

I'm not saying you should never move away from the POF e-mail and chat; POF offers a degree of safety, but the trade-off a somewhat limited e-mail client that probably doesn't work like the one you're more familiar with. But don't do it until you have "talked" enough to be reasonably certain that the other person is actually who s/he seems to be -- or at least WHERE their profile claims they are.

Many of the scam-mails I have received have profiles saying they are in some small town not a great distance from me, but with which I am probably not familiar; but the initial message strongly suggests they are actually in a country where English is not their first language. Every word may be spelled correctly (many "native-born" people have more spelling errors in their messages), but the grammar and syntax are far from what we consider normal. For now at least, most of these scam-mails are fairly easy to spot.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 109
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:18:31 AM
A great way to p[hrase this woudln also be:


How often do you believe you detect red flags; when there were no dangers or problems at all


I, like probably everyone else on here; think
Im a pretty good judge of character




Did I win the self congratulatory cliche trophy for this month?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 111
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/26/2011 9:31:42 AM
That man wasn't acting right. He was being straight up rude and disrespectful. OP that's already enough that you were not willing to tolerate. Throw his ass right back in the pond
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 112
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:23:27 PM
Also, what a person tends to think of as their first choices for an "occurence" is also a very good indicator of the type of person they are, the type of personality they have and what they would be quite likely to do/have been doing in the same situation if the roles were reversed

Its why dishonest people never trust anyone, and why cheaters always assume someone is cheating on them and why thieves tend to be paranoid that everyone would steal off them given half a chance

So maybe her husband found the account and closed it haha
 angelwinz
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 113
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:53:37 PM
Well TransplatedRN, for me it really depends on the stage of our relationship and how long they have been divorced. Just ask him right out if they are going to share his bed.. Maybe one will be on the couch. I am still friends with my ex and if I was traveling to his area and it was ok with him for me to crash at his home, I would, I'd rather spend my dollars on other things :).
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 116
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:15:50 PM

Must be $$ in your yahoo address, for reasons unknown to me.
Sooo, watch out!! Fagin's thieves are among us!


Yahoo chat has a security flaw that allows malicious code to be intalled usually with reciept of an attachment... if memory is correct
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 120
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2011 10:36:25 AM
Another question we have to keep in mind is whether or not you look at a green flag and see red or vice versa.



That probably matters alot in your dating also.

Are you dating color blind?
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 121
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2011 4:03:17 PM


Women who have only ever had either long term or casual relationships rather than a mixture

Women who have had less than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime

Women who think women are the only sex with feelings or emotional needs as though men dont have any


Can you expand on these three? I find them interesting and curious what your detailed views on them are. Thanks in advance.


Yeah np, but I thought they'd be quite self explanatory but sure

I will say in advance though I'm in no way claiming what puts me off about them applies to "every" woman though, simply the fact that life is too short to try and date "every" woman to find out. So everyones selection criteria is based on probability and possibility rather than something being 100% applicable if that makes sense?

But here goes


Women who have only ever had either long term or casual relationships rather than a mixture


This is an outlook thing, and is because if all someone has EVER been able to sustain is short relationships the chance its all theyre capable of maintaining is going to be higher

If on the otherhand they have only had quite long term relationships unless theyre too old for me that would tend to indicate a low partner count, maybe too traditional for my taste and "possibly" a bit conservative although stuck having to choose between one of the other and it would be the later everytime

But I think the balance of the two would suggest (possibly) a more flexible and varied outlook as by a mixture I mean a mixture of different types of relationship rather than just serious LTR prospects of varying legnths


Women who have had less than 10 sexual partners in their lifetime


this is just based on personal experience tbh, all of my memorable partners in a sexual sense have been ones who have chalked up a fair few partners in their life, with the best overall serious relationships being with women who have had some serious and quite long lasting relationships but with "fun" periods in between where the bulk of their count was notched up

For me they tend to have a pretty grounded and balanced outlook and very few hang ups and arent heavily influenced by social expectations or stereotypes

And that combination and mixture has been a common theme with all my serious long term partners


Women who think women are the only sex with feelings or emotional needs as though men dont have any


Again mostly based on personal experience but of the types I DONT get on with at all

There are women who seem to quite literally think that a "man" has no real emotions or feelings, or if they do shouldnt share or expose them unless its the aggressive type of emotions

That just isnt me, not meaning I break down and cry if my favourite breakfast serial is sold out or that kind of thing, but I'd class myself as pretty self aware of what I like, dislike, how I feel and with a partner I would not just want, but would expect not only to feel I could share that, but that my feelings about something would be viewed by them as equally as they viewed their own rather than the type of woman who seems to feel because they are a woman a mans job is to focus purely on what they feel and accomodate it if that makes sense

So not in the slightest bit claiming those are universally applicable, just that they are MY red flags based on the types of people I know I tend to get on with and the types I know I find tedious or cant get on with in relationships by virtue of certain traits or outlooks they tend to have in common
 lonelywoman82
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 122
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2011 8:48:52 PM
I don't think it's a red flag. I've done it several times. Sometimes I get sick of him, or I meet someone better so I stop talking to the guy completely. You can click with someone right away, but once you keep talking to them you can find that you really don't like them as much as you first did. That's been my problem. Rather than hurting their feelings, I disappear. I was talking to a really nice guy this summer, we 'clicked' as you said but after a while I noticed that he wouldn't stop talking about his ex-girlfriend of five years. It just got on my nerves after a while. If we got in a relationship, how often was I going to hear about her?

I find red flags to be when it takes forever to meet offline.
If I can never go to his place after we've dated a lot.
If he won't let me have his number
If he has a cat
If he is a virgin (I'm 29, and only date guys my age or older)
If he talks about his ex too much
If he still talks to his ex when they don't have a kid
If he doesn't have a job
If he smokes pot
If his place is messy
If he still plays video games
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 123
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2011 8:56:06 PM

Rather than hurting their feelings, I disappear.




 Ignoble
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 124
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How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2011 11:50:07 PM
***OP

Out of all the possible reasons, the dozens, nay, HUNDREDS of possible reasons that could have explained that behavior... you came up with TWO. One ridiculous and the other the worst cast scenario. I would suggest that... you can't find a "quality man" on this site because... your "red flags" are infact... "paranoia" but I digress.

I'm SUPER good at finding actual red flags. ^_^ You can find them in the profiles before you even MESSAGE someone. Just look carefully. There are too many to list really. Especially for mens profiles. If the profile seems too... hmmm... appropriate and "nice" he's probably a liar. Bad grammar or spelling also a no no. Etc. Stuff like that.
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