Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 157
How Easily Can You Detect Red FlagsPage 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
1 . Whose opening email reads "Cutie! :-)" and nothing else
2. Who ask you on the first date how long it is before you usually have sex
3. When they write to you in an email, it is in text speak, and very different from the conversations they had with you prior to meeting,
4. If their car has been impounded for having $3000 worth of speeding tickets
5. If their place of residence and their height is different than what is listed on their profile
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 163
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/21/2011 3:17:05 PM
Mmm, is the issue that women don't pay attention or that they excuse the minor nuances that later are identified as red flags.

Just a thought
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 164
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 11/21/2011 3:22:14 PM
Well said!!! Don't forget the dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde type. You know the ones that play the push pull game. BIG RED FLAG!! I think we women may often excuse this as male pms, but that's just pure c(*&(#p. I think this push pull speaks to their emotional immaturity. I expect much more from a man in their 40's.

Joined: 6/19/2012
Msg: 165
view profile
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:18:26 PM
I think that you misunderstand what a "red flag" means. It is a sign that someone has a problem or issue which will cause problems in a long-term relationship, e.g. smoking too much marijuana or always being in debt.

I think you are being overly judgmental in labelling someone as having "a red flag" just because he stopped calling you and did not pursue the relationship. Perhaps he just found a quality in you which did not mesh with what he is looking for in a romantic relationship. That does not mean there is something wrong or negative about either of you, just that you don't fit his relationship needs.

Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 166
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 12:12:16 AM
We are all somewhat influenced by our past. As I live I become more aware of red flags. It is difficult to find that place between believing the best of people and "when to fold" or run. I must agree with the person who said someone who just stopped talking, messaging or calling is not necessarily a red flag. It could be, as they said, just non interest. There could be any number of reasons. I have dropped off the face of the earth, for instance, because I was working nights, 84 hours a week. Sometimes, I have said no, not interested and the person won't take what is left, ignore. They could have a family issue. One person was nice enough to tell me his son was really hurt badly in an accident, his son would need so much care, the dude put his search on hold. Some may have a similar experience and just chose not to share it. Someone may suddenly realize, "You know what, I am not ready for a relationship yet." I have done that. I feel, until we are officially dating, I owe them and they owe me no explanation. Depends on the person and the situation. Doesn't make them a bad person, just not the one for you.

As for red flags, education being the request. Here are some I watch for:
Addictive behavior. Example: "I drink for effect, not taste." Or they smoke dope, even though they could lose their job.
Can't take no for an answer. I should not have to give a reason to say no. Especially if I just met you.
Just out of a relationship. If the relationship was deep, it takes a while to heal.
Unreasonably jealous or just plain unreasonable.
Use of racist, sexist, or other prejudice or abusive language.
Went on a few dates with a fellow who seemed like a bomb that may go off at any time. Ran from that one.
He tells you how beautiful you are and nothing else. Superficial? One was just plain unintelligent.
Thirteen messages, all saying the same thing. He said it seemed like I was uninterested, I wasn't until then. I had simply lost my phone.
Feelings of fear when you are with the person.
Another dating site used to ask the question, "what happened with your last long term relationship and what could you have done different." I try to ask that question. The answer could be a red flag. Especially if they take NO personal responsibility.
Mainly, obey your guts. If something ain't right, even if you can't put your finger on it, move on.

On the positive side. Try not to judge too soon. Some of us are nervous on a first meeting. We are not always ourselves. Don't look for a demon under every door knob. Just don't ignore the demons leering at you either.

Rejection is not a red flag. Maybe the other party saw something they felt they could not put up with. I call those whammies. Some good training I had (worked with abused and neglected teens) was that sometimes you may remind a person of someone they did not like, who abused them or hurt them. It isn't personal, just something they cannot handle.
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 167
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 9:43:16 AM
Oh, and one flaming red flag: they have no real friends, no relationship with their family members and their aquaintances say, "I love them to death, BUT...." I have dated one person like this and befriended two "ladies" like this. They are emotianal vampires, don't walk, run! Look up Narcissistic Personalities and memorize the symptoms.
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 168
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:41:12 AM
1. He said to me " I know I have issues."

2. He told me he would never trust another woman except his mother.

3. Referred to his former wife as "my ex" could not say her name...

4. Talked about his past with fond memories that included his ex which he then referred to as " my future wife"

5. Bashed women and said that "they dangle carrots" i.e. wanting sex to entice you

6. Told his 19 year old son not to get so hyped up on sex as the vagina doesn't do "magic tricks"

7. Did not want to be "asked 20 questions or wonder what he's doing." hiding something, pal?? lol

8. Expected me to initiate "dates" as "he isn't going to sit and wait by the phone." ( gender reversal or not into being the alpha male?? )

9. Wanted sex but told me "he doesn't make the first move." EVER.

10. passive/aggressive with texting...communication....and saying one thing and doing another.

These are my top ten and not in any particular order. :) Good times.
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 170
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 1:48:51 PM
Red Flags for me:

Profile reads: "Not looking for anything serious or no comittment at all" and say they are single or divorced. I think that explains it all...

Men that tell they want a friend and why the are not looking for anything serious or a commitment : children busy job. but then try and kiss you on the first meeting.

Men who message you for a quick drink date on the day of...expecting you to drop everything to meet them.

Men who have been married over 25 years and then divorced for less than 5 yrs.

Men who say I am looking for "my princess or someone to pamper"...(that should be posed on the website)

Men who have a pattern of after a break up immediatel seeking a long term replacement

Men who select "average" for weight.....its the same theory another poster has on her for "a few extra pounds"

Men who pose with fancy or designer cars.....duh I will not be dating your car!
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 171
view profile
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 1:49:45 PM
I find it easy to spot most red flags, however one of my biggest hobbies when I was younger was watching people then trying to determine what their behavior tells me about them. Some of my ex-colleagues used to joke that I could tell if someone was sweating from 100 paces.

As for paying attention to the red flags, my record hasn't been as quite as spotless. Regardless of knowing a red flag is there, sometimes it's tempting to believe you can work around it or ignore/fix that red flag, or at least take it down to a yellow flag. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

Confidence? Overconfidence? Arrogance? Foolishness?

Guess it depends on your point of view.
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 176
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 6/27/2012 10:32:37 PM
Oh yes they can be extremely charming. I am now suspicious of anyone who is too nice or perky, be they male or female. One lady said she was interested in dating the boss, what did I think. Then told him, AT Lunchtime, what I said. She was already seeing him. Another so called friend called me in the middle of the night over some drama she created. I severed that freindship then, that was the last straw. You are right, run and never look back, they are unfixable!!

Just to put a positive note on things, I have met many nice people. We may not have been a match, but some are still friends. I have had very few really bad times, in fact I can only thinks of one, maybe two. Not bad for 10 years of so called "internet dating." Just don't take non interest as personal rejection, move on. It could have been one statement you made that rubbed them the wrong way. Remember you do well to change yourself, much less anyone else and you can't MAKE someone love you.
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 178
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:05:43 PM
In some places I would have chosen other words... Nonetheless, I do agree with what you said.
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 179
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:33:42 PM
What happens if he did actually have a heart attack,lol....
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 180
view profile
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:36:55 PM
That's what I was thinking ...
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 181
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:04:47 PM
yeah. he dont wanna talk to you nomore- you encountered The Mother of red flags
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 182
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:23:29 PM
Red flags, by definition, are any behaviors that look wrong to you. Everyone agrees with this. The problem of course, is when bad things don't look wrong to you. why don't they? because you do them yourself. they seem normal behavior, until they bite you.

of course, few want to agree with this :) but facts are facts...have fewer bad habits, and you can spot more red flags by simply asking, "would I do this?" In fact, you won't even ask most of the time, you'll just get creeped out by it. How much you get creeped out, depends upon how desperate you are to validate your worth by dating this particular person.

know how to find love, automatically? Love yourself....and then watch how others treat you. if they treat you the way you treat yourself...then they love you the way you love yourself. its automatic, and you don't need to define your particular red flags and how to spot them...they'll all just stick out on their own.
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 184
view profile
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:43:04 PM
More red flags. Three kids and a student. Make a long list of requirements in profile... Porfiles pics with children in them.. PROFILE IN A to her car...
Joined: 6/17/2012
Msg: 185
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/7/2012 10:13:46 PM
Every woman's got one. My job is to turn the red one into a white one.
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 186
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/8/2012 10:55:49 AM
Just being here a for a couple of days and really you can read between the lines of profiles to see red flags. Too nice= red flag. too many rules = red flag. angry comments like 'I don't like little dwarves' or 'no floozies' = red flag
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 187
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/16/2012 7:42:52 PM
One time I met this chick who said she sustained severe scar tissue in her throat due to a "traumatic experience". That was a red flag.
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 188
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/16/2012 10:22:32 PM
"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything"

I do not believe in "red flags" I believe in acceptable and unacceptable.
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 189
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:42:38 PM
I know with 15 min..of any kind of conversations with them..people arent hard to figure out.
Joined: 4/9/2012
Msg: 191
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/17/2012 1:52:26 PM
I had to be in the middle of date to see the flag:
Our first date was so much fun. In the middle of our second date, he disappears to get the waitress for some late night nibbles and then disappears, leaving me completely alone. Nothing indicated anything like that was going to happen.
The NEON RED FLAG was a message from him 10 days later, saying that if I were a good girl that he would "brutally fcuk me." I was to have such an honor if......

Our first date was so much fun. I was so hopeful, too.
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 193
view profile
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/17/2012 2:23:30 PM
I typically only need a few pictures, or a Facebook page, at the most.
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 194
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/17/2012 3:01:08 PM
I spot red flags within the first few conversations with someone.. sometime unfailrly though.. but thats all I look for these days as I've been lied to so many times and have no patience anymore. Red Flags tend to show up pretty quickly when you are aware!
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 195
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 7/17/2012 4:13:19 PM
ohbiteme61- I've used the term red flag, but I'm not anymore because I've finally realized that the term is a dead horse, beat to death.
Let's just say I have a finely tuned bs meter and leave it at that ;)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >