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 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 51
Would you date a cheaterPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't lie. My mother raised me to own up to my mistakes and never cover anything because later on in life .. lies surface.

vanili ... I don't think everyone here would agree that it's human nature. I have a feeling that there is a large percentage on this site that are very honest people and the reason they are here is because they have fallen victim to liars and cheaters. People aren't born liars .. it's not a part of human nature.

My ex husband lied all the time. Through our whole marriage he lied ... and I was blind to it.

As for body types .. I don't list and as for judging others on theirs .. unless you know the person for a fact, you really can't say. I know my body type is appealing to my caller and to other gentlemen. I'm not trying to attract men with my body .. I want them to like me for my personality and my mind. My body is just along for the ride ... and it can change at any time like the seasons but a personality mainly stays the same. I am loving, loyal, easy going, honest and fun .. I think that is very attractive to many people.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 52
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:18:45 AM

My ex husband lied all the time. Through our whole marriage he lied ... and I was blind to it.
Basically, what you're saying is you chose to be blind to it.

As for body types .. yadda, yadda, yadda
Are you trolling?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 53
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:33:28 AM
^^^^ Did your parents elect Kennedy? Is history repeated itself???
....................... ............................ .......................... .......................
 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 54
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 1:18:00 PM

Basically, what you're saying is you chose to be blind to it.

When I married my husband, I gave myself whole heartedly to him ... without question. I didn't enter into a marriage with intent to question him or his judgment as I believe that marriage is a partnership and that if you truly love someone then you do no harm to them and are always honest. I thought he had the same morals and beliefs as I did .. I don't call that blind .. I call that committed to your partner. I hope that my new mate is deserving of the trust I give him.

Wishes .. I assume you have lied to your mate? Did it not bother you to betray his trust? Would you do it again to your next mate? I'll be honest, I often wonder about how that works in the mind of the person betraying their mate.


Are you trolling?

Now I was addressing a comment that CloudHidden made on page four. Might want to go back and read his post so you can understand my comment.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 55
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 1:30:29 PM
I wouldnt consider it because its part of thier pattern of behavior. Someone that valued monogomy is spinning the wheel, its just a matter of time before your number comes up. Why live a life always wondering if she can be faithful when you know she is inheriently a cheater. If your a person that can live with somone cheating on you because of the fact they do it due to some unknown reason, then go for it. I prefer to live withing a relationship with my SO.
So this tread is really not about us but about you and if you should consider a LTR with someone you are taken by that sleeps around.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 58
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 5:52:17 PM

So what are we suggesting here? That all the people in the world who have'nt been monogamous be sent to an isolated planet to roam amongst themselves? Well, we've already done that.. it's called earth.

There are far too many people on earth who are incapable of remaining monogamous for any great length of time. I dare to say that Most long term relationships have endured some form of infidelity during said long term. Whether it be a physical betrayal or an emotional betrayal some were never found out.. some were and the chips flew where they may.

Most people who proclaim to be 100% monogomous usualy have several very short relationships during their lifetime. 1-2-3-4-or 5 years at the most before they're onto their next monogamous partner.. calling themselves morally correct and leaving a partner that they still "loved but were not in love with" *rolls eyes* because the sex became too routine.

Chances are very high that elderly couple who have been married for 30-40-50-60 years have had a indiscretion a time or two, however; they found a life-mate that they chose to grow old with none the less. They love each other and they consider loving and being in love as one thing. Being "in love" to them is much more then the limerence period experienced when engaging with a new sex partner.

There are no monogamous animals on earth.. even in the animal kingdom there may be several species that MATE for life but DNA studies have now concluded that during their tenure with their life mate they have stepped out of their own nest, fathered and mothered others offspring, only to return to the one they chose to be with for life.

I'd have more trouble dating someone who proclaims to have never cheated and has had several monogamous short term unions.. They're the one's who very often leave their (what turns out to be temporary) life-long nest when the inherant urge to merge with someone new overwhelms them. "Leave before you cheat, there's no excuse to cheat" is often sung amongst the serial monogamers.

I once read a post here where the poster said "I've lived with ALL of my long term partners and I never cheated, ever" (The poster was in their early 30's) proclaiming it like it was something the be proud of. LMAO.

I may be monogamous in general, but I'm not so naive that I think that nature built us to be that way.. Would I date someone who cheated? Chances are most of us already have.


LOL! WISHES GRANTED!!! How dare you interject sanity....in a POF forum of all places!!!

I heard the most excellent series of sermons on "Cheating" many many years ago. Wish I'd have recorded it to play it back for all of us now; but alas, who knew I'd ever need to pull it out of memory. It went something like this:

Infidelity very rarely comes "out of the blue". There are almost ALWAYS issues, and serious ones for a very long time...BEFORE one partner "cheats". The partner who is "cheated on", almost NEVER admits their role in provoking or encouraging the infidelity. Those who most vehemently protest that THEY WOULD NEVER cheat....are about 70 times MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT, than those who are able to see some circumstances and situations where they "might" be tempted to do so.

Our "moral laws" date back to Moses....Thou shalt not commit adultery. Yet, after 2000 years of "legalism" (saying that pornography and masturbation was NOT cheating);
the source of our "moral law" gave us:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.


So, the answer is.....YES, I would date someone who has "cheated", who is honest about it, who in a moment of weakness gave into temptation, who does NOT even try to pass themselves off as "perfect"....way sooner than I would someone who insists catagorically that they would NEVER, NEVER, EVER cheat....no matter what...and that anyone who ever did should be stoned. People who DO make mistakes are much more likely to put effort into a relationship than those who are already "perfect" and therefore never requiring of "forgiveness".
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 61
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:11:05 PM

When I married my husband, I gave myself whole heartedly to him ... without question. I didn't enter into a marriage with intent to question him or his judgment as I believe that marriage is a partnership and that if you truly love someone then you do no harm to them and are always honest. I thought he had the same morals and beliefs as I did .. I don't call that blind .. I call that committed to your partner. I hope that my new mate is deserving of the trust I give him.
When you didn't see what was missing .. then I call that choosing to be blind. Somewhere along the line.. your bond was broken, you were unable to love each other unconditionally so you chose (or he chose) to terminate.. You're perogative and. . Obviously neither of you were able to remedy what was lacking in your bond. You're devotion without question is how you saw things.. perhaps he didn't see it quite the same way??? For that you have my sympathy..

I assume you have lied to your mate? Did it not bother you to betray his trust? Would you do it again to your next mate? I'll be honest, I often wonder about how that works in the mind of the person betraying their mate.
There is no one in the world who has never lied to their mate. I can say, I've never betrayed his trust.

A vow that most people forget is "Until death do us part." another .. "In sickness and in health".. Why are they not as important to people? Why do they not strive to remedy conflict, apathy, mundaness, question why they no longer want sex with their spouse or why their spouse has lost interest in them sexually or, why they no longer seem to have fun together BEFORE it's beyond repair? When you find a partner that you can discuss anything with.. there's no need to lie about important things.. Like when your needs/wants (what ever they may be) are not being met (your's and his) and how they can be fulfilled..

I had My life story here, but I edited it, because frankly.. I have no need to justify my life to a stranger on the internet who prejudged me with her assumptions.


Are you trolling?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:
Now I was addressing a comment that CloudHidden made on page four. Might want to go back and read his post so you can understand my comment.
Don't need to, your entire profile is to promote your own web-site. So, without even reading the post you refer to.. you are, at the very least trolling to promote your own personal buisness ~ which I assume you didn't know is against POF rules.

Unconditional best wishes to you.
 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 62
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:23:33 AM

I had My life story here, but I edited it, because frankly.. I have no need to justify my life to a stranger on the internet who prejudged me with her assumptions.


Hmm, lets recap this ... prejudged .. that would be you ... on page 5 when you jumped to the assumption that I ...

Basically, what you're saying is you chose to be blind to it.


It's obvious that you don't understand the mind of a cheater or liar ... maybe you have never fallen victim to one.


When you didn't see what was missing .. then I call that choosing to be blind. Somewhere along the line.. your bond was broken, you were unable to love each other unconditionally so you chose (or he chose) to terminate.. You're perogative and. . Obviously neither of you were able to remedy what was lacking in your bond. You're devotion without question is how you saw things.. perhaps he didn't see it quite the same way??? For that you have my sympathy..


There was nothing I did wrong nor was there anything missing out of the marriage ... he enjoyed the thrill of it .. the game ... and because he got away with it .. the win.


why they no longer want sex with their spouse or why their spouse


Again .. you are jumping to assumptions .... While he was cheating he wanted sex with me much more ... it turned him on to have his mistress and then come home to his wife .. He's not the first guy to get turned on by that kind of thing .. he had two hot woman, talk about an ego boost.


you are, at the very least trolling to promote your own personal buisness

Another assumption on your part. That web site is not a business and if you look at the url .. it goes to a section of moosegal that has a message me area in it. I don't come in here regularly but I had made friends with a few people from here. I don't give out my e-mail as I know how easily a stalker can use that to gain access to a person, their friends and family. I have a stalker already .. I am trying to avoid more.


Don't need to, your entire profile is to promote your own web-site.


Hmm, more assumptions .... If you did the research .. you would also see I am not the owner of the site, just the author of its contents. I do own my own sites .. but I don't promote them on other peoples boards ... that's just not right. If I was to promote my own personal business ... I have a few other web sites I would leave a url for. The one in my profile .. makes no money .. nor is it business related, that web site ... lol .. it's a playground for snailrider and I, nothing more.

Another thing ... originally when I came to this site, it was under the request of someone special to me. After the experience I had with my stalker, I refused to date anyone on line and I would recommend that others restrain from it also. After being here, doing the research and writing an article about it .. I became open to the possibility that some online relationships might be dangerous but in general, it's safe to say the odds are in most peoples favor.



Rule of thumb .. if you address someone ... expect an answer. Never prejudge someone unless you are willing to have the same done to you.

Wishes .. good luck with your search for a mate.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 63
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:04:56 AM
Absolutely never consider a cheater for a LTR. I expect a lover and wife to be monogomous and cheating will mess up a relationship where my values would be compramised by such an individual plus the fact that they are likely to contract various STD is compramising with ones health
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 64
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:12:54 AM
LOL! Ya know what really amazes me......is that EVERYONE.....yes, EVERYONE who is divorced....IS a liar, and a cheat! "Divorce" IS breaking ones' wedding vows. PERIOD.

We vow, for better or worse....until we find out what the "worse" is...and Poof.... divorced.
We say, for richer or poorer....until he loses his job....and Poof....divorced.
We say, in sickness and in health...til we find out he/she is an alcoholic or drug addict...and then Poof....divorced.
We say to love and to cherish....and then nag the shit out of our partner, belittle them, disrespect them, ignore them, are selfish toward them....and expect THEM to "honor" us. LOL! Tsk, tsk, tsk! What hypocritical creatures we are!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 65
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:20:13 AM

Hmm, lets recap this ... prejudged .. that would be you ... on page 5 when you jumped to the assumption that I ...


Basically, what you're saying is you chose to be blind to it.


It's obvious that you don't understand the mind of a cheater or liar ... maybe you have never fallen victim to one.
Honey.. when your husband is able to "entertain' two (possibly more) woman behind your back without you noticing that there's something strange,weird, out-of-the-norm, going on in your partnership .. then when I say you chose to be blind to it.. it's not an assumption it's a fact. Question is; how long did you choose to remain blind before your eyes were forced open with actual evidence? .. how long did you ignore your intuition? No need to answer.. it's a rhetorical question for you to ponder.

I'm sorry that your marriage happened to you.. It appears you chose a chronic philanderer.. Not much you can do with that type, they are who they are and they seldom change .. for anyone.

Hillary and Jacki-O tolerate[d] infidelity from chronic philanderers they know/knew and love/loved who they married...or, they simply hold/held it together because they are/were damn good life-partners, the type of couples that are most likely a be that elderly couple holding hands on their front porch in their rocking chairs together in sickness and in health .. until death they do part still loving each other until the end.

As for promoting your dot.com. It's against the rules no matter what your cap
acity is behind it. Can you imagine if we all put our personal web addys promoting whatever it is we're promoting.. You being the author of it's contents is pretty good reason to promote it. Free Advertising it's called.. Markus (admin) charges people to advertise on this site and the revenue from such advertising keeps keeps it free for it's users.


if you address someone ... expect an answer. Never prejudge someone unless you are willing to have the same done to you.
Every one on this thread who said they'd never date a previous cheater are assuming and they are prejudging by they're very convictions. Besides, this is a public forum.. I don't give opinions that agree with everyone, everytime.. I expect rebuttals.. so, yea; I'm prepared.

and
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 66
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:58:10 AM
Both Hilary and Jacki-O are/were quite self sufficient.. in ego/wealth/education.. They were'nt bimbos only used for arm candy. So their husbands money had little to do with things, I'd imagine however that their husband's power would have lots to do with them remaining in their marriages (besides the love and good life mate material allued to in my other post) because some women get off on that power and the vibe it induces, they find being around it more important and therefore are able to turn a blind eye to the infidelity.. I'd think that Hiliary was aware of Bills proclivities.. or she would have left him.. It seems that she was more pissed than anything that he was stupid enough to embarass her when he got caught.

Perhaps Hilliary was embarassed because of the narrow minded people who are unable to mind their own business about what is and is not acceptable in the privacy of other people's own marriage. (???) Of course I'm just assuming because I've never talked to her.. but I do know for a fact that she's chosen "until death do us part" (so far anyway) and declined to become one of those giver-uppers who:

are divorced because their partner broke their wedding vows?


P.S. Good call on the :
for better or worse....
comment :0)

 moosegal
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 68
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 12:14:45 PM

Honey.. when your husband is able to "entertain' two (possibly more) woman behind your back without you noticing that there's something strange,weird, out-of-the-norm, going on in your partnership .. then when I say you chose to be blind to it.. it's not an assumption it's a fact.


Sorry but that statement is too misleading to leave it without a reply. I would not want you to mislead anyone following this thread...
I don't know your marriage history but I think maybe I may have a few years up on you here. First of all .. my ex worked 12 hour shifts and the drive to and from work was 45 minutes each way. Out of a 24 hour day he was gone 13.5 hours, he slept 8 hours which only left 2.5 shared hours. On his days off he would spend time with his mother, run errands, we own a home so there was maintenance, repairs and upkeep He also spent time visiting with friends and watching television. Sure he used some his free time to cheat but I don't sneak around following my man .. I trust him and if I didn't, then what was the purpose of being married? As for there being norm during intimacy? lol, if there wasn't changes ... that would make for a stale relationship. If you want to please a man, the last thing you want to do is turn it into a routine. (BTW .. some men have the ability to perform often with very little rest in between ... he's one)

I would also like to inform you .. I never entered into my vows lightly. After discovering this problem in my marriage, I did try to find a way to make my marriage work. My ex loves woman .. and there is no changing that so I did move on. There is no shame in a partner taking the time to salvage a marriage and I take offense to anyone implying that there is.



Free Advertising it's called.. Markus (admin) charges people to advertise on this site and the revenue from such advertising keeps keeps it free for it's users.


I have changed my profile here on POF and I also have gone to all the sites that I had put a plug for POF on and removed them. After all, you are right, any mention of a site is free advertising and it seems I was providing POF to free advertising on a few of the sites I provide content on . I am certain that POF is very grateful to you for bringing this to my attention ... I shall continue to search my content and circulated articles for any other free advertising I was providing.

Wishes ... lets return this thread back to it's owner .. defending myself to you is only forcing us to hijack this from it's original poster ... OP sorry for hijacking your thread ...

Wishes, may you find a man equally deserving ... best of luck to you.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 69
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 1:07:24 PM

What about those people who are divorced because their partner broke their wedding vows?


They have NO excuse....by their own standards (and by the way...those ARE the standards you WILL be judged by....YOUR OWN (toward others)

BUT: WHAT about someone who "cheated" BECAUSE the other partner FIRST broke the wedding vow....say, to "love and cherish". So, by most of standards here....it's OK to break certain wedding vows...but NOT others?

The 2 most common things that married couples fight about: money, and sex. By the standards seen here, it's perfectly acceptable for one partner to break those vows if say...the other partner is chronically unemployed....through alcoholism. That makes breaking the vows not only perfectly acceptable; but if the person doesn't break the vows, "we" call them, weak, co-dependent, and we've even seen them labeled as being responsible for their own misery because they SHOULD leave. (break the wedding vows).

Ok, how about the partner whos spouse moves into another bedroom. NO physical or mental illness mind you....they just decide....they never really cared for sex, and are tired of being expected to offer affection that they just don't feel. They'll keep cooking dinner and doing the laundry/ or mowing the grass and paying the bills...but "affection"....nahhhh, not interested. By the standards seen here...this situation is NOT considered "breaking ones wedding vow" to love and cherish.

LOL! I'm certainly glad that NONE of you are God. Even He recognizes that those who put a "stumbling block" in someone's path IS jointly responsible for that person's "sin".


1Corinthians 7:3 -5 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
The Bible (source of morality, and "thou shalt not commit adultery) says that....withholding AFFECTION, or SEX from your spouse.....IS FRAUD!

Now, tell me, in MANY cases when a partner has "cheated"....WHO was FIRST to commit the FRAUD?

Yes, of course I'm not "excusing" the "cheater" who was in no way "provoked" or ignored, or drunk, or just plain stupid; and I realize that a good many of those types do exist. But the fact remains that there is still a large percentage of "cheaters" who bear that blame and shame ALONE who SHOULD NOT do so. If anything, their greatest sin is "pride", for NOT being able to admit that their spouses breaking of the marriage vows "to love" is provoking them to ALSO "defraud" those vows.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 71
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:24:55 PM

Apparently, only those who can forgive themselves are the ones who truly understand what forgiveness really is.
Agreed!

GrandmaBooBoo.....You have my highest respect for flushing out the hypocracy of those that a quick to point a finger! Well done!!!
Also Agreed!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 73
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:45:04 PM
^^ If the glove doesn't fit.. you must admitt ..

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 74
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:08:07 PM
Ask the woman that I booted out the door on her bum at 2 in the morning when her "status" came up during a conversation as we were proceeding to end a nice evening out, the good and fun way. Nothing funnier for my neighbours as the "lady" cried to me asking how she was going to get a ride home at that late of an hour. I told her to phone her husband.

Okay, okay,,,since you will never get a hold of her,,,my answer,,,,,never.
 notmeinsc
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 75
Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:10:13 PM
I had a relationship with a guy for many years who cheated on his wife because she had cheated on him. I found this out about a year into the relationship and although I found the excuse juvenile I never once thought he cheated on me. In the long run though that should have told me how his mind worked. He was a mama's boy and never grew up.

Anyways, I don't care for cheaters and as someone stated cheating and lying go hand in hand. I do believe that someone who has cheated "once" can regret it and see the errors of their ways and not do it again.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 78
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:05:27 AM

As if the only way to gain courage is to some how live life in solitude until their hero rides in to appreciate their virtue solely on a moral decision based only on what has been established by social order alone, no inner voice to be tested what so ever and then to rate against consumerism to boot! What a meek, scared self righteous stance!


What he's talking about is called: a "Sanctified Experience" vs. "moralizing". There are 5 meanings for "sanctify", and only 1 for "moralizing". Thus:
Sanctify: To make holy; purify.
and
To make productive of holiness or spiritual blessing.


Moralize: The noun has one meaning:
Meaning #1: indulgence in moral pronouncements; the exposition (often superficially) of a particular moral code
Synonyms: moralization, moralisation


Now, most certainly, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that "cheaters" are holy; no, that's ridiculous. I will however say that those who HAVE flaws; are much more likely to be capable of forgiveness than those who do NOT (have flaws)(or THINK that they do not).
I will further state, that "infidelity" stems from "lust", a sin of the flesh......WHICH by the way......being OVERWEIGHT is ALSO a "sin of the flesh" or....a LUST....for food.

UNFORGIVENESS and moralizing are sins of the Spirit. (the heart). :-) Aren't we lucky that God (the Giver of Moral Law) judges our HEART....not our flesh.

King David, whom God called "A man after his own heart" was not only an adulterer, but a murderer. After impregnating Bathsheba (another mans wife) he had him killed so that he could take her as his wife.

Again, this is certainly NOT to condone adultery, but to exemplify and expose the weakness of a "moral code" which makes no room for learning experiences and forgiveness. Such "absolute" thinking IS WEAK; not only that, but far more often falls prey to more grievous wrongs (sins of the Spirit) than those who recognize that "the flesh is weak" and can only be overcome....by a strong Spirit....which is one capable of understanding, and forgiveness.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 80
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:13:48 AM

Besides, sins of the flesh is all about sex mostly. That taboo and erstwhile subject that everybody loves to talk about, control, and judge about. Even the priest and the church love it. That why it's often in some form or context the most talked about 'sin' everywhere - from adultery to birth control to gay marriage and everything else. There's sex somewhere and it's all about sex. If wasn't about 'sins of the flesh' - the church would fail. What else could they talk about and try to control?


I vaguely understand the point that you're trying to make; and must say that you're mistaken in assuming that I disagree with you (to a point) or that I'm coming from the same place. Agreed, "organized religion" today is no different than the Pharisees were over 2000 years ago...i.e. all about "law" (moralizing) and little about the spiritual.


Even 'god' has committed sins of the heart by it's very nature of allowing for those to commit 'sins of the heart' (like King David) or by being a 'vengeful' or 'jealous' god himself. God has shown himself of being incapable of forgiveness by condemning folks to hell for all eternity for their own sins.
I'm not here to argue the existence of God, or whether one believes or disbelieves that man as (or does not have Free Will). My examples relate directly to the SOURCE of "moral law"; not It's virtual existence, or nature. (That would be off topic.)

If we reject the idea that "morality" has an origin, or a Source, then we reject the concept that "moral values" even exist; therefore the act of riding a bicycle rather than a horse is no different than fidelity, or infidelity. For the purpose of THIS thread however, we ACCEPT that there IS such a concept (morality) and it therefore HAS an origin.

Primarily attributed to one particular organized religion: the "Seven Deadly Sins"

1. Pride
2. Avarice (Greed)
3. Envy
4. Wrath
5. Lust
6. Gluttony
7. Sloth



John 8:7... let him who is WITHOUT sin, cast the first stone....
My point IS: That I am quite curious, with ALL the high morals around here: WHO would date a person who is Proud? Who would date a person who is greedy? Who would date a person who is envious of others? Who would date a person who HAS EVER BEEN ANGRY? Who would date a person who overeats? Who would date a person who is untidy? ALL are "deadly sins". As far as I know....dead is dead, there are no varying degrees.

Mat 7:2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Once again, the Source of moral law says, that WE will be judged by EXACTLY the same criteria that WE use to judge OTHERS. Therefore, if we have EVER committed the deadly sin of "Wrath" (anger) then we are condemned as being forever wrathful, and undeserving of forgiveness because, it's been deemed by POF forum members, overwhelmingly....that once a person has exhibited a "deadly behavior" they WILL NEVER change, are in fact incapable of change.

If these "judges" now wish to recant; then the 2 options are, they will be judged by the same criteria which they have judged others, or admit that there is no morality, and therefore "cheating" is no crime against anyone.

Hey, I'm good either way, so it's no skin off my nose what anyone else decides. I believe in "free will", and that people can and do change...whether they be hypocrites, or cheaters.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 82
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:57:35 AM

I don't believe that hypocrites change as easily as some tho. Pick the 'sin' you feel comfortable with, justify and live it, and detest all others. Either way you're a hypocrite.
EXACTLY my point and my position!!!! That even while "cheating" is not a desirable characteristic....it is a flaw that is (in my way of reasoning) a less "fatal" one than those who insist that they are perfect...OR who can justify and defend THEIR own faults, but who condemn others; catagorically, without reason (logic).



Its like someone with a crimminal record. However qualified you are for certain jobs you cant get them because as a teenager you keyed your ex car. charged and sentenced to 6 months in jail for vandalism.
a perfect analogy! We give that "lip service", and say that the "debt to society" has been paid....but then continue to send that person an "invoice" as it were; reminding them that they STILL have this debt. Sorry folks...but "forgiveness" just doesn't work that way.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 84
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 9:36:06 AM

And I don't believe that we are hard wired or biologically designed to cheat. But I do believe the longer a relationship lasts, the higher likelihood of one cheating. So anyone who has been together 40 years or more has the higher likelihood that someone has cheated as oppose to someone together only 2 years.
Exactly what I said on page No.1.
As I said, I'd be more wary of someone who gives up after 2 or so years, and has had dozens or more partners in their 20,30, or 40 something years on this planet than I would someone who is a good life partner who happened to have one indiscretion because during their lenghly partnership they got lax on making sure each others needs and wants were being met.

When you think about it.. the serial monogamer ends up having more sexual partners and would therefore be more likely to contract an STD then a cheater (omitting the chronic one's of course) who has had the same partner for 20/30/40 years. So, those who are touting the STD reason make little sense to me.

STD's were spread through promisuity mainly through the single and non-committed and those with little decernment when picking a sex partner.. not by those who have cheated once on a spouse. I suspect that serial monogamers who say they'd never date a cheater give up pretty quickly on their mongamous partners and have never had to worry about temptation, they simply break up with their 2 year fling when the limerence period has ended and move onto the next one.

I clearly don't see the logic of never dating a cheater.. I could understand the adversion if the question was: "Would you knowingly date someone who was a sex addict" .. That would be a hard task keeping someone like that happy in all ways, particularily in terms of frequency, because the more they have, the more they need. Not to mention the increased risk of catching a desease from someone like that.

BTW: Gramma BooBoo.. You Rock!
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 85
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:22:24 AM
I would be more allowable if they were vulnerable when the they did this
~sc~
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 86
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 11:36:50 AM

Why , it's almost as though , kids do what their parents (or president) do !


Hmmmmm, no, I don't really think so.

I know that my 32 yr old daughter has had a long history of "issues" with her father that revolve around his "cheating"....but, I don't think I could really say that they're BECAUSE of the "cheating". First of all, she knew NOTHING of any cheating that went on while I was married to him; I did not view it as an issue that children should be told of. Suffice to say, I am capable of separating any individuals ability to be a partner, from their ability to be a parent. Her issues stem from the failures of his 2nd and 3rd marriages, both of which ended with this "infidelity". It was during his 3rd marriage that he involved his (and my) children in the cheating. My daughter is not so much hostile about the fact that he did cheat on wives #2 and #3, but that she feels "used", and "betrayed", and...."foolish" for believing what ever stories she was told when he chose to spend the weekend with her fathers "mistress" other than with their stepmother. It is not always easy to put your finger on exactly which "violation" she perceives as the most hurtful.

As she speaks to me, I hear, almost verbatim; that it's been the "lies". I.E. (per her words) That each time he would introduce a new "step mother", he would say...."this is your new stepmom and I love her....and I want you to accept and love her also". The problem is, that after he's "stopped loving" the new stepmom and moved onto the next; the children are not (have not been) similarly able to "divorce" their feelings for this person that he no longer has feelings for. Between wife #3 and wife #4 (I was #1) apparently he would take the girls to spend the weekend with his "mistress" (who is now wife #4) and they were so young, they thought of it as just...having a slumber party at Daddy's' friends house.

While this may well be the catalyst, I still believe that the "cheating" was secondary to "involving the children" in the scam. Primarily, I think they felt "cheated" by the process of losing 2 step mothers that they had come to care for.

As a Mother, it was my responsibility to deal with my children's feelings....NOT the other way around. (to make them deal with MY feelings) NOR was I about to make, or let them deal with a step mother's feelings. I refused to engage in drawing the children into "adult issues"; and constantly reinforced the concept that THEY (the children) disregard and ignore adult relationships and to focus ONLY on the kind of father he was, not the kind of husband.

He's been married to wife #4 now, for....ohhhh, 13-14 years; and as far as I know has been 100% faithful. He has 2 children, both younger than MY grandchildren...who view him as a wonderful father. I'm certainly not going to take that away from them by pointing out that he was a total $hit the first 40 years of his life. My (our) oldest daughter died 3 years ago; and I know that she still had "issues" with him; and I believe that THAT is enough "punishment" for anyone. My middle daugher....seems to have resolved much with him; and I view that as a very good thing. (for her own sake) The remaining issues which seem to be working themselves out are that wife #4, because of her own guilt, lives in a chronic state of denial.

If you ask me, he's suffered a helluva lot more than wifes 1-3 have, and certainly, I don't think that my daughter has been influenced to follow in her father's footsteps. I would hope, that IF ANY lesson she may have learned is that every individual pays for their own mistakes, in their own way; and that people can and sometimes do...change.

I'm not saying that everyone should run out and get themselves a known "cheater" to have a relationship with; I'm simply saying....what is a favorite cliche on POF...."don't paint all cheaters with the same brush."
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 88
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Would you date a cheater
Posted: 10/27/2009 1:36:15 PM

you can't expect me to condone it.
Condone it? Who has ever said it should be condoned? I thought we were suggesting you forgive it or, at the very least.. not be prejudgemental predudice to the character of the person who made the transgression.

The cheating doesn't cause damage to the children.. it's the attitude and hate that one parent shows towards the other.. It's the break-down of the marriage and the lack of conflict resolution, the absence of seeing forgiveness to disagreements and only the disagreements that cause damage to children. Playing one parent against the other and using your children as pawns definately causes them damage. ~ This type of dynamic causes deep emotional conflict in children whether an infidelity has occurred or not.

BTW.. I don't think you (or anyone else) Rocks any less just because we're in disagreement .. I some how doubt that most that have posted that they'd never date a past cheater would say the same thing) about me .. when one hates, they usually hate without predjudice
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