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 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 440
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.Page 11 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
okay this is absolutely an absurd thread. ask any man's mother if he should date a single mother and as the mother of a son...every single mother of a boy child would raise her eyebrows....even you single mothers with sons.

i don't understand the debate on this? single mothers equals more money and legal hassles possibly. end of story so why do it? any mother would caution her son against it. end of story. even you single mothers would caution your sons to not do it. it's that simple! that's not even considering the legal consequences of it. why even debate this topic? it's like debating peace in the middle east. never will work, why bother? jesus close all these stupid threads about it. it is what it is...the law is the law, men don't want to raise others kids and end it already. if you all find one to do it charish him already! not just to date and f#ck you. come on this is stupid and a stupid thread like the rest.

we all know the reasons why and no one wants to be politically incorrect otherwise he can't get laid. statistics prove many things. like all of us would you invest in a stock that had a negative return on money? no...so what are we investing in if it has a negative return on investment? we must be investing in something which we all know what that is don't we?
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:21:23 PM
Tealwood : And now…let me address my other post that seems to be where the offense came from, maybe…

Post prior to mine: Number 513 by InNCSearching

Isittrulyaninternetworld
^^^ Okay, somewhere in your rant, you may have made some valid point on a potential risk associated with dating a single parent...not “mom” but…”parent” I do recognize there are all different kinds of people in the world.


As mentioned in my first response to you, I clearly agreed that there is a valid point on potential financial risk of dating single parents…

InNCSearching
I don't want to hear oh i'm not like that as a woman. As if there is any money to take, you'll take it from the man. Just facts. Cannot argue 40 years of divorce court screwing a man.


Isittrulyaninternetworld
I wrote this really long, analytical and logical response, it was awesome but also pointless…since the above quote is not FACT, it's your perception…IMHO it’s a waste of time since I cannot debate FICTION with FACTS.


What I meant was, I will not debate perception with facts of law. This, I believe is why I offended you…and what I really wanted to tell the poster was…rubbish but I was trying to politely point out his statement bordered on ludicrous to pass his perception off as actual fact lol I’d like to see anyone try to back up his statement with statistics and facts…now THAT would impress me.

Thus far, you seem to me to be a highly intelligent, well educated man, I would be quite shocked if you had you really given credence to the above statement by InNCSearching claiming it was just facts and that one cannot argue with 40 years of divorce court screwing a man???

I responded to it primarily because, I find this type of opinion distasteful and bitter…I often wonder why so many men think that when they divorce and “lose” half the assets (which my ex did not, but let me add…I did and I recognize that was/is maybe not the norm) that if they had not been in a partnership with another person they would have had those same asset values because of course, the other person contributed nothing over the time of their relationship so everything belongs to them…

Things that make me go hmmmmm….
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/14/2011 10:39:40 PM

okay this is absolutely an absurd thread. ask any man's mother if he should date a single mother and as the mother of a son...every single mother of a boy child would raise her eyebrows....even you single mothers with sons.

i don't understand the debate on this? single mothers equals more money and legal hassles possibly. end of story so why do it? any mother would caution her son against it. end of story. even you single mothers would caution your sons to not do it. it's that simple! that's not even considering the legal consequences of it. why even debate this topic? it's like debating peace in the middle east. never will work, why bother? jesus close all these stupid threads about it. it is what it is...the law is the law, men don't want to raise others kids and end it already. if you all find one to do it charish him already! not just to date and f#ck you. come on this is stupid and a stupid thread like the rest.

we all know the reasons why and no one wants to be politically incorrect otherwise he can't get laid. statistics prove many things. like all of us would you invest in a stock that had a negative return on money? no...so what are we investing in if it has a negative return on investment? we must be investing in something which we all know what that is don't we?


Tealwood: This is the poster whose "facts" I was questioning the validity of and whose rubbish I was politely trying not to call rubbish... not yours. Now, it appears, I can be rude enough to say...it's rubbish...lmao

And then simply ignore it....
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 443
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/15/2011 12:16:42 PM

Alright here's the deal. Many of you think otherwise or are totally ignorant of the "law". In canada and in the states if you act as the so called "father" then your considered the "de-facto" parent. I don't want to hear oh your wrong or not because there's many, many cases across the land having men support kids that are not theres. If not, look it up and prove me wrong. Point is it's all about money. Like my father used to say, after love is gone the only thing left is children and money...guess what mothers get from kids...money.

I don't want to hear oh i'm not like that as a woman. As if there is any money to take, you'll take it from the man. Just facts. Cannot argue 40 years of divorce court screwing a man. Again if you don't like it and want a man, change the freaking laws. And not all are like that but most are. So women would you walk down a street where they said there's a 80% chance of getting mugged, rapped or killed? probably not. again...you have a 20% chance of not being a victim of violence. What I'm saying is men know by dating a single mother not all are like that but most are and you cannot change that fact. 75% of females file for divorce...which means men go to court pay all this shit and get screwed. Same as you all walking down that violent street. you cannot ignore statistics. No matter what your emotions tell you.

Any man who has been subjected to the legal system spreads the word. No laws are not fair and states do not want taxpayer money to support children so if they can get a sucker on the line for it...they will almost any time. And what's this deal of equality? how does getting pregnant subject you to special treatment? billions of women do it. Oh my kids are special. Run into any idiot adults you cannot stand now a day? probably like 75% of people you're like...i can't stand them....well guess what they used to be these little special kids to! So that's what you're asking a man to do is walk down that crime ridden street with a 80% chance of failure and screaming kids that are not his.

Freaking grow up. know what you're asking of men and don't be so spoiled. no you're not special. almost every woman has kids and for every woman's information no we do not like other men's kids....it goes totally against our programming so be grateful we are with you!

And switch it around ladies....if you were screwed to marry a man with kids would you? i doubt it. if the laws made women on the hook for child support or alimony then the divorce rate would drop like a prom dress. And if no support or free crap, many women would not have children until they knew the man was right. Not this...he was right at the time.


U Mad bro?

But Y U mad?

* I think he mad*
 coolestmomever
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 444
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/15/2011 6:24:53 PM
I can't believe this is even an issue, and needless to say some of the stuff I have read on this is crap! You men clearly are just dating the wrong women! This sounds so typical of men who are dating women looking for a sugar daddy. Do you guys not realize that these children have a daddy and guess what some of them are even interested in their children.

Just because a women has been in a failed relationship and had a child, doesn't mean she is looking to find a new daddy for her child/ren or that she is a failure and the child was a mistake. All it means is for some reason or another the relationship did not work out!

Use some wisdom and treat her like an adult.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 445
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/16/2011 7:02:13 AM

As far as being second you are RIGHT I will always put my children first that is called being a PARENT. There is a time when your children will leave and all you have is your spouse........so sir please rethink you thoughts


....exactly. There will indeed be a time when your children will leave and all you have is your spouse. So why would you treat him as a second class citizen until then? Think he'll appreciate the "promotion" when your kids leave? How would you feel if it was the other way around? How about I treat you like a second class citizen until my son grows up?

And ladies, if you really feel this way, please do put this in your profile so I know where not to waste my time in the dating process. Again, if you have no intention of treating me as an equal, I really don't want you as a mate.


I don't want to hear oh i'm not like that as a woman. And if there is any money to take, you'll take it from the man.


I understand not all women are the same and some may take advantage, some may not. However, there is a point made there and its a matter of weighing the risks vs. reward. I am simply not willing to put my financial well being at risk for the sake of living with a lady. The "how does marriage benefit a man" thread pointed out quite nicely the pitfalls and risk you take when you marry or cohabitate, and those get compounded when kids are involved.

If you've been through a divorce or separation, its like putting your hand on a hot stove and getting burned......why on earth would you want to put yourself in a position to get burned again? If the food on that stove is that good.......put a damn glove on before you reach for it, and teach your kids to put on a glove as well.

Better to be safe than sorry. Understand the laws and take the necessary precautions. You can still date and have sex and live a happy life without putting yourself at financial risk. Its just a matter of learning from mistakes and avoiding risk.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 446
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 8/16/2011 1:43:02 PM

any partnership carries the RISK of ending up on the wrong side of the financial or emotional table...is the risk higher to end up there with a single mom/dad? I don't know...


Much MUCH higher, because we could be liable to pay Child Support for your kids if the relationship goes sideways...........these laws apply to all provinces in Canada.
 gothicgirl86
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 447
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/10/2011 10:30:54 PM
Omg! No wonder why you men on here are single; pure ignorance. I f you want to date a single mom go ahead. Its no difference.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 448
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/12/2011 10:15:02 AM
Yes you can date a single mom if you understand that she has kids, they come first and if you get serious you will be a surrogate daddy as well as a boyfriend/husband

For me this wouldn't be an issue but not every person can take the responsibility of parenting someone else's children

If you have any doubts you should let her know before you get to serious after all if you break up with a single mom your breaking up with her kids too so make sure this is something worth working for before anyone gets hurt
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 449
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/13/2011 7:31:49 AM

(isittrulyaninternetworld) Men: Dating a single mother is a personal choice and you're quite entitled to it...However, I would like to point out that it is NOT necessary to bash us or to make assumptions about our circumstances or better yet, assume that if you leave we are ALL going to be on some type of government assistance which will then automatically scr*w you into paying child support for our children. Oh, please. Ever heard of alimony? That is not a single mom issue, this is entirely YOUR bad taste in choosing a potential mate! javascript:smilie('')


*WHY* do so many single moms *CARE* what guys who *DON'T* wanna date 'em think, anyway? If'n a guy thinks *ALL* single mothers are potential welfare queens... well, do you *REALLY* think sitting on PoF arguing about it, is an effective use of your time and energy? A better use than, say, finding a guy who *DOESN'T* think that?

Arlo...
 sandiemcg
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 450
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/20/2011 10:38:04 PM
well first I need to tell you that some women are just clingy. has nothing to do with being a single mother,now second I should tell you that most of the time a single mother has to grow up very fast so now its NOT all about her she has to think about her child so she doesnt want to just play she is looking for a real man that isnt afraid of commitment.It is not that she needs a daddy for her child but it is time to grow up and think of the future. so if you just need a piece of ass please do all of the single mothers a favor and dont date a real woman and waste are time. go get a slut
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 451
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/21/2011 2:22:35 AM
motherbrother be yourself. To put all single mom's in the same boat isn't right in my mind.

There are no pointers. be honest and be real and just be yourself.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 452
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/22/2011 3:10:37 PM

(sandiemcg) ... she is looking for a real man that isnt afraid of commitment.


I didn't have to think very long or hard to spot the stumbling block in your message:

1. "Commitment" is not synonymous with "wanting a single mom".
2. Not wanting to date a single mom is not, repeat, *NOT*, synonymous with being "afraid of commitment".

Seriously, why do (some) single moms keep playing the "afraid of commitment" card? It's getting pretty dog-eared by now...


It is not that she needs a daddy for her child but it is time to grow up and think of the future.


Why can't a *MAN* think of his future, and if his future happens NOT to include a single mom...

Arlo...
 SweetPea318
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 453
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/24/2011 1:52:06 PM
Thank you, jenn8131, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm so sick of hearing men bash single mothers and act like we are golddiggers and are from another planet. You don't see us women bashing single dads that have custody of their children like that, so grow up! We women are just a lot more mature in the thinking area, obviously!!
 markhos32
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 454
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/24/2011 5:50:30 PM
Bashing on single mothers is just wrong. I'm a single dad and and weman are no different.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 455
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:46:01 AM
I would say to take things slow, do what you would do w/any other person you are dating. I wouldn't start showing her affection right away in front of the kids, don't hold her hand or try to kiss her while you are hanging out w/her kids. You seem like you have sense, but unfortunately some don't. I personally didn't have anyone sleeping over. Just be yourself, have fun & go into this w/a positive attitude.
 valariem
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 457
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/26/2011 5:51:38 PM
I'm a single mother...never felt so labeled in my entire life. I don't even ask my sons biological father to pay child support, why would I want someone else to? And fyi he is in his sons life and treats him well. We have been apart for over 4 years and get along well still. Also just bc a woman has one child doesn't mean she wants more. Sex with her doesn't mean that she's to blame if she gets pregnant, let's not forget a man's responsibility in that act.
On to the next subject...of course a woman's child comes first, if you have or ever have children you would completely agree with that. As a single mother I know that if/when I meet someone I care for and love I would want my child to love and respect him just the same and part of that means he has some say in how things are done.
I really don't like to rant but just felt it important to say something for the decent single mothers out there. Sure there are plenty of girls that are trash but that isn't always the case.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 458
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/26/2011 6:08:41 PM

of course a woman's child comes first, if you have or ever have children you would completely agree with that.


Nope.

I have a son. I treat my GF as an equal. She doesn't come second. She treats me the same way with her kids.


I don't even ask my sons biological father to pay child support, why would I want someone else to?


There may indeed be women out there that have no intention of asking for CS from a partner that is not the bio father, but do you think us males want to really take that kind of risk, especially if you have to pay, say, for 18 years? Is it really worth it?

For me, its no. I'll kindly date and take all the niceties of having a partner but without living together, that way I'll never find myself in this kind of mess............
 trish1973
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 459
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/27/2011 8:08:12 AM
Wow, you sure have painted single parents as in the category to those who have leprosy..."Avoid contact at all cost" :)

The truth of the matter is that single parents have some awesome qualities that some might find appealing if sex is not the only requirement.

1. Single parents know how tough it is to juggle multiple task so they become more independent and reliable as they grow into their "single parent" role.

2. Single parents know how to love with no boundaries. Children teach us the most wonderful gift and that's to love unconditionally.

3. Single parents are hard-working, they are survivors of bad circumstances and know the true value of a dollar so they won't be the ones draining your pockets unless you date "ghetto girls".

4. Single parents have so much patience. Again children teach us this valuable virtue.

5. Single parents must mature pretty quickly, we have to take care of ourselves and others so we learn valuable lessons in life.

So as you can see, "Single Parent's" are not as bad as some make us out to be. As with everything you must understand we are individuals making the best of our situation...just saying :)
 trish1973
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 460
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/27/2011 8:13:08 AM
So tell me something if a woman becomes a widow because she lost her husband in the war and is now a single parent, does that make her ignorant?

Your comment follow no logical rule...wow
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 461
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/27/2011 3:03:08 PM

Wow, you sure have painted single parents as in the category to those who have leprosy..."Avoid contact at all cost" :)





Your comment follow no logical rule...wow


.....You totally missed the context of my comments, and thus fail to see the logic:

I have absolutely no problem with single parents (I am one!!). What I am saying is that CO-HABITATION is out of the question....nothing more! If you read carefully, you'd realize that I date a single mom. I get along great with her kids and appreciate everything else (like patience, maturity, and independence) that comes along with a ready made family......its just that I refuse to live with her due to the CS laws.

Change the laws.......problem solved. Until then, I can't risk the financial hit I would have to take if we lived together and things went sideways and she decided to take me for CS........

Get it now?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 462
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/27/2011 3:16:03 PM

(momentofchaos) I think some men are afraid single moms want a daddy for their kid(s). Most of us do NOT.


You're right: SOME men are afraid that SOME single moms are like that. It's not like single moms have "Want a daddy for my kids!", or "DON'T want a daddy for my kids!", tattooed on their foreheads.

I really wish (some) single moms would stop b!tching guys out for not wanting to date 'em. It's the guy's choice, end of story. Why do all other preferences get a pass, but this one makes (some) single mothers have kittens?

Arlo...
 MeltotheV
Joined: 8/7/2011
Msg: 463
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/27/2011 9:19:32 PM
I fall into the DON'T want a baby daddy for my kids!

No matter the reason I would much rather someone say "I don't date mom's". Saves me some grief :)
 DizzyMummi81
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 464
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 9/30/2011 10:48:52 PM
Some of these people are really horrible on here.

Ladies, it's very simple. If a guy doesn't want to date you because you are a single mom, then generally I would think he is not someone that you would want in your life anyway. Your not going to want to be with someone that is going to resent you and in the long run, your child, they will only get hurt.

It's not that he's a bad guy, he just might not be at a point where he can accept a second place spot.

Fella's, stop generalizing single mum's. We are not all ghetto trash, money hungry, scaled creatures looking to lock your penis up in our super womb.

I have been single for three years, raising my son. His father left because he was an alcoholic and needed to grow up, haven't heard from him since, and that is okay. I am my son's mother and father, I'm not looking for anyone to take care of him. I am very up front and honest, and generally, I prefer to date single dad's because they can relate a little more to my time constraints. My son is not 'baggage', he is a blessing, and if I can find someone who thinks the same and will love him, great, if not, then I will continue to wait for God to put someone in my life who is supposed to be there. We are a packaged deal, a lot of guys can't accept that, and that's fine, I have nothing against them for it, and sometimes you can decide to be friends and show them what being a single parent is all about. :)

On a further note, I do not get CS, I take care of my son by working, I go without so my son has. Very simple. There are many others like me, we are not these horrible rejects.

Good luck to all of you and OP if your having that many doubts, then it's probably best not date his lady and risk hurting her. God bless.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 465
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/1/2011 12:58:27 AM
Is it really so bad to want a Dad for ones kids? My kids are calling my boyfriend Dad.
I love it. I wouldnt want them getting real close with someone i was casual dating or hooking up with, but for the long term, yeah i think they need a Dad.

I do want a Dad for them. Children need paternal influence. If i am enter into a long term relationship or a marriage with a man, i want my kids to be able to look up to him, to feel loved by a father figure, to have a mans perspective on the world, & to be able to call him their Dad, their Pops, their old man, or whatever they want to call him.

While i consider myself to be a very independant, strong woman, & have held down a household & taken care of children on my own, i am still just one woman. I am not, and can not be, both a man & a woman, i only have the feminine influence & perspective to offer my children. I dont have mans perspective on the world, & am only one person, I cannot be everyone & everything. My youngest was still in Pampers when i lost my husband, even though he had a wonderful father, he will not remember him. He will have memories via myself, my Daughter, & his family, the people who actually have real memories, but still wont have his own memories. He needs a man who can guide him to be a man.
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