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 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 466
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.Page 12 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
(QueenBeeSweetness) Is it really so bad to want a Dad for ones kids? My kids are calling my boyfriend Dad.
I love it. I wouldnt want them getting real close with someone i was casual dating or hooking up with, but for the long term, yeah i think they need a Dad.


Your honesty is refreshing. Just for the record, you're one single mom that I'd be all over...

Arlo...
 DizzyMummi81
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 467
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/1/2011 9:21:57 AM
QueenBee, I think you are a doll and I hope you do find someone that will be a wonderful role model to your kid. There's nothing wrong with it all, if I meet someone someday that wants to be a father to him, then that would be great, but if not, we just do the best we can with what we are given I guess.
 SarahElaine91
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 468
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/1/2011 2:15:38 PM
wow thats messed up. What single mother would WANT some piece of crap who would treat her children or her like that. Like she is seeking some one just to pay her bills. Good luck finding a woman without kids if thats the kind of person you are. Even non mothers would consider you a waste of time. You have no idea what its like being a single mom or anything that goes with it. This burns me up. As a single mother I have NOTHING to do with my sons birthfather and he wont ever have to either. Also just because a woman has a child doesnt mean shes ever been married sad but true. Also saying a child is an accident is a good way to get your ass kicked by moms, dads, and people without children as well. No one will EVER want to reproduce with you though so you have NOTHING to worry about.
 SarahElaine91
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 469
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/1/2011 4:30:52 PM
1kindMan4U
my last message was for you. One thing some men dont seem to get, if you love a woman your going to love her children as well because they are a part of her, if not then you dont deserve to be apart of her life. Thats what it comes down 2. I hope your twisted ideas on how the world works is just because of your lack of experience in the world.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 470
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/2/2011 12:37:37 PM
(SarahElaine91) One thing some men dont seem to get, if you love a woman your going to love her children as well ...


One thing that some women don't seem to get is, that men are not just women with deeper voices, i.e. men don't think like women, about kids, or about ANYTHING. If you're expecting men to think about another woman's kids the way you *THINK* they should, rather than LISTENING to what men TELL you, well... you're in for one lonely ride.

Arlo...

(on the other hand, I may have just discovered a market for the Brooklyn Bridge... )
 ForumFlashLight
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 472
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/2/2011 1:51:54 PM
Well, if you want to find the vortex of pain, injured pride and fear on POF, just read the single mother thread.

People. Seriously.

The most common complaint I see is about single moms saying "kids come first."

I think, that is a too-short explanation of, "I love my kids and I have a grizzly bear response to anyone who harms them and I'm terrified of dating a pedophile who is stalking me or a selfish jerk who would expect me to leave them in the house alone to go out to a bar to party, so, I 'm letting you know, I won't do those things and I'll wrap a tailpipe around your throat if you hurt my kids after dating me."

Geeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sounds really sexy, right!!! No wonder they shorten it to "kids come first." They are trying to honestly say they are dedicated moms. That's it.

It's not good marketing, but hey, they're moms, not professional advertisers.

To all the lovely, courageous, strong and enduring single moms:

Thanks for all the late nights and working the next day anyway and figuring out ways to make everything happen and do everything you gotta do, so that you can bring along these little citizens who make up the world.

But take a look at the single dads profiles...most of them are not saying My kid comes first... you don't have to say that to be a good mom, and it definitely won't scare away the pedophiles, you have to use good sense to weed them out.

You can't attract Mr. Wonderful with anxiety or fear.

So write your profile to Mr. Wonderful, who IS the great guy who will laugh and play with your kids and be the calm, accepting, cheerful guy who accepts you as you are.

Write it fearlessly. Tell him what you want and what you love and what a great date would be and then let him recognize himself in what you want.

The great guys can't recognize themselves in all this fear and anxiety because that is NOT what they would bring into your life.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 473
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/2/2011 6:43:16 PM
Thanks Arlo & DizziMummi
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 474
view profile
History
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/3/2011 8:36:22 AM

If someone isn't able to honestly evaluate their own situation and what they are actually offering without being nasty, irrational, aggressive, rude and bitter towards people saying (or they imagine are saying) things they don't like - thats' only helpful in telling predators what buttons to press, and sensible people to avoid them because they are poor quality dating material.



....BANG on, especially the part about avoiding them due to poor dating material.

Say your kids come first, and I WILL avoid you. Every time.......

Well said.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 475
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:05:55 AM
Arlo seriously?

You saying all men wouldn't think of a woman's kids the way she does is like her saying all men are pigs.

It is too general and just because you may not care for another mans child like a father would does not mean that other guys like me for example couldn't or wouldn't care for and even love a child that is not biologically theirs

Church
Come on who cares who the biological parent is, if you are for the woman you should care for her kids, if your not man enough or mature enough then stay away from dating single parents, Also no need to get vulgar
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 476
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:32:34 AM
If you're expecting men to think about another woman's kids the way you *THINK* they should, rather than LISTENING to what men TELL you, well... you're in for one lonely ride.

I agree, but it doesn't necessarily mean the guy is not going to care about the kid as one of his own, if it turned into an established LTR down the road. As a side note, I think many single moms may want cake & eat it too sometimes, where they want the kid to have a father figure with a newer significant other, but at the same time, have no say about the kid anymore than a babysitter would. That sort of thing can end up bringing conflict... the guy may be fine with the latter, but at the same time, you can't expect them to be a substitute father. In the end though, the guy can end up loving them like say, a nephew -- where yes, it's not biologically yours.

They are also part of her EX... The guy who fcuked her and impregnated her...

True. I think a guy would be lying if he were to say that can't at least be something potentially thought about...

The kid(s) are a part of YOU and a part of your EX. They are NOT a part of us... They have zero DNA/genetic link to us...

Yes, and I think that's a key thing. If the situation with her and her EX and you happens to be COOL, then it becomes a cool single-mom relationship situation. The EX is thrown into it all. There's no denying or downplaying that. You'd have to be dating them for a while usually to find that out or to get to a comfort zone where you would truly feel cool about all that -- and if a guy's looking for a relationship, many times that's the reason why he'll just steer clear of single moms altogether.

BUT some women do have an EX who's out of the picture altogether or virtually so. When that's convincingly the case right off the bat, that's when it's more of a feasible situation for a guy, I think.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 477
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/3/2011 5:14:50 PM
(jnemeth0710) Arlo seriously?

You saying all men wouldn't think of a woman's kids the way she does is like her saying all men are pigs.


I guess I'm serious, but I honestly have NO IDEA what you're talking about. I guess you're taking me to task for saying that men don't have these warm-n-fuzzy feelings automatically for a single mom's kids, and for pointing out that men DON'T think about these things the way women do (and any woman who thinks that men think exactly like women, is going to be sorely disappointed). If you don't like it, take it up with the 65 million years of evolution that bred such differences into human males and females. Don't b!tch to me about it.

Arlo...
 lulufitz
Joined: 9/27/2011
Msg: 478
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/3/2011 6:11:53 PM
Well said MOMMY! From a newly single mom that was in a NINE year relationship and who by no means PLANNED on being a single mom at all, you rock! All I want is to find someone who loves me for me and can except that I do have 2 handsome guys at home waiting for me. I have my own home and NO bills, not even a car payment. Oh and I also work 40 hours a week.
 DizzyMummi81
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 479
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/4/2011 6:51:34 PM

How often do you shave ?


Really? I mean really? Grow up.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 480
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:54:23 AM
Same advice here I'd give to anyone dating a single person without kids - keep everything separate-but-equal until you are ready to COMMIT to that person (and their family) full-time. Separate accounts, separate cars, separate housing - you should be happy just being able to share each others' time. If that isn't happening, sharing 'stuff' isn't going to make the TIME any better.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 481
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:17:15 AM
wow monkee,

The lady you claim to have must be proud her guy spends all day on a dating site insulting women
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 482
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/7/2011 12:39:39 PM
^^^ I bet the Mother of his children is real proud of how he insults single Mothers, seeing as she is obviously a single Mother herself.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 483
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/9/2011 6:14:30 AM
Cheeky Blonde

Its sad how people feel the need to come onto a forum and attack strangers.

Just because you have different opinion or would do something differently on a given topic does not make the other person wrong at least for them any more than it makes you right

Also like I have said several times, you can give advise without being rude, without cutting someone down or belittling them

You also do not need to jump to conclusions or make unwarranted assumptions about someone without first asking questions and awaiting replies to base your comments on

I was taught, constructive criticism, treat as you want to be treated and do onto others

I really fail to understand all the apparent anger, hostility and frustration people have been bringing these forums
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 484
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/9/2011 12:12:19 PM
WOW! Reading this thread is like reading a tragic novel!

Both sides have some points, both sides are in error in how they view some thoughts.

I guess the bottom line is to each their own. Just like the short guys who don't understand why women won't date them, single moms have a handicap when it comes to dating.

NO, they aren't damaged, or undatable, or any other such nonsense. They can be caring warm people who can make a great match, if you willing to accept the trials and tribulations that go with parenthood.

It is unfair to speculate about how things will turn out before you know them. It is equally unfair of single moms to assert they are right for any man who may not seek that role in a childs life.

Human nature is such that we put what is important to us first. So when a woman asserts her childs needs come first, her needs second, any body elses comes in third, seems a bit one sided. Doesn't make it right or wrong, just a lopsided relationship for priorities.

I've read any number of threads where a single dad, can't get a date to save his life, because women don't want to become the mother figure in that childs life. So how is it that then a different standard should be applied to men and single mothers?

In the end I guess the answer is more difficult. If a man has reservations about a single mom, don't date them. If a woman dates a man, who pulls away due to some percieved lack of attention, let him go. B1tching about it won't change his attitude or your need to care for your children.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 485
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/9/2011 12:19:07 PM

(jnemeth0710) Just because you have different opinion or would do something differently on a given topic does not make the other person wrong at least for them any more than it makes you right


Like, say, having different standards for hanging out with exes...

Arlo...
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 486
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/9/2011 2:51:41 PM
I never said that not being friends with an ex is a bad thing, I just asked why so many people chose to abandon a friendship simply because your no longer having sex
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 487
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/10/2011 12:17:37 PM
(jnemeth0710) I never said that not being friends with an ex is a bad thing...


I think you meant to say that "I never said that BEING friends with an ex is a bad thing"... try to remember which side of the debate you're on...



... I just asked why so many people chose to abandon a friendship simply because your no longer having sex


And, they told you. But, you're not interested in hearing WHY people do things differently than YOU think should be the norm: you just wanna trot out your armchair pop-psychology about "trust", and whatnot.

Arlo...
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 488
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/10/2011 2:30:50 PM
Actually no i didn't, but thank you

Also no one told me they just said they wouldn't date someone who is.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 489
0710The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/11/2011 3:11:45 PM
(jnemeth0710) Also no one told me they just said they wouldn't date someone who is.


Well, today's your lucky day, then:

I won't date someone who maintains a relationship with an ex, because I won't date someone who maintains a relationship with an ex. That's just the way Arlo rolls, Ace...

Happy now?

Arlo...
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 490
0710The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/11/2011 3:34:48 PM
Ummm Mr. Arlo are you gay? I don't mind if you are but I am not and if I were I dont think you would be my type
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 491
0710The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/12/2011 8:13:47 AM

(jnemeth0710) Ummm Mr. Arlo are you gay?


What an odd question...


I don't mind if you are but I am not and if I were I dont think you would be my type


That's what they all say at first...

Arlo...
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