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 letitbemeforever
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 492
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.Page 20 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
Number one rule for me when dating someone is that he has to except and show interest in my children because they are a part of me. Everything else is just tiny details :)
 GreenStudent68
Joined: 8/14/2011
Msg: 493
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:34:41 AM
: OP

If you've got options, I would just not date single mothers.

It's really not worth it for multiple reasons.

Thank you for letting all of us single moms know your true feelings!!!! lol I will leave it at that...
 princess3675
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 494
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/14/2011 5:42:42 AM
I am single mother myself trying to bust her butt trying to put a roof over her sons head,and food on the table it would be nice if a guy actually sees that not all single moms are the same,we just need to be held and loved as well as being appreciated for what we go through men never put themselves in our shoes unless you are a single father...guys we are not all bad nor clingy so you should rethink bout dating single moms...and this sums it up!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 495
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/14/2011 9:51:49 AM

(princess3675) I am single mother myself trying to bust her butt trying to put a roof over her sons head,and food on the table it would be nice if a guy actually sees that not all single moms ...


I am guy without a car trying to bust his butt trying to put a roof over his head,and food on the table it would be nice if a girl actually sees that not all guys without cars are the same,we just need to be held and loved as well as being appreciated for what we go through ...

People get eliminmated as potential dates all the time, for any of a number of reasons. Single mom-hood often has nothing to do with it.

It constantly amazes me how much energy (some) wimmin will put into bytching about guys who WON'T date 'em, rather than putting all that energy into finding a guy who WILL date 'em...

Arlo...
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 496
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/14/2011 9:56:38 AM
I think it's kind of ridiculous to not date a single mom - if you are anywhere close to 35 or over, unless you are absolutely sure you don't ever want children in your life.. and even then if they are older it really wouldn't matter.

Statistically most women will have children, and if they are over 25/30 chances are they have children.

kind of drastically lessens the pool of available women... but each to their own.

The stereotypes are sad though... every person's situation is different. Example: I was widowed - had nothing to do with birth control, morality or lifestyle choices. But even if that wasn't the case I'd much rather raise my child alone than live in an unhappy relationship.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 497
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 11:50:27 AM
Seems to me people just like to play the blame game putting everyone else into the same groups and assuming they are all the same and they are where they are because THEY screwed up some how

But like I said before when someone chooses to date a single parent there's a few very important points that they consider

How many kids
Hold old are the kids
How old is the parent
What income does the parent have
What education does the parent have
How much drama from the ex
How ofter is the single parent available to see me

We are in a recession, so dating a single parent with multiple kids is not a sound financial investment unless that parent already make enough to properly support their family

Dating single parents can be very rewarding but they do take allot more effort and flexibility
 cynt2882
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 498
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 2:20:31 PM
wow such a small mind
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 499
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 2:32:38 PM

We are in a recession, so dating a single parent with multiple kids is not a sound financial investment unless that parent already make enough to properly support their family


I find it strange that you equate dating with "sound financial investment".
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 500
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 3:00:19 PM
And you do not think of finances when you meet a potential partner who has kids?

Now before you respond I am a single parent with custody of my 3 children I was not bashing single parents I was giving my opinion on why some non parents might, especially when in this economy

I referred to it as a financial investment because that is exactly what it is if the single parent is low income with multiple kids

(your below refers to the person dating someone with multiple kids and is serious with the parent)

your low rent 1 room apartment now is a high rent 3-4 bedroom house, your $100 a month food bill is now $400 a month, electric that was $35 a month is now $200, your $400 plane ticket to go on vacation just got multiplied by 5, your single room hotel just changed to a double dual occupancy hotel, small economical car is not a family van or SUV, your 2 week vacation in Europe just changed to a 1 day trip to Disneyland

This is why as single parents we need to get an education, work hard on finding a good job/career, because though we look at our children with love many potential partners sees them as a future financial hardship
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 502
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 4:43:54 PM

I referred to it as a financial investment because that is exactly what it is if the single parent is low income with multiple kids

(your below refers to the person dating someone with multiple kids and is serious with the parent)

your low rent 1 room apartment now is a high rent 3-4 bedroom house, your $100 a month food bill is now $400 a month, electric that was $35 a month is now $200, your $400 plane ticket to go on vacation just got multiplied by 5, your single room hotel just changed to a double dual occupancy hotel, small economical car is not a family van or SUV, your 2 week vacation in Europe just changed to a 1 day trip to Disneyland


Maybe I'm crazy, but my idea of sound financial investment is this: the money you invest is making MORE money for you in the long term.

What you are talking about is "expenses". It costs more money to feed/clothe 4 people than just one.
 Justcallmetrouble
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 503
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 4:59:38 PM
Jenn8131 ...I totally agree w/you on all of what you said. Guys don't understand that us Single Mom's are actually a lot stronger and independent than they think. We've been through enough BS to know what we want and don't want. It takes a lot to raise a child on your own. As for me, my daughter knows who her Dad is, I'm not looking for a replacement Dad. The only thing I think about is someone that will be a good role model and friend to her. Someone that can eventually just be there for her. No man can replace a Father, but there are good guys willing to be a friend and role model.

Yes we do have boundries but it's only because we have to be careful who we let around our children. Personally, I don't want her to see guys coming in and out of my life. I don't think it's right and it's not teaching her stability.

I realize that some women don't make much time to date and what not, but there are some of us who have help from Family and want to make time for someone special and our kids. Sometimes I think it's better to date single Dad's because they seem to understand more but it's not mandatory.

Give us a chance and you'll see that we arent looking to be supported financially or looking for a sugar daddy. We take care of ourselves and our kids just fine. We just want someone to complete our family, not neccesarily take care of us.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 504
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 5:22:43 PM
mrmisterme

Thats the point most people would not see dating someone with multiple kids a sound financial investment

If your dating someone with kids and your money goes to support them then you are investing financially in the relationship

Also before you say it yes I know at first they are not your responsibility but if you get serious eventually they will be
 Blueeyesway28786
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 505
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/16/2011 5:54:45 PM
you know... Some of us have been married before.. for instance ME... i was married for ten years... thought he was the one i would stay with for all time... We had three kids... in our 10 year marriage... one of them had a horrible accident and died.. if you care to know... Which then... put strains on the marriage... and ended up in disolving the marriage as well... So not all of us single mothers are out here spreading our legs getting knocked up ... And having babies out of wedlock... And end up having... 7 kids and seven different men coming to there house to have * Visitation * With there kids.... In Fact some of us.. dont have any men coming to see there kids... So there is no * other * men to have to contend with... you really should do your homework big boy before you shoot off your mouth about what you know nothing about !!! Sterotyping a woman because she has children......Ohhh you are playing with fire my friend !
 1204kate
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 506
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 7:40:47 AM
Thats Kind of a horrible thing to say.

Your saying that a single mom doesnt deserve to be happy? Or that her kids dont deserve to have a father figure? Thats kind of ****ed up.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 507
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 8:42:37 AM
People, It helps to put the name of the person you are replying to so they know it is them your talking to
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 508
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 9:42:26 AM
Another page, another no answers to the issue.

One thing of note "that he has to except and show interest in my children"

There is 2 things here, first most guys do "except" your children, that's what we're debating, you want them to "accept" your children, they want to "except" your children!

While they maybe "part of me", in your view, they are definitely NOT part of them(the guy). Those "tiny details" you want to gloss over, can be some major stuff.

I'm not diminishing your kids, or their importance to you as a single mom, I'm trying to get all of you to focus on the issue, you want to date! You want to feel special, you want attention from a man.

What many men find is when you first date a single mom, both are special and treated as such. Then when it turns into a relationship, he's not so special anymore, as the trials and tribulations of parenthood set back in when the rose colored glasses are off, and real life slaps him in the face.

Many of you want to make the guy, the bad person in this. You are substituting your needs for the needs of both. When a woman says "he should have a father figure, male role model or influence" however you want to put it. That assumes that not only he wants to be that, but that the kids will accept it.

He just wanted to date "YOU", not your kids! That he may accept and end up with the kids is a whole nother kettle of fish. If he is open minded, accepts his part in this, then you should see him in a different light. For those that can't see their way or part in this, let them go.

Think about it.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 509
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 12:25:23 PM

He just wanted to date "YOU", not your kids! That he may accept and end up with the kids is a whole nother kettle of fish.


Any guy that just wants to date a single Mom without having anything to do with the kids ought to have their head examined. That doesn't work unless the kids are already adults and pretty much not living at home. Any Mom that thinks they can completely establish a compatible relationship with the guy, and THEN introduce him to the kids is ALSO living in a dream world. It's a learning process. You need to 'grow' on each other. I don't know a better way to say that.
 mrmisterme
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 510
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 3:51:15 PM

Any Mom that thinks they can completely establish a compatible relationship with the guy, and THEN introduce him to the kids is ALSO living in a dream world.


Woah...back the truck up! Is the single mom supposed to introduce him to the kids after the second or third date? Of course not. They have to be "compatible" (for lack of a better word). When she believes that the time is right, THEN she introduces him to the kids, where she hopes that he will be compatible with the kids, too. (feel free to replace compatible with whatever word you believe is better)
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 511
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 5:44:18 PM
Since you BOTH missed my point, let me reiterate it for you!

The guy wants to date the single mom. You know the woman, the one who joins the dating site, who says she wants to find love on the back of his harley, strolling hand and hand down the beach, blah blah blah.

Funny, I never knew a single guy(or at least very few) who read about her kids and said "oh WOW let me date her, she has kids!"

Kids are a by product of a past relationship, (sorry if that offends) NOT the reason someone seeks a connection to a woman.

Don't be obtuse, yes it's a package deal, it's what is the package that's the problem. If it starts out as moonlight, dinners and roses, then turns into every day life and issues, it's not going to work. Read the threads for the last 5 years on this.

I don't think women set out to do bait and switch, it's just a reality where kids are involved. If a guy gets out of a relationship where he felt not so special, the last thing he wants, is to get back into one where he comes in 3rd or 4th or 5th.

Now some people on here may have been crude, or snarky, but the point was the same one I am trying to get across. If you see him being concerned about where or when his needs are going to be met, he may need more TLC, than your daily grind will allow. Then it's time to move on, find someone who can live with that.

Who knows, maybe it's the degree of loving a woman, maybe it's a guy who understands kids, maybe its....whatever! But like a said in one of my posts, this is no different than the short guys, wanting to date women who prefer tall men. Some guys will have their preference, and you have to recognize that.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 512
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/17/2011 9:44:01 PM

Any Mom that thinks they can completely establish a compatible relationship with the guy, and THEN introduce him to the kids is ALSO living in a dream world.


OK I'll revise for the sake of lost semantics - "Any Mom that thinks they can EXCLUSIVELY establish a compatible relationship with the guy..."

What I'm saying is that even if the guy does not meet the kids or go with them to the zoo or something, they are always there - sometimes on the other end of a constantly-ringing phone. Even if Mom thinks she can date someone without the kids, their presence is felt.
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 513
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:37:37 AM
WOW!!! I had no idea that somehow being a single Mom was such a horrible thing! I am a single Mom because just like every other person on this site, things didn't work, period! And no I do not want you to pay my bills or even buy dinner if we go out, I'll happily split the bill or treat you! I have worked and taken care of my child without the help of any man for 5 years, PERIOD.
The only rule I can give you is this, be a little more patient with time and planning. I have no problem making time for someone BUT since I am a single Mom sometimes arrangements have to be made EX. Babysitter.
Some of the comments on here are just disgusting and to all the men bashing single Mom's obviously you don't want to date one so DON'T, no one said you have to and I personally wouldn't give you one second of my time let alone ever introduce you to my child.
 shortgo
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 514
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/20/2011 11:41:57 AM
Kuddos to you, I am a single mom and that was very well writen. Guys really just need to learn that dating a single mom takes more patients and understaning than anything else. It's not what you can do or buy but how well you handle the little situations that come up.
 jenn8131
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 515
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:37:44 PM
Oh come on let me bask in the glory of the fact that someone actually agreed with something that I said.... have no idea what I said but hey someone agreeing with me that's huge....
 Mia6611
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 516
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:34:47 PM
very simple, coming from a very non-materialistic kind of single mother. Just respect her and understand that there will be times where she cannot go out, she has to divide her time between her little one and you. If this relationship goes serious...you don't want this little one resenting you because you are taking away all of their time with their mother. Won't go well in the future.

Good Luck!!
:)
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 517
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:36:16 AM
"Guys really just need to learn that dating a single mom takes more patients and understanding"

Gee, why don't women need to learn dating short guys takes more patients and understanding? Or guys without jobs, or guys who live at home with their parents?

It always cracks me up when any group of people men or women, insist that we should dispose of a portion of our needs, our preferences, our ideas, because they say so!

"how well you handle the little situations that come up"

OK, so if he wants to sit and have a few drinks in front of your kids, you'll handle that "little situation"? Of course you won't! That's not a little situation to you.

The point is this isn't a rah-rah session, or a do as I say, not as I do moment. This is dating. I agree with the point of "if you don't like them, don't date them".

But life is life, attraction is attraction and so it goes. Man A is attracted to woman B, if she is a single mom, dating her will be a problem, in some respects with regards to time, availability and where he winds up in the pecking order of her life.

The forums are littered with threads of women B's who don't understand why he walked away, when his needs weren't met. Or guys who complain she has no time for me.

Unfortunately, attraction seems to short circuit, thought. They wind up in the pile of "I can make this work" and are sorely disappointed when it doesn't.

As I said in my first post, no single mothers aren't undateable. If you go into this with your eyes wide open to the short comings of the situation. You have nobody to blame but yourself if you get hurt or have to walk away.

This isn't about kids, or the mom not caring, just about priority. If women have children 13 or younger, it will much more difficult to have the relationship you would have with a woman with older kids or none at all.






And that concludes this show.

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