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 MandaRae21
Joined: 6/12/2011
Msg: 320
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.Page 7 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
All I will say is this. If you don't want the trouble and hassle of dating a single mother than don't there are PLENTY of women who feel the same about single father's and they still manage to carry on in the world. So certain people can't and won't ever understand the reasons people do the single parent thing. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyone has their own story.
My advice, if you really think that it's that big of a deal then go find a single no children around woman that you can take out to party every night.

My opinion on a lot of these threads is every single parent is different. Every story as to why the relationship didn't work out is different and every way that the child came into the world is different too.

Being a single mother myself I don't appreciate being thrown into the category of gold digger. I don't need your money. I want your company and the ability to have fun. Have an issue with paying my way when we go out? I am more than willing to pay my own way. If and when you want to get serious with me then we can discuss how we are to go about the whole kid thing. Of course again I have a different category seeing as the father left me pregnant and alone because HE didn't want to deal with the situation WE created. For those guys out there that say "hey there's always abortion" keep in mind not everyone agrees with that opinion. "To each his own" but that's not what I agree on.

The best thing you can do for a single mother, make her laugh, treat her with respect, oh wait don't treat her any different than you would any other girl you were to date. :)
 Libragal2011
Joined: 5/19/2011
Msg: 321
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/23/2011 7:52:04 PM
Well, I have to comment on this one. I AM a single mother of two children. Their father IS a moron and is a thorn in my side, but i don't think I should be shoved aside because of him. We are also human. Children DO come first in any relationship. If you ever have kids of your own you will see that. Maybe some day you will have the sense to realize that. So go get your Single, never Married hottie and see where that gets you. I wouldn't put my children second over any man. I'd rather be single if he thinks like that.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 322
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/23/2011 8:52:09 PM

And if there are single mums on here,im presuming somewhere there are the others too...the single dads..it wasnt just the women who created these lives was it...doesnt mean we 'put out more'or that we have produced 'mistakes'.Our children are evidence of what may have once been a loving relationship and some people choose to split to keep the memory of that relationship a happy one and not to argue and fight in front of their offspring.its simply called moving on and it doesnt make those people,whether male or female,lesser people just because they are now'single parents' . . . is it because we show a strength and an independance that some other women..ie,,the ****y ones..simply dont have?..get over yrself.

I agree completely. Some people (refer to previous posts) cannot or will not accept this concept. For every single mother, there is a father . . . why not degrade them? It is sad when people start belittling others in order to feel better about themselves, in my opinion.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 324
view profile
History
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/23/2011 11:02:30 PM

Gee, I thought I covered that under " They got pregnant with losers "....


Nope. Every possible scenario needs it's own category, and don't forget to provide your statistics to back it up as well.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's amazing how much venom these women spew in regard to their children's fathers, and yet these guys were still good enough to be the ones to impregnate them.
 Jacob-Mil
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 325
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 1:15:29 AM
Ha. This is really good. Where is the Facebook "like" button. :)
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 326
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 2:21:33 AM

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's amazing how much venom these women spew in regard to their children's fathers, and yet these guys were still good enough to be the ones to impregnate them


I personally have nevsr done that.....but........Ummmm..........the Dads dont spew venom towards their Baby-Mama's/Ex-wives?
All those lazy trifling skank hoes were once good enough to lay down with and impregnate.
Not very many men that frequnt these boards have kind things to say about the women they chose to drop a load in and make them babies.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 328
view profile
History
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 6:17:37 AM

All those lazy trifling skank hoes were once good enough to lay down with and impregnate.
Not very many men that frequnt these boards have kind things to say about the women they chose to drop a load in and make them babies.


Difference being that the guys don't have to go through 9 months of pregnancy. The guys don't have their bodies go through all of the potential repercussions of pregnancy (up to and including death). With all of what can potentially happen to the woman's body, you would -think- that the screening process for the father would be a bit more extensive. The guys don't have a -post- conception choice of whether or not that baby is born. You're assuming that when these guys consented to sex (and probably fornication), they also consented to fatherhood.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 329
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 1:54:54 PM

Gee, I thought I covered that under " They got pregnant with losers "....

There is be no POSSIBLE way that a husband could have an affair, become abusive, etc. AFTER he impregnates his wife, right? Nope, apparently not.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 330
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 1:59:28 PM

...I was always taught to look at the ones who prepared the paper and wonder if perhaps their personal agenda might cause the numbers or meaning of the message to be questionable.....

Yet you have the talent (if you call it that) of selective discernment. Specifically, accusing those with opposing views os having a personal agenda, yet failing to acknowledge the political agenda of your own.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 331
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 2:15:58 PM

Difference being that the guys don't have to go through 9 months of pregnancy. The guys don't have their bodies go through all of the potential repercussions of pregnancy (up to and including death). With all of what can potentially happen to the woman's body, you would -think- that the screening process for the father would be a bit more extensive. The guys don't have a -post- conception choice of whether or not that baby is born. You're assuming that when these guys consented to sex (and probably fornication), they also consented to fatherhood.


So men have no responsiblity in whom they choose to bear their children? Riiiight.
They chose the women they slept with. And f they choise to drop a load without protection, if they have at least an elementary school level education, they know that their sperm can fertilise an egg if they do not use protection when sleeping with these scandalous awful women. Women dont have the monoploy on making bad choices in partners, 99% of the m,en who pos tto this board who are fathers have had something nasty to say about the women that they chose to have children with as well.
The fact that women hold all the post-conception choices is a well-known fact, one that shouldnt come as a surprise, so i feel zero empathy for any man who drops his jizz without using proper birth control then complains about the mother of his child or the fact that he has a child to begin with.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 333
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 7:47:15 PM

Me, I prefer to think that women ignore a lot of red flags, and or get prgnant to try to fix a bad relationship....

I do agree, that sometimes men will cheat, have affairs, take up drugs etc.. after a pregnancy... but I seriously think all the signs are there before she gets pregnant...


Where are you receiving your information from? Specifically, where are your sources (credible)?
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 335
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 8:58:16 PM

So, my views are my own opinions and observations...

Thanks, Mr. Obvious. Even if you denied it, your personal bias projected through your posts.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 336
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 9:01:06 PM

Why would you even need or want a (credible) source...?

Translation: "I am uneducated and rely solely on my own personal bias and stereotypes, since I am too lazy and also want to remain ignorant and do not want to admit there are things I do not know."


So honestly, out of the items I listed, how many, (if any) applied in your case...?

Translation: "I cannot come up with a good comeback, so I am going to attempt belittling this individual in order to avert attention from my own stupidity."
 jenn8131
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 337
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/24/2011 9:38:07 PM
I actually like m_church list. I would add another one
13. If the guy doesn't get your brother's approval kick him to the curb... I think my brother was a much better judge of character than I was when it came to my ex.
actually another one I would add
14. If the guy talks poorly about single mothers don't have a baby with him because chances are he could be one woman away from making a single mother.

I know when my ex said he would never date a single mother I almost broke up with him because he said many of the things that many male posters have on here and I was absolutely mortified. Oh well if I had listened to my gutt instinct I wouldn't have my beautiful daugter. Actually there were many warning signs I decided not to care about because I really wanted a baby. I had baby fever at 25.

I actually saw a list similar on a non-profit organization for a rape crisis on abusive men and many of them were similar warning signs. I think when people are in the "heat of the moment" they do not want to see warning signs.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 340
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:32:50 AM

(nicol3y) You fail to acknowledge the women who were married and the husband had an affair, became abusive, etc.
No, that could not be a reason why there may be young single mothers. If that were true, your stereotype model would be dismissed as bias.


Yes, there are MANY reasons for single mothers. Refusing to acknowledge that SOME single mothers made abysmally poor choices in fathers-to-be just because they exercised poor judgement, is just as wrong as failing to acknowledge that SOME single mothers are victims of coicomstance. And, it's disingenuous, at best.

Arlo...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 341
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:37:56 AM
(nicol3y) Thanks, Mr. Obvious. Even if you denied it, your personal bias projected through your posts.


He may have a "personal bias", but you don't say that he's wrong . I find that odd, given how you're ready-willing-n-able to pick apart dissenting posts...

Arlo...
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 342
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 6:57:22 AM

Where are you receiving your information from? Specifically, where are your sources (credible)?


So sayeth the poster who used a pro feminist... single mothers support group for her information as to the situation while she suggests that because a government referred to list outlining statistics is lacking credibility due to the age of the report....yet subsequent files reports show similar findings and she remains mute??

But when someone posts about observations.....she suggests


Translation: "I am uneducated and rely solely on my own personal bias and stereotypes, since I am too lazy and also want to remain ignorant and do not want to admit there are things I do not know."


So where is your comments...your rebuttal to the quote updating the 10 year old numbers was deafening....as in nothing.....silence is also just as deafening as a loud red herring response....like.....


I agree completely. Some people (refer to previous posts) cannot or will not accept this concept. For every single mother, there is a father . . . why not degrade them?


I think suggesting for every single mother....there is a father is a huge revelation!!! The unofficial rules for dating a single mother would be the same for dating a single custodial father....

But the potential financial liabilities are perhaps less relevant...based on employment statistics....but time and emotional obstacles are the same....



..I was always taught to look at the ones who prepared the paper and wonder if perhaps their personal agenda might cause the numbers or meaning of the message to be questionable.....


Yet you have the talent (if you call it that) of selective discernment. Specifically, accusing those with opposing views os having a personal agenda, yet failing to acknowledge the political agenda of your own.


I have no problem understanding I might be a product of my personal experiences and trials......which is why I often use both men and woman as sounding boards when I am in conflict with my ex....and I look for those who will give me honest opinions especially those where it might differ from mine.....

But can we compare sources.....U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009 my source in this arguement......



79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year


your source.....
Up to 76% of single mothers in the Chicago region are employed with 77% of those employed working 35 hours a week or more, and less than 10% receive public assistance. Yet, 38.5% of single mothers still earn $30,000 per year or less.



The Eleanor Foundation promotes economic self-sufficiency for working female heads-of-households, supporting organizations that provide four key services: ...
www.eleanorfoundation.org/ -


So a government report where there is no agenda....other than reporting demographics...and a report developed specifically be a single mothers advocacy group......whose might be less slanted.../????

But you never seem to willing or able to talk about the financial issue of dating a single mother....or the 50% of single mothers who are not working full time...who then no doubt are potentially living in poverty...who potentially need or require financial support from any potential new partner.....




49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year


There is your 76% //77% employed single mothers.........the rules for dating single mothers...single parents is understanding potential financial liabilities and emotional landmines and being willing and capable of accepting them...


My opinion on a lot of these threads is every single parent is different. Every story as to why the relationship didn't work out is different and every way that the child came into the world is different too.


Mandarae...every one is different yet at the same time there is or are often similar realities.....number one is our children require a financial commitment.....my ex does not contribute as she feels that is the responsibility of the man....so $15,000 in braces and ?$?$?$?$? later or 6 more years my 2 will have finished post secondary schooling.....anyone who I date would have to understand my financial reality...but as of now I work full time.....what of those who work part time or not at all...as in the US census....1/2 of all single mothers.....as you say...not all are the same....


Being a single mother myself I don't appreciate being thrown into the category of gold digger.


Define where in the 50%....the line should be drawn......


The best thing you can do for a single mother, make her laugh, treat her with respect, oh wait don't treat her any different than you would any other girl you were to date. :)


LOL...I often suggest the safest thing to do is to date a single mother....but I also suggest to date one on the working side of that 50%...at least you know those know the meaning of self reliance......where as the single never had children may end being one of those woman who once they have children....look for someone else or government subsidies to augment their income...


Well, I have to comment on this one. I AM a single mother of two children. Their father IS a moron and is a thorn in my side, but i don't think I should be shoved aside because of him. We are also human. Children DO come first in any relationship. If you ever have kids of your own you will see that. Maybe some day you will have the sense to realize that. So go get your Single, never Married hottie and see where that gets you. I wouldn't put my children second over any man. I'd rather be single if he thinks like that.


Again a perfect illustration of why it is important to date single mothers....if they do not have children...you will not know how they might turn out once the children arrive....

I easily understand my children come first...I also understand that no matter what I might think about my ex...she is part of who both my children are....and I would never wish to make them feel poorly about who they are...as their mother is a part of who they are...i just no longer care to live with her...and i know longer am financially responsible for her....

So when I date a single mother.....part of the rules...part of the selection is based on understanding the statistics.....


The fact that women hold all the post-conception choices is a well-known fact, one that shouldn't come as a surprise, so i feel zero empathy for any man who drops his jizz without using proper birth control then complains about the mother of his child or the fact that he has a child to begin with.


Sweets..I agree with you...if your dumb enough to park your car in some lazy ass not working or part time worker...you deserve what you might get...

But equally.....I have little sympathy for some part time worker...some again university student mid 30's who does not have enough money.....Lizzie...poster child who works part time....collects her cs...and will not enable her son or sons to live with their father...as she will lose the cs that enables her to work part time and keep her 2,000 sq foot home.....enlightening choice of words.....as she never addresses or mentions having to start paying CS.....but alas....I think the numbers indicate....most non custodial mothers do not pay CS anyways....
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 343
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 2:46:39 PM
Since you have never dated a single mom there are just a few things that are different. First they are parents and you are not going to be the number one priority. If you are that is a flag. Spontaneity goes out the window. The first thing you really should be weary of is the single mom that wants you to meet the kids too fast. Then there are the single parents that blame everything on the ex. Remember there are three sides to every story.
Seriously man that is it. Just relax and be yourself and remember if things get involved and you are a part of the kids life, just remember they already have a daddy and you are there to support the single mom and some have made the point. Never never be critical of her parenting style. If you find something wrong it's time to hit the bricks.
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 344
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 2:57:07 PM
If when you meet the kids and they all have different last names - hit the bricks.
If you discover she has a really bad relationship with her mom and at the age of 39 still blames her for not being there.- hit the bricks.
If when describing the great presents she regularly got for ex with his money-hit the bricks
If she has former boyfiends as friends on facebook but ****es about you having so many female friends- hit the bricks.
If she dated right after the divorce, she was really screwing the guy while married so-hit the bricks
If all her ex's say the exact same thing about her and none of it is good-hit the bricks
If she grew up in the same small town that she now resides and you have never met anyone that knew her in school-hit the bricks
If on fathers day there is a police officer at the end of the driveway directing traffic-hit the bricks
If you see things belonging to a ex in the home and she proudly proclaims victory in a divorce settlement know that someone will be someday looking at something that used to belong to you and -hit the bricks.

Now with all that there are plenty of great single moms out there that do the right thing and are genuinely good women. Plus they have been through more bullshit then you could imagine and have done the right thing for their kids so know you will always be second in her life. As it should be. If your ego can handle it go ahead and date a single mom. They are well worth it.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 345
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 3:28:14 PM

If when you meet the kids and they all have different last names - hit the bricks.


Meh, my 2 kids have different last names. I dont think it makes me a terrible skanky lowlife. My oldest was a result of a fling when i was young, saw the world through rose colored glasses, had no concept of consequences, and very little common sense. My mind was in the "here and now" thought process back then. My second child, i waited to have until i was married, stable, and fully prepared emotionally & financially, and was a very wanted and planned child. Although my husband legally adopted my oldest, we chose to keep her last names as it was because she was already in school and we felt it would be to much of a hassle, and everyone alreadfy knew her as the name she had had since birth.
Now if my kids both had the same last name, i would be ashamed that i had not learned from the first experience, and gone on to have even more kids with the wrong person.
I have no qualms with the different last names, to me all it indicates is that after one bad choice in men, i waited until i was capable of making a good choice to continue having kids.



If on fathers day there is a police officer at the end of the driveway directing traffic-hit the bricks


That was freaking hilarious. LOL! Good one.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 347
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:26:50 PM
You guys are on a roll today, lol.
 Tarnyah
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 348
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/26/2011 1:39:21 AM
I think Op just let her do her thing, cook, clean, ask her if she needs help cos with things such as laundry, dishes cook dinner for her and the kids.
Excite her.. take her to some adrenaline thing out of her comfort zone ....

Ok so all u baggin single moms..
I work for the government have a well paid job, I can pay my own mortgage and provide and balance my 3kids and careers, Im told Im beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, I like to pay for the dinner or drinks split the bill. Im a wild cat in the sack !
Hell no am I clingy Im finding quite the opposite single guys are clingy to me where as I totally throw em back !

Thats just speaking for me, now Ive ditched their dead beat dad who has an intervention order and assault charge Im am Liberated ! I just currently met a wonderful guy on here but Im just rolling with it for now, no expectations.

But I have found the real me that is back and I feel great being a single mum its awesome ! get stuffed u lot baggin the mums on here !
 Tarnyah
Joined: 5/22/2011
Msg: 349
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/26/2011 1:43:26 AM
High five Nicol3y
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 351
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/26/2011 4:29:15 PM
if u date a single parent dont start telling the kids what to do or ask em questions on their behaviour cos its got nothing to do with you, yr not their dad, dont ask em where they are going or when they are coming back etc. i speak from experiance cos my dates have treid this and failed dismally cos i have a daughter who speaks her mind
Perhaps you need to teach your daughter to show respect to people who are not only their elders, but guests in your home. Do you let your daughter do whatever the hell she wants to do and not have to answer to anyone for it? Perhaps their questions are not just as a parent would ask, but rather because they are trying to get to know her and what is important to her. If my child was rude towards someone I was dating, she'd catch hell for it. But then again, I teach my daughter to have RESPECT for others. Damn rights if I have a serious relationship with a man I EXPECT him to act as a father would towards my daughter. That means treating her like she is his, as well as taking on the responsibilities of a parent (ex. discipline).

I can't stand it when I see single moms state they aren't looking for a dad for their children. It's ridiculous. Are you expecting a man to just roll over and do whatever you tell him to, but not actually get a say in how the household is run? Or that the KIDS get to run the household and the adults in it? That mentality is totally messed up. I firmly believe that if you want to have a LTR with someone, they SHOULD be a good parent to your child. In an LTR, especially once you've moved in together, they become part of your family -- they aren't just someone visiting you and your kids.

Personally, I AM looking for someone that can be a great companion for me, but also a good dad to my daughter. Fact is, since she hasn't seen her father since she was a few months old, she doesn't actually have dad. I'd like to find my ideal mate and a dad for her and find it sad that there are so many single moms here that paint us all with a bad brush with this crap about "my kids don't need a dad", "cannot discipline my child", etc.... What man in his right mind (or woman for some of the men on here) wants to get in an LTR where they'd merely be a guest in the home and have no authority there?
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 352
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:25:45 PM

I can't stand it when I see single moms state they aren't looking for a dad for their children. It's ridiculous. Are you expecting a man to just roll over and do whatever you tell him to, but not actually get a say in how the household is run? Or that the KIDS get to run the household and the adults in it? That mentality is totally messed up. I firmly believe that if you want to have a LTR with someone, they SHOULD be a good parent to your child. In an LTR, especially once you've moved in together, they become part of your family -- they aren't just someone visiting you and your kids.


Well said barefoot.....It is a partnership is it not a relationship...and a partnership where both parties put in their emotional support and financial support....

Financial support.....Again we go back to the numbers where 50% of single mothers work full time...and the rest do not....

How does that translate into a equal partnership of financial co-existance.....now if a guy is happy and willing to carry the financial load....then fine......but if he already has children and financial requirements.....???

Bottom line not all are looking for the $$$$$$ But Ladies...Please explain how one contributes,,,,,when you are either not working or only working part time...

The ones I am in doubt are the 50%......1/2 of single mothers with children who do not either have a job...or are not working full time....who pays or supplements your requirements...family...parents....it does run out I would imagine??

Then who is going to be carrying the yoke?

Barefoot......I have always felt my daughters required a good role model where a parental role....a relationship and a career job is balanced..... and they have seen more than a few mothers who work to provide and do what is required at the home....one or two might have been introduced...but the distance was to much for both parties....both with custody...both employed...both having to be home to take of our children left little time to see anything bloom....

And I suggest that in a equal relationship...where both parties contribute financially and emotionally...the children are far more respectful...as opposed to where they might see one of then parties along for a free ride...or subsidized ride..
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