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 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 382
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.Page 9 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

I cannot fathom giving a damn about another man's child . . . Only when I'm in the same boat (single with child) will I give a single mother a chance.

I would never date an older man without children. There is no way any caring/loving mother would date someone who could not care less about their child. Thanks for the insight.
 cuteclimber83
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 383
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/4/2011 5:23:37 PM
just saying but wow you seem like a total jerk in that small paragraph
 cuteclimber83
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 384
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/4/2011 5:25:17 PM
how is it we can't put our kids first until we figure out if your going to stick around? our kids come first for a reason I look at it as my kid come first until I find that man I want to spend the rest of my life with... when I do then he will come first but until he proves himself then no he doesn't come first
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 385
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/4/2011 10:06:28 PM

how is it we can't put our kids first until we figure out if your going to stick around? our kids come first for a reason I look at it as my kid come first until I find that man I want to spend the rest of my life with...


...I take it your comment was intended for me?

....no, of course I don't expect you to put me first without getting to know me, but I do expect you to treat me with some respect and as an equal while we do get to know each other....

I made a few judgement calls based on the profiles I read while I dated here on POF. Those that unequivocally said "their kids came first" I immediately skipped and didn't consider, because it just doesn't jive with who I am and what I want in a partner, and also speaks somewhat around their general attitude and how they would treat a mate in light of their family. I found the context of the comment to always be condecending and negative.....

Alternatively, in my profile, I was always careful to say that while my son is and always will be an important part in my life, I have a more important part that is unfulfilled, and that is why I am looking for a mate............

See the difference? One is inviting, the other is a turnoff.........



when I do then he will come first but until he proves himself then no


Even this is a turnoff. Now I have to prove that I'm worthy enough to grace your presence? Then I'll be accepted from the doldrums into the holy land? I feel guilty until proven innocent......a game I really don't want to play.

I would rather avoid, than have to prove. If your serious about landing someone quality, you have to at least have the expectation that he's going to be an equal to you and your family, not labelled as inferior right off the bat and have to "work his way up"......

I would never expect a mate to have to "prove herself to me". I have faith in my picker that if I'm interested, I assume she has good qualities and is worthy.......otherwise, I'm not interested........
 margaritamomma4
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 386
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 8:13:58 AM
I was a single mom of 3 for 9 yrs....remarried and stayed married for 5 yrs...i am now a single mommy again only of 4! I loved your post..you are a tried and true single mom! Life is never easy and will never be perfect whether someone has kids or not. Keep your chin up and remember tomorrow is another day! Thats what I tell myself.
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 388
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 9:56:40 AM

How is ithat many women can't understand that most men don't want to be first...
We don't want to be second either... (or thirds etc...)
We just want to be on a relatively equal footing...
IF we feel that we are always going to be relegated to second place, or worse... we're not going to stick around... aund if the roles were reversed, the women wouldn't stick around either...


I just read something somewhere that said substantially the same thing....I agree'd then as I do now.

I cringe everytime I read in a profile my children come first...my children are my world...my children...of course they are...any dolt would take this for granted...yet, if two people are going to get together...wouldn't it be nice to not be the second class citizen in the relationship/family.
 Coxgirl
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 389
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 1:12:54 PM
I am a single mom.. And I have my own way of balencing things out with dating.. and it works for me..

When I begin dating a man.. I keep my dating life, and parenting life separate for awhile.. to figure out if its going to be serious or not. So I can get to know him.. and he can get to know me.. that is why I state I have kids.. yet dont go on and on about them in my profile..

When things seem to be getting serious.. I then introduce them to my children.. And in my opinion.. if they make it to that point.. then there really isnt much else to do.. cause if we have made it to that point.. it is clear on both sides that we are going to make a serious attempt for it to be serious.

To me.. it seems simple.. but I can understand the other side also..

So many women have made dating single moms seem like a hassle.. between them "finding new daddys for their kids".. to completely cutting their kids out of the situation...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 390
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:37:07 PM
(cuteclimber83) how is it we can't put our kids first until we figure out if your going to stick around? our kids come first for a reason I look at it as my kid come first until I find that man I want to spend the rest of my life with... when I do then he will come first but until he proves himself then no he doesn't come first


Because, there's the way we'd like everyone else in the world to be, and then there's the way everyone else in the world actually is. No person (man OR woman) likes being reminded CONSTANTLY that s/he's second place, and/or being told that s/he must "earn" his/her right to be treated as an adult. And, frankly, you sound like a control-freak: I can just picture you standing there with a clipboard, deciding when and how many Brownie Points to award to any guy gormless enough to put up with it, and then finally teaching him the Secret Handshake, when he amasses enough points.

Having said that: we GET that your kids are important. Do you really think that men are so STUPID that we don't understand this?

Arlo...
 jenn8131
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 391
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 3:54:18 PM

Having said that: we GET that your kids are important. Do you really think that men are so STUPID that we don't understand this?


No comment but it made me laugh...

My one yoga instructor says something that ends this dilema about first, second, third. He says be entirely selfish and take these 90 mins just for you because YOU are the most important person in YOUR life. Try waking up and YOU not being there. I like it because really if you are not taking care of yourself then you can't be there to support/love anyone else regardless if it is a partner or child.

Yoga = balance. Relationships are not about who comes first but are about balance.
 FireDancr
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 392
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 9:23:35 PM
Wow! Reading through this forum has made me decide not to date in fact I'm deleting my profile from P.O.F. I would rather be an amazing mother than waste my time with anymore men I thought this site would show me men are decent but indeed I was wrong again. I am a single mom because my husband beat the shit out of me but apparently you people (men) think it was my choice to be a single! Screw you! My father died did my mother choose that! Men are forever immature asses who dont deserve my time, btw I support myself I don't rely on a man to do it. Men are useless!
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 393
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 10:43:01 PM

I would rather be an amazing mother than waste my time with anymore men I thought this site would show me men are decent but indeed I was wrong again. I am a single mom because my husband beat the shit out of me but apparently you people (men) think it was my choice to be a single! Screw you! My father died did my mother choose that! Men are forever immature asses who dont deserve my time, btw I support myself I don't rely on a man to do it. Men are useless!

Stick and stones



Wow! Reading through this forum has made me decide not to date in fact I'm deleting my profile from P.O.F.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
 jenn8131
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 394
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/5/2011 11:54:00 PM
There are good men on pof. There are good men on pof forums and in the single parent forums. There are also immature lil boys who think that they are entitled to take cheap shots at single mothers at every chance they get because they have nothing better to do.
Ignore the stupid comments it just shows the immaturity and the cruelty of the person making the comments rather than a reflection of single mothers.
 nicol3y
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 395
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/6/2011 2:56:37 AM

Stick and stones

VERY mature


Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

You should take your own advice.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 396
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/6/2011 4:56:38 AM
MRCS, do you REALLY have to be so nasty to a woman who has had the courage to leave a domesic violence situation, and want to find someone nice to be with?

Since you are not a single parent, nor do you choose to date, marry, or even associate with them, what is your interest in putting them down? Would you like us to start using seperate swimming pools and water fountains and give our seats up on the bus to Non-parents, much like racial minorities were forced to do so a few generations back?
Do you want us to pick your cotton? Why do you feel that it is ok to be so hateful and bigoted to a certain demographic group? To be targeted for vitriol and hate for having children (whom for most parents are the people that they love, adore, and would fight for and protect with every ounce of their being) That is as bad as racism.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 397
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The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/6/2011 8:14:43 AM
VERY mature

Yeah, seems more mature than taking to heart a complete bashing post. Jenn seems to have gotten a clue. Maybe the other lionesses should follow suit.


You should take your own advice.

I'm rubber you're glue
BTW, I thought you were done addressing my posts.


MRCS, do you REALLY have to be so nasty to a woman who has had the courage to leave a domesic violence situation, and want to find someone nice to be with?

How the hell was -I- nasty? She was the one that said, "men are forever immature asses."


Since you are not a single parent, nor do you choose to date, marry, or even associate with them, what is your interest in putting them down?

Funny how I'm being singled out here, despite much of what I have to say is congruent with what the other guy POFers are saying. I just happen to be more brazen about it.


Would you like us to start using seperate swimming pools and water fountains and give our seats up on the bus to Non-parents, much like racial minorities were forced to do so a few generations back? Do you want us to pick your cotton? Why do you feel that it is ok to be so hateful and bigoted to a certain demographic group? To be targeted for vitriol and hate for having children (whom for most parents are the people that they love, adore, and would fight for and protect with every ounce of their being) That is as bad as racism.

Just keep grinding that axe.
 Coxgirl
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 398
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/6/2011 12:18:26 PM
I am a single mom.. the way I look at it is.. If ya don't wanna date me cause I have kids.. Move along.. lol

No reason for me to be butt hurt over it.. :)

Cause there are men out there that don't mind.. and there are men out there who do mind..

It's all about prefrence.. No reason to get all chapped :)
 toadie2
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 399
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/7/2011 7:33:25 PM
RIGHT ON SISTER!!
xo :)
 toadie2
Joined: 2/13/2011
Msg: 400
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/7/2011 7:33:51 PM
RIGHT ON SISTER!!
xo :)
 jaa321
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 402
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/9/2011 7:43:51 PM
You are ignorant for thinking all women just randomly got knocked up in meaningless relationships. Some of us were married happily and planned our children. Divorce strikes for different reasons. One day you could have kids and some douche bag could think this about you and your offspring's!Yes, our children come first, any women who doesn't put her children first should be shot!! You probably have very deep issues with your mother and how she lacked good parenting skills, it is the only reason you would think the way you do. Ex's aren't always a thorn in someone side. My ex husband , his wife ,and I all get a long and do family things together;we do this for our children.

The real advice would be to make sure her past situation is one you are comfortable with , then take things slow. If you are needy and clingy chances are no mature women will want you! So if you expect a woman to solely focus all her time and attention on you, you need your own mother not a girlfriend!!
 Stayton
Joined: 3/23/2011
Msg: 403
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/10/2011 3:08:26 PM
if your still on this sight your reasonings are total bs....
 nightnurse37
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 405
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/29/2011 10:27:08 AM
What is ignorant is people who assume all single moms are careless and stupid like you seem to think. Many single moms were married and for whatever reason it didn't work out. Should we start to talk about all the dead beat dad's who suddenly bale when life get's a little rough or doesn't get the attention they want after a child is born and they stray from the relationship? I was married for 11 years. was not easy to divorce and I have worked very hard to get myself where I am in life now and I am very proud. I am not looking for someone to 'take care of me'. And your remark about the birth control - really? How old are you anyways? It takes two to make a baby. The man is just as responsible as the woman.

There are dishonest men and women out there and whether a single parent or not it is wise to be cautious but lumping everyone into the 'ignorant' category not only is unfair but shows your own ignorance.
 hls44mom
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 406
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/29/2011 11:04:52 AM
u never know what could happen ,
 hls44mom
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 407
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/29/2011 11:11:16 AM
as a single mom,alot of men cant handle not being the center of att
,and if u realy like some with kids then its all wroth it because inthe end u may not have the love of ur life but ur have a very good friend
 JWS1974
Joined: 5/17/2010
Msg: 408
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/29/2011 1:10:33 PM
Yeah, have seen many guys like that. My step father was like that. It is unrealistic to expect a woman to put anyone above her kids. It just isn't natural.
 Tony03103
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 409
The unoffical rules of dating a single mother.
Posted: 7/29/2011 3:02:46 PM
100% agree. You hit the nail right on the head.
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