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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating a person with mental illness scare u?      Home login  
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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 51
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Bipolar can be a dangerous illness if not treated, and continue to be treated.

I assisted a domestic violence call, and ended up having a butcher knife driven through my hand.

I will pass dating someone who has those problems.
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 52
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 12:47:26 PM
I've dated a paranoid schizophrenic/ bi-polar man, we were seeing each other for a few months, He told me about it on our first date, very brave I think, and we never had any problems, I was never scared to spend time with him and never felt the need to run when he told me, though I was shocked at first. He's a very intelligent, loving, fun guy to be with, we're no longer together (nothing to do with his illness) but we are still good friends. At the moment he's visiting lala land (yes, I call it that to his face lol) and I still enjoy spending time with him, he acts pretty much the same all the time anyway. Though admittedly he has a good control over his feelings and action, some people with less control may be harder to deal with.

Oh, and to the person who said people with mental illness find it harder to make friends and so are more needy, He''s a friend to all, and loved by all, and never has an empty house because people are just drawn to him. Dont tarr all with the same brush
 finnycat
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 53
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 2:08:16 PM
I have well-treated bipolar disorder, have lived with it for 17 years, and have had good control for the past 7. You wouldn't even know it. I am meeting a new guy on Saturday, and I have to wonder: how soon do I have to disclose? After the first meeting, before a real date? During the real date? A couple of weeks down the road (if all goes well, of course). I am not needy or manipulative. I am shy and funny, but I know the dark side of life very well. Never will go back...

FC
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 54
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:01:10 PM
It doesn't 'scare' me but it doesn't interest me.

There are hundreds of well adjusted woman I could consider dating if i was looking. Why choose someone with a major issue? Drugs, alcohol, violence, a mental illness?

I wonder also about the type of person who would make the choice to date in a 'stranger' with a serious issue. Then again, some people are drawn to problem relationships and thrive on the drama.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 55
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:08:45 PM
Yeah, what's there to be scared of?? Fear has nothing to do with it. More like annoyance waiting for the next meltdown to happen. Why waste time on mentally disturbed people when there are plenty of stable ... drama-free ... partners to choose from??

Then again, some people are drawn to problem relationships and thrive on the drama

Not me. As soon as I find this out about a woman, I'm outta there. You can't pay me enough to put up with mental illness ... much less date such a person for an LTR.

I think we as a society should be more concerned about labeling people and the dangers inherent in that

Labels are actually a benefit because they allow us to categorize the undesirables to avoid. Labels are seen as dangerous only for the politically correct crowd.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
 crackersnbed
Joined: 1/22/2012
Msg: 56
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:15:18 PM
I think we as a society should be more concerned about labeling people and the dangers inherent in that. But hell, it makes big bucks so why not label, right?
Personally i dont know any "mentally ill" people but people strung out on powerful psychotropic medications are a concern I would have.
Might I respectfully suggest you watch less TV? It is bad for the brain.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 57
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/15/2012 9:49:16 PM
It's the mentally ill and their families who welcome the labels. Labels are not haphazard but often from extensive diagnosis. It gives a patient some type of direction to treat their issue. if you have a sore knee you want to know what the cause of the pain is and what the possible treatments are...the same with mental illness. People who are bipolar or those with depression, or parents with schizophrenic children would rather be treated for their specific illness than left to be called 'crazy'.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 58
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/16/2012 9:35:38 AM
Yes, I avoid it. I had a 3-year relationship with a man who was diagnosed bipolar-I. Things were absolutely great so long as he was in treatment and taking his meds. But each time he decided that he was okay and didn’t need to take his meds anymore, all hell broke loose and he was dangerous and terrifying. Even though the harsh reality of what is happening is obvious, your partner is incapable of seeing what is happening, much less interacting positively and productively, when he or she is in that state of mind.

I admire people who take on their personal challenges like this responsibly, but I wouldn’t date someone with an issue like that again because the risk of great harm is way too high if they don’t follow their regimen.
 catchnrelease71
Joined: 10/11/2011
Msg: 59
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 11:55:02 AM
Couldn't we easily just label everyone crazy? Really? How many people would call their ex crazy in some way? We're all crazy in some way. I'm not trying to make light of the issue, but the only ones I would label as not-fit-for-relationship crazy are the ones that can't live with their disorder day in and day out. People living under freeways, yeah, they have problems. Most people have traits that aren't attractive to everyone, but that is called personality. Why should we force everyone to have the same traits that are socially acceptable. The future of drugs, especially perscription, scares the crap out of me. If 100 people went to visit a phychiatrist, I bet that doctor could put a label or diagnosis of some sort on almost every one of them. That to me is crazy. Off the subject I know. Be in a relationship with what you think you can handle I guess is my opinion. Then leave when you can't. Seems simple.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 60
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 12:56:32 PM
The hardest thing about this type of discussion is that we're all "damaged goods" in some sense or another. I mean, seriously, we all have baggage, quirks, foibles, bad habbits, dark secrets, etc...

I suffer from a diagnosed mental illness... Depression and anxiety. Yep. There it is. But I know what "makes me tick." I take my meds, I see my doctor, I do the best with what I've got. It is all but guaranteed that I will go through some sort of major depression down the road, but I've got the resources to deal with it.

Not trying to discount anyone else's experiences, but I'm not an ogre, not a leper. I'm a helluva lot more "in touch" with my illness than I used to be and I think that makes me a better person than 20 years ago when I was trying to be "not depressed" even though I was deep in a pit.

Part of the issue is that we make no distinctions here... Just "mental illness." I'm just another crazy person with the rest of "the mentally ill." The truth is that there are a lot of gradients out there. What type of "mental illness" are we talking about? Psycosis? Compulsive behaviors? A Personality disorder? None of this gets processed on these pages... Just "I'd run as fast as I could in the opposite direction."

Bi-polar is not Schizoprhenia. OCD is not Asperger's. And the irony is that the "undiagnosed" ones are the ones you really have to watch out for. Once a diagnosis has been reached, many "mental illnesses" can be sucessfully managed.

I wonder how some of you would feel if someone just announced that, without even knowing anything substantial about you, they would "run in the other direction."

Whatever.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 61
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 1:35:19 PM
And your point is???

That's a tragic story. And unless your point is that those of us suffering from some sort of mental illness should accept the inevitable and jump into the Ohio River and get it over with, I fail to see the relevence.

It's sad that Mr. Bickle couldn't or didn't or whatever, the help that could have helped him save his life.

If we're going to bring out the stories of tragedy I guess I could always trot out the well-worn list of people who succeeded in life despite wrestling with a profound mental illness, like Winston Churchill who referred to his depression as "the great black dog" and fought with it throughout his entire adult life and still managed to be First Lord of the Admiralty and Prime Minister of Great Brittain...not once, but twice... oh, and through World War Two to boot.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 62
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 2:02:04 PM
Damn straight it scares me. My mother's side of the family suffers from bipolarism and chronic depression. I lived with a man who is bipolar.

My trust issues stem from being raised by a bipolar mother.

However, there is happy crazy, there is sad crazy, and there is belligerent/violent crazy. I am eccentric and like to be around eccentric people, but I would not be willing to maintain a relationship with someone who has a truly debilitating mental illness.
 missmarie456
Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 63
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 4:24:51 PM
Everyone deals with there issues differently. I know that I am a completely complicated person with my mental disorders, but I love who I am, and am only interested in finding one other person to love me for who I am too. I have both been denied for my mental illness, and I have denied other men because of theirs...Everyone is different, everyone deals with there illnesses differently...Some of us are more functioning then others. I always give it a chance if I think I like the person...The minute I feel like I'm being taken down with there mental ship, I exit the relationship. I can't stand the "victim syndrome" and Boo boo cry babies, so once I notice that I'm done. But I feel that I am good at giving support, so I certainly don't mind dating a man who needs some from time to time as I do as well.
 cestlaviiiieeee
Joined: 3/11/2012
Msg: 64
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 9:29:33 PM
I think it is normal to be uncomfortable with people with mental illness and yes it does have a huge impact interacting with people and it has a lot disadvantages , but you are required to talk to them, simply leave .. even normal people can act like retards or can act worser retards everyday
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 65
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 10:15:10 PM
I would never date anyone with mental illness. I read the profiles and it's scary at what happens in these situations.

They always have a trump card for cheating and bad behavior; I didn't take my meds.

I also dont believe in all this anxiety and depression stuff. If people need drugs to exhist, then they need counseling; not drugs.

For me; I'd be their friend but that's it. I'd run and fast.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 66
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 10:24:50 PM
I dated someone who was "crazy" (I'll just use the less-PC term) and it was to the point where I believed he could have caused me some harm...so no, I'll pass.

Granted they actually DISCLOSE that they have a mental illness. Until then you would just have to rely on judgment of character and close observation of the person (which most people are shit at anyway....they get so deluded and clouded with how "great" the psycho is). manipulation is a powerful tool used among some of them. yep.

just be prepared to spend a lot of time in a dark place. they're an acquired taste.
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 67
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/19/2012 11:59:46 PM
I got diagnosed with bi polar at 15... and it hasn't killed me yet. I don't even think they got the diagnosis right... I'm probably closer to an Aspie than anything.

They diagnosed me during my parent's divorce, and if it were up to them, I'd have been on crazy meds since.

I think it's stupid how they diagnose children during traumatic experiences and don't buy the diagnosis one bit. Everyone has whatever the buzz word of the day is...

I'm crazy, but not harmful... i have a bad temper, and try to control it, but it's not that bad. No man has ever broken up with me for it, and people that know me really well still want to be in a relationship with me. I'm just a tad ****yer than your average person, which is probably more of a nurture than nature thing.

 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 68
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/20/2012 5:18:49 AM
Yes dating a person with mental illness is scarey to "normies" lol. So I state right in my profile I am mentally ill. And on the same note dating some sanctimonious "normy who is not well adjusted from years of counseling and professional guided self analysis, refuses to monitor his/her uncivilized rude behavior, and tend to pass judgement is just as frightening.

Because when one is a "normie" the other is always at fault in "normy's" eyes regardless of what is happening in the relationship.
Does dating someone with a physical illness scare you? Put it in perspective. Realize how discriminatory and biased the question really is...
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 69
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:34:29 AM

Because when one is a "normie" the other is always at fault in "normy's" eyes regardless of what is happening in the relationship.
Does dating someone with a physical illness scare you? Put it in perspective. Realize how discriminatory and biased the question really is.


Your first sentence is absurd...always?...it reaffirms an odd view of thghe world as divided into black and white.

Scare you? No, a physical disability is not the same. If I was a woman I would be leary of dating a scizophrenic, bipolar, etc. She doesn't really 'know' him unless she has access to his medical history. As others have stated, a mentally ill individual can come across as 'fine' one moment. Unfortunately some don't take their meds because of their misperception of their mental state. Why would a woman want to take a risk with a potential unknown? Why be scared of a blind man? There's ample reason to be scared of a schizophrenic she knows absolutely nothing about but what he tells her.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 70
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:39:28 AM

I would never date anyone with mental illness. I read the profiles and it's scary at what happens in these situations.

They always have a trump card for cheating and bad behavior; I didn't take my meds.

I also dont believe in all this anxiety and depression stuff. If people need drugs to exhist, then they need counseling; not drugs.

For me; I'd be their friend but that's it. I'd run and fast.


You *might* actually try to think from outside *your* point of view...

First, "meds" are no excuse for bad behvior. If someone cops out by saying "Well I didn't take my meds..." they are being just as much a jerk as someone who blames their bad behavior on someone or something else. I have a low threshold for BS and that's what anyone who blames or excuses their behavior on something else is doing.

Second, I don't *care* if you "believe" in all this "depression and anxiety stuff." Just who the hell are you to decide what's real and not? Are you a psychiatrist, psychologist, or any other person with any experience in a mental health field? How very convienent for you that you "don't believe" in something, therefore it must not exist.

Third, most people will tell you that mental health...LIKE ANY OTHER FACET OF OUR HEALTH...is a combination of things. Medicine, where needed, therapy and counseling, and changes in physical lifestyle. It is not an "either/or..." it's a "both/and."

Finally, I hope you say "If people need drugs to exhist... [sic]" to those who take cardiac drugs, blood pressure medication, insulin, etc... Anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-psychotic drugs are every bit as necessary as other medications. What happens, for example, if someone with heart disease quits taking their medications? Is that so different than someone with Bi-Polar who fails to take their mood-stabilizer? In both cases, the body's chemistry goes out-of-whack and becomes disruptive to normal life.

In the end, the ability to dismiss people "just because" really says more about you than "them." You'd be our "friend"??? What the hell makes you think I'd want *you* as my "friend"???
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 71
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/20/2012 11:03:16 AM
hope

That all sounds fine but the woman knows NOTHING about the person they are going to meet. If OLD this is not the boy next door or the guy in the office that she has experience knowing for a few years. If someone she knows, she has a pattern of behavior to go by. If OLD all she has is what he tells her.

Beats me why a woman would have a couple hundred potential males to date but would start off behind the 8 ball dealing with one with mental illness. Why would she want to deal with a big black box she knows nothing about?
 00_000_0000
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 72
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/21/2012 10:55:40 AM
People with mental illnesses are very capable of functioning normally and being in relationships.That being said, because both my parents have mental illnesses, I would not get involved with someone who did and if I found out once I began seeing someone I would stop. I have enough to deal with my parents that I just am no0t at all interested in being with someone else who may have some of the same issues. I would be up front about why I was unwilling to continue or begin seeing them.
 skeeterz71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 73
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:12:11 PM
Stay away from them. Nothing but heartache ahead. I know. Was married to a bipolar woman. Didn't even know what bipolar was when she told me about it. The can be loads of fun, but there is a price to pay.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 74
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/22/2012 12:09:04 AM

Ok, so you search the profiles, make contact with another person, start chatting, maybe some phone calls, and then that person (who has the same needs and desires as you) drops a mental illness bomb on you. How do you react?

I look at it this way. If I talk to a woman and I don't come to the conclusion she's a mentally unusual (or whatever you want to call it), without being told that she is, then I'm not particularly worried about it.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 75
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/22/2012 4:00:02 PM
She threw a ham at you??? Jeez...

FWIW, I think you hit it pretty much spot-on.

BTW, it can be very hard to tell what exactly is a "mental illness" because these things are also measured by degrees. Eeyore (of "Whinnie the Pooh") is a classic example of "disthymia" which is a chronic "low-level" depression. He is not sitting on a ledge, waiting to throw himself off.

My therapist once asked me if I thought my ex-wife had a personality disorder ("Axis II" in the DSM-IV), because after much therapy (and discussion with my Psychiatrist who did meet my ex) he was pretty much convinced that she was exhibiting classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits.

Now my ex-wife is NOT diagnosed. This is all anecdotal and observations. But she probably does have a Narcissistic Personality. The world revolves around her and there is only one way of seeing things...her way. Like you, Ferdinand, she had me believing that my depression was an insult to her, which made me only feel worse.

Point is, "Mental Illness" is hard to judge sometimes. And, as I said earlier, it's not the "diagnosed" ones you have to watch out for....

A ham??? Really?
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