Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating a person with mental illness scare u?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SerendipityHappens
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 76
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
My ex-husband ended our marriage because he believed that I was an FBI agent spying on him. It was horribly painful for me to see this amazingly beautiful person consumed by his own delusions. I would have stuck by him and try to help him but he abandoned me and disappeared because he went into hiding so I couldn't find him. I tried to have him involuntarily committed. I even traveled alone to his little Lebanese village in the heart of Hizzbolah to try to convince his family to send someone to the USA to try to talk to him but nothing worked because he doesn't KNOW he's paranoid.

I suppose it's a blessing in disguise that he abandoned me and left the country and gave up his green card and can't return because otherwise I would never have given up on him and I would have spent the rest of my life trying to take care of him.

Why would I knowingly enter into a relationship with another mentally ill person? I mean, sure I suppose I could handle something like if they were currently successfully being treated for mild to moderate depression, or occasional panic attacks but mania,paranoia, major depression? NO THANKS. My heart couldn't take going down that road again.
 anna2you
Joined: 5/22/2010
Msg: 77
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/22/2012 7:05:42 PM
aww i would not put depression and anxiety in the same category as schizophrenia and bipolar...totally different ball game there.
 trh1268
Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 78
view profile
History
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/22/2012 8:57:47 PM
If he/she says they are taking meds for life, how would i know if he/she is taking it or not, i'm not there to see it. My ex used to live with me, she has bipolar/manic, her meds made her gain weight, she stopped for a while so she can lose weight, but her head made her crazy. The 3rd time she stopped, she tried to kill me with a kitchen knife while i was sleeping. She wind up in a mental hospital. Would i date someone with meds? NOT!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 79
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/23/2012 5:24:44 AM
I've already met a few mental cases from POF.

Does it scare me to date them? Not at all.

Is it a waste of my time and would I rather drink a Drano co*cktail?

You betcha.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 80
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/23/2012 7:44:24 AM
I was a roommates with a friend that was bipolar for about 8 months and it can be emotionally draining. On his good days he's happier like a fat kid on cake. And on bad days it was shitty. He moved out for the best.

To answer your question, I could not date someone with a mental illness.
 countrygent56
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 81
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/23/2012 10:16:07 AM
If you hear 'bipolar', run, don't walk the opposite direction. Speaking from experience, here.
 WL131
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 82
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/25/2012 12:49:17 AM
Don't take the chance. Protect yourself and maybe just be friends with this guy.

One day he could get off his meds and you could be a victum. Please think about it.
 scifichicky
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 83
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/25/2012 1:40:22 AM
Would you not date somebody because they were a diabetic? Probably most would think that is ridiculous. Well, it could be genetically transferred to children (a common arguement.) How about if they occassionally had to take heart medication for a quick heartbeat?

Dizzy and quick heartbeat are the same as a panic attack or anxiety. There is a little pill to be taken to fix that and wait 20 minutes. What is the difference really?

I dislike how mental illnesses are lumped together. A person who gets blue or nervous is in the same league as a person who hears voices that aren't there or somebody who would harm others? Not fair really to deem these people as undatable. Then again, close-minded and judgemental people often miss out on a lot of life's treasures because it will not fit into their narrow preconcieved notions.

I agree, better to be "crazy" and know it than crazy and not know it.
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 84
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/25/2012 3:05:41 AM
maybe the scary part is dating people who admit to having a disease like two seconds into the conversation. What that usually says to me is that the disease controls them, and is not just an inconvenient extra.

Allz I know is... these freaking people take that medicine, and as soon as they run out they are unbearable...

Meds suck... just be crazy (like me)
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 85
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:10:02 AM

Your first sentence is absurd...always?...it reaffirms an odd view of thghe world as divided into black and white.

Just got back to this was so busy picking out hams of the proper weight and shape for trajectory to win the hit your partner with the Easter Ham yearly Bipolar Olympics... boy did I find an excellent one on sale and everything...I might take the Gold...LOL
anywho Sciencetrekker the black and white of it was followed with in the normies eyes... that was the qualifying statement....Therefore it wasn't absurd in my opinion, in yours it may be..
However I see your view as limited at best and at worst judging: you state
it reaffirms an odd world view of...world as divided into black and white
this is a judgement of my view not an objective, measurable judgement of my view but a subjective negative view. In addition, I can only assume from your statement with the use of the the word "reaffirms" You have already affirmed that anyone with a mental illness has an "odd and black and white" view of the world. Use of words is very telling and your words show prejudice and reveal the stigmatization you feel towards mentally ill people which is self stated in your post and several Other Peoples post on here. Not at all objective or scientific. But good luck with your pursuit of science.
Anyhow what my view was doing was an acknowledgment about certain kinds of "normal"people's perspective and attitude towards having a relationship with a "mentally ill person" and if there were situations that ensued the "normie" would perceive the outcome if negative to be a result of the "nutjobs" inability" to monitor or control their behavior rather than a dynamic. Which all relationships are a dynamic rather than the result of one persons actions....Unless one person is catatonic or in a coma....
And I preceded it with several quotes about normies and a clear definition of such sanctimonious judgmental "normies". I didn't say all Normal people in fact if one reads my quote carefully and intelligibly they see normal people are never once mentioned. There are many good decent normal people both mentally ill and non diaganosed that don't throw ham's or have behavioral issues. I said a relationship with a normie which I defined....
And besides since when did having one bad apple spoil the whole damn bunch.....that is stereo typing to the max for all those who have "HAD" these horrid experiences with mentally ill people....
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 86
view profile
History
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:23:16 AM
So much depends on where they are with their illness and which illness it is. people with mental illness are more vulnerable than people without but for those that have struggled, been through treatment and learned to manage their difficulties and get on with daily life I believe that their struggles can make them very rewarding people to be with. I know that my own struggles in the past have made me a good person today, and they don't in any way prohibit me from being in a healthy and balanced relationship.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 11:50:24 AM
Ratsrule

True but the issue isn't whether one is capable of controlling or learning from their mental health issues. It's whether most people would date to get to know such a person.

If one has a long relationshiop and sees this 'balanced' and healthy life then go for it, but we can't assume any of this when getting to know a person. The guy who comes across as Mr. wonderful and says he has his issues under control is credible because....? How would a woman know this if she has no long term experience with him?

I personally woud not date a person who admitted to being an 'ex' alcoholic or 'ex' drug addict, etc. unless I new them a few years and had personal knowledge that they had conquered their issue. And I certasnly wouldn't date a woman with a mental illness because she 'told me' she had it under control.
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 88
view profile
History
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 12:11:58 PM
^^ yea i can see your point. I guess it depends at what point you decide to share the past and what level of an impression you have made before then.

I tend to find that the people who choose to harp on and on about their issues are the ones who have not learned to deal with it which can be the issue. Personally I would not choose to discuss the fact that I had any kind of past history with someone until I had made a decision that i could trust them with that information. If i felt they were the kind of person to break up with me purely because at some point I have been in professional treatment well you can be damn sure i wouldn't be dating them in the first place. It works both ways you know.

It's very easy to detect the sort of manipulative, self obsessed and damaging behaviour that most people think of whenever they hear of any level of involvement in the mental health services. The fact is that there are people who act that way who have never bothered to seek help and therefore dont have that label. you should always judge people by how they act, NOT what they say.
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 89
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 12:39:43 PM
Had experience with bipolar women. Dont even try to carry on a relationship with one as their mood swings will drive you nuts.
 meeshelli
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 90
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:20:02 PM
My advice thats a big fat no.. Run..

My ex has it bad depression and all the meds that went along with it, he changed meds more times..Wow what a learning experience plus recovering alcholic for the last 12 or so years. I ended up in therapy lol...like my therapist had said you can take the rum out the fruitcake but your still left with the fruitcake.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 91
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:48:09 PM
I'm really not sure why this is even a question. People date when they have personalities that are compatible and they think somewhat alike. If two people meet and one person has a mental disorder, then there are three possibilities:

(1) Their personalities and thinking won't match and they'll go their separate ways for the same reason any two other people migh. They just think too differently to be a good match;

(2) They think a lot alike, in which case, the other person just hasn't been diagnosed yet and they might be a match after all. If you have to ask if a person with a mental illness if he/she is mentally ill in order to ``know'' that he/she is mentally ill, then perhaps it's time to visit a psychiatrist and get some meds. I have yet to meet someone with schizophrenia or (true) bipolar disorder who didn't exhibit some strange thinking that clued me in that something was a little off. Those people may have been nice, charming, hot, whatever, but the affect is there.

(3) The other person is willing to ignore the obvious mismatch for some other attribute his/her date has in abundance.
 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 92
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:47:27 PM
not gonna lie. it will scare me away.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 93
view profile
History
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 3/29/2012 6:13:28 AM
Dating a person with mental illness doesn't scare me, but I am not enterested with those kind of people because I have nothing in common with them..

A healthy mind person doesn't want to connect with a sick mind person ,unless s/he is a Physician and the mentally sick person is a patient.. Just my common sense theory..

 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 94
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:56:36 PM
^^^I assume you have judged yourself as a healthy mind person and feel you speak for all?
A healthy mind person doesn't want to connect with a sick mind person ,unless s/he is a Physician and the mentally sick person is a patient.. Just my common sense theory..
Some healthy minded people do not limit their exposure to their similar kind of mind. As categorically excluding a whole group of people based on prejudgment can also exclude some beautiful experiences and wonderful chances for growth...But stagnation and inflexibility is always a sign of a healthy mind.. lol
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 95
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/12/2012 8:18:27 AM

A healthy mind person doesn't want to connect with a sick mind person ,unless s/he is a Physician and the mentally sick person is a patient.. Just my common sense theory..


maybe I wouldn't be so bipolar if my husband had tossed me around like a playtoy...

healthy mind? keep telling yourself that. Ultimate scary shyt: crazy people that can't admit it.
 wa_le_lu
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 96
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/12/2012 11:57:52 AM
Yes, this would absolutely scare me. My deceased husband was diagnosed schizophrenic, my marriage was normal by any means. I would never take on this responsibility with anyone else other than my immediated family. I know this sounds cruel, but once you live it...you understand what kind of life this would bring....very hard to do.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 97
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/12/2012 4:07:27 PM
Ok, so you search the profiles, make contact with another person, start chatting, maybe some phone calls, and then that person (who has the same needs and desires as you) drops a mental illness bomb on you. How do you react? Do you just run away and not respond to the person? Are you up front with your fears about the illness? I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it. I guess the other question is if people with mental illness can truly find success with online dating when having to eventually disclose before ever actually meeting someone. At any rate, what are your thoughts on the abovementioned?

Well, I think these days many people do have mental illness's of some kind. Some maybe only minor problems, others more major. I'm sure it's no coincidence that a high percentage of the population now uses anti-depressants. I think it's got allot to do with this fast paced, demanding world we live in.
 Gitter63
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 98
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/12/2012 6:36:23 PM
This actually happened to me. I dated a guy for a few weeks and he disclosed that he was schizophrenic. He told me he'd had one major episode 10 years before and had been taking meds since then. I decided to give it a chance, but the medication made him emotionless, he had a set routine he had to follow or it messed up his thought process and just before I ended it with him, he admitted he had stopped taking his meds because "he didn't think he was schizophrenic anymore".
I had a daughter to consider. I decided not to take any chances. Keep in mind, this was right around the time that guy on the Greyhound bus had murdered a boyon the bus and ate his ear while police surrounded the bus.

Like a lot of posters have said before me, its hard enough dating normal people!
 wa_le_lu
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 99
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/13/2012 8:24:33 AM
Ok, trying to post from my ipod....spelling off lol. Anyway, depression is completely different than being schizo and anti-depressants I don't think are the drugs that are prescribed for a serious mental disorder. If we are just talking depression here, everyone in the world has been depressed at some point in there life. This isn't a mental disorder.
 Cowboy_Dale
Joined: 9/9/2011
Msg: 100
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/13/2012 8:43:08 AM
This is an old post but I thought I'd share.

Met a girl online. She was a good upfront match. We got along and I ended up spending a couple nights at her house in her spare bedroom (drank too much to drive).

We both shared a lot of interests.

She had attempted suicide twice: Once with a gun (survived gut-shot) and once with pills relatively recently.

I was wary but enjoyed her company for about three weeks. Trouble was she 'wanted to go slow'. I respected that but no kissing or even cuddling for 3 weeks??!!

I can deal with mental illness to an extent. But I draw the line at frigidity.

The Cowboy.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating a person with mental illness scare u?