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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating a person with mental illness scare u?      Home login  
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 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 101
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
tomytum888. Perhaps but why would you choose to date that person over the hundreds of woman who are not callous and don't lack empathy, etc.?

This is a dating site. you have no idea about the long term record on a person with mental illness. You don't now she is able to take responsibiity and manage her condition. She is a stranger. Guys have an instinct to be the knight in shining armour and rescue a girl. Those who who have never encountered a person with a mental illness have some mistaken belief that it just takes understanding, support, etc. and 'all will be well' . Meanwhile back in th real world...being involved with such a partner, family member, etc. can be Hell.
 Inicia
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 102
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/14/2012 3:38:30 PM
see I once dated this one eyed hoola pooka purple person and the experience shattered the ideology I had of dating so therefor all one eyed hoola pooka purple people are a waste of time and I will never date a one eyed hoola pooka purple person again...and I will suggest to everyone I know to never date a one eyed hoola pooka purple person. And I will judge every one eyed hoola pooka purple person on said experience. But I think the one eyed hoola pooka purple people will do fine without my discriminatory judgmental attitude tossed on top of their stigmatization for being a one eyed hoola pooka purple person in a world full of two eyed hoola pooka purple people.
 twohourbreaks
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 103
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/14/2012 9:37:38 PM
Oh the joy of the genetically modified foods we eat. Did you know the same people who feed us this food provide medications to us as well :) just lovely.
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 104
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/14/2012 11:23:02 PM
Doesn't scare me if it doesn't scare them. Whaahahahahahahah.

Serious is overrated.
 341islife
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 105
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:45:15 AM
i don't know of anybody who is normal. okay............very
very few people are 100% normal
i am saying very very very very few people
now the scary part is 98% of the world denies any mental illness
or alcoholism

that is sad

this world has some serious problems
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 106
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:30:03 AM
Frankly, I am shocked and amazed that the old stereo-typing about mental illness still runs so rampant in this world. So many people seem to be so misinformed about the truth when it comes to these illnesses. You cannot "lump" all of them in the same category. Most of these illnesses can now be managed with medication, therapy, counseling or with natural remedies. Just because a person has a mental illness does not mean they cannot be a productive member of society. My grandmother was a paranoid scitzophrenic (sp) and she was the kindest, sweetest woman you'd ever want to meet. Most of my family has dealt with some form of depression or another....and the ones that frighten me, are the ones who refuse to admit they have a problem. But why do they refuse to admit it.....because of streo-typing like this, the stygma of not being "normal". Well, as far as I'm concerned, there is NO such thing as "normal"!

I mean, really, are we forgetting the hundreds, thousands, maybe millions of mentally ill people who were murdered during the Holocaust!? And why, because they were considered to be a burden to society!

I'd suggest that before you deem someone to be unfit because of mental illness, you research ALL info you can find about that illness and ask the person the appropriate questions. Such as, is your illness under control, and are you getting the help you need? ETC.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 107
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/15/2012 5:27:06 PM
Ren Girl you may be shocked but I'm shocked how naive you are. If you meet a stranger on line, you have no concept as to the depth of their issue or how they manage it. Many here are expressing real life experience and not pollyanish fantasies of how wonderful the world would be if we all just all held hands and smiled.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 108
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:09:04 PM

Ren Girl you may be shocked but I'm shocked how naive you are.


I am FAR from naive....if you had paid attention, I stated I have been around people with mental illness my entire life. I know what it can be like to deal with....and I am not dealing on "fantasy". The reality is, we all need to learn more about these illnesses and stop living in the dark-ages of putting the stigma on people. With the right medications, support, therapy etc. WE, yes, I say we, can live perfectly normal, productives lives. I have suffered with depression, off and on, my entire life. However, it is under control with medication, therapy, and counseling. Because I suffer with this disease, doesn't mean I am incapable of being a decent, kind, caring, considerate human-being. And THIS is the stigma that needs to be changed! That ALL mentally ill people are incapable of having a decent, productive life and a LTR.

What I'm saying is, don't claim someone is unfit to date just because they have a mental illness.

As for meeting online, well, have you ever heard of taking your time to actually get to know someone before jumping in with both feet? By having online conversations with people and getting to know them, you can learn, rather quickly who the idiots are. If you meet someone in the bar, or a corner grocery store, do you out-right ask them if they have a mental illness, or do you get to know that person and find out if they do and how bad it is?
 wa_le_lu
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 109
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/16/2012 4:12:05 AM
I think some are missing the point. I lived with it too and you CANNOT be with a person 24/7 to make sure they take their medication. I tried to get my husband help, so did his family. My life and my daughter's (by another marriage though she was young and still remembers this very well) was turned upside down and was NOT normal by any means. I couldn't even keep a job because of this. Even though I loved this man with all my heart and I still do to some degree (since he has passed, I have moved on), LOVE and COMPASSION is not a cure all for a SERIOUS mental illness. My husband was the kindest, most giving person too, AT TIMES....which was rare. Sciencetrekker seems to be looking at the whole picture. As far as taking on this responsibility again, I would not other than what I have already stated, if it is a family member which in that case, you do not have a choice Ren Girl. If you meet someone that has a serious mental illness, it will not take long to figure out HOW serious, and this is just me and my personal experience. I said I would not get involved (a relationship)...I did not say I would not be a friend but to some degree. My experience affected myself and my daughter in a very lasting, negative way and to some degree, even to this day even though he passed around 15 years ago.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 110
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/16/2012 9:58:11 AM
What I am saying is, do not paint us all with the same brush. Because you had a bad experience with ONE person who had a mental illness does not mean we are all the same. You can meet someone with a mental illness anywhere, not just online, and not be aware of the fact that they have an illness. The point is, if you find it too difficult to manage, or they refuse to take their meds and get help, then by all means, walk away, if that's what's best for you. I do understand the "once bitten, twice shy" attitude.

People with mental illnesses are as different from each other as are those without these illnesses. Even people with the same mental illness are different from one another.

It seems a lot of people are completely missing my point....again, I will spell it out.......Do not paint us all with the same brush.....
 memime4
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 111
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/19/2012 5:13:12 PM
While the posters are correct in clarifying there are many forms, with varying levels of seriousness, what it really boils down to is, are you willing to adjust to, and deal with the potential consequences, long term. And more importantly, are they?

The person I saw was ok, at first, then moody, then odd, then scary, then so erratic, deceitful & violatile that I had to let go. And that was tough, because I not only cared for him, I felt badly, since he hadn't chosen to be ill, initially. But he had chosen to not follow treatment. Since we parted ways he's alienated family members, lost his home and job and gone to court as recipient of a protective order (not me, but, I could have). I could tell you lots more- but willl leave it this... don't walk on broken glass unless you have very tough skin.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 112
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/19/2012 9:31:33 PM
I dated someone like this once briefly and have watched other people do this. I will never do it again. Mental illness bomb--I'm outta there. I don't believe it can work.
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 113
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/19/2012 9:40:55 PM
I've been down this road before, and nearly lost my life dating someone who was mentally ill. Well, guess what. It only takes me ONE time to learn from a mistake. Just one.

So, never again. I don't care who likes it or not.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 114
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 10:33:25 AM

What I am saying is, do not paint us all with the same brush. Because you had a bad experience with ONE person who had a mental illness does not mean we are all the same. You can meet someone with a mental illness anywhere, not just online, and not be aware of the fact that they have an illness. The point is, if you find it too difficult to manage, or they refuse to take their meds and get help, then by all means, walk away, if that's what's best for you. I do understand the "once bitten, twice shy" attitude.

People with mental illnesses are as different from each other as are those without these illnesses. Even people with the same mental illness are different from one another.

It seems a lot of people are completely missing my point....again, I will spell it out.......Do not paint us all with the same brush.....


I'd give it up, Ren-Girl... There are some people who are so set in their view that they will never hear any other POV... When I was formally diagnosed as "Major Depressive," my ex-wife's family told her (these are my ex-in-laws who I knew and celebrated holidays with for 10 years) that I literally was going to come home from the hospital and kill her and my kids with an axe. No friggin' kidding. They were ready to come all the way out to West Virginia from Nebraska and move her and the kids out of the house in the middle of January and move them (and all the furniture) out before I could be discharged (I had voluntarily committed myself) because of the boogey-man that the crazy man was gonna kill everyone in sight.

And that was with simple Depression. God forbid I had some other issues.

And before anyone says it, I was never violent towards anyone other than myself. And my in-laws damn well knew it. But they actually proposed the fact that somehow I was dangerous and a menace to everyone simply because I was now diagnosed.

The sad thing is that with the diagnosis and medication, I am far more functional now than I was before. Oh well...
 blueeyes2410
Joined: 6/26/2010
Msg: 115
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 2:56:51 PM
I would run. Somehow the last 3 of my ex-boyfriends all had mental illnesses (professionally diagnosed, not something I am claiming or assuming). All three relationships have been highly dysfunctional because of it. I know some people have their illness under control, but I have dealt with verbal abuse to the point where if I find out a guy has a mental illness or disorder of any kind it is an automatic dealbreaker. No way am I going through any of that again!!! Even with meds and therapy, I just can't go through it all again.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 116
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 3:45:57 PM
The sad thing is that with the diagnosis and medication, I am far more functional now than I was before. Oh well...


Very sad, indeed. I guess some people will never accept anyone who has any form of a mental illness, whether or not it is managed with meds and therapy. And some of the old stereo-typing will never end either.....it's just the way the world is....sad as it is.....sigh.

I do have to say, I'm glad you have found what works for you and has helped you. That's great! A lot of people are too ashamed to even admit they have a problem, never mind seek help. As for me, I was diagnosed with a form of depression called Dysthymia....or Dysthymic Disorder. Which, essentially, means that it's chronic depression, but not as severe as Major Depression. With herbal medications (not the green kind you smoke lol) and therapy/counseling, no one would even know I suffer from this illness.
 Sunshinelady555
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 117
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 3:58:08 PM

Mental illness is like any other illness and a lot would depend on the person's attitude towards it. Are they getting help, fully cooperating with their treatment and how they cope with it etc. A lot would depend on the severity of the illness, too, and how it affects their every day life.


I agree with this above statement!
Also, there are plenty people on dates sites that act like they have a mental illness and not receiving help,
so what is their reasons for their character and actions. lol At least a mental ill person has a legit reason
for whatever they are dealing with.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 118
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 4:06:48 PM

Also, there are plenty people on dates sites that act like they have a mental illness and not receiving help,
so what is their reasons for their character and actions. lol At least a mental ill person has a legit reason
for whatever they are dealing with.


I completely agree with you on this one! :)
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 119
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:06:34 PM
I forgot to mention something in my posts. Some of the greatest philosophers and artists in history had some form of mental illness or another. Many people who have a mental illness have an uncanny ability to think "outside the box".....and I LIKE that! :)
 RickLen
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 120
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 5:36:17 PM
For me, it would really depend on the person as a whole. Meeting people is very random and there are a lot of people with no mental illness that I would not want to date. Adding a mental illness on top of randomly meeting someone is simply adding one more part to who they are. An illness on it's own would probably not automatically rule out the person as a potential partner for me, but as I get to know them, the illness and how they look after the illness would definitely be a part of who they are. I would assume that if I meet someone online with a mental illness, they are fairly functional in society or they would not be using an online dating site. If they are functional enough to use this site for meeting people, then I would expect them to also be functional enough to look after their illness appropriately.
 wa_le_lu
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 121
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 7:25:55 PM
I have been down this road twice and they both were severe. The reason I mentioned the last was because my daughter was involved. ONCE .... THE FIRST TIME... should have been the LAST!! But...instead I tried to make myself believe that mental illness is different with different people and I was wrong. So my experiences taught me more than I chose to learn but thank God I and my daughter lived thru it. I would never do it again.... obviously people with mental illness are NOT going to get it because when they aren't on medication.... they don't realize what they are doing to the people that love them and the craziness involved. I loved the people I was with but like I said.... love is not a cure all. As far as putting all types of mental illness together is not what I am even talking about. My experiences were severe... so these types are what I am referring to.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 122
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:04:38 PM

I forgot to mention something in my posts. Some of the greatest philosophers and artists in history had some form of mental illness or another


Nobody is saying that someone with mental illness has no value. Nobody knocks art of Van Gogh or the writing of Poe...but having mental illness didn't make either good partners in life.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 123
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:00:26 PM

Nobody is saying that someone with mental illness has no value. Nobody knocks art of Van Gogh or the writing of Poe...but having mental illness didn't make either good partners in life.


Ahhhhh, but by saying that someone who has a mental illness is not worth dating, is, in a sense, saying they have no value......at least not enough to have a LTR. We are human beings, just as you are, we have feelings.....(If you prick us, do we not bleed).

I do understand that some have had very bad experiences and I'm not discountin g that, in any way. What some of yu have been through is horrible. And if the person refuses to take their meds and get the proper help, I fully understand not wanting to date them.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 124
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:19:06 PM
Ren-girl. Again, the difference is that you don't really know how someone is with their mental illness until you have a long history with them. Perhaps a brother does fine...or the girl next door...people you have witnessed over 'years'. In contrast 'dating' implies you are getting to know someone and you can't form an opinion of someone with mental illness over a few months of dating....regardless of how wonderful and stable they may seem.

If you had a toddler in the home and you went to a humane society to get a dog as a pet, would you choose the dog that bit a baby 3 months before but has displayed good behavior ever since? No, you'd choose from one of the other 50 dogs for adoption. Why exactly would someone start dating a person with mental illness over the other hundreds of people without mental illness?
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 125
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:29:04 PM

If you had a toddler in the home and you went to a humane society to get a dog as a pet, would you choose the dog that bit a baby 3 months before but has displayed good behavior ever since?


In a way, you just validated my point. No, you would not want the same "dog" or perhaps not a person with the same type of mental illess. But just because I have a mental illness doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly turn violent and murder everyone. I'm a depressive, if anything....I'd harm myself, not the world.

My point was quite simple.....been bitten by a man with scitzophrenia(not sure of the spelling), don't date another one. But don't count us all out because of "Mental Illness". Some illness are not that bad....and in my opinion, shouldn't even be labelled as a mental illness at all.....There are ALL kinds of illnesses.....Hoarders, Multiple personality disorder, many forms of depression......etc. Some mild, some serious......Are you getting my point? :)
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