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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating a person with mental illness scare u?      Home login  
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 optimismfirst
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 126
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I'm not dating to freaking mother some one to death and be a god damn doctor.
i rather not deal with that drama...
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 127
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:23:59 AM

I'm not dating to freaking mother some one to death and be a god damn doctor.
i rather not deal with that drama...


No drama there... Nope.

Also I can't imagine being with someone who puts those terms out front... I'd guess you reject the whole idea of "for better or for worse..."

I should take your advice... I'd rather not deal with your drama.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 128
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:11:31 AM

I'd guess you reject the whole idea of "for better or for worse..."


Where did she say that? She stated clearly that she wants to date a healthy stable person. She has the maturity of responsible adult to seek a relationship that doesn't already have the built-in seeds of destruction.

Still not sure wht someone wojuld start dating someone with a mental illness. They are so behind the 8 ball that they can't date a stable partner? Exactly why choose this person over hundreds of others? Baffles me.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 129
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:16:42 AM
Ren girl
I'm a depressive, if anything....I'd harm myself, not the world. [/qjuote]

Why would a stable person want to date a depressive who might harm themself? you see this harming of oneself as acceptable behavior?

Sorry, I see someone who might harm themself as needing medical attention . As for your 'other' examples...no, a stable person would also not date a hoarder, etc.
 Hopeneverdissapoints
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 130
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 2:34:25 PM


Where did she say that? She stated clearly that she wants to date a healthy stable person. She has the maturity of responsible adult to seek a relationship that doesn't already have the built-in seeds of destruction.


Science Trekker:
Actually she said, "I'm not dating to freaking mother some one to death and be a god damn doctor.
i rather not deal with that drama..."

Call me dense, but I don't see anything there about "healthy" or "stable." I saw, just judging by her own words "I'm not dating [someone] to [be] a freaking mother to some one to death and be a [explative deleted] doctor." And presumably if the person she is dating/in a LTR/married to suffers a stroke or is paralized... What, exactly?

Look you've got your opinion. I get it. Thankfully I have no interest in dating you, and presumably you have no interest in dating me. FWIW, I'm nobody's "fall back," I am not in any way defective. I do not need your charity, sympathy, or condescension. Thankfully, I don't even need your understanding.

"Behind the 8 ball so that they can't find a stable partner?" Jerk.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 131
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 2:39:56 PM
Why would a stable person want to date a depressive who might harm themself? you see this harming of oneself as acceptable behavior?

Sorry, I see someone who might harm themself as needing medical attention . As for your 'other' examples...no, a stable person would also not date a hoarder, etc.


Ummmm....Did you completely miss where I stated that I AM under the care of a medical professional.....and as long as I take my medications and talk to my therapist, I'm as STABLE as anyone else......maybe more so, because I know my issuses and LEARN to deal with them!??? There is NO better knowledge than SELF-KNOWLEDGE! When one knows themself, inside and out, they have a better understanding of who they are, what they are capable of, and HOW to manage/control those "not so acceptable" traits.

And further-more.....99% of society claim to be "stable", when in reality, they are not.......need I say more? No, I think not.

And as for the woman who said she will "not freaking mother someone to death" and "No drama" yadda yadda. Well, let me tell you this little tid-bit. When you love someone, marry them......you accept them "for better or worse"....as their spouse, you become their confidant/doctor/nurse/maid/cook/counselor/lover/friend......you become a master of ALL trades. Are you saying that if the person you love becomes ill, you will just walk out? Right......NO DRAMA! Just walk away and forget it.........

This like saying that, if I was dating a man when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, he should have just walked away from me to get away from my medical "drama".......
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 132
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 10:32:09 PM
Miss tsilawei: If you have something to say about mental illness and dating someone who has one.....it's acceptable to post it on this thread. Or if you have something to say to me, send me a message. But to post on my thread about "dating someone who lives with an ex" telling everyone to read this thread is COMPLETELY uncalled for......

I have told you.....I agree, if you have had a bad experience then DON'T date someone with a mental illness......and might I make a suggestion. Not intending to be rude, mean or nasty in any way.....I mean this in the kindest caring way....if you have been so hurt by someone with a mental illness, perhaps you need therapy to help you work through the issues that bad relationship left you with. Again, just my opinion...and offering some advice.
 dimentex
Joined: 3/30/2011
Msg: 133
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/21/2012 11:19:00 PM
I dated someone like that. My feels were as long as she was doing what she was supposed to to control it, I didn't have an issue (I had a stepson who was BiPolar NS so I am pretty familiar with the diagnoses). Unfortunately, she didn't, she stopped taking her meds, and Said some pretty unwonderful things to me and then several days later after breaking up with me wanted me back. I still talk to her from time to time, but having 4 LITTLE nephews in my life I can't afford to chance that my gf/wife/partner/w/e may or may not do what she personally has to do to control herself so she doesn't do something to them.

TLDR, yes, but with certain... conditions.
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 134
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/22/2012 5:43:41 PM
Run. Do not walk. Run. Run away. As fast as you possibly can.
 Ren-Girl
Joined: 4/7/2012
Msg: 135
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/22/2012 9:25:51 PM

TLDR, yes, but with certain... conditions.


At the risk of sounding "internet-illiterate".......ummmmm....what does TLDR mean? lol I know a lot of the abbreviations....just not that one.
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 136
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 4/22/2012 9:52:42 PM
I was in a 4 year relationship with a man who has bi polar disorder. It was vastly negative. After the relationship ended, I was the one who needed therapy for a year before I became whole again.


Never again.
 Jonawad
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 137
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 11:33:52 AM
Being Mentally Ill is the new gay, a lack of misunderstanding has led to ppl like us being held in a bad light. Now granted there are many who are ill who dont know or are in denial or even worse know and dont want to do anything about it. Its ppl who dont want help are the ones you should watch out and avoid, but those who are getting help and being faithful about medication you shouldn't pass up just because they have something they cant help.

Well I have to admit, I have went against my own advice. In post 93 I sent out a warning to all who are ill never to disclose your condition to someone you are dating until you commit. I fell in love with a lady I was unofficially dating her for months and well we were having a great time and yea we had a few drinks, she said we could be more than friends and well I then drop the mental illness bomb on her, she didnt say much about it in reaction and even in fact pointed to some of the scars she had from self infliction. But then she admits that my illness is the only thing that is holding her back because she doesnt know much about it, I think a better way to put it is that she didnt know much about it, has a bad view of it and doesnt even want to get to know about it. I did tell it like it was to her, saying that was what she truly was thinking and well....she didnt deny it. So really take it from someone who knows and has done it, I went against my own advice and well its my fault, her and I are still close friends but its never going to be anything more.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 138
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 12:12:07 PM
I'd say you need to do a personal emotional inventory on yourself and be very honest about what you really are able to take on. There are many different mental illnesses, some more alienating and anti social than others..such as schizophrenia. Some illnesses such as borderline are going to have you walking a tightrope constantly...with the person abusing you then clinging to you, etc. It runs the gamut. If you are prepared for it, go for it. Personally, just dealing with a *normal* human being is enough for me...I know I am not up for the diagnosed mental illness arena.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 139
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:35:20 PM
My former father-in-law dealt with a mentally ill wife for almost 50 years -- it really changed him, and the relationship was not good. No thanks.
 Schatzi3
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 140
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:33:36 PM
[Ok, so you search the profiles, make contact with another person, start chatting, maybe some phone calls, and then that person (who has the same needs and desires as you) drops a mental illness bomb on you. How do you react? Do you just run away and not respond to the person? Are you up front with your fears about the illness? I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it. I guess the other question is if people with mental illness can truly find success with online dating when having to eventually disclose before ever actually meeting someone. At any rate, what are your thoughts on the abovementioned?]

The scaring part of it is being kept in the dark and being dragged into the mental issues. Denial is more common than disclosure. So, don't expect one to be honest with you, and you will struggle to figure out. I have been there, done that. I went through a crazy roller-coaster and got lost many times, trying to figure out what was going on behind my back and underneath all the 180 degree swings. Lifetime is precious, manage accordingly.

Do not wonder why, psychologists and mental health care providers are not allowed to have a relationship /emotional involvement with their patients. Therefore, if professionals are not allowed to get themselves emotionally involved, you better take it in consideration and don't get yourself even started in the trouble. Only a fool can believe in another.

My thought is, watch out for the potential red flags, which are mood swings combined with lies, strange family dynamics with passive-aggressive or plain aggressive communication and body language (condescending talks about everyone most of the times, push-slap-kick-aggressive-competitive plays exchange, plenty of excusing and pretending and an overall struggle in the person's life and focus, being always on the edge to cope with whatever subject or extremely obsessed with a specific subject, be it behavior, appearance, judgement, etc. Most importantly, there will be some sort of subtle or notable abuse either of drugs or/and in behavior. Image/power enhancers are favorites in the list. They do not want to show their true colors; they hate themselves, they rather be someone else or totally, extremely selfish or self-centered. Notice, I said to watch the extremes. It is a clear nuance off the normal scattered and spaced in time and events, and that is where one get blind sided to recognize the danger coming your way... you rather take a flight than trying to fight yourself into misery.
 freshstartbraveheart
Joined: 11/9/2012
Msg: 141
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:06:18 PM
I would probably not knowingly date someone with a mental illness. I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt to go with it. It's not something I want to do again. Also, I have kids now, so I need to think about them.

I'm sure people who manage their conditions well can make excellent partners but there's always a chance that there'll be times when they don't manage their illness well - and then what?

Lets say that they go off their meds/treatment plan and then lose their sh!t on me. Am I supposed to just forgive them, and work through it because it's not their fault (it's the disease) until the next time it happens? Again, and again because of "for better or worse"/"in sickness and in health"?

I don't want to sound cold or selfish here but I don't see the perks for me in that.
 JuliannaQ
Joined: 10/8/2012
Msg: 142
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:15:11 PM
Just to clarify, Asperger's is developmental disability, not mental illness. Many people who have Asperger's Syndrome may suffer from anxiety issues but many do not. We need to be clear about these differentiations precisely because wrongly identifying a group can stigmatize them in certain ways that make their lives even more difficult.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 143
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/26/2012 9:43:25 PM
If the "normal" person in the relationship is not fully trained and qualified to deal with any effects and unusual behaviors caused by mental illness, it's not fair for both people to be involved in a relationship. It will emotionally drain the life out of the normal one.
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 144
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/27/2012 12:10:44 AM
Depends on you and depends on the type of illness. There is much misinformation about these things. Our society still is afraid of these issues because they simply don't know about them. If the person had cancer, or another illness what would you do? There are millions of people that have serious issues, you have narcisstic personality disorder, sociopaths,psycopaths and many that lots of people have and you never know it. They seem normal and live next door, maybe go to your church and live double lives , and you always hear, when something happens, wow they seemed like a super person, such a nice guy or gal.(usually a guy). Never were they labeled before hand.
There are many with PTSD, violence issues, rape issues, and just all the bad things that happen in life.

And then there are those that are liars, cheaters, druggies, alcoholics.
That might cover a large percent of the population by now with these disorders.

Anxiety, depression bipolar are often used to define people when they have never been diagnosed.

I would say you should read up on it. For example bi-polar there are several types, and often people say someone is bi polar when they just are not good people, have bad behavior. I know of people that are sneaky, liars, cheaters, manipulators, users, ***holes, egotistical many others issues and they cause a great deal of problems
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 145
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/27/2012 12:20:21 AM
Nobody is going to advertise their mental illness any more than someone will post a grocery list of all their bad habits and unattractive qualities in their profile. Part of the dating experience is getting to know all the sides of someone and vice versa to see if each can tolerate the other.

As a cheesy saying goes, nobody has to be perfect, they just have to be perfect for you. ;)
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/30/2012
Msg: 146
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/28/2012 1:45:37 PM
I started dating this gent after about a year of on and off chatting with him at the regular Saturday night karaoke. Just to explain, when I first met him, I had just a couple of weeks broken up with my ex-husband, so I wasn't either in any mood or inclination to be looking at dating. Anyways, I thought after a year of getting to know him, I thought he was a pretty nice guy. I could tell there was something was a bit off when conversing with him. But when he asked me for a date, I thought "give him a chance, this seems to be a nice guy". On our second date, he took some tablets with his meal and he then told me he was on lithium as he was bi-polar. It didn't at the time change my opinion of him, however, I was only seeing his outside social behaviour up to this point. When I started getting up close and personal, that was when he real behaviour started showing through. I dated him for six months, and then realised that even just apart from his bi-polar, which he wasn't managing properly, that he really couldn't cope with dating someone who was a single parent.

In short, I don't see dating someone with mental health issues a problem as long as they have it under control and are having regular medical supervision and support from a therapist. However to answer the question, over a short period of time I was seeing worsening behaviour to the point that there was a scary event and that was the major contributor to me deciding to end the relationship.
 pedanticbeast
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 147
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 11/29/2012 6:16:47 AM
40 % of women are on psychotropic medication.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 148
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Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 12/4/2012 5:18:47 AM

40 % of women are on psychotropic medication.


citation, please?

having known an individual who suffers with borderline personality disorder, i'd have to say that i'd never encourage a relationship with someone like that ever again. i did my best to offer support, but the person i knew had no interest in helping theirself. i can't put myself through that again. the delusions of grandeur, the ranting, the screaming, the sobbing, the adoration/hatred ~ wow...it was a learning experience certainly. and it opened my eyes to the very real world of the mentally ill. but i found the interaction too draining to ever engage in something like that again.
 Single_Dad_Dave
Joined: 4/21/2012
Msg: 149
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 12/4/2012 10:00:51 AM
My ex-wife is bi-polar. Lots of issues there. My most difficult clients were bi-polar. I wouldn't take on a bi-polar client. I wouldn't date anyone that was bi-polar.

Going through a divorce, even a peaceful one, is a painful and gut wrenching experience. I would rather have someone talk to a professional and get counseling for some anxiety and depression, than say 'I'm fine. I don't need anything'. It takes time and effort to work through everything, rather than just shoving it under the rug.

I think it's all a matter of degrees.
 i_ski_do_u
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 150
Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 12/4/2012 11:39:29 AM
It doesn't scare me in the least.
My ex-wife is bi-polar. Lots of issues there......... I wouldn't date anyone that was bi-polar.
Borderline Personality Disorder or severe ADHD/ADD. If they didn't tell, I would figure it out. It's not worth it.
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