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Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 453
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Page 23 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Let's hear your thoughts

OP, you seem to be following very old fashioned dating rules with bizarre, outdated expectations. Times have changed my friend. Where were you?

In response to regular dating, I pay for myself whenever it is possible (sometimes men will demand and insist on paying). I like to take my time getting to know someone before doing it and if they insist on paying throughout this time why should that be my problem?

If a man, or woman's profile says DINNER COMPANION ONLY, then it spells out the terms of what he and she are looking for, and expecting.

1. I do know what it means, but no, you’re wrong, not everyone knows what that means. Spelling it out would look more like this: I WILL TAKE YOU OUT FOR DINNER IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME. And then you could call the sex police and report her if she doesn't.
2. Some women will change their mind.
3. Some women will try to change your mind.

These are your rules. You can’t expect all women in the world to change just so you can have sex with them. If the roles were reversed the same logic would apply.

Many of the women's replies told the man that if he expected sexual favors in return for dining and entertaining this woman, that he should get a Prostitute.

The reason for this is because it works so well with call girls and not so well with the ladies. Why else would there even be the need to mention it? Btw., how are things working out for you? A bit frustrated, are we?
Joined: 9/29/2010
Msg: 454
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 1/3/2012 4:07:01 AM
you last paragraph about sex and a healthy relationship, is totally incorrect. Unless its done between two people in a very loving union (like marriage), it can lead to emptiness and seperation. In the short term it may work, but why would any woman chance aids or unwanted pregnancy over 5 minutes of pleasure with a man that will more than likely not be with her over the long term, and take years away from her life that could have been spent elsewhere?...not including the mental anguish that is associated with being with him!
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 455
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 1/3/2012 9:30:12 PM
ruspukin said it all.... that's how it makes me feel.

I do what I want to do based on how I feel, not on what a guy spent on me.

I dislike having sex with guys I am not exclusive with as they never take me seriously afterwards and never want a relationship,.

Everything you said was so spot on.

Here's the truth about men and sex. We like sex. We love sex. We think about a lot. That's out nature. And, while you may be in an 'exclusive' relationship with a man it doesn't mean he hasn't had a "naughty" thoughts about the 20 year old blond at the gym... or the redheaded secretary at the office.... he has. He'll never admit it to you - because he knows your insecurities will cause you to go into a rage and behead him. But, it's ok for you to sit around in your group of friends and drool over the male-stripper'esque bartender on "girl's night out."

Anyway, let's get to the point.

Regardless of what modern Sit-Coms lead you to believe. Men are not simpleton animals who screw everything up. We're actually pretty complicated and smart. You see we know that sex is your only means of control. You withhold it punish, you withhold it to make us jump through hoops to "prove ourselves" to you, you use it to get what you want. You use it to land us and to reel us in. So, when the time comes that you "give it up" you are in a sense surrendering that one piece of power you had over us.

Here's MY deal... I don't and I have never expected a woman to "come home with me" on the first date, the second date, or the third date. I agree with that you that the risks of unwanted pregnancy or social disease isn't worth it.

But, after a few dates? You're still holding back - that tells me you're dangling it as a carrot.... "be a good boy and MAYBE I'll give it up..." in those cases, to the curb you go. I'm not going to spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars on you only for you to wake up one day and decide the guy in the cubical next to you at work is a better choice.... then I'm out with nothing. Hell with that.

That's life.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 456
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 1/4/2012 5:12:44 PM
Rachee30, just never have sex with a guy wanting anything else but to enjoy the sex itself. That way whether he calls again or not has nothing do with what happened. While sex is nice in a relationship, it's better off not to be confused with one directly.

Make it clear. Go to his place, and when it's over - start looking for your car keys. Shake it off...
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 457
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 1/6/2012 5:01:50 PM

Well cinsav, how do you think I feel when the guy has got what he wanted before investing anytime really getting to know me well enough to have any attachment.

I have never used sex as power, if anything the men have had all the power.

It's funny how once I do sleep with a guy I am dating they change and either only want sex and no longer want to date or do anything else, or they just say there busy or ignore me while they are on to the next challenge.

So tell me, how is this benefiting me in anyway, I just feel used again and again.

Some men I dated who I did not feel that attracted to therefore did not sleep with, well they really got to know me as a person and asked me for a relationship.

Funny that hey!

I don't have a problem with you with holding it until you are confident you aren't being played for just sex. But, too many women out there - far too many - take it way beyond that.

I completely understand if you're on a date with a guy who spends more time staring at your ass and chest than he does making eye contact - then invites you back to his place. I get that. But, how often are those?

And, I am tired of listen to women act like sex is some undesirable, painful, chore that you're just going through the motions with. Sex is biological, it's part of our make up, it's part of who we are. A lot of you women act like you're doing US a favor. Excuse me.... but are you not getting something out of it too? The physicality? The orgasm? The pleasure? The contact, the intimacy?

Stop acting like you're not getting anything out of too. Because you are. Just as much as he is. By "you" I don't mean YOU specifically Rachee.

We have to deal with flaky ass women who use us for our money, lie to us, and have no idea what they want.

How do you think we [men] feel after we've invested ourselves in a woman, who we've finally let our guard to, only to find that's just another nut case flake who dumps us because she saw a rainbow on the way to work?

There is no magic formula. Some times you can tell right off the bat what the other is about - if he's grabbing at your ass on the first date, sure good warning sign. If she's upset because I am not spending 400 dollars on her on the first date - yeah good warning sign.

But more often than not men aren't going to figure out the flakes until it's too late. And, women aren't going to figure out the players (the really good players) until IT'S too late. Welcome to life. It sucks, but that's just the way it is. The best you can do is enjoy the ride - and move forward.

As long as you aren't use sex as a carrot or making it a focal point of hoops for him to jump through, fine. But, in the end, don't deny yourself a little pleasure once and a while because you've got your head wrapped around something that ultimately is a non-issue.
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 458
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 1/7/2012 4:15:05 AM
Some men and women view sex as the primary force in a relationship. If I meet a man and he is the type that does not find me sexually appealing based solely on my appearance, then I am glad he weeded himself out as a potential date for me. He truly does need to date women who he finds to be hot looking. I am not saying that I find all men I might meet physically attractive, I am the type that finds average looking men with other good traits to be sexy for various reasons. My problem with the men whose primary goal is finding hot women is that they have usually been rude to me and act like no other man would find me sexy because they don't. When I send someone a pic the woman really is me they are seeing. The fact that they think I will morph into someone else before they meet me is their problem, not mine.
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