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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 289
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal Page 6 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
I get what you are saying an I agree with you. If you read a lot of the threads about dating and money,there seems to be this almost attitude that the woman are responsible for ensuring that the man doesnt make a poor decision with a "if you arent going to have sex with me, you should not have accepted that meal" attitude. I guess things havent changed that much, some men still want women to be the moral police and save them from themselves.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 290
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:06:49 AM

If you read a lot of the threads about dating and money,there seems to be this almost attitude that the woman are responsible for ensuring that the man doesnt make a poor decision with a "if you arent going to have sex with me, you should not have accepted that meal" attitude.
LOL! I guess I do tend to avoid those threads as perhaps my thinking is a little too "black and white". Obvious, since, I get what you're saying in

some men still want women to be the moral police and save them from themselves.
but, isn't it the same thing? The same result I mean?

Albeit, not "intentional" that I'm saving him from himself, but when I pay my own way, it's just ME being responsible FOR ME. I'm not going to stop being responsible for my own behavior just because a side effect is ALSO that I "save him from himself". I guess I'd have to think on this more, but....I don't really give a hoot about "saving him"....he's a big boy, he's on his own; but I'm going to continue to be responsible for me....and ESPECIALLY if I like the man...it's even more important to establish those boundaries; that I can NOT be "bought".....with ANYTHING other than respect, affection, consideration, etc.

I do know that things have changed a lot in the last 40 years. LOL! kinda what makes it so difficult for a woman my age to "date"; but my thinking is along the lines, that NO MAN who respected me would even offer to wine and dine me for 2 months. Well...maybe not "disrespect" so much as ....Id think he was a "control freak" or something. I just can't visualize every going out with a man for 2 months and allowing him to always pay. There'd have to be something seriously wrong with ONE of us.

Actually, an older gentleman wrote me recently and very nicely asked if I would "refuse" to let him buy me dinner, and my answer was, "well, no, as long as it wasn't extravagant, and as long as if we had dinner a 2nd time that I would be allowed to buy".

I think that a lot of times people have "good intentions" but that money is also often used to insult and disrespect others. Whether or not it was "intentional"...I'd be really insulted if a man insisted on always paying....to the point that I wouldn't date him for 1 month...much less 2.

You've raised some good perspectives Grizzelda; LOL! not sure this old dog can learn any new tricks, but I do see the points you've raised.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 291
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:34:53 PM
I think we should pay for our own dinners wherever we want (with friends if we so choose), and invite them to show up and pay for their own dinners while charming and entertaining us. If they aren't cute or engaging enough, then at some point we just ask the waitress to move him to a table so we can continue to enjoy our meal after the brief distraction.

That should even out the playing field...that way men will get a pass based only on their looks, eating habits and social skills (and later on, penis size of course).
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 295
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:05:05 PM
[" I also agree that, unless it is stated somewhere in a profile, it is assumed most of us are looking specifically for sex on here, or a relationship with a sexual component."

You write the way that I think. And I'm sure that most men have similar views as well. It amazes me, how hundreds of replies later, there have been so many diverse opinions on this matter. Agree, disagree, or have a neutral opinion on the subject... it's still called , and heavily marketed as Sex Appeal.]

Sex appeal is nothing more than being appealing to the opposite sex. Of course, one component of the highly sought after relationship is ex, bu not all relationships include sex. The desire of any one person to include that aspect in the relationship is up to them to express, and up to the other to decide, period.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 296
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:44:03 PM
it is wrong to allow a man to spend money on you for an extended time if you have no interested in having sex with him...and a woman knows this is wrong whether she admits it or not...this is to me sinful...because you are deceiving someone for your own selfish interests...to fake an innocence of what you are doing is transparent....we women should be better than that....fair is fair...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 298
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:26:55 PM

I do not think most women are this hungry for a free meal, as has been described on these boards. You would think we were all starving to death.


Yup - I actually eat VERY well and am far from starving to death.
It's just a guy's wishful thinking - they want us all to starve ourselves.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 305
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:05:43 PM
OP.....If men/women expect sex after "x" many dates, they should put that in their profile....it would save both people time and money.

You say you don't date women to be friends with them, which means that any woman you date will never be considered your friend, which also means that you only date women so you can have eventually have sex with them. I think that is what is typically referred to as a prostitute. If you wine and dine a woman and expect sex in exchange for the dollars you spent wining and dining her...........that is also prostitution.

Prostitutes don't want to be friends either, a prostitute sounds like the best option for you. A prostitute is cheaper than paying for 3 or 4 dates with a woman you might not get sex from, simply because you haven't told her your expectations up front.

So you resort to tricking her into thinking your a nice guy with the hopes of manipulating her into having sex with you. Sheesh and men condemn "gold-digging" women, what about the "vagina-digging men." Maybe it's you who needs to get with the times, after all, it is the 21st century.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 311
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/15/2009 5:30:37 PM
I get tired of men getting the shaft for wanting to have sex with a woman when it's our animal instinct to mate.


I thought they already had the "Shaft"...lol

Some don't even want to wine and dine...they just want sex...
As women dress to kill...
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 316
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/24/2009 5:42:21 PM

A woman was just stating that she's 44, a BBW, and lives in a small town. She felt that those were 3 strikes against her.

I say that confidence is a verrrrrrrrrry sexy thing. And why not make those so called 3 strikes work FOR you ?

I'm 46, in a small town, and a BBW - I like me, and if someone I don't even know doesn't like me, I really has no effect on me. I have no problem getting a man's attention or getting sex when I want it. Heck, even a swimsuit model can have a difficult time getting a man to stick around even after she's put out.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 319
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 11/25/2009 6:31:54 AM
I expect nothing, and anticipate everything - eventually. The signs are usually there early on as to what the future holds, and if they're not or if that future does not unfold to include sex as part of the developing relationship, I'll simply move on. Eventually.
 KAPTAIN D
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 321
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2009 10:05:04 AM
I LIKE THIS FORUM !!

OK I THINK A WOMAN THAT IS JUST HORRIBLE IN THE BED WILL AVOI HAVEING SEX. REASON BEING IS SHE WANT'S TO KEEP THE WINING AND DINING GOING ON ASLONG AS POSSIBLE. IN HER HEAD SHE ALREADY KNOW SHE IS NO GOOD IN THE SEX DEPARTMENT.

NOW COMPLAIN ALL YOU WANT, BUT THE WOMAN GIVING IT UP IS MOST LIKELY GONNA MEET HER PRINCE CHARMING WHILE YOU STILL MOPE AROUND SINGLE AND HOPELESS !!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 324
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2009 2:34:30 PM

Sadly, that gets women killed these days.

Yup.
Phony and manipulative men OR women put themselves at risk and build up a boatload of bad karma.
They're likely to get a lot more than they bargained for when they use someone that's emotionally unstable. I try to do the right thing so I don't have to sleep with one eye open.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 326
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2009 3:53:16 PM

Agreed. I'm still a good person, just a very naughty girl sometimes...

As long as both people know where it's going from the get go, it's all good.
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 327
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2010 7:38:50 AM
" What is unusual with women trying to get free lunch or dinner from unattractive guys and reward someone else later for it with their body? So they get all their needs met and you get the short stick because you allow them to do that. "

Sadly, the type of women that you refer to aren't interested in the men, they are only interested in the man's wallet. The woman is selling herself short, because she isn't engaging all of herself , and her dinner companion, just selfish her needs.

If a man takes a woman out to dinner just to get sex, he's sometimes called a predator. If a woman goes out to dinner with a man only for a free meal, she's also a predator.

I don't believe in using people, nor leading them on. A lot of people have low self esteem issues, and whether it's a man or a woman, it isn't fun. Karma can be a ****.

Getting dressed up, feeling confident and desireable, and full of sex appeal... who wants to waste that much effort on a date with someone who's hidden agenda is only a free meal, or sex ?
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 329
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2010 4:22:17 PM
^^^^^^Nor for very attractive women in a big city, it's not. If one of them's getting a couple dozen e-mails a day, at least several of them each week must be from guys she could picture herself going to bed with. An hour or so for e-mailing and a phone chat with each one, and after a couple weeks she'll have several guys to date that she's at least moderately attracted to. And all she has to do to have sex with any of them she likes is just agree to go out with him.
 UglyFroggieCritter
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 331
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2010 6:40:30 PM
Why don't couples just get the sex out of the way on the first "date/meet"?

Then they can decide if it's worth dinner.

What? I didn't read all of the responses, but I can't have been the first to suggest this...or at the very least think it.

*said with tongue in cheek*
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 333
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/3/2010 9:01:21 PM
^^^^^I could compare stories with you. I've had just about every kind of flake out you could imagine--including several who wasted a lot of my time and effort by never showing at all.

A few examples: One woman, after I'd made a cheerful call to set up a first meeting as we'd agreed, insisted on picking a fight with me about two minutes into the conversation, swearing and finally hanging up; another got sloppy drunk, ignored me as if I weren't even there, and droned on nonstop about her divorce; one I was supposed to follow to a cafe she knew of just drove away and ditched me (without even having seen me yet); and then there was the one who came back from the ladies' room and bitterly lit into me--she was not joking--about how unfair it was that I, as a man, didn't have to use toilet paper in the circumstances where she did. (I realize, now, that *is all my fault.*) And yet, a couple minutes later, sitting at a back table, she had her hands all over me. Fortunately, I escaped.

And yet I remember women I've met other places flirting, giving me a little wave, standing close and smiling and laughing a little while we talked, asking for help with something as an excuse to meet me, having me pick out a nice bottle of wine so they could console themselves because their boyfriend wasn't treating them right, asking me to come by their place later and talk some more (brazen hussies!) and so forth. Where I knew it was *me* they were interested in, more than where I might take them to dinner. Oh, how I miss women acting girly!
 JSNC7
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 334
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 1:29:51 AM
" PS-since I've had this ad in, haven't met one guy, the 2 I was supposed to meet, they both "flaked out" WTF??? "

Sex appeal, or what others find attractive in us, is sometimes a wild card... who knows what or when it will be triggered. A lot of men are intimidated if a woman is very good looking, as your picture appears to be. It's not just Teenagers who are shy with quite good looking women. Speaking from long ago, previous experience, the fear of rejection is horrible, sometimes paralyzing, until a man works thru it.

I must be fair about it... some men and women who are online, claim that they are looking for a relationship, and they will strictly limit their interaction to endless E mail exchanges, for ages, because they are afraid of coming out of their comfort zone. Of course, some people are just players, who are only in it so that you can feed their selfish need for attention, while they are giving, and offering little in return.

It sounds to me that you were very fortunate that the 2 men you refer to, didn't likely waste a lot of your time, in your getting to know them.

I'd much rather discover a woman's traits of lying, having alcohol, or cough syrup addictions, not knowing what they want in a relationship, or if they are even ready for a relationship, before the woman and I ever get a chance to meet.

I'm not bashing women. I know that men and women do things like this, and worse. Since I don't date men, I'm limited to referencing my above horror dating stories of long ago, with women LOL.

Did I forget to mention the woman who ' forgot ' to tell me that she was bi polar, and on medication, until I found out much later ? Or the 2 women who disclosed that they had Genital Herpes, AFTER they met me ?

There are some good, loving, affectionate people out there, who will sacrifice, and put their partner first, in a healthy, mutually supportive and giving relationship. I've been very fortunate to have met, and dated ONE woman like that in my lifetime : )
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 338
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 11:35:23 AM

Some men seem to be confusing a woman’s desire to have sex early on to mean she actually likes them. Chances are she just wants to have sex and you’ll do for now.


If you're referring to a particular post, I might have missed it. But I thought the issue was a *man* expecting sex after he'd taken a woman out several times and payed for everything, and her feeling that she didn't owe it to him. (Which of course she doesn't.)

I haven't met many women like you're describing. I don't think it's typical for women to have sex with a guy they don't know, just because they're horny, and he'll do. Most women could have that with very little effort, almost any time they wanted, but they usually seem to want more passion in the experience than they'd be likely to get that way. And so do I, BTW.

"Having sex" can be no more than a few stylized kisses, then each one getting their clothes off by themselves, a little obligatory warmup, and a few minutes of calisthenics, with only one point of contact. I think most women would have to be really, really horny beforehand to be satisfied with that kind of sex. Might as well use something with a battery.

As far as a woman liking me enough to want to get to know me first, I agree. I like that, too, because when you're already friends, most of the little doubts and fears that tend to get in the way have already dissipated. And then one day, just a touch on the arm, or on the hair, or a look and a smile, can set things off. And once you start touching and kissing, you want it just to keep going. For hours. Plenty of time to undress each other--a button here, a zipper there, very slowly. Might even leave a little something on . . .
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 339
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 11:59:23 AM

I don't think it's typical for women to have sex with a guy they don't know, just because they're horny, and he'll do.


You're kidding, right? Ask any hundred guys, and you'll hear several hundred stories. One of the most common -- that they the men once found flabbergasting -- being when he was 19 or 20 or 21 and some 30 or 31 woman said something to the effect, "My goodness, can you help me get my zipper down?". As the years move on, the offer is made to most men so frequently they don't even notice it for being unusual. In fact, most of the time the offer comes from a woman he doesn't want much at all, but who wants him with a passion (to coin a phrase).

Unless "a guy they don't know" is defined as "a guy they've never spoken to two minutes ago".



Most women could have that with very little effort, almost any time they wanted, but they usually seem to want more ...


Yeah, more. As in more ... better looking, or more ... into her, or more .... or what her mother/father wants for her, or more ... of any number of things.

HOWEVER ...

... there exists only the moment at the moment ... and ladies do need their loving. Most of 'em. Also, most of 'em are known to have acted on it, even if they somehow seem to "forget" about the occasion at some early point in the future.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 340
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 12:49:27 PM
Women sometimes believe -- really, truly believe -- THEY do all the selecting. But, there is a little secret men don't usually talk about.

To wit, women can get themselves powerful irritated if they offer sex to a man and that ingrate @$@##$$WQ%T$ turns them down (How DARE he?!!?). THEREFORE ...

... most men learn early on to recognize a pending sexual offer from a woman they don't want a sexual offer from AND THEY deflect it ahead of time, so the offer isn't made AND THEY do it in such a fashion so as to make the woman think it was her idea, on second thought, she didn't really want him. The man who wants to leave it alone simply makes himself look a bit of a clod or an insenstive bahstid or unrefined or otherwise socially unacceptable.

That way he doesn't have to turn her down, and more importantly, he doesn't have to take the heat for turning her down. She never wanted him, she tells herself.

It doesn't take much to see how the idea comes about that only one person decides who has sex with whom, for one person comes to believe that because they only have sex with someone they truly want while NEVER having sex with someone they don't, that they made any and all decisions. It's how some otherwise rather interesting at first sight/sound men "seem to make a mess of things." They didn't "make a mess" at all. They simply said No in such a fashion as to leave not potential for fireworks.

I am surprised that women don't learn the same thing, but I've never seen it.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 342
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 2:04:07 PM

Huh? So men who are perfect clods on dates are simply gently rejecting in advance the women they are dating? That might be true on some rare occasion ...


It's as rare as Chevrolet cars. Most men have heard the lesson in junior high school and have learned it well by their early 20's. If you doubt it, ask your son or one of your nephews how they discourage a girl/woman they don't want ... and what happens if they don't discourage her soon enough.

Also, please understand that while _some_ men are indeed clods, a far greater number only appear to be clods when the situation warrants it.




I am surprised that women don't learn the same thing, but I've never seen it.


Most women have discouraged offers of sex before the offer has been made. Some women have been doing this since they were thirteen years old; they are experts at it.


I was not talking about discouraging sex. I was talking about discouraging sex so that the "discouraged" believes it THEIR idea.

BTW, girls/women do a lot less "discouraging" and far more "encouraging" of sex than perhaps you give them credit for.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 343
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 3:47:36 PM

In a current thread, many women have been jumping all over a man who had wined and dined a woman for awhile, because was complaining that she didn't give him sex. Many of the women's replies told the man that if he expected sexual favors in return for dining and entertaining this woman, that he should get a Prostitute.


The women are right. He should get a prostitute. A different prostitute. The one he has wined and dined is in denial.



My opinion is that any woman who's surprised, and angry that a man who's been wining and dining her for awhile might likely anticipate having sex with her, isn't living in the real world for this date and age.


Either that, or in denial, or on meds, or just shacked-up on the wacko basket.



Yes, I've dated women with money, and those without... and it's always been understood that I don't date women to be friends with them, because I have female friends that are just that. And I don't wine and dine my female friends.


+1

Who dates to make friends? That's not what dating is for! You'd think that would be obvious, right?



Most women DO put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date... they use make up, wear bras to show maximum breast appeal, dye their hair, and look as appealing as they can for a man.


Ah, but they don't it for the man! They do for themselves... to feel good about themselves - or that's what the ones in denial will tell you.



In this day and age, most men anticipate having sexual relations with a woman that they have been wining and dining, within a month or 2.


I expect having sex with her within minutes of meeting her. I don't know what you are talking about.



SEX is part of a healthy relationship.


Correct. So why play the "dining and wining" game? Lets skip to the "healthy" part and "LETS GET IT ON"!

For reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKPoHgKcqag

And for those who don't know what "LETS GET IT ON" means:
http://www.smileypark.de/smiley/Sex/87.gif


Let's hear your thoughts!


The men who wine and dine a woman and expect sex are idiots - and so are the women who get wined and dined. Expect, they are lesser idiots for they at least know how take advantage of horny men.

You try getting a free meal/drink from a complete stranger... especially one that happens to be a man.
 WaywardWynde
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 345
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That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 7:36:27 PM

Ahhh...I see the distinction you are making. Well, if I wanted to the man to think it was his idea that sex was not an option, I'd have to be wayyyy less cute and charming than I actually am, and that sounds like a bore. LOL.


Oh Kay, so tell us just WHY sexless you are "cute and charming" (to a man) then. Oh, oh, oh, you want HIM to think it's YOU who doesn't want sex (with an man)?

It didn't take me long to learn to say, "It's coffee or nothing", at Starbucks for a first meet to meet a better quality woman.

Please go away. This is dating site for women and men who like each other.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 347
That's WHY It's Called Sex Appeal
Posted: 12/4/2010 8:14:25 PM
I answer to my own drum, and it doesn't depend on how much cash someone has racked up.
In the first place, I usually pay for half or at least do one back.
As far as what someone can expect from me: they can expect that when there are sincere feelings they will be shared with another sincere person.
Sincerity doesn't come on a price tag.
It is something that has to be built like trust.

I played house when I was a young girl we shared fantasys with each other and made up our own rules, back then we controlled the outcome of our fantasy.
Now I am a woman, with real feelings and needs.
So if I choose to reserve a piece of me for someone, that really holds me at value, don't call me cheap.
In turn I will not string you along like a puppet, you will know where I stand exactly.
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