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 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
IT may be surprising but a lot of people go into relationships with their eyes wide shut....

They want to much to have this illusive thing called LOVE and to be a couple, that they are willing to sell out their own values to be with someone... Can't beat them up, or blame them, because in a odd sense human nature compels people to want to BE a part of someone elses life...

You will see rants about people who serial date, and then serial daters as what is wrong with that...

Personally I had one time walked away from a very attractive, attorney who was playing the field... I was not interested in being one of many, nor happy with the idea he was so busy his secretary selected dates for him... I didn't begrudge him in any way, I just didn't feel like being part of that kind of dating scene...

Sunshine, some people don't want the truth at any age... HOWEVER don't ever underestimate the planting of the distrust seed... I am sure you will ultimately succeed in them parting ways, because her jealousy and distrust will get the better of her...

Try not to be to judgmental on the choices these people make, they are just trying to get through life, and having to face yet another disappointment is NOT their idea of a great thing...

You can only be the bearer of news, the rest is up to the, and if they decide to stay that is a choice they have made on their own...
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 5
At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:24:22 AM
It has been my experience in observing folks, that they will go into a relationship they KNOW will have a bad end, because society says that they "should" be "in a relationship". And that's tragic and sad.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 11
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 3:18:14 PM
All I can say is I want the truth.

A somewhat local man contacted me looking for longterm and that he was not a drinker. So I asked around to see if anyone knew anything about him. Every reply that came back said "He loves his whiskey and loves his women."

I am so thankful that I was able to get honest insight into this man before I wasted any time on him.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 12
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:28:28 PM
I'm probably like a bull in a china shop. I'm blunt and have no qualms about speaking the truth. However, when I do let someone down, I do it in the manner that allows them grace and dignity. I'd rather be told the truth than to be told "what I want to hear". Sometimes the truth hurts, but lies of any kind are far worse.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 13
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 5:07:02 PM
gee, i wasn't aware that we were only allowed to email one person of the appropriate gender at the time.

that's news to me...
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 14
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 5:27:20 PM
AAAMM worry not, because from time to time people want to emotionally kill the messenger...

I remember back in about 2002 I was still chatting with this fellow I had dated a bit from summer til he left in what he said Oct... It wasn't until late Nov that he reach the East coast, seemed a bit weird, but what can I tell ya....

Then I met someone else, and he and I were chatting, and some how or another I got to talking about this guy who moved back east from the west coast, that did show me much respect, because I needed to retrieve my then 15 yr old daughter across pass, and in snow, and this dip stick wanted sex talk...

The person I was chatting with asked my what the guys name was, then informed my this guy was supposed to be seriously dating someone else... REALLY??? In fact this guy was trying to get sex talk from me, she was on her way back east to see him...

So the guy I was talking to said, got to go, and called her, while I called the guy that moved back east...

He nearly dropped a load from the stress of realizing that now this gal he supposedly so loved was at the same time hearing about his shenanigans, and oh by the way she was now calling him...

LOL...
I didn't have an issue, I mean it was not a lasting go any where relationship, and I certainly didn't know a thing about this other woman. However she did stay with him longer, until he stopped returning calls and said he went out camping with friends, et al...

The moral of the story, some people don't want to this as a problem, meh it was a one time thing, she's hurt, so she won't let him back into her life right???
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 16
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 6:19:08 PM
if he's not sharing my home and my bed, he can say what he wants to someone else.

ESPECIALLY if it's only an email "relationship".
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 19
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:23:07 PM

Point made to Bovine is if someone knows that a man saying he loves you is saying it to someone else, would you want to know?


you didn't answer my question....

is this an email "relationship"??? or is he sharing my home and bed???

if people haven't met in person, it doesn't count - period.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 23
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:48:16 PM
if i have NOT met someone face to face, i am not the kind of person to get anything emotionally tied up with them and it's none of my business.

i don't want to know and i sure as hell don't need to know.

and i don't need a third party to tell me anything either.

the entire situation you've described sounds like high school all over again...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 31
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:05:46 PM
Sometimes we wear blinders because we are not ready to know the truth at that time... sort of self preservation of the psyche.

>> If we have to be told, do we actually see?

I was surfing this thread and my sweetie glanced over my shoulder and said "I've been afraid to look at that thread".
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 32
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:29:55 AM

Really, if you are dating someone and think you found the one


now they're dating???

first it was just chatting on line.

do make up your mind....

if i have NOT met someone in person and they are not sharing my bed, it's none of my business.

period.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 36
At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:08:46 AM

gee, i wasn't aware that we were only allowed to email one person of the appropriate gender at the time.

that's news to me...


Exactly - I didn't think that when a man emails me that I'm supposed to expect his eternal devotion and commitment. - and assume he is done looking at and talking to all other women forever.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 37
At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:51:27 AM
Just for argument's sake, MissMewsic, say you were connecting with a man, on here, through emails, and he said you were special and he was really into you, indicated, essentially, that this was the beginning of something important. And you liked him a lot. And he told you he was not interested in any one else.


I would question his sanity in being so sure of someone he has never met in person. I would tell him it's wonderful that he felt that way, but I need to know a lot more about him and spend a lot more time eye to eye with someone before I feel the same. I'd basically take a wait and see attitude - time will tell, and not get too caught up. I'd call his bluff and ask "When are we going out?" "When will we spend some time together so I can get to know you?"



Then a friend of yours, also on here, learns that this guy is a sort of serial online emailer. Actually talks to other women, more than one at a time, and tells them pretty much the same stuff. Would you want your friend to tell you?

I would thank them for the heads up, but at this time I have no commitment with him.
It would also tell me he is not honest (like I already suspected) and I would sit back and watch him make a fool of himself. I know most people who lie, will also lie when confronted so I won't bother talking to him about it. I'll just marginalize him till he goes away. Sincerity can only be faked for so long. I don't have to be rude or confrontational, but they will figure out very quickly that I am not buying what they have to sell me.
 red_relaxed
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 39
At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:45:47 PM
Just this once, I didn't read all the other responses. Will do after I'm done with my two sense.

I try not to judge people as a rule of thumb. It has nothing to do with wearing blinders. I'll decide for myself whether a person is honest, upfront and someone I can trust.
You can't get inside another person's head, or know all they've experienced in their lives that gets them to the place they're at. Third party interference whether well intended or not would not change my mind about someone's character. My relationship with another person is mine and theirs. I'm fairly astute, and would appreciate that my associates would grant me my fine tuned radar.

Blinders are apparatus we put on horses to protect them from themselves. They see things ten times bigger than they are...interesting...
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 44
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At this age, are we still wearing blinders or do we really want the truth?
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:44:34 PM

My observation is that not everyone wants or can handle the truth even at this age.


It's not a matter of wanting, not wanting, or being able/not able to handle the truth. It's more of a 'what is your truth' thing. There is no one single truth that is one-size-fits-all. My truth may not be your truth. It's a matter of personal ethics.
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