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 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 56
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper? Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"people who share genital fluids from time to time"
No, that would be a married couple. FWBs do it more often.

You should look up the meaning of 'exploitation'. It either refers to business (like an oil field) or it implies being selfish. Neither is the case here. If you buy a gallon of milk because you want the milk and they want your money, there is no exploitation. Both parties want the same because they benefit from it in some form.

If she heats me up a meal and I paint her living room (and we agree to that deal), is anyone exploited?
Now if she heats up my schlong and I paint her face, is that any different?

Nobody is forced, so if you don't like it, simply don't agree.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 58
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:22:52 PM
Wow. I never expected this many responses. Nor did I expect them to be so varied. However, I do detect a broad trend here. WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS, men think FWBs are awsome; women are less enthusiastic. The women who are enthusiastic about FWB seem confident that the answer to the original question is "yes."

Is that a fair breakdown?
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 59
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:24:50 PM
Do FWB allow you to behave badly with no repercussions?

No expectations so no one gets hurt. Regardless of what you call the relationship, there are always expectations.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 61
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:43:59 PM
BINGO! We most certainly are!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 62
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:24:44 PM

Many many relationship start in a similar way as friends with benefits. It is very similar to light casual dating. Many people do NOT rush into serious stuff right away. They do not spend all free time with each other, do not introduce you to mama after the second date, do not call each other all the time but yes there is chemistry and there is sex

The difference is that in a relationship, you are trying to become friends too...
In a real FWB you ALREADY were friends...
If you're having sex and you're not already "friends" you're a fcuk buddy... And by friends I don't mean someone you just met within the last few months or so... That's usually not a friend, it's an acquaintance...

What many do in the early weeks/months of meeting each other way to similar to FWB. And let's be real here most people sleep with each other within the first few dates.

True...
However, which is why STD rates are on the rise...
The last women I have slept with all went through STD testing first... as did I...
My G/F and I waited several months....
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 63
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:32:55 PM
You are so right......

Many say that they are looking for a FWB.... among strangers...

It sounds better than FB, that is for sure..... but if you just met, then that is what it is.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 64
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 3:38:59 PM
Anyone who thinks this way is misleading the other person in a fwb relationship,thus proving that they are not trustworthy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:00:09 PM

The difference is that in a relationship, you are trying to become friends too...
In a real FWB you ALREADY were friends...
If you're having sex and you're not already "friends" you're a fcuk buddy... And by friends I don't mean someone you just met within the last few months or so... That's usually not a friend, it's an acquaintance...

Glad someone gets this.

You are so right......

Many say that they are looking for a FWB.... among strangers...

It sounds better than FB, that is for sure..... but if you just met, then that is what it is.

Yes - so if someone you don't know offers or requests an FWB from you, tell them it's not possible since you don't know them. A lot of people like to use the term FWB because it sounds better/gets them better results. Don't be fooled.

The F in FWB must be underlying and well established before the B gets added.
 ceffodicane
Joined: 12/25/2008
Msg: 66
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:52:05 PM
Dear Friends,

I am perplexed by the apparently idiomatic use of words like commited and deeper. While one may assume that an anonymous blow job is hardly love in the sense a lake poet would use the word, it is hard to fathom that marriage or monogamy in se prove a more beautiful, fulfiling or more profound moving life. Look at the catastrophic marriages described on this very forum.

Perhaps "friend" is the word misunderstood. Are we including within the parameters of the word acquaintances who are merely not enemies, or at least not inimical? While inimicus may be the opposite of amicus, friend has a broader definition than that, at least to my native ear. A friend, a person whose closeness, physical and psychical, whose years spent in proximity, is as deep a relationship, one would think, as a lover. When the two are the same person, what is the shallowness? Are we diminishing the value of sex or of friendship?

Reason demands that we accept for those of religious bent, the purpose of love, courtly love, animal love, is fulfilled in the sacrament, an outward sign of an inner condition. Personally, I mourn every waking moment the harsh and unrelenting reality that I shall never have known growing old with a mate of my youth. My choices were poor; I bear their consequences. That is, however, personal, not general. Removing, however, the cultural or superstitious value of monogamy and marriage, what then makes these relationships deeper than others?

We see again and again, here, on this site, people who do not so much want a date, and in defining themselves publicly, merely wish to give an impression of what may work for them, as those who appear to want validation of a point of view, so as to rationalise their loneliness. "If men understood how women felt about x" "If women only liked motorcycles and 'coon hunting...." For better or worse, Roe, Wallace, Casey, even Brown(remember "separate but equal" - it seems as though some here wish that were still the case) have changed our world from one of gender based identity, to one of fluidity among all, individualism as the forefathers may have willed, or not. In the end, Wallace and Casey go hand in hand, allowing each of us as individuals, not all of us as a group to determine what relationships mean.

Thus, I would ask what we define as deeper and why, and would ask this without inviting the usual vitriol. What rational bases do we use for determining what relationships are "deeper", which of those satisfy more deeply, and, in the end, if the goal of our existence be happiness, how do these things interact and why?

Were I not alone I would not have time to write this, and therefore, in all openness, the courtesy of serious replies would be appreciated. Somehow, this place where we seek to find those whose hearts beat to ours has become somewhat less warm and open than I would have expected. The question remains, since we are all ostensibly seeking happiness, and this being a dating site, why it is so hard to define relationships, our individual needs, meet others similar, without becoming judgemental. Or is "deeper" less connotatively charged than I read it?

Peace,

CdC
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 67
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:18:20 PM
oh verityone,
not fallacy, its a natural law. having sex without love is harmful on many levels, and the more insensitive an individual is the more likely they can be in denial and pull it off. but none the less the damage is done. vietnamese buddhism is big on this, they explain in great detail how it harms the emotional body and the soul.

its also about having a conscience. narcissist and borderline personality disorder types haven't developed much of a conscience yet and are quite predominant in the sex industry. it follows suit that they could be attracted to fwb's as well.

its not about people being different. its about certain individuals living their lives with no spiritual direction and thats dangerous.

personally i would never date anyone who had ever been involved in that type of arrangement. and the ltr's i have had have been with very high quality men. sex actually moves them emotionally......what a concept!
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 68
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:38:41 PM
Hey now; speak for yourself please Miss Sleeping Beauty. I have spiritual direction and I do engage in emotional encounters. I have a conscience as well but that does not mean for a minute I won't bang a dude I'm really into that's into me. Call me what you will. I don't go around having carefree sex with just anyone, but I do enjoy different men of my own choosing. How else will I find the right person for me? It's like buying shoes. You have a favorite pair that matches everything you own and feels great to wear. You wash them off with saddle soap and mink oil the fine leather. Then you have that pair that just looks nice and you get tired of because they just don't feel right. I don't believe that is dangerous; for me it has always lead to life long healthy relationships. Too bad for me both the men I loved are no longer with us.
 dot*
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 69
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:56:27 PM
Though I've never engaged in a FWB relationship, I'm willing to argue that 95% of the time, over time, one will develop stronger feelings for the other. This can only lead to disaster. But hey, just because it's not for me, doesn't mean others shouldn't be doing it. As long as they're doing it safely, that's all I care about. This doesn't define a person.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 70
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:08:55 PM

For men, FWB is the ultimate win-win situation. They get frequent sex with a woman they like, plus the companionship her friendship offers, without having to shoulder any of the obligations of a committed relationship.
LOL! now, to me....this is exactly what makes it seem like a WIN/WIN situation...for WOMEN!

Men think that frequent sex and companionship are NOT obligations in a committed relationship...therefore....why would a woman want one???? (committed relationship)
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 71
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:14:41 PM
Anything in life has the possibility of leading
to something deeper.

I think the chance you take here is that someone will develop deeper
feelings for the other.

But like anything- its the chance you take. If you want to take that
chance and are sure you can keep your feelings in check then do what
you need to do.

Im not going to sit here and moralize the FWB concept. If it works for
you -hey its your life. Your body - your mind. Do what you need to do.

Some people have very strong opinions involving this situation.
Its not for everyone.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 72
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:16:02 PM

Though I've never engaged in a FWB relationship, I'm willing to argue that 95% of the time, over time, one will develop stronger feelings for the other. This can only lead to disaster........


Dot (see message 70) you hit the nail right on the head.......While I myself, have never participated in a FWB situation, I have had friends who have.......and all the times it happened to them, yes, one did develop more feelings than the other, but it didn't go anywhere. Save for the arguing about what each party wanted.......

One wanted more than just FWB while the other didn't.....-they liked things "the way they are". after a while of the arguing, etc, it they all ended badly and yes, with a whole lot of anger and a host of bitter feelings to go around. One party feeling used, etc.

In all the scenarios I have seen on that subject, nobody won. Everyone lost in the deal.

I guess I respect myself a whole lot more than to just be a booty call for someone or to use someone for that as well.
 PlaidTruffles
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 73
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:22:01 PM
FWB is dysfunctional from the very beginning. Sex is designed to allow a husband and wife to bond in deeper ways. A relationship that assumes casual contact on such an intimate issue is destined to fail. Anyone in a FWB expecting more is expecting to be disappointed.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 74
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:47:18 PM
you should never plan on an FWB leading to something deeper. If that's what you expect/want/need to happen, don't go there unless you are prepared to be hurt. Or if you want to risk loosing the friendship if one of you gets hurt or if, by chance, something deeper does develop and then falls apart.

I wouldn't want to risk a good friendship. And I know I'd probably get too attached and want more. For me, FWB wouldn't be such a great idea.

but a mutually agreed upon FWB setup can work for some people. For some people it is preferable to available alternatives. There is no point in judging or condemning those people.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 75
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:59:44 PM
off topic


<div class="quote">Sex is designed to allow a husband and wife to bond in deeper ways

sex is designed as a mechanism for continuation of the species.

built into that design is pleasure and bonding and stress relief and all other kinds of nice things like that to make us want to actually have sex. The husband/wife scenario is an aftermarket product, not a part of the initial design process.
 ForumGoddess
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 76
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:10:59 PM
Ever heard the expression "Fair Exchange Aint No Robbery"?

If both parties are aware that it's FWB situation and both willing to participate then I don't see what the problem is. If one party becomes emotionally involved after knowing what the arrangement is, then that is their own cross to bear. I do think that the long term friendship, understanding, fun, lack of problems and issues and guilt associated with a FWB arrangement can lead to stronger feelings on the part of either or both parties.

I've had a similar arrangement with a man now for over 2 years. It started as a result of each of our personal situations with our children, ex-spouses, job schedules and distance between where we each live. We were good enough friends that we didn't want to leave one anothers lives so decided to become FWB. For us, it has turned into a more emotional relationship, but the arrangement is still the same based upon the same situations that existed from the beginning.

The only thing I would caution anyone who is considering this situation is this...once those feelings devolope, it's very difficult to pursue any kind of more significant relationship with anyone else, so you are essentially then "stuck" in this half way in/ half way out relationship that seems to never change because you are never able to emotionally move on to a complete relationship with someone else where maybe the issues don't exist. However, all that being said, my friend has brought so much happiness into my life, I wouldn't change a single memory that I have shared with him!
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 77
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/17/2009 9:14:58 PM
NO. Or if they do..it's a toxic thing. JMO.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 78
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:59:38 AM
Can't start a relationship of substance without a friendship Neverthless, Relationship sttyles nevertheless are lifestyle choices - whatever works ;
~sc~
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 79
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:04:17 AM

anyone who is considering this situation is this...once those feelings devolope, it's very difficult to pursue any kind of more significant relationship with anyone else, so you are essentially then "stuck" in this half way in/ half way out relationship that seems to never change because you are never able to emotionally move on to a complete relationship with someone else where maybe the issues don't exist.......


That being said, it just brings home why I won't get involved with an FWB. I won't be in a relationship halfway, or in other words, in limbo. I deserve much better than that.
 betterthanyourex82
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 80
Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/18/2009 6:44:42 AM
Kind of a weird question to ask... Fwb never work for me because the wonen always end up falling in love with me right off... As soon as they have me they realize they probabaly wont ever have it that good again...
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 81
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:38:57 AM

That being said, it just brings home why I won't get involved with an FWB. I won't be in a relationship halfway, or in other words, in limbo. I deserve much better than that.
By the OP's own definition of "FWB" (lots of sex and companionship without any of the obligations of a committed relationship) he clearly means that he does NOT consider sex or companionship as being one of those "obligations"...which I suspect if asked to list would be the mundane things, like paying bills, emptying trash, mowing the grass, ect.

When you enter into a "committed relationship" where sex and companionship are ABSENT (can't have those anymore...they're not "obligatory") then WHAT pray tell do you call THAT.....if NOT "half a relationship...or...in limbo?

From my 56+ years of observations, there are MORE "half relationships" than there are "whole" relationships.....and MOST of those are the "Committed" ones.

Most people USE the term "commitment" only in a rhetorical sense. Indeed, some see "commitment" as the means by which they can NEGLECT all those "non mandatory items" like sex and companionship...just as long as they pay the bills and mow the grass. LOL! and I deserve much better than that!!! So, you call it what ever suits your purpose. I pay my own damn bills and mow my own frikken grass, so if my priority happens to be a compatible FRIENDSHIP that includes lots of sex and companionship, but puts less emphasis on joint ownership (commitment) then it's no less fulfilling or satisfying (to me) than one where my name is written beside someone else's on a piece of paper, but there is NO real companionship or compatibility.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 82
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Do FWB relationships ever lead to something deeper?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:41:06 AM

and the more insensitive an individual is the more likely they can be in denial and pull it off. but none the less the damage is done. vietnamese buddhism is big on this, they explain in great detail how it harms the emotional body and the soul.

There's a few other beliefs that teach a similar concept... in one case they compare it to a cord, permanently tying you to the person(s) you sleep with... and another, they talk about it 'diluting' you... as if you give a little bit of your soul away to each person you sleep with...
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