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 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 79
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?Page 3 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

Instant gratification is a major problem in the world today. No one is willing to work for anything. They want it all right now.


I'm sorry. My bad. I thought we were talking about someone's thoughts
on when they should have sex. I posted that its okei to have sex because
you WANT to...and the response is "instant gratification" , sex with dogs,
etc etc. I don't think I have to work for it frankly. If it feels right...I'm
going to have sex...if only for the instant gratification.

What's wrong with wanting it right now?
(don't forget...we're still talking about sex)

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 80
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 2:30:06 PM

How many women, and men have not had sex by the end of their 2 nd date, and because of this, were turned down for a 3 rd date ?

I would expect a real kiss on a first date and sex by the 2nd or 3rd.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 81
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 3:04:43 PM

No, it is immature... Acting out on desires just because you can is immature.... realising that there could be more to it than a simple fcuk... is mature...


M Church...What if our understanding of SEX was completly different to what we've been programmed to believe? What if a "fcuk" was equivelent to....let's say admiration..would we still feel the same way about sex?
 jdc5558
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 82
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 6:44:15 PM
I don't ask a woman out that I don't find sexually attractive. If she makes it clear she wants to have sex then I most certainly would comply with her wishes.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 83
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 6:44:34 PM
WOOF WOOF and OINK OINK.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 84
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:45:07 PM

But that statement is a huge sexual turn off. I am not a trained seal. And sexual intimacy on demand/expectation is a repulsive concept to me.

Well, let's see... A woman who isn't interested enough in me to have sex with me, isn't interested in me enough to be in a relationship with me.

Mind you the statement about not taking "applications for dates" in your profile is a very powerful one and not in any positive way.

Duh... It's supposed to be.

Your entire rant is really quite funny. Rather than discuss it here, you can email me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 85
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:29:57 PM

one would hope that humans at least were able to ascribe a little more to it....

Uh, humans do ascribe more attention to it. Ever seen a porno produced by or sold to a species other than homo sapiens?

You are basing that on what study?

How about, the billions of dollars spent each year on

(1) birth control;

(2) condoms for the prevention of std's?

(3) How about the fact that no one I've ever met stopped having sex once the last kid was in the oven?


In fact, humans do have sex for other reasons besides recreation and besides procreation... pair bonding, intimacy, and comfort... to name a few...

In other words, for the pleasure they derive from it.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 86
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:12:48 PM

applying a formula is an attempt to control.
Got to agree with this... When i was searching for a partner I had no time frame on when i'd have sex with a new person, but i would not have it before I was ready just because he wanted it. There are times when ive been ready on the first date, but an attitude like this.....
If a chick doesn't toss a leg (or at least get on her knees) by the third date, I'm gone...
Will ensure i will never be ready with that particular person... He talks about women as though they are nothing more than sperm receptacles.. As soon as an ultimatum is given I would not be interested in anything more to do with him...


A woman who isn't interested enough in me to have sex with me, isn't interested in me enough to be in a relationship with me.
I've been very interested in some men but still didn't have sex with them right off the bat... Doesn't mean i didn't like them (I married one of them). I'm a highly sexual person. I just wanted to know them a bit better before i went there.

The ultimatum that she has sex with him by the 3rd date or the man is gone is what puts many women off.. . When i was looking for a partner the second i sensed that a man thought it was his "right" that i would have sex with him when HE decided (with no thought or care about what i wanted) it would totally cancel out any attraction i had for him, or any chance that he would get that sex. Even if i really wanted to rip his clothes off right there and then, if i got an "entitlement attitude" it wouldn't happen. It showed to me that he had no intent of pursuing anything more than a one nighter...

The time frame is irrelevent... The attitude is relevent...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 87
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/20/2009 11:45:57 PM

The ultimatum that she has sex with him by the 3rd date or the man is gone is what puts many women off.

But I never said anything about an ultimatum. I simply have an expectation of what will happen which is either met or not. If it is not met, I don't call. Same as everything else.
 NightHawk2005
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 88
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:34:26 AM
If the woman expects to have sex anytime while we're dating, I will dump her. Sex while dating is not happening with me.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 89
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:53:23 AM

But I never said anything about an ultimatum.
You didn't. the ultimatum wasn't in reference to your post.. You have a right to what you want in a relationship. just as women have a right to have sex when they're ready. But haven't you ever wondered if you've missed out on a great woman who was very interested in having a relationship with you but she took a little longer than you to want to get naked?

I don't want to paint all men with the same brush, especially as i haven't met many of the ass h*les, but there are enough threads out there on the subject of men hitting and running, so you must be aware of all the men out there who pretend to be interested and dump as soon as they get sex! If we had sex with every man who took us on a third date with the expectation of getting laid and then running we'd go through an awful lot of men....
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 90
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:06:42 AM

But haven't you ever wondered if you've missed out on a great woman who was very interested in having a relationship with you but she took a little longer than you to want to get naked?

No. By definition, a great woman for me is one who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to take a risk. I like decisive women.

I don't want to paint all men with the same brush, especially as i haven't met many of the ass h*les, but there are enough threads out there on the subject of men hitting and running, so you must be aware of all the men out there who pretend to be interested and dump as soon as they get sex!


(1) If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex.
(2) If you attempt to trade sex for a relationship, you are going to lose.


If we had sex with every man who took us on a third date with the expectation of getting laid and then running we'd go through an awful lot of men...

Only if you have a tendency to pick men who go running off after getting laid. If these forums are any indication, women do that a lot even though they knew better.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 91
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:52:26 AM

Only if you have a tendency to pick men who go running off after getting laid. .
And how are women supposed to know if the guy is going to run after getting laid?
If these forums are any indication, women do that a lot even though they knew better
Not sure what you meant in that statement. What are they supposed to know better about? Having sex too soon or picking the men who run off after sex? I'm sure they don't pick these asses on purpose.. Sounds like you are blaming the women for the mens bad behaviour. Unfortunately the guys who just want to get their d1ck wet with as many women as possible look and sound just like the ones who are more sincere.


If you attempt to trade sex for a relationship, you are going to lose.
But isn't that a form of what you are doing but in reverse? Insisting on instant sex or NO relationship.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 92
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:41:57 AM
And how are women supposed to know if the guy is going to run after getting laid?

The answer to this is way to long and digresses too far from the topic to post here.

Not sure what you meant in that statement. What are they supposed to know better about? Having sex too soon or picking the men who run off after sex? I'm sure they don't pick these asses on purpose.

I'm sure that most do, since most seem to pick asses repeatedly. One reason that I've never managed to be a ``player,'' is that I can't really believe women fall for the bullshit. It makes me cringe to think I cou;ld get away with saying the kind of shit I've seen succeeed with women.

. Sounds like you are blaming the women for the mens bad behaviour. Unfortunately the guys who just want to get their d1ck wet with as many women as possible look and sound just like the ones who are more sincere

No. Many women just have broken pickers and consistently pick poorly while expecting to get a relationship from sex. The solution is very simple. Have sex if you want to have sex. Don't hsve sex if you don't want to have sex. Don't use sex to get something other than sex.

But isn't that a form of what you are doing but in reverse? Insisting on instant sex or NO relationship.

No. You can have sex without a relationship but you can't have a relationship without sex. I don't want a relationship with a woman who doesn't know if she wants to have sex with me.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 94
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:14:58 AM

I don't want a relationship with a woman who doesn't know if she wants to have sex with me.
Ha.. I can understand that!! I would be very unhappy if my man didn't want to have sex with me.. But i don't see why you think of them not wanting sex immediately means that they don't want to have sex with you.. I guess i see those first few dates as the period when i workout whether they are one of the "just wanna get laid, don't care who with" types, or someone who is genuinely interested in me. And i reckon my picker is pretty spot on, i don't think ive had had a hit and run since i was about 19.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 96
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:15:24 AM
Everyone is getting way too deep into this subject; IN MY OPINION.
We are all HUMAN, all have desires, and all have our personal needs and preferences.
I've been labeled and blasted for mine on several different threads but does it stop me? NO.
I have sex for pure enjoyment and recreational purposes. SEXERCISE! America's favorite past time!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 97
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 6:12:27 PM
If a woman cannot decide on the simple issue of having sex with you or not in adequate time. what makes you think she can handle more complex issues.

Men seem think over and over again here that it's about whether or not we WOULD have sex with a guy, when it's more about wanting to and when.

It's never a question of attraction for me if I am dating a guy, but the process of knowing him enough to know if I want to know him anywhere else. The sex isn't the problem, it's who he is and all that may come with it if it happens. Is he intelligent? If so, that makes him hotter. Is he clingy and needy? If so sleeping with him isn't gonna pan out well.

It usually takes more than three dates for me to know whether or not there's anything beyond the attraction/chemistry to bother with. Once I know he is, however and I'm ready - I want it to be good and I want it often.

P.S. The whole women "give it up" and men "take it" dynamic went out in the 50s...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 98
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:18:57 PM
^^^^LOL...if you think more than three dates is the equivalent of an adoption process, then I guess that's part of the problem. If it's more than three but less than 6 what do you care? Once she actually wants to sleep with you IN RETURN and then you're getting laid regularly, what's the problem?

Unless of course (and yeah, we're back to this) you want a woman to just toss it at you and not really care or be into it because she doesn't know you that well anyway - is it all about your end of it? In that case paying for it is better - at least then you'll know it's happening in the same night.

For me, hotness is the beginning of the attraction...but there are a lot of other things that add to that. The more I know and like the more I desire the guy. In the beginning hot alone is just "eh" - the rest is what makes it a "gotta have" type thing. When I meet you I know I could - once I know you've got substance I know I WOULD.

Might not be something you get unless you've been there.

P.S. Men like to be mysterious? I gotta hear the details on this one - that's not been my experience. It takes a long time to know someone REALLY well...so wanting to know enough in a couple weeks to a month to know if I want to continue to see him isn't asking that much.

Paying? I dont want to have sex with STD in the back of my mind. Its a cause of inhibition and you wont enjoy it. Its also more costly in the long run compared to 'wooing' you.(LOL. How did we end up discussing this?)

Actually - high class escorts are probably cleaner - they have to be to continue working. There's no difference otherwise - a woman who will sleep with you for reasons other than liking you. Just as impersonal and you don't have to take the phone calls after it's over.

But I wont pursue a 'stuborn' woman who even after assuring her safe sex is a matter of emotional bonding rather than what women think "An ultimate offer to men and might ruin his interest on you if dished too early'

I don't know about that - I don't have sex to offer it to men, I don't worry about interest - I worry whether or not after it's over I will regret it because there's nothing else about him I like - and I worry that it won't be exciting enough because I don't know him enough to get excited about him. Anyone can be a boy toy - see? I'd just assume go call an ex for sex with no strings - at least I know he's good in bed and he won't bother me when it's over.

I tried to tell a guy this once, he kept thinking I was worried I would feel used - I said no I don't want to see YOU as useless beyond just a guy to sleep with. What makes me REALLY want a guy is his personality and humor and intelligence once I am attracted to him - it's a combination that does it for me.

Hehhe ill tell you an amusing story. I told a chick 'I love you' on a second date and she branded me crazy and barely know her..
I dont know if this is true but I think time constraints must be observed.

I had an ex tell me he loved me an hour after meeting me - naturally I thought he was either nuts, or thought I wanted to hear it. Turns out he meant it eventually, but I totally laughed it off and dismissed it at the time.

On Your PS:
We love to strike the iron when its hot thats the reason for mystery.

I don't want mystery from a guy I want to date and sleep with exclusively - if I want that, I'll crack a book.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 100
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/21/2009 9:01:04 PM

How many women, and men have not had sex by the end of their 2 nd date, and because of this, were turned down for a 3 rd date ?


5, 328, 766 ... that's just my guess for the year 2008 for the USA.



My question to everyone, MEN AND WOMEN... how would you feel if a potential partner told you, ( or you read in a Forum ) that this person would not wait for sex with you on a 3 rd date ?


How far apart are the dates and how long is each date?

I think people who say what they want deserve a medal.... I'm of course exaggerating for effect. Though I do think such a person deserves certain level of respect for being honest/open/forward.

Lets look at an alternative: Suppose she didn't say what she wants and only silently disqualified you in her mind, and dumped on you the third date with no particular reason. Will that be better?

My view on when sex should occur is pretty simple: The more two people like each other the sooner they want to have sex with each other... and yes, that does mean a quickie one minute after you meet. So, in one sense the second date IS WAY too late.

Let me put it this way: I know whether I want to have sex with a woman within 10 second of seeing her. I know women aren't much different. It's the OTHER mental thoughts that complicate otherwise a simple decision.... "Does she have an STD?", "Is she a psycho bi!ch?", "Am I going to have to deal with her husband/boyfriend in the morning?", etc.

To answer your question, if a woman told me that, I'd take no issue with it, though I'd be curious as to the reason for her expectation.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 103
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:24:42 AM

because you don't have sex because you enjoy sex, you have it only in exchange for a relationship.
If i only have sex in exchange for a relationship one would think that i'd be immediately jumping into bed with anyone i was interested in to make sure i got a relationship out of it!! By your definition i'm hurting my chances for a relationship by not having sex straight away, so i can hardly be giving sex to get a relationship now can I?

Then it's quote ironic that you fail to see how a man would not look negatively on your not wanting to have sex with him, when he wants to have sex with you.
I specifically said i'd be disappointed if MY man didn't want to have sex with me, NOT a man i had gone out with 2 or 3 times... Yes i'd want to know that he was attracted to me, but i'd be more than happy if a guy wanted to get to know me a bit before we actually had sex..

A true "highly sexual" person, is, by definition, someone who has sex because they like sex..
Actually i do have sex because i like sex. Just because i don't spread my legs for every guy i have a couple of dates with doesn't mean i'm not highly sexual. That's like saying i don't like kissing because i don't want to grab every guy i see on the street and lock lips with him. I can still love sex but not feel the need to fuk every man who'll have me...

What you describe about yourself, does not describe a "highly sexual" person. Trust me on that
I think i'll trust my partner thanks and i'm more than certain he'd disagree with you...
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 104
view profile
History
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:59:28 AM
I would be very uncomfortable with an expectation to have sex, and I do not have expectations of any woman I date, either. It will happen when we're both ready, and that could be sooner, or it could be later (usually I prefer sooner, but only if there seems to be real compatibility).

I'd be fine if she anticipated having sex soon, without some specific timetable. An expectation is too controlling and ignores the relationship dynamic and the comfort of both people.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 105
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:08:27 AM
Guys, some of these women in this thread know much more than you on this topic, and they are right, you should listen to them:




Men seem think over and over again here that it's about whether or not we WOULD have sex with a guy, when it's more about wanting to and when.

It's never a question of attraction for me if I am dating a guy, but the process of knowing him enough to know if I want to know him anywhere else. The sex isn't the problem, it's who he is and all that may come with it if it happens. Is he intelligent? If so, that makes him hotter. Is he clingy and needy? If so sleeping with him isn't gonna pan out well.



- What some of you guys fail to understand is that the vast majority of the time (not always, even good girls can have one-nighters, but it's rare), women need to have a decent level of love for a man to have sex, and that takes time... in their words, they have to feel that way about you first. The main thing is that men often fall quicker than the woman... in other words, men see a bikini on the beach, they are halfway there, halfway in love... the woman is going to take a little longer.



^^^^LOL...if you think more than three dates is the equivalent of an adoption process, then I guess that's part of the problem. If it's more than three but less than 6 what do you care?



- Exactly... is 3 - 6 dates really going to kill you, LOL!


Once she actually wants to sleep with you IN RETURN and then you're getting laid regularly, what's the problem?


- Again, exactly! What is 3 - 6 dates when you can have all the sex you want forever, possibly the next 50 years, or until your ticker goes out?!

I'm sorry, some of you guys have no game, LOL!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 106
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:31:57 AM
So to recap...having sex just because you WANT to is bad?

 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 109
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:39:21 PM
Wow! Some people may actually have a chance to get some good sex it if they didn't completely turn off any sexual attraction by ranting non sense.


In any event, last I checked, there was no restriction on this forum as to what one might do with another's statement


O.K. then, I do believe it is anothers' not another's. Genius.
Head stop spinning yet? Take a Xanax and calm down.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 111
view profile
History
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:03:31 PM
I think Cindy has it right. I have never,ever,ever had a conversation with any woman who stated that she was angry or surprised that the man she was dating was sexually interested in her, she was angry because that is all he seemed to be interested in and started to try and control the flow of where things were going with sex, that's right, I said the man tried to control the woman with sex, he tried to set the time table that was only beneficial to him and started to lay down timelines and ultimatums regarding sex. There is where the anger came from, not the fact that he got a woody!

This thread is ridiculous, keep telling yourself that all women are sexually repressed and unable to have healthy sexual relationships, and that we are all shocked and prudes! This whole thread is so transparent. For every guy that has said that men are made to feel dirty, a pig and nasty for wanting to have sex, there is woman who is being called repressed, a prude and having a hang up because she doesnt want to hop in the sack with a man she has spent a whole 12-18 hours with....
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