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 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 113
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?Page 4 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

Well, I look at it this way...
If I'm going out with the lady and having a good time... what do I care how long it takes?
Hell, if you can't date her just for the fun of being with her, and what you're doing together you shouldn't be dating her in the first place because you're not compatible...
Sex should be a bonus for an already great relationship, not the purpose of the relationship.... if the sex is the only thing, then you're just fcuk buddies...


Some would argue that a "great relationship" wouldn't be great without great sex.

Here's what I think, there have been way tooooooo many threads about sex this week, everyone will have their say, from the religious to the impious from the young to the old...I believe it all boils down to ones sexual drive...there are those that have a high sex drive and those that simply don't...and each will justify their stance based on that drive...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 114
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A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:09:49 PM
Too many threads about sex and not enough sex.

*sigh*
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 115
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:10:38 PM
^^^^^Speak for yourself lovey!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 116
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A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:11:56 PM
Sadly, I am.

*sigh*

oops, gotta keep on topic. I'd started to read the forums before my sweetie and I met. So, I told him it was 'too bad, so sad for you' because I maybe, mighta, woulda jumped his bones right off the bat before I read the forums ... but now I'd found out about this 3 date rule and six month rule, and I'd figured out what I'd been doing wrong all these years.

Mind you, this was before I'd even met him, or seen what he looked like.

So... after I met him, the silly so&so told me I'd have to wait because there is no way he could, in any good conscience, inadvertently be complicant in altering my integrity.

lmao, not the last time I've lived to regret teasing that man.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 117
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:04:02 PM

Ok. Lets assume I am dating you. Its been going on well which mean I have been playing my cards right (Dating is called a game for a reason). We having connection in very many levels yet i dont want to have sex with you although you were ready a long time ago. Would you feel frustrated and a cause of concern?

This assumes that I'm not already having sex while in the early stages of dating, and it also assumes I am the type that would base everything on sex. If it was discussed - why would I be frustrated or concerned?

If you answered it honestly thats how men feel when they wait for the woman to get ready to have sex with them.

The bottom line here is this - does he want me to just comply for his sake, or does he want me to be really INTO it? If he doesn't care if I'm actually at the point where I want it then I guess you have a point.

So from my angle - I'd have to want him to just give it to me whether he wanted to or not - I tend to like a guy who's into it, so to me that's not appealing.

I also date men who don't want to sleep with me unless I want the same thing at that time, so it's never a problem for me.

Its the same feeling one gets after along term relationship is over. She/he feels 'I cant believe this is the woman/man I used to end every conversation with 'I love you'
Sex it has no meaning in the intial stages of dating ie. it feels like 'I love you' after a genuine r/ship has ended.

I can't relate to that - honestly I've never dealt with it -most of my breakups were mutual...or initiated by me. What's over is over, so I don't lend a lot of emotion to what used to be.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 118
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:16:05 PM
Miss. Arabian Angel it is always so good to hear your comments! THANK YOU for just being the sweet, kind, and open minded woman you are!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 123
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 6:45:06 AM

. Ahahaha its funny how women love to shift the goal post. I attacked you on this and this was your defense. You have conviniently dodged my question and not answered it. Ill be waiting
Not sure why you're waiting - I answered your question...maybe it wasn't an answer that you liked? *shrug*

I had no defense, I didn't realize that was an attack. Thanks for informing me it was, I missed it. My response was - if it was discussed WHY should I have a problem with it?

The question is WHEN not IF he wants to sleep with you or not. Ill clearer this time. You have been hinting sex all along but he is not ready. (You have been in similar situation right. Turning down sleep over invitations at a guys place because you are not ready because you know if you accept its going down)

Sleeping at a guys place and sex aren't related for me. Even if I do stay for sex I leave to sleep at home, if he comes for sex, he leaves so I can sleep...maybe you got my posts mixed up. With me the sex usually happens before he knows where I live, so if I'm at his place the sex is already happening.

Reverse the role. He comes to your place and surprisingly he doesnt want to spend the night even with your lingerie on.

I let him take his time and I keep my standby longer - if it's still early in the relationship. I don't get frustrated over sex - it's not that hard to come by. Sex with him will happen when he's ready. AGAIN - my answer is I don't want a man to sleep with me who's not INTO sleeping with me. A guy who's not ready isn't INTO it yet which means we're not yet on the same page, which means it's not time. If he's never into it - I deal with it when I discover that. If after he's ok to have sex he wants it less than I do, I deal with that when I discover it.

It's not that big a deal.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 125
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 11:57:04 AM

It's not really fair if women expect to see the guy's place first.


Is that kinda like: I'll show you *mine* if you show me your place first? Sounds like it could be a fear of dust bunnies (makes as much sense as the rest of the gobbledygook we all post and think we have the answers to all of life's mysterious questions).
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 126
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:12:50 PM

I have to much respect for myself to be some slut who would put out that soon. It will happen when it happens, don't force it.


So everyone that doesn't abide by your rule is a slut?
That's a bit harsh and judgemental.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 127
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:05:59 PM

I think just for the sake of it I'm going to wait until and have sex at HER place first.

Ok...in some cases you'll wait longer, but as long as that's ok with you.

I won't deliberately tell her that is my intention, but I want to see if the natural gravitation is to have sex at the guy's place first or if it's coincidental.

As a guy, why do you care where it happens as long as it's happening?

It's not really fair if women expect to see the guy's place first.

Whatever makes sense to you. To be safe, make sure you both see each other's place on the same day at the same time, so no one has first dibs on whatever it is you're talking about. lol
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 129
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:43:04 PM

Miss. Arabian Angel it is always so good to hear your comments! THANK YOU for just being the sweet, kind, and open minded woman you are!!!


Margo64 this place would be rather boring without the likes of people like you. :)


Is this the time to tell you that after I get home Friday night, I'm leaving again Saturday morning for another week?


Great this gives M and I more time for some hot steaming lesbian sex!
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 130
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 2:53:28 PM
I keep wondering how sex has become a commodity rather than a celebration of caring and love? No one man or woman should have to "put out." No one has the right to expect sex at any time from anyone. If two consenting adults wish to hop into bed on a first or second date what is the harm if both parties take responsibility for their actions (and possibly the resulting SDT.) Nor are they sluts if they do. If I am expected to have sex and I am not feeling sexy for whatever the reason no matter how long I have been seeing someone or even if I am married to them it is my right to say no if I am not into it. I choose not to be sexual with a man unless I am in a place of caring/love and we have discussed a relationship not just a sexual relationship. Others make other choices. Fair enough. This is not about men and women it is about ones values and personal choices. No one can tell me how to live my life and only I am responsible for how I choose to behave. I choose to become sexual when I feel connected emotionally that may take several weeks or even months. If a fellow I am seeing has an issue with this it is not my issue it is his. And he can go on his merry way because he will not be the man for me..
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 131
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 3:11:49 PM

Why? A lot of people expect a lot of things from people who owe them nothing.
Like patience, for example....


Spot on!
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 133
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/23/2009 5:58:47 PM
Verity one
I never said any one was telling me how to live my life . I said no one can. That is not a victim statement, just a statement of my experience. I do not disagree that sex is part of a good relationship. I am just not up for a sexual relationship - casual sex-sex for sport -or friends with benefits. If other people are then that is their business. It is not for me to judge. My choice is to become sexual Ie. have carnal knowledge of a men when I am connected to him emotionally and ready to do so. That may take weeks or months. I am happy to take responsibility for that choice. I am also happy when a fellow walks away if he thinks I should be "giving it up" because he paid for dinner or we have seen each other three times. My body and my sexuality are mine and I share that very deep and special part of myself when I wish to not because someone expects or wants me to. So if the fellow walks away I am glad because I know he is not my Mr. wonderful.
When anyone is expected to "put out" as some of the posters have stated then sex becomes something to trade for security, favors, money, dinners, you name it Ie. a commodity. Not a celebration of a deep emotional connection. Those people who want to have sex on a first or second date is their choice. You also missed my point. Each person chooses how they do their sexuality and is responsible for their behaviors and the consequences of said behaviors. People can expect whatever they want that still does not give them the right to expect or get it.
 Honcho
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 134
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:10:48 AM
What a topic. If I was doing it by the 3rd date, I wouldn't be telling anybody. I'll bet you just aren't getting laid are you?
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 135
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:48:27 AM

So to recap...having sex just because you WANT to is bad?


Definitely not. If that's what gets you off, gives you what you want/need at that time and both of you are on the same page, then what could possibly be bad about that? Sounds all good to me.



The thing is women are often not on the same page with men when it comes to sex.

Your answer is text-book like, but it ignores the fact that "just sex" for the majority of women seems to be a big "NO-NO". Women often speak against "just sex" like it's something to be avoided, something bad in itself, of itself... hence the question. Also, most women will not date a man who wants "just sex" which leads a man to conclude the majority of women do have something against "just sex".
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 136
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:28:41 PM
I'm inferring from your post that a woman put some pressure on you to 'put out' before you were ready and thanks for admitting that it made you feel uncomfortable. Women have been dealing with this kind of pressure for at least, decades, possibly centuries. And to be completely frank, it sucks. At my stage of life, I drag it out as long as possible. I won't be pressured, or flattered, or manipulated or bullied. Recently I met a man, he was terrific, but since I was dragging things out 'so long' he lost interest. IMO his loss.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 138
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:52:53 PM
^^^^^^ Welcome home.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 139
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:40:53 PM

When I am in a relationship with a man that is committed to our union, then I love "just"sex.


That is not what I'm talking about. The meaning of "just sex" is that of "sex with no strings attached with a person you find attractive". The "relationship" part kind of implies "strings".

You more or less prove my point.



Sometimes, you men just don't get it or you don't listen.


Perhaps. Though sometimes you say nothing of value, therefore we need not listen.



It has been proven many many times that women get attached emotionally when they have sex.


There is a lot of evidence to the contrary. So I call "Bullshit!"



Or...are already emotionally hooked when they agree to take the clothes off.


Perhaps. But what does that have to do with "just sex"? And even if it is true, so what? You are emotionally attached... so am I sometimes, but I learned to get over it.



There is a huge emotional investment when we have sex.


Too bad it isn't true for hookers, prostitutes, escorts, "models", and 95% of women.

Besides, there is plenty of chicks masturbating on MSN cams and they don't seem "emotionally invested" at all - some of them with really big dildos.



If you want the in depth scientific explanation and facts, google and learn.


I MSN(ed) and learned.



There are many men that have had many sexual encounters, liasons, etc. with many women, but that does not make them truly understand or know a woman. If it has only been on the sexual level, then the knowledge of a woman is only on that level. We have many levels that most men don't understand and only a man who is intent on getting to know that certain woman will attempt to gain knowledge of her.


You want to have many levels and appear mysterious and complex, but that is not the case. Quantum mechanics is complex, you are not.
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 140
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:48:47 PM
It's the way we're hard wired. Think of it like this.

First date you buy dinner. Should you expect a second date?

Third date should you expect sex?

I've had some say I should have sex with them on the 6th date. Possibly some new dating trend.

Not once have I heard someone say themself "I used common sense!"
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 145
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:18:53 PM

And your point is.....umm...what exactly?


Okay, I will spell it out for you:

1) Men and women are generally not on the same page when it comes to sex.
2) Men like sex and are okay with "just sex".
3) Women are not okay with "just sex".
4) From 1,2 & 3 it follows that it is unlikely for *a* woman to want to have "just sex" with *a* man.

5) From 1-4 it follows that you statement, "If that's what gets you off, gives you what you want/need at that time and both of you are on the same page, then what could possibly be bad about that?" is

A) A conditional statement that is unlikely to occur
B) A text-book answer as it states the obvious, but yet....
C) Ignores reality &
D) It doesn't really touch on the issue of women's problem with "just sex" (or why some choose to not have it)



You seem to misunderstand my point completely. I am not talking about a 'big picture' concept of whether or not women are on the same page when it comes to sex. Of course they frequently aren't. Duh. Hence these sites and these forums!


I understood your point the first time.



What I meant was if *a* man and *a* woman want to have purely physical sex and that is both what they want, then there is nothing wrong, bad, whatever with that IMHO.


Yes, that is your point. But I think it is redundant, and somewhat of a cliche. It is basically your opinion that there is nothing wrong with others' opinion of "just sex" as it concerns them. It does really touch on the issue of "just sex" for people who have a problem with "just sex". Good to know that other people have your non-approval and non-disapproval when it comes to "just sex".



I have nothing "against" pure physical sex per se. I hold no view that it is something "bad" in or of itself. But it really does nothing for me, so I choose not to do it.


Yeah... as I said, men and women are generally not on the same page. Sex does nothing for you, but it is pleasurable for me. I will generalize by saying sex does nothing for most women, and it's pleasurable for most men.

This explain why many women can withhold sex, manipulate men using sex, insist on a relationship before they "give out" sex, why sex does not have "huge emotional investment", why some women feel used sexually, dislike "players", and so on.

If what you say is true, most men are fools for pursuing women in general.
 NightHawk2005
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 147
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:01:43 PM

All men in heterosexual relationships pay for sex directly or indirectly. One form is a more honest business transaction and the other is like a slot machine.


Not true. I'm a heterosexual man in a relationship and I am not paying for sex either directly or indirectly.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 149
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History
A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:21:50 AM

I havent read all 11 pages, but, i think the reason many women arent to thrilled about jumping into sex with someone too soon, is because of the simple biological fact that 70% of women dont even orgasm from sexual intercourse. There just isnt a whole lot of incentive to jump in the sack with someone. Unless, of course, their idea of good sex is getting to lie in the wet spot.

I have a feeling alot of women prefer getting to know someone and being comfortable enough with them to let them know what it is going to take for them to reach orgasm, is alot of the reason that women prefer to wait.


Well according to many posters on here, that is our problem, not theirs and we should just be doing it so the other individual can be happy and get their test drive in, and apparently if those that dont want to just "do it", they have major mental and sexual hang ups. I love being diagnosed by all of the "sexperts" on this place.
 yourscooter62
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 152
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A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:55:15 PM
Humm....been married long time..no expectations on any date..guess i will know when the time feels right. It would be a huge bummer to be intimate with a woman to find out she's allergic to your spunk...like what happen"s her throat closes and she can't breathe???
 yourscooter62
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 154
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A Twist on EXPECTING Sex by the 3 rd date. Would You Date Her/Him ?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:06:18 PM
pay for sex meaning?
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