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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?      Home login  
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 adylia
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 26
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Never been in that situation and having a time trying to picture one of my exes' saying that with a straight face.

Maybe the guy was never gay, maybe bi? Or maybe he just had a phase? Tough one, hope it didn't put the woman in too much of the dumps. :( He probably should have told her long before he proposed, maybe not the first week but probably before they slept together. What ever happened to sharing intimate details BEFORE getting intimate?

But if it happened to me, I THINK I'd be ok with it if I knew that I wasn't the phase! Would probably ask him a million questions though.


Adylia,
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:04:08 PM
I was not aware you could just stop being gay.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 28
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:22:37 PM
well, I wouldn't date someone who "used" to be gay, because it doesn't just go away. But I also feel a "used" to be gay doesn't have to reveal "his/her" past to any one although i think it would be fair to the other person, it does not mean they have to. Putting myself in the womans shoes, she did the right thing, because we all know "bisexuals" are very fickle.
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 29
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:38:00 PM
Sounds fishy to me.

Possible scenarios:

1. Maybe he was "bi", and only could find men to have sex with prior to two years ago.
2. Maybe he really "was" gay and for the sake of his career he pretended to "go straight".
3. Maybe he got cold feet about marrying you and told you this whopper to let you down easy.
4. Maybe this is a fictional story.
5. Maybe he is still gay and just wants a wife and family. He "wants it all."
6. Maybe he really did change is sexual orientation.
7. Maybe God worked a miracle and re-wired his brain.

If you go ahead and marry him, I'm betting he'll be on the "down low" faster than you can say Judy Garland.
 younowho
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 30
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:49:44 PM
used to be gay LMAO.. is this a new internet term ??

So was he/she .. the Boy or girl ?

taking it you have had contact with this person .. are you now a lesbian

ok maybe he was only 1/2 gay.. butt which half
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 31
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/21/2009 2:58:31 PM
OP- Your boy knew very well that he was dropping the bomb on you. I'm sure that's why he proposed when he did and tried to sugar coat it with the " I never knew I could Love a Woman so much" line.

He didn't tell you before because he figured he'd lose you. Maybe he hoped that if you fell for him you would look past it.

I bet it's not uncommon. At least you did find out and IMO you did the right thing.
 Annonimiss
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 32
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:11:50 PM
Well, I don't know if I'd quite end the relationship ... but yeah, at the moment I would give his ring back.

It would be tough ... on one hand I loved him enough to accept his ring, but on the other hand I would have a tough time being with him after an announcement like that. The thought of him with other women is one thing, but it's a little too much to think about him with other guys.

No, I don't think she over-reacted.
 1Keith7
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 33
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:30:38 PM
No she didn't over-react. She human. And this is certainly such a big bomb of news to drop on anybody!
 chip1331
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 34
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:38:18 PM
"Chip1331:
You don't care because you hope to get some extra action or you truly don't give a sh!t about the marriage? How can you not care if your WIFE is sleeping with other people.?"

Neither. It is not something I would encourage or prefer, but I'd be tolerant if she wanted purely sexual relationships with other women. I'd be completely faithful by any definition as I have no interest in having sex with men and neither of us would be getting hetero with anyone else, so I'd hardly say I wouldn't give a shit about the marriage. It's a matter of her preferences and this is something that simply would not bother me.
 OLIZAY
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 35
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:42:33 PM
No overreaction to me, this woman did right. That's m'fing nasty and why would any woman who loves life risk it being laying with a man who chases or used to chase other men's peanut butter. Risk is way to high, esp with the rampant unsafe sexual activity gay men partake in, it's not like they have to worry about getting pregnant. Stuff like this is why disease gets passed around like hot potato.
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 36
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:46:05 PM
"USED" to be gay? Umm...isn't that like being a 'little bit pregnant'?

I don't blame the woman at all. Even if one calls it bisexuality in this case? I'd have handed the ring back AND been out of there so fast, he could have played cards on my coattails.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 37
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:50:55 PM
She (you mean you) did overreact by giving the ring back, but I think this merits serious consideration. What happens when you've been married 5+ years, and the romance has waned a bit? Is he going to go back to being gay, because it's the only way he can get his freak on? I don't think one gender can "cure" the other from being gay. It's still there.
 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 38
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:51:17 PM
I would be infuriated... My take is the guy is hiding being gay so that he can have the disguise as a married man....Let me guess....a religious type
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 39
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:38:10 PM
I think if he was gay 2 years ago, he is still gay. I didn't think you could turn it off & on like a faucet. Today I'm gay, tomorrow I'm not. I'm not gay myself, but I have known a couple of gay people, and they seem to stay the same. I know 2 bisexual people as well, and they stay that way. So not sure this guy knows himself. Maybe he went from being gay to bisexual and now like girls as well. But anyway, she did the right thing. It has to be her choice first of all if she can live with this or not. And did she give him back the ring because she was hurt he didn't tell her before? OR the fact that he is just gay? Anyway, I don't think that her getting "hurt" is the right word. Maybe she was shocked and didn't know how to deal with it. Either way, it's her choice. You can't force her to marry him if she can't deal with it.
 ooobaby 01
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 40
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:58:22 PM
O hell no...........I'd of done the same thing...........

What the hell is... ' I used to be GAY'??? lol
So what is he saying he died and came back heterosexual? Or one day he just woke up and said to himself 'you know I don't want to be gay anymore I am going to try to be with woman instead now'...... like come on!!

Anyways I personally would NOT be with someone who told me they 'use to be gay' or is 'by-sexual'

You are either one way or the highway baby ~
 produceninja
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 41
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:39:50 PM
Well if they are someone who is actually bi then there should be no issue. They may have thought that their explorations meant they were gay and hadn't actually realized that they were bi. If they used to be gay but no longer are because they went to one of those "X-Gay" groups, often run by christian fundamentalists that use religion to "cure" people then run like hell. These people have been shamed and brainwashed to make themselves adapt to a lifestyle. Eventually they will be unable to continue living the charade and you and anyone else who has a vested interest in your relationship will be hurt.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 42
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:51:25 PM
Personally, I don't blame the woman for this response. IMO, there's no such thing as "used to be gay." There's bisexual, used to only sleep with same sex. Perhaps this is just semantics.
The response to ANY sudden news from a proposed spouse would logically be to back off and reassess the relationship. If the guy suddenly admitted a criminal past, or that he declared bankruptcy twice, or that his parents were terrorists, or ANYTHING that might have made a difference before, it means it's time to start over. This is why it's important not to hide things as a relationship is building.
As for WHEN he should have told you/her, that's a separate issue. Concerns about STD's can be handled the same way, no matter what a person's background is, that's not the concern. Many of us have things in our past that we fear will cause us to be unjustly ignored or set aside by potential mates, so failing to 'tell all' at the outset is understandable, no matter what the secret is. All the same, something like this SHOULD have been communicated before the relationship reached the having-sex stage.
You could probably create a chart of what secret should be told at what point in a relationship. Recovering alcoholics should probably admit this before they go out to dinner with you, or drive you anywhere. People with STD's in their past should reveal this before sex is considered. People with obligations to previous spouses need to explain them before dating shifts from 'just for fun' to 'deciding on a mate.'

And EVERY secret needs to be revealed before proposing.
 chuckyB51
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
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So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:31:06 PM
The “Born Gay” urban legend is actually being exposed as false by homosexual researchers themselves. Homosexual researcher Dean Hamer, for example, notes that homosexuality is not “purely genetic…environmental factors play a role. There is not a single master gene that makes people gay.” Homosexual researcher Simon LeVay, who attempted to find a genetic basis for homosexuality by examining the differences in the hypothalamus between “homosexual” and “heterosexual” males, has written: “I didn’t show that gay men are born that way, the most common mistake people make in interpreting my work. Nor did I locate a gay center in the brain.”

Therapists who treat men and women struggling with same-sex attractions say that there are several consistent factors that contribute to the emergence of homosexuality: gender confusion in childhood, a failure to internalize maleness, and sexual abuse by a same-sex predator. Dr. Gregory****on, whose doctoral thesis is on the relationship between a mother and son in the development of homosexuality, found that 49% of the homosexuals he surveyed said they had been molested, compared to less than 2% of heterosexuals.

Since funding is scarce for both biological and psychological research we will probably never know the true answer.
 Packard77
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 44
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/13/2012 6:57:23 PM
Once gay....
Well, if we are to believe that it is genetics, then "used to be" is false. He/She would always be..and would never "used to be".
I don't think she over-reacted".. - more like "under-reacted" if you ask me. :)
 ixtlan09
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 45
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:30:02 PM
"Used to be" gay? What does that even mean? Are we to believe he used to start sporting a chub when looking at Brad Pitt but now he does when he sees Angelina Jolie?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 46
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/14/2012 3:28:56 AM
Over reaction?
Being lied to, hurt then giving a ring back?

No

An over reaction would have been to kick him in the throat with her pointy boot.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 47
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:58:08 AM
After recently being told that a family member of ours is Gay I spoke to the parent. The parent explained to me that the family member was actually born this way and it was meant to be.....It was in his Gene's.
Based on that information I do not believe that the Gay person in this couple will permantly change their gay way's.
Yes he should have told her right off the bat that he is gay.
I don't think she over reacted. This man was with other men intimately and that's a huge pill to have to swallow for any woman.
I would not continue the relationship for fear mostly of the guy reverting back to what he really is and was born to be.

 TOEDWY
Joined: 5/30/2011
Msg: 48
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/14/2012 7:15:08 AM
It's a lil late in the game and an inappropriate moment I'd think... but apart from that is it a game changer? I don't think so. My last girlfriend had been a lesbian her entire life before we met. We were together for over two years and remain friends. She is now married to another guy...
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 49
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/14/2012 7:20:52 AM
It has nothing to do with past sexual orientation unless your belief system won't allow you to date someone in that situation. People will either cheat or they wont. Just because they were a switch before doesn't mean they will want to be a switch later in life. Some people are just curious and go between. Does that make them more likely to cheat on you? Nope your chances are always 50/50 no matter who you date.
 sunnyflower1974
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 50
So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 2/14/2012 5:47:25 PM
simple answer: no.
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