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 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 72
Positive NegativePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
With silverbells and****eshells
all in a row.
 FarmExe
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 73
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:03:11 PM
On these forums, complaining about others, whining about finding no dates, thinking that life is short and looking for fun, and so on are negative. I am positive to seek what I want. I don't care if anyone thinks my seeking is a red flag. If what I want and what I don't want are red flags, I am glad to set these red flags that help stop those carps or craps.
 LawVixen
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 74
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:16:03 PM
Quit being so positive. You're ruining the thread............
 propurpose
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 75
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:38:41 PM
if we look for red flags we may find them
if we don't look for them we may find them by the manner of giving/receiving of love and fear(confusion is also fear) experience.

to relate the self to others. for others to relate their self to me(us). mean that there will be fear-confusion lovingly related...even though a person may yet feel and think their self unsafe in the sharing of it and so seem to re-live their experience in (me)(you)(us).

when somebody say ..."you remind me of someone by that behaviour/act/thinking" and that somebody then say ..." you are just like him/her/them" ... they are relating an event which remain with some confusion yet. and are now needing to have the most exact conditions related which confirm or not their fear. but knowing all the conditions and how to know takes time and experience. it is quite often at this point in the experience that the person may not know what it is they are responsible for believing now or then....and may also want to put the responsibility of confusion back there or onto you the person reminding them of their prior experiences.

for a person of in depth and conscious psychological respect and orientation...this could be a red flag for me of an other if the prior experiences have not been clarified to release a painfull experience and become burden for understanding to prospective new relationship.

people should be able to move on. but experiences simply can't be forgotten. and especially if there is remaining confusion which has compromised the esteem of personal evaluation...there is required some counselling of an accepting and friendly nature. without judgement and with purpose in mind for relationship.

i just wanted to share that. thanx for your receptions.
 absofreakinlutely
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 76
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 4:54:29 PM
OP - I take both the Red Flags and Must Haves into consideration whether I am dating or car shopping or looking for a new dress. There are certain things that are a No-Go when I look at guys' profiles and it doesn't matter how many other great things they have in the positive column, the Red Flags trump the good stuff every time.

Its like when you are shopping for a dress and you find one that meets your criteria (size, color, style, price) except it's made of wool and you are allergic to wool. Do you just suck it up and buy it, hoping that you won't itch yourself to death before the Benadryl takes effect every time you wear it ** OR** do you keep looking for one that's made out of a different material plus your other criteria?

People don’t “grow into what we want” as that would require them to change who they are. I want someone who is naturally compatible with me.

I sometimes think people aren’t selective enough. I’ve met many men who were very happy to continue to date me not because we had much in common but because I am a female with a pulse and can fog a mirror.

It doesn’t matter if someone thinks I am too picky with the criteria I need in a mate as I am perfectly happy to not settle for less than what I can live with the rest of my life.
 FarmExe
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 77
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:41:17 PM
Some people are lonely and regret some things that have been done. This thread was generated from OP's regrets.
 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 78
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:42:29 PM
FarmExe,

How very insightful.

Thanks.
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:57:16 PM
I find red flags where (prefer not to say), which delights me to no end to encounter these two counter-intuitive entries on a "Nice Guy" profile:
Do you have children: Yes
Marital Status: Prefer Not To Say
In closing, would like to add (prefer not to say).
Good (prefer not to say),
MV
P.S. Call me (907-555-I'm-Yours)
 hesearchesfor1
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 80
view profile
History
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:20:31 PM
I take the good with the bad. There is no one out there who will be able to give you 100 percent of your Wish List. Sorry to inform you of this but it's true. If a woman scores 8 out of 10 on my Top Ten List then I'm seriously interested. Most women don't come close but I remain hopeful.

And yes...I do look for Red Flags. Women aren't the only ones with them.
 mirabelle13
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 81
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:09:42 PM
hesearchesfor1


I understand a top ten list. But are they must haves. And how do you know that a person is just not presenting what the other seems to want? Then, the real person shines through?

I think that some characteristics that are very important to me can not be discovered in the first one or two months of dating.

 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 82
Positive Negative
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:47:59 PM
We present ourselves in our individual profiles and give an overview of what we would like in a potential partner. They can be used as Positive or Negative guides. Some people take offense with what you write if it counts them out with just a quick read… Profiles are actually great tools and can eliminate the weak, the angry, and those that carry around the enormous chip on their shoulder. We write our profiles to attract or detract someone with common interests and compatibility. As we get older we have a greater understanding of who would work and what kind of personalities would work well with ours… It would be nice if some people didn’t take it as a personal assault when your preferences do not include them…

However, I do believe within our preferences we can be fluid as we meet and encounter different types of people that we enjoy and share experiences with. I am learning that we can all learn and appreciate from our different perspectives…
 propurpose
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 83
Positive Negative
Posted: 11/25/2009 3:53:55 AM
...

but the problems are manifold. the trends in human relationship law mean that there are a only few in society which benefit by relationship to the authoritarian hierarchic legal structures. here are just a few of the problems following which were all contrived negatively to serve purposes which were not to benefit genders or society nor children.

the television radio and newspaper print presses had been corralled by mysterious powerfull legal entities which saw opportunities in women several decades back...

and within secret legal adversarial written and misguided behavioural practices ...
they whom had received some education and diplomas/certificates had not received good quality human relationship educations and were brought along if the negative social conditionings they were susceptible too had finally made male and children the enemy of their sights and legal transformations premises.

as i say....millions and millions and millions of little girls had been reared in pseudo-nurturant social environments replete with atmospheric negativity. well...what else would explain the displacement of human and child respects for the purposes of feminist(special forces) economic and military adjoinment in purposes..?

the entire western hemisphere were blanketed in partial relationship absolutions to the removal of love and safety in families where any insecurities of relationship granted entrance and negative co-hesions of popular propoganda. basically...the same lies which arm young men were the same lies which then armed young women...and consequentially disrespected many young.

negative information of secret adversarial law practices by medias shamed and ruined many a conscious to even be receptive to members of their own family.

many of they will be here 0n sites such as this...they will have priviliges afforded by they whom also remain secret of the site management...

people that can quash a 'freedom 0f expression' right....rite....call it a privilege...and not even be able to spell privilage (privilege).

thus .... socially aggregate cult forces create special interest ''date/meeting sites" with quite other ideas apart from what they are not good at explaining of relationship.


try being positive in a world of people that hide and deceive...while you are being raped or buried by red-flag identifiers. the same red-flags they created and smothered society with.

certainly.....if you are all coming here to find wealth....not even the rich boys are so foolish to trust in it. their lawyers would not even let them. any person of seeming wealthy coming on here are only to attract poorer women into believing that such foolishness is possible. but then...many a rich boy did not even know what the governments were planning for his sister...so he may show up to show you hope.
 propurpose
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 84
Positive Negative
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:09:18 AM
...

{ ... come to think of it. there will be a % of new wealth of young which may endeavour to be entertained or entertaining on a site such as this...and if he/she has not been prepared...may become the mark of some legal snake with a she/he decoy. ambulance chasing has taken on new dimensions.}

i am quite positive that this a very negative site...and until it is more transparent and responsive....will not receive adulations or (re)commendations from the more ideal and pragmatic of human relationship. so...

prejudicial mind-sets by and with the poorly counselled of law and psychology and uncounselled...which prioritizes my response methodologies to not permit dangers to families or young without some effort and showing real pragmatic practices of the pseudo-educated or their confused ideals.

i am so happy that i am not alone with these insights...but am alone in my determination to protect the young.
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 85
Positive Negative
Posted: 11/28/2009 5:39:32 AM
Being single and "not looking", I didn't feel it appropriate to reply to this topic. However, I feel more objective than most might. For as long as I have been here at POF, I have been amazed by what "some" people write in their profiles as to "relationship requirements". Even a Saint would have a hard time qualifying!! Then you have those profiles that offer " if ya wanna know anything, just ask!" that leave you scratching your head!

All the threads I have read and participated in over the years, I know you are all beautiful people, but it might be time to really evaluate that "positive/negative" stance. A teacher once told me, "if you set your standard too high, you only become self defeatist".

I hope you don't set your standards so high, that you only guarantee being alone forever!
 etourdi77
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 86
Positive Negative
Posted: 11/28/2009 5:54:15 AM
This thread reminds me of the commercials for Lowered expectations that Mad TV used to play...lol.On the internet it is easy and neccessary to implement some basic set of standards when trying to determine which people with whom we should interact otherwise there are far too many choices....Does this mean that those standards are etched in stone? They shouldn't be as we may inadvertently rule out someone who may be perfect for us before we even meet them....
I have a silly rule that I use, because I am not really interested in dating a larger woman I usually don't respond to women who only post head shots on their profiles...I was browsing one day an saw a pic of a beautiful blonde clicked on her pic read her profile and looked at the rest of her pics..every pic was a head shot and kind of blurry....so I dismissed her as a potential on the spot....luckily for me she noticed that I had viewed her profile and contacted me....we chatted on line and got along very well.....we talked on the phone and got along even better...we decided to meet...I asked her about the pics she said she was not a Large woman....I wasnt sure about meeting her but figured what the heck...we met she was 5'8" and about 130lbs...Beautiful in real life...I learned right there that little rules that we have sometimes need to be overlooked...we have gone on several dates and she is awesome...
 propurpose
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 87
Positive Negative
Posted: 11/28/2009 7:32:42 AM
...

the problem of negatives is that they are usefull for people that seek to trim down the prospects of their considerations. which show that people which use red-flag conditionings are less able to identify prospects. if using red-flag items of elimination are the manner by which you select you show that a.)...you (or i) are not informed of how to help the purpose we have in wanting relationship else we would have abilities to perceive that of an other and remediate what seem as red-flags. and b.)...there are issues of relationship pertaining to the basic of those red-flag identifiers which are quite probably some impediment in other of social relationships. so...

if you see someone that is a smoker and if that were the only of the negatives that you could identify of someone elses profile...then you or i may discard that profile identity not because there is compatibility but because there is an item of non-compatibility.

and in all truth...within our dualistic relationship world each person will choose one side of a dualism where it benefits their person (or other....if that is the tendency for a person in that set of conditions) and by consequence not accept the other side of the dualism (or perception of experience/prospects) which negates the relationship prospect out-right.

now of course...that is all normal and natural for all people that have special interest and purpose in the relationship they seek to co-create...but with acknowledgement of that tendency of person(s) to do so. there be then a reality or possibility of reception to see and experience the more full truth value which often remains hid of some manner behind the red-flag identifier.

reception to experiences and perceptions of an other which may seem to have an item of red-flag identifier enables possibility for one or either of the prospects to be enlarged and actually be healed in the new insight/experience ....relative to the meeting prospect ... so that even though you may not advance far in the one on one relationship...you or i may yet come away with some enlargement or benefit by the meeting. and consequently mature in confidence to relate what seem personal(valueable) and impersonal (ability to relate of some personal valueables not to the risk of hurting self or other.)

most troubling for relationship prospects sometime in the future is to encounter someone that has not been healed or reconciled of previous relationship experiences/conundrums. and as it happens most of us have some realizations conflicts which we carry into next relationship and in those there are confusions which should have clarification for your self...so that new relationship is positive.

i think someone else said it quite well within this thread or somewhere near elsewhere...

"to live well is the best form of revenge"....not actually revenge since it exemplifies your personal vision...for yourself or for an other person. and there would be no hard feelings and blame or resentment in the motive to live well...but it is the most appropriate attitude to abide in. however...depending on personal experiences to relationships where conditions of acceptance and conditions of non-acceptance are trying to be managed or exchanged ...(red-flag item of identification)...

determines in that moment how successfull you will be to your stated (clear with confusives) personal purpose relative to prospects which come to your awareness.
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