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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?      Home login  
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 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 51
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It means I have to take a shower and put on some clean clothes. I can be ready in 20 minutes. There have been times I was not looking, but being ready comes down to who she is. There is never a bad time to get along well with someone. If you're talking about a prefab relationship that requires zombie-like behaviors according to preconceptions, then I am never ready for that. In my experience sometimes I met a woman and she had some idea already set up, for which she was out seeking a man to walk into her dream world and live there as if her fantasy relationship could get started as soon as she recruited her soulmate mr. right prince whatever guy. Upr, blech, no freaking way. The relationship exists in her mind and just needs a man to inflict it upon. If a man accepts this premise and is not up to being abused that way, even if she moans and wiggles seductively, then he may not be ready to deal with it. He would probably be ready to be with HER, but not to enter into the RELATIONSHIP, in all its dubious glory.

Let's get together. Let's go do something. Let's make out. Let's live together. Let's be in love. Sure, that sounds good.

Let's have a Relationship.
No! I'm not ready! (And hope I never will be...)

No doubt this cannot make sense to anyone else unless they understand it.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 52
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:33:51 AM
No, no, no...

What could all you peeps be talking about?!

Usually, when it's said that someone is not ready for a relationship, it means:

They are on the rebound.

Oftentimes, people are left emotionally wounded after a breakup or divorce and are not ready to fall deeply in love again, nor forge a new long lasting relationship again. It can take years sometimes for their emotions to settle down. Some people will have a fling, a rebound relationship which is limited and does not last long. During this period of emotional unrest, people are often hesitant and flaky regarding dating/relationships, and, especially newly divorced people, tend to rant and rage about their ex too much and too often. This problem is so common and obvious, you can go through random profiles any day of the week and identify rebound people just by what they have written. They will often write things like, "I don't know what I'm looking for", or "I'm not looking for anything serious yet".

If a person is immature, I would just say they are not good relationship material. saying they are not ready would suggest they are going through something temporary. But, how do you know?!

The only other place where "not ready" would fit is with young, school-age adults... there are a larger number of them that are immature.

If you don't want to play a game of Russian roulette with your heart, stay away from rebound people. Just because they are beautiful and breathing does not mean they are good relationship material.
 barbyanne2
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 53
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 11:45:43 AM
I agree with beershark, and what he says speaks to both sides of the "readiness" equation. When someone is just out of a relationship, it's tempting to jump back into one "on the rebound" so to speak. This is seldom wise as we need to grieve - not in the same way that we do for lost relatives, perhaps, but grieve nonetheless. This takes time. I have been the "griever" as I am divorced. I have also been with men whose relationships had justed ended. Not again.

This why "ex" talk beyond a passing mention, is a BIGGER than big red flag to many people seeking relationships. Gotta be done with the ex. So to answer the OPs question: I have told someone I was not ready when my divorce was still recent. I have told that to someone when HIS divorce was recent, but I didn't want to put it on him.

The other reason is when I really feel that there are compatibility issues that cannot be resolved. For example, we are not "at the same place" in what our expectations are for a relationship. It is often the beginning of the end to say "I'm not ready."
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 54
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 12:00:45 PM
I guess if a man was like rockin' awesome and huge sack wise I'd consider playing house till I got tired of it. I kind of like the I'm not ready with you thing.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 55
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:16:29 PM
I'm sorry to say, but since reading these fora, I'be become convinced that most people are not ready for a relationship.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 56
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:24:50 PM

I guess if a man was like rockin' awesome and huge sack wise I'd consider playing house till I got tired of it. I kind of like the I'm not ready with you thing.


You crack me up every time!
 *Closer*
Joined: 11/5/2009
Msg: 57
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:35:55 PM
I think it means.....I don't want to commit to you...but can we still have sex?

I had one guy from here tell me he didn't have time to date...but he did have time to f*ck.lol
 anglinwld
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 58
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:46:50 PM
I was just told this by a guy I went out with a few times...except he was telling me I wasn't ready...I am a widow...I am at peace my husband was terminal for 5 years so I grieved over the years... I am humble and easy going and embrace life and the world around me...I don't feel it was his place to analyze me and my situation...I feel like he was looking for an easy out..when all he has to say is hey... I am still searching and need some time to get my head together...I wasn't pushy ...it was all mutaual or so I thought...go figure!
 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 59
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 3:01:08 PM
^^^Telling somebody that THEY arent ready for a relationship isnt something you say to somebody else If you dont think the person is ready, move on and let them be....
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 60
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 3:37:53 PM

I just want to date, have some fun, and be friends with a man that is attractive to me physically & mentally. That's it.


Isn't this the way its suppose to start out at least? You go on dates, hopefully have some fun and excitement, and things move along at their own pace in whatever direction they move towards. Does it need to be more than enjoying each others company?right away?

Many seem on these short time tables- 3 dates and then buy a ring and run down the aisle. Why not a least take a little time to get to know each other and enjoy the ride. If the love is there, on both sides, the commitment will come.
 yew4ic
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 61
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:08:16 PM
browneyesboo[[[The longer I look, the less I'm ready.

Strange how that worked out.

I was ready before.]]]]


Ditto. And EL OH EL!
 _SYN_
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 62
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:49:07 PM
Not ready for me = I'm busy raising my kids on my own and working, and trying to buy my first home etc etc etc... I just don't have the patience or time for anyone or anything else.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 63
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:00:43 PM
It's a blow-off.

At best, it means the person isn't interested and is trying to let you down easy.

At worst, it means they may be trying to maneuver you into some kind of FWB situation. This is especially the case if the person who says "i'm not ready for a relationship" is male.
 ~leaving4now~
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 64
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/20/2009 8:01:24 PM
i'm not ready for a relationship right now...or to meet anyone...it states that on my profile...i'm too busy with my son and with our boxing...looking to start taking law classes by next spring...my work keeps me so busy...i just don't have the time to make time for anyone else...
 barbyanne2
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 65
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/20/2009 8:15:12 PM
Ghost Xmas past

Even tho none of your posts make ANY sense. at all. You are soooo cute, I'd happily be you're Ms. Santa
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 66
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:34:04 PM
I think "not ready for a relationship" describes my ex to a tee. And, frankly, she said so herself when she broke up with me.

In her case, because of some things that happened to her in the past, I believe she has a very difficult time forming relationships with people, mainly, I believe, from a fear of getting hurt by them.

She and I had met online -- not even a dating site -- and she was the one who relentlessly pursued me for a month until I finally gave in. It was long-distance, so it was three weeks before we could meet in person. When we did, the sparks were flying right off the bat. I can tell you it was the best weekend I ever had.

But shortly after she returned home, things just seemed to cool down a little bit. The next time we met, she was basically a cold fish. I had attributed that to her being stressed out over a class project she was doing at an online college she was attending, but the day after we got back home, she sent me an e-mail that basically said she was taking a long time away from relationships.
 puredirtyd
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 67
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:46:51 PM
My profile says something along the line of 'not ready for a relationship'. My heading states that I'm just looking for friends, which I swear to you, is all that I want and all that I have time for.

I am a single parent of a special needs child. I work, study for my CPA, take care of my son and take him to his t-ball games and his 3 different specialists, cook and clean (ell I try to ;) , not to mention that I volunteer for JDRF. This isn't me ****ing, I choose to do these activities and find comfort in knowing who I am and what my priorites are. Thus, I do not have time to devote to a relationship. That doesn't meant that I don't get lonely or want enjoy an adult conversation once in awhile. However, every time I go out with someone, they want to be more. Say that they can't be just friends or that they can work with my situation....yada yada yada. However, let's be honest...all relationships require some sort of effort. We all want to feel special and have attention and time devoted to us! Myself included! However, at this moment in my life, I'm not ready, not willing, to change my life for someone or something that is uncertain!

I hope that his helps somes! :)
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 68
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:07:33 PM
Everybody's POV has been very interesting! If people are still writing, I'm still reading :)
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 69
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:14:15 PM
Most often, "I'm not ready for a relationship" is a phrase a guy utters before trying to talk you into some kind of FWB situation.
 unique1011
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 70
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:28:28 PM
Chitownguy, I can't say thank you enough for you to let us know what many men's true intentions are like....so much time saving for me :)
 GRP60
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 71
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/18/2010 1:29:19 PM
The longer I look, the more I affirm that I am ready to share fully, and the more rejections pile up I just consider an opportunity to fine tune my profile and presentation... although an 'overeagerness' may occasionally slip out. I would still prefer to have a visit from a committed partner rather than a prostitute for my birthday, but it's been so long and may be a long time before I could afford one of those 'aggressive russian ladies'!
 GingersnapWA2
Joined: 11/26/2009
Msg: 72
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/19/2010 9:55:49 PM
I would be friggin' rich If I had a dime for every time that I have heard the "I'm not ready for a relationship" Line, and then saw the guy turn around and get into a relationship (or even marriage) to someone Else.
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 73
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/19/2010 10:43:41 PM
means your not ready for commitment. Might mean they might not want a relationship. Maybe they want friends with benefits.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 74
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/19/2010 10:56:32 PM
It could mean two things.Either they truly are not ready for a relationship,or they are just trying to let you down easy.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 75
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/20/2010 6:23:20 AM
I am not ready. I have had two failed marriages and divorced two years ago, I have no desire to be in another failed relationship.
This time I am finding out who I am and to love myself first. I want to accomplish things I have always wanted to do with or without someone in my life. I have gone back to college to complete my degree. Before, I was told I spent too much time studying and and working and not getting the support I needed.
Secondly, I was switched to the night shift and the guy I was dating at that time didn't like those hours, it interfered with him seeing me. I work 7 days on and 6 days off usually. The guy wanted me to move in with him from day one. WHY? I felt he wanted me to help him clean his place, cook, and to help pay his mortgage. I broke it off and am happier I did. In six months of dating, he never told me he loved me and I could not say the words to him, because I was not in love with him. We made better friends than BF & GF.
If the right man came along I would have no problems being in a relationship, but so far, he has not come along and right now I am not looking too hard either. I feel the time is not right but it does not say I want to be single the rest of my life.
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