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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
There seems to be some universal assumption because the site is a "dating site"...yeah we can all read...but there are other options. It's there....so not everyone who joins and posts a profile is looking to date, or for a relationship.

So the posts that start off with, well all of us are here for the same reason...not true. If it were there wouldn't be drop down selection.

Not ready for a relationship.......isn't a one-answer-fits-all. Not ready for a relationship COULD be, not ready for a relationship with YOU...or with you NOW. If you have to interpret it, then it's already a waste of time and brain cells.

It's good advice and logic/wisdom. Stay focused on what you want and desire and what makes you happy. If the other person that there may be an indication of interest, unless you've MET, it's possible potential interest...isn't ready for a relationship, take it as a cue to exit left and let it go. Don't try to come back and nag or give them crap about something they have on their profile...dating...long term, that may be what they want, it doesn't mean they'd want it with you.

You're making it a personal thing when it's not. Unless you can adopt a different mindset, it's highly unlikely you'll enjoy being here.

Not everyone who joins or posts a profile is looking for their "last love of a lifetime" or all the other flowery cliches. If you are, then unless you can be patient enough to learn how to make it work for you, this may not be the best venue.

Not ready for a relationship and what does that mean....it's so obvious, what else could it mean BUT that. You're looking or wanting it to mean something else....or wanting a reason to give someone some major crap about a line in their profile.

Not going to work favorably for you.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 14
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:14:28 PM
For me, it means not over an ex so it isn't right to move on yet. As I don't move on unless i'm 100% sure I would not take my ex back. I will date, but not commit to a "relationship"
 windsor_aries
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 15
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:17:33 AM
There's a term a phych friend uses for a woman ( or man) who's constantly 'running' after a divorce..I've found a lot of women go through this.My friend told me it mostly depends on the woman..some stop running after a few weeks,some after a few months...some never stop running.

My advice and his...you can't stop them..so why waste your time trying to catch them?
 coffeefan
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 16
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:01:24 AM
Why do you have a profile??? two years before your even thinking of a relationship...come on get real...Why waste a ladies time...? just wondering
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 17
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 1:16:29 PM
I'm sorry to say, but since reading these fora, I'be become convinced that most people are not ready for a relationship.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 18
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/17/2009 3:37:53 PM

I just want to date, have some fun, and be friends with a man that is attractive to me physically & mentally. That's it.


Isn't this the way its suppose to start out at least? You go on dates, hopefully have some fun and excitement, and things move along at their own pace in whatever direction they move towards. Does it need to be more than enjoying each others company?right away?

Many seem on these short time tables- 3 dates and then buy a ring and run down the aisle. Why not a least take a little time to get to know each other and enjoy the ride. If the love is there, on both sides, the commitment will come.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 19
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:34:04 PM
I think "not ready for a relationship" describes my ex to a tee. And, frankly, she said so herself when she broke up with me.

In her case, because of some things that happened to her in the past, I believe she has a very difficult time forming relationships with people, mainly, I believe, from a fear of getting hurt by them.

She and I had met online -- not even a dating site -- and she was the one who relentlessly pursued me for a month until I finally gave in. It was long-distance, so it was three weeks before we could meet in person. When we did, the sparks were flying right off the bat. I can tell you it was the best weekend I ever had.

But shortly after she returned home, things just seemed to cool down a little bit. The next time we met, she was basically a cold fish. I had attributed that to her being stressed out over a class project she was doing at an online college she was attending, but the day after we got back home, she sent me an e-mail that basically said she was taking a long time away from relationships.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 20
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:07:33 PM
Everybody's POV has been very interesting! If people are still writing, I'm still reading :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/24/2010 11:02:56 AM
Sometimes it means they are not ready for any type of relationship and sometimes it means not with you, not interested, may have sex but not meaning more. A person may well not feel ready for a relationship until someone comes along who makes them think differently, which comes under the heading of, not with you. The meaning behind it doesn't really matter much, the fact is, they aren't interested in being with you in anything committed or even steady. What's to analyze, they aren't interested in more with you, should be enough said.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 22
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/24/2010 11:07:38 AM
For me it means I have a lot going on and don't have enough time for the person in question (unless they are busy too and don't pressure me for free time, then it's cool). It also means I'm not in that frame of mind, or I feel things are going too fast, or I am in a situation where I can't get serious with someone who's looking to. If I feel my freedom's going to get compromised I'll say that also.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 23
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/24/2010 12:40:11 PM
Not ready usually means one of two things; either the person is focusing on their school/career and doesn't want to screw that up (after all, when the relationship is long over, we still have to have a good job), or the person who they are dating at the time isn't quite all that they want.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 24
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 5/25/2010 8:47:39 AM
"You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?"
--------------
It means that somebody wants to keep his/her options open, i.e., fuc.k around and then use a backup plan.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 25
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/15/2010 1:57:36 PM
If i'm "not ready" it means either I don't feel like going on a date cause i'm not over my ex, or I have tried and went on a date with you and it just didn't feel ready to become a relationship.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 26
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/18/2010 7:55:16 PM
Not willing to let someone in to your life, your family, your issues, whatever. Not at a point where you feel comfortable sharing some part of your life, giving up your freedom, whatever. It exists, plain & simple.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/19/2010 6:11:20 PM
I agree totally with the last two posters, it's a version of the "it's not you it's me". Really it's both. If it's a breakup of a long term relationship or just a result of going out with someone a few times, it's that gut feeling, when we're true to that, it's not a compatible situation.

Now that being said, I've cut things off at the pass, and it WAS me. It's every bit as important to me to feel like I can make that person happy. I've broken up with some really good men, they treated me very well. I just didn't feel like I'd have the satisfaction, which IS very important to me, that I can give them the same happiness.

And perhaps that doesn't make sense, not sure I can say it the way I want to, or if some would disagree and say it's not my decision to make. That's fine, but I feel like it is and I always have and still would if I found myself in the same circumstance. I just can't be satisfied if I'm with someone that loves me more than I love them.

But to reiterate the topic, if someone says that, it's almost guaranteed to be true that they're not ready for a relationship with YOU. If it happens, accept it, and be thankful for the honesty, at least they care enough about you to set you free to find someone who can love you the way you should be loved.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/21/2010 11:51:08 AM
Msg. 114, exactly. It means literally what it's made up of. A relationship for whatever reason isn't feasible to the person saying the words at that time. It's something that doesn't fit into what's going on for them currently (or always, depending on who it is). Period.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 29
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/24/2010 3:46:35 PM
about a year ago, I bumped into a woman I'd worked with for about 8 years in the 1990s ... we'd always been friendly since we worked together closely ... but we'd rarely seen each other socially other than parties where I was with my husband ...

years pass ... my husband and I divorce ... I've dated a few men ... but wasn't in a relationship ... and ... as stated ... bumped into this woman I'd worked with in the 1990s ... we had a really fun time, laughing and catching up on what other people we'd worked with were doing ... how our kids were doing ...

I said, "hey, there's this movie I've been wanting to see ... want to catch it with me?"

she turned to me and said, "I'm sorry but I'm not ready for a committed love relationship right now!"

here we are a year later ... I'm still wondering what I should have said ... I was so stunned that I think I just stood there with my mouth gaping open ...

wish I'd thought of something clever to say ...


P.S. ... and ... yeah ... I DID think she meant she wasn't ready for a relationship with ME! I DID take it personally!
 Fountainhead43
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 30
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/3/2011 6:45:59 AM
"I'm sorry, but I thought I was ready to jump back into the dating game,"

This seems to be a trend. At least the last few that I have started up conversations with on here. It's probably me as they didn't get off the site. And some, will delete their account and create a new one... then viewing my profile under the new one. Is that drama or games...
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/3/2011 7:26:07 AM

BrownEyesBoo:
If both people are searching for a relationship and one says
to the other I'm not ready for a relationship, it just means I
am ready, just not with you. It's easier to say that than say
what you really mean.

I find a lot of those catch phrases annoying. If you're meeting
someone with the goal of getting into a relationship and they say
things like, I'm taking things slow, I'm not in a hurry, I'm not going
to settle, I'm not ready for a relationship, it just means they aren't
that keen on you.

I'd rather they didn't say anything and we just did the nice to meet
you bye bye act. It should be obvious if someone is attracted to you
and wants to see you again.

At least in my opinion.


I agree with everything above. It seems to me the excuses, "I'm not ready for ....", start when the rejected party starts asking why. Please do NOT ask why. If the mutual attraction isn't there, just walk away and try your luck elsewhere.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 32
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/3/2011 10:56:20 AM
Well there have been times in my life where I wasn't ready for a relationship, too many things going on with work or in my personal life that required alot of time and effort on my part, so it wasn't really fair to get involved with someone who wouldn't be a priority. Thou I do understand how some people could use it as an excuse not to be upfront with someone that they really aren't interested and want to let them down easy.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 33
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/3/2011 11:08:24 AM
norcal53
It means that their head is not in the right place.



When I was going through a divorce I knew I wasn't ready to start another relationship. I never had to say those words, I just didn't date for awhile.


I've had those words said to me by a man going through a divorce after his wife cheated on him. He still had the same friends as her and even though she had a boyfriend, he wasn't over her. When we began dating he told me to "keep my options open" as he wasn't ready for anything serious. He used the above statement that he had to get things straightened out in his head first. He said at the moment he was only interested in me and he was acting smitten with me. I felt like the rebound girl but continued to see him foolishly thinking maybe we were starting something together. Eventually he said he was "not ready for a relationship" as he still had deep feelings for his ex and NONE for me. To me having sex and spending time together was a relationship so he said we could take things more slowly and not go out as often. He claimed sex didn't have to be a part of it. This was sent to me in a message and I never went out with him again.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 34
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 8/3/2011 4:33:06 PM

Well there have been times in my life where I wasn't ready for a relationship, too many things going on with work or in my personal life that required alot of time and effort on my part, so it wasn't really fair to get involved with someone who wouldn't be a priority.

Exactly. It IS entirely possible and quite common to meet someone, be totally into them, and yet still not be in a place where a relationship is going to work because you're working a lot, in school, have a family member who's ill, you are still not entirely over a past relationship, etc.

To say that if you're not ready for a relationship you absolutely MUST be uninterested is BS. Sure, some use it as an excuse/a letdown - but that doesn't mean that ALL people who say this are doing so.
 cusechick26
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 35
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 3/8/2012 9:40:58 PM
For me I need to handle issues that I have and get over my past so I can enjoy the present. I need to understand why Im a sabatager and how to stop being my own worst enemy in relationships. Learning to break cycles so that you arent part of the cycle and can be a keeper
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 36
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You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 3/9/2012 11:28:03 PM
It doesn't necessarily mean not ready for a realationship, quite often it means, I'm not ready for relationshit, so unless you are super cool, I don't want to be with you. (Being "super cool" I don't wouldn't take this personally, he shouldn't take it personally either). We understand totally what is being said, what we are afraid of happening, what brought us to this point in our lives and how we want to go about things. Then we continue with eyes wide open and our hearts on our sleeves, (even though I'm scared shitless in spite of all my "coolness"). lol.

If he doesn't want to be with me, he'll just have to say so, I'll do the same. "Not ready for a relationship" isn't going to cut it.

Not to sound cliche but relationship shouldn't even be a destination, it's a journey.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 37
You're 'not ready for a relationship'? What does that mean?
Posted: 3/10/2012 1:38:03 AM
for some it means they dont want any responsibility, they just want sex.

For others it may mean that emotionally, physically, or financially they are not ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship and that is respectable.
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