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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?      Home login  
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 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 26
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"This information is a surprise to you? "

Seems like to some, including some women who lump all of us in the undesirable, lumpy column.
 16madison
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 27
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:15:22 PM

The article was directed to those men who read GQ magazine. Most likely they are between 24~44, urbane, care about fashion, taking care of themselves and have disposable income




So most likely the whole 9 yards would be exactly the man the article was talking about, whether he is or not is another story though.


LOL - well, sammylg, no offense, but you just aren't in the same league as "the whole 9 yards". ~ not to mention that you are the type of guy to *cough * care about fashion and read GQ magazine.

Attractive really isn't all about fashion and having disposable income. Some ladies aren't for sale. But, then, I guess maybe some guys that read GQ magazine don't realize how degrading it is to actually have to pay for it. Hey, if being a john is your thing, have as it.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 28
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:25:32 PM
the sweet spot is being 25 with the knowledge i know now. for most men our age, a divorce has cured us as thinking we are in a "sweet spot". if i could do it all over, i wouldn't even date til 40.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 29
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:43:14 AM
"LOL - well, sammylg, no offense, but you just aren't in the same league as "the whole 9 yards". ~ not to mention that you are the type of guy to *cough * care about fashion and read GQ magazine. "

Oh really, is that because you met us both and know this for a fact, or because you saw a couple of pictures and read a few lines of text? We may play in different leagues, but I am pretty much happy where I am in my dating life.

And if you really looked at my profile, you would never know I read GQ. Was it the T-shirt of me wearing a umbrella on my head that gave my inner fashionista away?

"Attractive really isn't all about fashion and having disposable income. Some ladies aren't for sale. But, then, I guess maybe some guys that read GQ magazine don't realize how degrading it is to actually have to pay for it. Hey, if being a john is your thing, have as it."

So I should tell my exes that they are not much better than$5 hookers because I paid for dinner of the first date? Silly me, I thought I was just being gentlemanly.

Well 16 Madison, comments like yours also proves some ppl can't buy a brain (or an inner voice) either.

I guess I could continue rant about how lame your comment is, but I strive for positivity, so I'll quit when I'm ahead.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 30
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:05:47 AM

The majority of the time when a PERSON (men or women) in their 40s goes after someone 20 years their junior, they aren't looking for a meaningful connection, they are looking for a sexual conquest. Most will do it for ego stroking.

Thanks for the "diagnosis"... when's your advice show coming around on the TV?


I'd have to wonder though what a 45 yo man would have in common with a 25 yo woman.

Well, you weren't really wondering after all because you seemed to already have your "answer" above... but that aside, maybe they're both in their sweet spots at those respective ages. So it can easily be about a sort of equality, a relationship of equals. She's at the height of what makes women desirable, while he's at the height of those things that make men desirable.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 31
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:06:49 PM
"I don't know if you took that part from the article or the OP added it himself ,but don't take a male specimen like him and compare it to the average Joe in the same demographic. Mr Clooney will win every time. "

I added that last part, but you are not understanding what I am trying to say. I'm not comparing Average POF'ers to Clooney. I know we don't live his lifestyle. My question was that does this situation (dating 22 to 50 year olds and looking like a creep) ONLY happens to guys like the George Clooney's of the world or do the average POF joe also experience this.

I'm smarter than to compare myself to him.

"I'd say it was pretty normal to see a 35 yo dating a 25 yo. I'd have to wonder though what a 45 yo man would have in common with a 25 yo woman. The majority of the time when a PERSON (men or women) in their 40s goes after someone 20 years their junior, they aren't looking for a meaningful connection, they are looking for a sexual conquest."

We aren't really talking about a serious relationship. If you look at the article, no one was mentioning anything long term or even commited. Sexual Conquest. I guess you can use the locker room analogy, but I think more like fling or short term relationship than one night stand.

"Most will do it for ego stroking. Just by this thread alone, the men were quick to point out the ages of the women they have dated. Almost like they had to reassure everyone that they are indeed a "sweet spot" because without the bragging, nobody would believe it especially if you look at the profiles of these 'braggers'. "

Actually, it was a question and people were providing their answers. I saw very little bragging and virtual high fives and at least from the guys, honest answers. Many of them felt that they AREN'T in a sweet spot in their lives at that age range.

"All in all, just like any woman's magazine that tries to tell you what category you fall in, doesn't mean it applies TO YOU or that anyone is even talking ABOUT YOU."

Of course it doesn't, that's why I posted the article. I was ASKING. Trust me, if I could post this in "ask the guys" section I would, but only the ladies are allowed to for some reason.
 NinjaZX10
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 32
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:09:35 PM
This is from my experience only, but for me it seems like women kinda get it twice, in your 20's and in your 40's. In both of those stages, we are at a totally different place, but yet one of power and independence. In my 20's I wasn't looking to settle down, however never really considered an older man unless he just really brought something exotic and intriguing to the situation. And of course at that moment, it was about the sheer experience. At my age of 19 at the time one was 31 and the other was in his 60's who reminded me very much of Sean Connery, who has only gotten better with age. Both offered an extaordinary amount of "knowledge in the bedroom" and a confidence that who shatter any arrogance. Now being 33 and vividly remembering both experiences, they were each in their own sweet spot.

For me personally, I am very attracted to younger men. My age range hasn't changed that much even as I have gotten older. Yet in my 30's I am ready for a more mature, stable, long term relationship, so I do look for someone in my age range, definately not someone in their 40's. Again that my personal preference.

But women in their 40's come into this whole other self awareness. I actually look forward to my 40's, unlike most women. But I have listened and learned enough to know why lies ahead. :) Women in their 40's know very much of who they are, what they want, and what they are comfortable with, including a one night stand with that oh so yummy hotty at the bar whom she will never have to deal with again other than the occassional fond memory of one hell of a night. :)

So to an extent, I agree with your article, however I don't think it's so much based on an age as it is an attitude. And it just depends on each individual of when you reach that level.

For the girls, no I am not someone who is out sleeping around, before you go accusing me of such, but in my younger days, I did have my fair share of wild days...and nights. :)
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 33
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:47:18 PM

Just by this thread alone, the men were quick to point out the ages of the women they have dated. Almost like they had to reassure everyone that they are indeed a "sweet spot" because without the bragging, nobody would believe it especially if you look at the profiles of these 'braggers'.


is that me you are referring to?

 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 34
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:04:21 AM
1. your post was too long.
2. you're thinking too much.
3. your worst fears will happen.

it's as simple as that.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 35
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:18:20 AM

You know what's "Desirable"? MATURITY!

For you. That's precisely why there's a sweet spot for men.
"Maturity" is a major concern of women. (No, not all, but lots.)


... and it can be found in ALL AGES & stages of Life.

Exactly. Having spent a lot of time on college campuses, I can say there are plenty of perfectly mature women in their twenties.


Someone has A LOT of growing up to do.

I understand girls get on this immature/mature kick sometime in junior high. When a guy does something they disapprove of or which doesn't serve their interest they label it "immature", like someone appointed them every guy's momma. It's one of the methods of psych warfare and emotional abuse they learn to employ when trying to be controlling of men, in trying to get men to do what they want them to do.

And some never seem to "grow up" enough to give this up... you can go over to the Over 45 forum and see 60 year old women trying to chastise men in this fashion because such men choose to buy or ride a mototcycle, to name but one common example.

The thing is, most guys wise up and catch on to this utterly silly gambit by the time they're 25, if not sooner. Oedipus aside, few if any guys find women trying to adopt the maternal stance on them at all attractive (more like annoying), so it just doesn't work, for one thing. It's like water off the back of a duck. Pretty soon guys just don't even pay attention to such blather, saying to themselves "she just doesn't get it...". You really can't bully or persecute or put down someone into caring about you, unless maybe they have such low competency and self-esteem that they'd be no use to you in any event. Duh.
 16madison
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 36
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:03:44 PM
ColonelIngus - If the girls don't approve of your habbits/behaviors - they aren't going to be with you. It doesn't matter if you don't like their attitude/don't find it attractive, because they will be on to a guy that they do agree with. The ladies on the forum where just explaining how it works, they had no interest in the particular guy.

sammylg:




And if you really looked at my profile, you would never know I read GQ. Was it the T-shirt of me wearing a umbrella on my head that gave my inner fashionista away?

LOL -

No, it was the lame way that you posted this original thread from that magazine, as if to reassure yourself that you aren't passing your prime.

You mistakenly believe that you have until you are 44, based on the article. ( but you don't)

The truth is, that you are a user/player, and don't mind having casual/user sex with the girls that do it with EVERYONE. As a john.

Watch the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends past" - Not that that it's a great movie, but you do see some examples of what some people think of guys that exclusively pursue casual sex at YOUR age. ( Even guys MUCH better looking than you , like Matthew McConaughey.) Without the happy ending, of course.


And, of course I can judge if you are in "the whole 9 yards" league from your photos/profiles. It works BOTH WAYS. Do you think that you (men) are the only ones that get to judge based on looks? NOT.



I should tell my exes that they are not much better than$5 hookers because I paid for dinner of the first date? Silly me, I thought I was just being gentlemanly


Nope, it's nothing to do with paying for dinner. ?? Dinner is what everyone does. You really don't get it, do you?

It's you reading GQ, wearing sunglasses in your photo, bragging and trying to appear affluent.
You are advertising for the women that are looking for a guy that makes bank to support them. The women that are willing to sell themselves. They are stupidly believing that you will be serious with them. So, they fall for your "fashion" and bragging comments and date you. Then, when you won't commit, they become your "ex".

The reality is, though, that they weren't attracted to "you", at all, just the promise of financial support.
(you know, all of the work that you do to give the impression that you have $$$$??)


The closer you get to 40, it will become more obvious that you aren't going to support them, though.

Then, your empty sex slut game will start having less and less players, when the girls can figure out that you are never going to commit. Except for the really really dim ones. If their STDs don't kill them first - ya know, because they are hitting it regular ~ with all sorts of strangers ~ and too dim to protect themselves, and condom accidents do happen. Girls get drunk and forget the condom. Or, they get used by several drunk guys that don't use a condom. etc, etc....

Speaking of all this, OP, When was your last STD check? hummmm
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 37
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:53:46 PM
16Madison:

I've never seen a more pathetic post before. It really shows a lack of insight into the person you are referring too, but I'm sure you don't care because your last post was superficial to begin with and provided nothing to the conversation.

But on the other hand, I'm glad you think I'm a player, cause I've never been called that before! And I let my exes know that they're gold diggers and shame on them for playing me for my money and never liking me to begin with. OMG, what an "insightful" observation!

But what about my last gf who made alot more than I did (as I posted)? Let me know all wise one, was she a gold digger too?



ps: I also noticed that you are pointing out very obviously guys who you think are much "better looking" than me. Is that you snide way of trying to crush a huge ego that you obviously think I have.

Let me be honest. I am more humble than you think I am. While I find your attitude to be very spiteful, I am not offended by your attempts to get a rise out of me.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 38
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:37:34 AM
Hmmm The more I read this thread the more I have to wonder how many people miss one of the main points in the OT. It's really about persepective. You can look at the age range mentioned(or any age range) as possitive or negative. Maybe it is more about looking at the availability of datable prospects in a certain age range than looking at whether it makes a "player" or not.

Personally I find being in my thirties a better time to be dating than in my 20's. I have more confidence, a better sense of what I want and can't tolerate. With the new openess in society about being able to date a broader range of ages(for both genders) w/ less stigma-the pool has definately deepened.

Though this thread has also given me an idea why some men(of many ages) have such issues dating. WOW is all I can say.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 39
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:44:34 AM
I hear this often. You are really pretty why are you single. Well , it is because all there is out to date is the sweet spot. 35 to 44 not looking for anything but sex. (they dont stop at 44) I guess my sweet spot was in my twenties but I know I never slept with a soul in his 30's and 40's. Why would I when there where tons of really hot 20 year olds?

So when do men grow up and become adults? At what point do they stop being over sexed horny middle age teenagers?
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 40
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:57:02 AM
^^^^ F. Roger Devlin addressed that one...

Lack of a sense of moral reciprocity and of an ability to empathize with men leads many women into a kind of schizophrenic attitude toward male desire. Most of the time they complain about how annoying it is and seem to wish it would go away entirely. But they do, of course, want some man to marry them [or commit to them, or ask them for a date, etc....]. In other words, men's sexual desires are supposed to be weak enough never to inconvenience women, but at the same time strong enough that they gladly exchange all their independence and most of their income whenever some woman does, after all, decide to take a mate. The desideratum would appear to be a man whose natural urges are like a faucet that women could turn on and off at their own convenience. It is true that actual men fall short of this "dildo ideal"...
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 41
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:39:49 AM
I would argue that. You are assuming (like the one I've been "chatting" with) that men go for women because they are hot and young. That is not always the case because there is alot of hot and women in their 30's often look as young.

My personal observation is that of what people really want in a relationship. I know a whole slew of guys who have a male version of a biological clock and all they want to do is settle down and get married. They do not feel that they are in a particular sweet spot right now.

However, there are alot of guys to whom marriage is not a goal. They feel that women in the 20's (and 40+) are more suitable because many of them feel that marriage is something not for them right now, whereas in their 30's it is. It is not just about the sex or going after a pretty face, but finding compatibility in the moment but knowing what you want?

Is it is good or bad? Are women's behavior on shows like "Desperate Housewives" any better? Is judging a person solely on looks any more mature?
 lawgeek74
Joined: 3/7/2005
Msg: 42
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:46:51 PM
Please do enjoy your sweet spot. You will find that the happier you are the more women you will attract. There are endless women attracted to your life style and some yearn to be as care free as you are right now.


Party on
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 43
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:38:41 PM
I have to be honest. I'm 41 and I find dating easy. But, I'm not having as much fun as I did in my 20's. I think that has more to do with where my life was at the time. I was building an entertainment company and there was a lot of energy around my "click" in those days. We were "those" guys back in the day. Now, I'm interested in something ... more.

However, I find that I have access to more women of various ages at this point in my life. I'm no Clooney, Denzil or Will Smith. Hell, I can't even walk. But, I get approached by women from 19 to 52. So, I think there is something to this, "sweet spot" theory.

Lateef
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 44
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:38:11 AM
madison,
you make a lot of good points, but you fail to consider how your paradigm will most likely shift as the years pass. it's not a shifting of desperation, it's a real shift. you view things differently over the years. things that seemed so important in the 20's seem all of a sudden silly...likewise with all of the decades. i think that's precisely why a lot of women get much more liberal about sex, marriage, even their looks and all of that over time. it just begins to seem kind of inane...you start wondering what on earth is so important about marriage, for example, or any of it...including 'quality' women (lol and men)...you truly feel as though you've had an epiphany and you truly wonder who the heck made up all those rules anyway...and why the heck of you wasted a portion of your life adhering to them...lol never mind believing them. then you really begin to feel free. i think that's what's behind some of these men who are saying what they're saying in this thread. you'll know what i mean at some point...and, it's truly liberating!
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 45
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:05:35 PM
"it's only going to get harder as you age, and that's not taking in to account that you don't look like George Clooney either."

Does anything get easier with age (that's not a negative)?

And BTW: I don't know if you were referring to me (as the OP) but I was definitely not comparing myself to George Clooney. Is the first post really that hard to understand?
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 46
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Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:45:57 PM

As women get older they really start to panic. They start to wonder if they are going to be alone the rest of their life.


This might have been true in the decades past. Today, not so much. As a woman in this age range I can only say that my experience shows me otherwise. The only time I felt a bit of the panic of which you speak was after my last LTR ended, which I think is pretty common after a break up and not so much because of age. As a woman in the 35-44 range, I get asked out more now by a larger variety of men than I ever have. Confidence comes with age. ability and with a certain egocentric mind set. While numerous rejections might play into that for men, as a woman I have never experienced it and yet still remain confident.

Also, being alone for the rest of your life doesn't quite hold the same stigma it did in decades past. There are many men and women who are perfectly content to not be part of a couple. If I meet a guy that I really connect with and wanted to embark on the adventure that is a relationship.. fantastic. If I never, ever do it has zero impact on my life. I believe this mindset is more and more prevalent in this day and age because while we all might desire to have a romantic partner most, especially by the time we hit this age range, realize it isn't needed to have a happy, fulfilling and wonderful life.
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 47
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:36:47 PM
Hey Southknox,

I wonder if there is some underlying issue. Not just with the person you reference, but I also received an email from a 30's someone who is basically yelling at me that men 35-44 are creepy and that most in that demo do not appeal to ANYONE, not even people own age and shouldn't even try to date, since we are so undesirable as men.

It seems like a bitter unlying anger from some ppl as she went on a rave how women in the 30's prefer younger men anyway.

I live for positivity, but some of these posts are depressing on how pointed and angry they are (for no reason).
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 48
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:37:52 PM
myrgth,

I agree with you, that old fashioned point of view has gone the way of mom-jeans IMO.
 CountIbli
Joined: 6/1/2005
Msg: 49
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:24:20 PM


But yes...A CONFIDENT, SUCCESSFUL man in his mid 30's to early 40's tends to SEEM to have lot's to offer


This is key. If you can't financially support a family at this age then the women are not going to flock to you. While money always helps, a yound guy without money can still do well. If you're not confident you're going to fail (it doesn't matter how old you are).
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 50
Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:42:40 AM
"Bitter? Moi? Mais oui, certainment... pretentious enough for ya OP?"

Bitter? Maybe, but at least honest and forthcoming, which I definitely appreciate.
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