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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship?      Home login  
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 1Keith7
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 26
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
carolann0308:
Sounds to me like you are far too emotionally immature to realise that. She is human, you just like to get laid and could care less about anyone's feelings. I figured you were 20 or 21 from your answers, it's scary that a 40 year old man could be so dense..
I find it hard to believe that a 46 yr old woman will resort to such insults. But then again, age is just a number. If you have read the whole sentence that you quoted, I categorically pointed out that she was the one who made made the FWB rules categorically clear. FWB = NSA.
Just as long as you got a piece right..
FWB is a mutually satisfying relationship which can be terminated at anytime without reason. The truth is, its the man that is used! FWB to most women = A d!ck in a glass case. "In case of emergency, break open glass"! As I stated earlier, I only get it when she needs a "piece" - not when i need it. Spare me the insults.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 27
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:12:19 PM
I see the whole point of FWB as someone you screw when you don't have anyone you want to actually date/have a relationship with. So no, I don't get wanting exclusive rights in a FWB, that would make it a actual relationship. I know others have a different definition for FWB but I think of it as people who have to have sex and when they don't have a boy/girlfriend or spouse they agree to have sex with each other for relief with someone they trust...because they are friends. How do you cheat on someone with whom your are only having casual sex?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 28
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:08:39 AM
Before it started being called 'friend with benefits', it was often called "having a lover", "having an affair" or "having a love affair". Despite a common interpretation that these terms were specific to extramarital sex, it actually meant an involvement with someone you were not "dating", "going steady with", "engaged to" or "living with". If there was not a socially compelling reason to keep the involvment discreet, "lovers" might well enjoy nonsexual activities as well, or call on one another for help in a practical emergency.
And the idea that a "FwB" is at someone's "beck and call"? That's just stupid. Assuming that a common reason for an FwB is time constraints, and hopefully recognizing that adults have LIVES( occupation, business, other social/recreatinal interests, other family ties) how can "beck and call" possibly apply.
From personal experience AND observation, quite often FwB involvements occur largely as a result of coinciding activities and schedules. Do not mistake my meaning here, it is not just because someone is 'convenient'. In a genuine FwB,there definitely is friendship, enjoyment of one another's company, and sexual chemistry...but NOT TO THE DEGREE NEEDED TO CARRY ON A "REAL RELATIONSHIP". Nobody is "getting used". It IS a "2 way street" and the benefits ARE mutual.

Exclusivity cannot be demanded, it is not a 'requirement', and the parties are free to keep their minds and 'options' open should they have a romantic goal of finding someone who could be 'the real deal'. But for a FwB to not end up as a flaming wreck, the 2 people involved must be mature and principled enough to realize that boinking 2 or more people at the same time is low rent and trashy( not to mention the increased risks) .
I've seen a poster or 2 hear mention "living together" as a "requirement" of a "real relationship." Well, then I must just want a lifelong monogamous 'friend with benefits', because I regard marriage/cohabitation/ significant co mingling of assets and liabilities as a PERSONAL risk I'd have grave reservations about taking. In this context( long term committed FwB?) of course exclusivity of sexual intimacy would apply.
Bottom line? In anything less than an agreed upon exclusive romantic involvement, what someone does with regard to dating or having sex with other partners is THEIR business. But if it blows up in your face, or comes around and bites you in the ass some way, be adult enough to accept the aftermath. I think the culture applicable to most PoF members holds that boinking multiple people at the same time is trashy and immature.
Cindy O
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 29
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:25:02 PM
Granted I don't know much about FWiBbies, but in any interpersonal relationship I would NEVER assume exclusivity unless we had "the talk". It's foolish to assume exclusivity unless there has been a formal discussion about it.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 30
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:45:02 PM
According to many posters on here, A FWB relationship is with a person that you are have enough of a relationship or connection with that you would consider them a friend, but timing, a personality quirk, current road blocks or whatever woud stop you from taking it to the next level. So the premise is that you have a certain amount of a "relationship" with the FWB to trust them in this type of arrangement. So having said that, why wouldnt you have enough respect or level of caring for that person to be completely honest with them about the parameters of the arrangement? Isnt that what friends do, treat each other with respect and honesty and allow them to decide if that is what they want to get involved with?

I guess in this instance "friends" really isnt accurate, more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt availble....
 makeba
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 31
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:47:07 PM

..but I don't know anyone who is cool with sharing partners when STD's are prevalent.
Since when has STDs stopped the human race from being promiscuous? How many of your partners have you given an STD test/screening before sleeping with them? Yes STDs are all over yet we are still online seeking to meet up with strangers who we know nothing about their sexual histories. If an FWB has to ask your permission before sleeping with someone else, then your guys are in a relationship and just fooling yourselves by not admitting that.:)

.....more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt available....
Isn't us women the ones in control of FWB liaisons? Why are you pretending that the guys are using the women? Its a two way street my dear.
FWB = NSA = No exclusivity = "Sleeping around" = Dangerous Liaisons.
 Ma_Karuna
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 32
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:56:55 PM
Hey Sweetie,

Why don't you read the thread and comments "Moving on with HPV"; that might give you the answer, or at least make you think.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:25:33 PM
I think the problem here in this thread is that many posters have been in, or offered, a supposed FwB involvement that was really nothing but a candycoated presentation of "booty call NSA" sex.

Hello? What does the word "friend' mean? Granted, most of us have more than one friend...but would we intentionally hurt any of our friends feelings or endanger their wellbeing?

For myself, FwB means I like the guy, I enjoy his company and having sex with him, but I know we would not wear well together should we try to MAKE it be a "relationship". I think what needs to happen is that BOTH parties fully understand that this is NOT something ramping up to a "real relationship", that the 2 of you are not going to live together, get married,etc. There is NO "next level". Personally, I would prefer to consider the longterm committed non cohabiting involvement as a 'relationship", not a FwB, but so many seem to think that a real relationship can only mean cohabiting, 24/7 state of being joined at the hip.

To those posters here who have been conned into a bootycall involvement or some other form of "no strings" sex,because it was disguised as "friends with benefits" , I'm sorry you were sold an apple that really was an orange. But just because you feel like you were used or disrespected, does not mean that a genuine 'friend with benefits' involvement is not possible.
Cindy O
 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 34
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:30:03 AM
you're making this too complicated. you should have attempted a threesome with that girl on your left and that girl on your right.

also, you failed in all of this because you are too greedy.

with this stance of yours, what is your purpose in life? to use as many people as you can for your own selfish interests?

good job there, human. imagine if someone did that to your daughter.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 35
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 5:13:49 AM

I guess in this instance "friends" really isnt accurate, more like a convenient hole when the other hole isnt availble....

You mean when one hasn't found a "hole" worth putting a ring on?

I also noticed that you seem to focus on convenient "holes" and not convenient "poles"....

Or is it that men are only guilty of taking advantage of non committal sex, while women are soley "victims" of it?

Careful....your bias, is once again showing....


A Bias about what? Unlike yourself, I am actually capable of discussing this particular arrangement with out losing focus and drifting off to discuss something else. My comments are about this arrangement in which this man openly said that he wasnt honest with the woman who he was friends with enough to sleep with. So, according to you, friends are honest with each other and have respect for each other and it is apparent this man didnt have enough respect for this friend to be completely honest, so I would have to say that you and I see things the same way ironically. I think you are the one with the bias showing if you cant read my post without applying an ulterior motive
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 36
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:20:07 AM

So does exclusivity comes into play in FWB relationships?


Uh, nooooo. lol



I had 2 ongoing FWB a while back with 2 woman who happened to be acquaintances.


Wow - 2 FWBs - you're da MAN!!!


Maybe the one that reacted furiously has since gotten emotionally attached? Two years is a longggggggggg time to be with someone on an intimate level. Time to have a talk with your girls, and redefine what a FWB is..........


The chances one takes to get laid...........
 1Keith7
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 37
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:49:39 AM

Two years is a longggggggggg time to be with someone on an intimate level. Time to have a talk with your girls, and redefine what a FWB is..........
FWB on average last longer than 2 years. This is just because there are usually a few breaks (when the other starts a relationship or steady partner etc). so the 2 years is not like we were seeing each other every week or even every month. So we can go for months without shagging.

airconditioninthesummer:

with this stance of yours, what is your purpose in life? to use as many people as you can for your own selfish interests?
good job there, human. imagine if someone did that to your daughter.
Spare me your crap!! Maybe you should rejoin the AA 9as per your profile). FWB is basically to satisfy each other's selfish interest. If my daughter decides to enter into an FWB (ie when she is of legal age), thats her choice and decision.
 001-100
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 38
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:07:38 PM
Tell me you are kidding. Its FWB for a reason. Its just to satisfy an itch not to tell you about everyone you are or have slept with. Well, in the OPs case, he told her the truth when she asked.
There is no exclusivity implied or expected in FWB unless specifically discussed and agreed to (in which case I don't see it as an FWB anymore).
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 39
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:44:32 PM
BDJ:
At least with just you and just them f*cking, the odds and numbers of partners exposed to is limited to just the two of you. The exclusivity factor.

Not to mention the whole "ick" factor with the possibility of sleeping with literally hundreds of people wrapped up in one body


Exactly! There is the big ICK factor of thinking about all the partners that the other may be sleeping with and their partners and so forth. I'm all for the "exclusivity" as it's either that or the highway as far as I'm concerned which I guess is why I won't consider a FWB -- at least at this time.

But then it comes down to trust.... can you really trust that the person that you're entering into a FWB with is being honest, truthful and exclusive? Of the people that I have met in person, I wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them which means squat. Seeing as they were eyeing me as a potential FWB, it was a definite no go with me. I mean, one can always go to the health clinic with any potential FWB for a clean bill of health, but that's only good so long as they are exclusive with you. I just don't want to end up being a frequent visitor to be tested to the point where they know my face. Requiring condoms only helps but still there are diseases that condoms don't protect against.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 40
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:54:39 PM

FWB = Exclusive


1. This lady had no understanding what FWB meant and what she was getting herself into.
OR
2. Denial is a MF! And she developed feelings and lied to herself about it.

exclusive....
 wikki tikki
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 41
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:57:26 PM
uh no!!!!!! exclusivity would mean that you were in a commited relationship... or even committed open relationship if that would be more applicable.....

exclusivity means commitment
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 42
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:23:41 PM
^^^^My, my in the world of FWBs you have to be a savvy businessman/woman to negotiate these deals. Assume nothing. It's an oral contract (some pun intended) in that unless he/she has agreed out right to it, there is no deal.
 SBM4U2
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 43
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:53:32 PM
Why have 2? Sounds greedy and like there was a lack of respect on your part. Especially sleeping with two women who knew each other. Tacky, and regardless of whether you used protection or not there is always a chance of some type of tranferring something (if you were kissing and a few other ways).
 hamster-dance
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 44
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:44:53 PM
Only if it's discussed and agreed upon ahead of time. Otherwise, no.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 45
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:32:25 PM
Does exclusivity apply in a FWB relationship?

For me...absolutely. Just because I prefer a FWB's relationship over a more traditional relationship that HAS to have a final destination in order to survive ...it doesn't mean that ANYBODY else that is my "friend" is also privy to the pooty!
The exclusive factor is still a requirement.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 46
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:35:44 PM
I think it's obviously something that should be talked about openly before you enter into any relationship, including fwb. I find it hillarious that men associate exclusivity with some long lasting love thing and they feel threatened by it. I'm not much into fwbs now, though I would consider it with the right situation..but there is no way in hell I'm going in any relationship (fwb or otherwise) sexually if it's not exclusive (except maybe a )

I'm sure different people have different reactions to it, but I'm a bit surprised you had this going for 2 years without talking openly. Just saying.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 47
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:57:54 AM
Exclusivity implies a committed relationship to me...not something I personally would associate with a FWB...I think that once you agree to be exclusive, you are out of a 'casual friends with benefits zone' and into a 'conventional couple zone', kinda defeats the purpose in my opinion...
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 48
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:50:39 AM
Even though a FWB is technically nonexclusive, just out of personal courtesy, it's always a good idea to let someone know you've met and are doing someone else-!
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 49
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:52:01 AM
It's all negotiable. There's no "standard" arrangement for a FWB situation. Hopefully, you discuss what you each want, expect, and require, and that includes exclusivity, or not, and to what degree, etc.

I've had an exclusive arrangement, and another that was sort of exclusive - the two women knew each other and we'd all hang out together sometimes, but we didn't see others. Sometime one would ask the other, "Can I have him tonight, or do you want him?" I was happy either way. That was more of a poly relationship than a FWB situation, perhaps.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 50
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:23:25 AM
Why is this thread still alive?

Common sense would tell you that there is no given rule for FWB relationships.

It's the kind of thing that depends on the people involved and what they agree to.

I would never engage in a FWB that wasn't exclusive.

The only difference between a FWB and LTR is the amount of time involved, available.

Whether it's exclusive or not isn't a factor because I'd never have a relationship of any kind with a woman if she was promiscuous and having multiple sex partners.

For me it's always exclusive, and they know that............or it just wouldn't happen.

How many people out there are OK with FWB that aren't exlusive?

Basically you might as well be having sex with a prostitute because that's how unsafe your behaviour is.

It's really that simple.



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