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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Does "exclusivity" applies in FWB relationship?      Home login  
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 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 76
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Hey, this thread looks fun!
 venom_187
Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 77
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/17/2010 11:16:01 AM
there is no rules on what is fair and not fwb are just dat no strings attached if u ask fo exclusivity then it no longer is a fwb it becomes something else .
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 78
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 2/17/2010 11:21:39 AM
Uh oh! Trouble in turn#3, Big Daddy Jinx and Literallydreaming spin out in a testosterone spill...!
Seriously folks,there are some excellent points brought out in this thread-please don't let it devolve to a flame war and get yanked.
Does exclusivity apply in FwB? Well, if grace, class, and taking reponsibility for your sexual health mean anything to you...IT SHOULD.
If you dislike sex or are afraid of it, NO ONE is requiring you to participate in FwB or even dating. What beats the hell out of me is why people who dislike sex or are in complete terror of getting some kind of STD are even on a dating site. I'm in no way promoting or advocating promiscuity,sexual incontinence, or sexual irresponsibility. Even in a monogamous relationship...unless both people are like 17 yrs old...you can't be completely sure just where all that thing may have been! I'm not saying that horizontal mambo unwrapped is always dangerous or wrong, but fer gawd's sake be careful.

then it no longer is a fwb it becomes something else .

it becomes a sexually exclusive, albeit noncommitted, nonprogressive friendship with sexual privileges. The over-arching context is friendship. There SHOULD be realization and acceptance by both parties, that it will NOT lead to "more",i.e., a "real relationship". However, it should NOT be simply an arrangement of sexual exploitation. If all it is, is boinking, then it's "booty call" or f-buddies...not FwB.
I GET that there are people participating here who've been drawn into a booty call that someone tried to pass off as FwB. But just because ONE person sold you an orange disguised as an apple,doesn't mean that all apples are really oranges.
Cindy O
 packard77
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 79
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/9/2010 9:58:53 PM
....hahaha....if only you believe FRIENDSHIP = EXCLUSIVITY! Definitely not. FWB means "free for all"!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 80
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 1:33:29 AM
Ive had a few FWB's... I think ALL relationships require communication...especially sexual ones.
If you're close enough to be friends then you're close enough to discuss exclusivity...otherwise you're FB's...still should discuss it though.

My rule is that my FWB's are free to indulge with another without permission, but that before they have sex with me again they must let me know they've been with someone, how well they know them, was it a one time thing or will it continue, is it a possible relationship and was protection used.

If they think it could turn into a relationship...then its best to discontinue so as not to interrupt the possible relationship.

I've never run two FWB's simultaneously though.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 81
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 3:34:34 AM
For me the whole point of an FWB is to sleep with someone I know and trust in order to avoid sex with strangers. I also tend not to want to run two at once - and sure, I could I guess, but who's got the time?

I tend to call exes as FWBs (EWBs?) which takes all the complications out of things as we've already run our course in other areas. There's no curiousity about whether or not we'd make it as a couple, we're past it. No one's getting attached or misunderstanding it as something other than what it is.

It can be exclusive if both don't want to go elsewhere unless/until they meet someone they actually want to date and it doesn't change what it is, but it's also not a requirement. Like all other things an FWB entails, it's dependent on the agreement each particular couple makes.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 82
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 4:56:45 AM
This has been done to death here in these forums..........
NO if your just looking to get laid and have that understanding then it doesn't mean your exclusive..............
Perhaps you should stick with the one that didn't get upset...........
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 83
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 5:45:42 AM
a FWB is the same as no string attached which means no exclusivity what so ever.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 84
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 7:05:51 AM
Depends on the 2 people involved.
Every relationship.....no matter what the "type"......must define the expectations
from the onset of the relationship.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 85
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 8:06:42 AM
To add to my post a FWB is not a relationship so it has no rules , it is just about sex so as I said there should be no exclusivity.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 86
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 8:16:39 AM
Gotta love it when people create profiles just to troll here and then take them down.....................
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 87
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 10:43:37 AM
Friendships are a type of relationship. Therefore a friendship with benefits is a relationship...
It is up to the two involved to communicate the boundaries including exclusivity.

There are no two interactions that are exactly the same, there are too many variables for there to be a definitive rule... to each their own.

Communication, communication, communication!

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 88
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Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 11:16:29 AM

To add to my post a FWB is not a relationship so it has no rules , it is just about sex so as I said there should be no exclusivity.

I would consider that more of a FB situation.
The Friends part of a FWB entails respect that already exists between the friends...
and encompases more that just sex.
These "rules" are basically guidelines for how the 2 involved want the relationship to work. Some will choose to be exclusive.....some won't. But honesty is a must so both are on the same page.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 89
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:25:43 PM
Here we go, on to definitions again.

I suggest Webster's. If they don't now, surely they'll come up with concise definitions of the following abrevieated terms to serve the continuing butchery of the language and to clarify once and for all what the terms FWB and FB REALLY mean, so the rest of us can be slightly less confused.

Or, like ALL these thread inevitably conclude before being deleted for flame baiting and/or moral bigotry: The two involved people will decide on the boundaries without input from random internet posters.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 90
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:30:33 PM
Please let me translate for you....
So I was playin' these two chicks, friends no less, but I fked up and let it slip to one that i was also banging her friend. So now she's pissed and I'm trying to validate being an a-hole so I won't have to feel all guilty and sh1t. Can you all help me feel better about myself?

Rule #1- There are ALWAYS strings attached.
Rule #2- Never play friends, you will get burned.
Rule #3- when you get caught, own it.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 91
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 12:48:33 PM

Can you all help me feel better about myself?


Nope! .....You played them, you now must own it!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 92
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/10/2010 2:15:28 PM
Rule #1- There are ALWAYS strings attached.
Rule #2- Never play friends, you will get burned.
Rule #3- when you get caught, own it.

Very true. In a FWB situation, you can only do things pre-emptively to lessen the strings to the least significant.

FWB is a broad term when you get down to it. They come in many different flavors. You have some people who are ex's but get along in small doses, hence, while both single will hop on for a ride from time to time... you have people who are geographically separated and have a brain in their head NOT to be Dating or try to be Dating, but periodically chat online and whatnot, and when in town, fool around... and situations where guy & gal meet, and one or both says they're not ready to date, but they decide to hang out and end up fooling around...

If two people are exclusive altogether -- they're a couple, not FWB. If they're exclusive with just intense sexual relations, one could still call them FWB, sure. By default, if nothing is said, no, there's no exclusivity on ANY level. However, that doesn't mean someone isn't going to react if they find out.

I mean, you're not sexually exclusive say, on a first date. But if your date found out you banged a gal (or their friend) earlier that day -- they can still have a negative reaction. :)
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 93
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 8:47:19 AM
f buddies do not have to expect monogamy, a FRIEND with benefits is not an acquaintance, they are your FRIEND. Friendship has an expectation of mutual respect and honesty. If it is my fwb and he wants to shag elsewhere, he is welcome to it, but there is no double dipping for me without people all being on the same page, singing from the same song sheet, no deception, all transparency, otherwise, call it what it is, a shag buddy, not a friend to friend relationship. Deception and secrets and misunderstanding about the true nature of a relationship causes nothing but drama for dram's sake.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 94
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:04:47 AM
My own personal philosophy at times when I've been involved in a FwB situation, is that boinking more than one guy at a time goes into "Ick!" territory,and generally speaking, I'd expect that same level of personal grace,class, and self-respect from FwB partner.
But, as this thread demonstrates, technically very little "applies" to FwB. If someone is in a FwB is also banging one or more other people,and the FwB finds out and dumps the poly-boinker, that's the way the nooky cookie crumbles. I would think that even someone with a fairly liberal mindset about what their FwB does on their own time,would have to give some deep thought to sexual intimacy with someone they KNEW had multiple concurrent sexual partners. Part of the good things about FwB is that is OUGHT TO BE a source of safe sex. If you have to break out the Trojans and the Lysol with a FwB, WTH is the POINT?
Cindy O
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 95
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:07:45 AM
Depends on the rules the 2 people set prior to starting the FWB relationship.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 96
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:19:09 AM
Kids, here's the bottom line...
friends don't expose friends to unpleasant and/or potentially life changing/life threatening diseases, infections, infestations.
If a guy meets a girl at a bar, that he doesn't know from Adam's off ox, bangs her without "safety equipment", then goes back to having sex with a FwB, an ongoing f*ckbuddy, a SO, or a spouse,and transmits something nasty, he deserves bad karma and I hope to hell his d*ck falls off. And ditto for any woman who practices unprotected sex with a penis of unknown provenance and passes a disease or infestation to a regular f*ckbuddy, a FwB, SO or spouse.
One of the main reasons almost invariably cited in support of FwB or a f*ckbuddy situation with one specific person, is safe sex. If one is out banging away unprotected with multiple partners,and risking passing STIs,STDs, chronic viral conditions or critter infestations,how the HELL is that supposed to be "safe" sex for an ongoing sex partner in any configuration??
Cindy O
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 97
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 9:39:49 AM
M church. He has delayed the drama and it will become worse than it would have been once the deception is revealed, and it always is. Actions speak louder than words. If a man is a good and true friend to me and to others, and not one for casual nsa, and communicates unselfishly, then he is a person worth trusting. If he is immature and needy and able to have one nighters and selfish and easily deceives, is is not a friend worthy of trust, therefore, if he has an fwb relationship with a woman but nsa with others that he keeps secret, then he is just a cheater.

Cheating or not is in the honesty and responsible respectful communication and the ability to withhold from self indulgeance to keep a greater relationship or the lack thereof. An FWB is an inbetween the real thing affair. It is an accomodation of mutual need which cannot function as a traditional relationship. If the man wants f buddies or nsa sex, but he has to lie to get it, the drama will come, and not because he claims he is trying to avoid it, but because that is the true climax he is seeking.

Cheaters and liars treat relationships like one long sex session leading to the nut, but the nut is the discovery of the dishonesty and the drama of the betrayal. The turn on is the thrill of getting away with it until it builds to the release of getting caught. There is nothing of friendship in relating to that person.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 98
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 11:11:43 AM
Ohhh Com'On now people,. what kind of question IS this?!? umm let's see,. FRIENDS with Benifits and EXCLUSIVE should NEVER be put in the same sentence. Please,. who thinks these dumb-a$$ things up?? That's like someone DEEP in the mountains of NC askin',. "Enus,. iffin' we gets a deevorce,. will yew still be my Brother? and what will the chillin's be caweld? You answer that one,. and you got your answer tew thissun' Bye crackkey! > plays Banjo<
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 99
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/11/2010 11:35:26 AM


By telling her, he faces...
1... Possible drama... Maybe he knows she is a little more involved that a simple friend... Maybe she's a drama queen...
2... An end to the 'Benefits'... or at least a long pause...
3... She might want him to go get STD tests... and he'd rather not bother... Afterall he's not got any symptoms...and if there was anything to worry about he's already got it so just wait and see if something shows...
4... She might end the 'friendship'
5... She might be ok with it the first time, but if he keeps boinking other women, she's going to cut him off eventually...

By not telling...
1... He gets to resume the 'Benefits' as soon as he sees her again...
2... No drama


1. Shouldn't be drama if the rules were set up at the beginning allowing this.
2. That's the possible price of admission...pun intended.
3. Most likely... so what?
4. Doubtful, she/he might end the benefits though.
5. ....and?

We all make decisions, if this is REALLY a friend you're having benefits with then you should care enough about them to give them the information to make their own decisions! Withholding this information tells me you're not an actual friend with them. You're being selfish so this isn't a FWB situation.

Me and my FWB each had one outing that we talked about after, we were each okay with it...enough so that we eventually became BF/GF and decided we'd have an open rrelationship. We both can trust each other enough to be safe and honest. Now though as opposed to being FWB's we must ask/inform each other before an outing too....and we each have veto powers now.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 100
Does exclusivity applies in FWB relationship?
Posted: 11/12/2010 11:38:09 PM
not in any of the sandboxes I have played in.
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