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 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 57
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etcPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

You joined a dating site a month and a half ago... she has reason not to trust you.

He lists his status as living together and states he's here seeking advice.

OT: OP, has your GF ever been checked for BPD or depression? The 'usually sweet' and 'flies off the handle' extremes sound like they could be signs of a disorder. Otherwise, I'd be gone...*I* don't deal too well with someone who communicates by being demanding, throwing tantrums and giving ultimatums.







~ds~
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 59
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 12:19:35 PM
She threatened to vandalize your store? You still allow her to enter the premises?

I wouldn't tolerate it for a second. She'd be history.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 60
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:36:09 PM

He lists his status as living together and states he's here seeking advice.

And yet, this is the first time in six weeks he's requested any advice... and he also states that, for a first date, he'd "Meet you, greet you, seat you, treat you." (I don't think he means you, DS.)

Must've forgot to take out that part - along with the "creative, mature, secure, smart" headline - when he was editing other areas prior to posting this.

Looks like a duck, quacks... etc.

I'm not saying that the woman in this description behaved acceptably. I'm saying we can't trust his description. He's been deceiving his girlfriend, why not us? I'd really like to know what the same scene looks like as described by her.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 61
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:22:08 PM
^^^^^


I feel this is idiotic and immature, to say nothing of the lack of trust she shows towards me.

You are correct, sir. Nobody needs that level of insecure human in their life. It'll take a fortune's worth of counselling to turn that one into someone normal - maybe. Give it up as a bad deal and let her go. Yes, she has good points - even really awful people do; however a lot of good points can be outweighed by one honkin' wicked one (otherwise known as a 'dealbreaker').
 tzigane
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 62
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:47:39 PM
I would run. Maxim is not porn...and even if it were she completely over-reacted, and will again and again. I think she'd like to keep you on a very short leesh. If you like leeshes...you should stay I guess, but you will be miserable.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 63
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:26:37 PM


Funny, funny,and more funny!
Here is a description of that magazine taken directly from an advertisement:

"Maxim Magazine is the fastest growing general interest magazine for men that incorporates smart service journalism with an irreverent sense of humor. Maxim covers the gamut on subjects of interest to men, including sports, sex, cars, fitness, and personal relationships. Maxim Magazine brings it all together in one place so guys can relax, have a laugh, and learn something while they're at it."

Says nothing about porn!

Tell her she is cheating when she reads cosmopolitan or another magazine for ladies
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 65
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:39:41 PM
OP - Maybe you should show her some REALLY disgusting porn sites online and she'll learn what REAL porn is. If she is that much of a puritan to think Maxim is porn, she must just be a bundle of excitement for you in the bedroom. I imagine there is a lot of things there you're not allowed to do either. Tell her you need a real woman, not the psycho version of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.

Let's just say you were looking at a real porn mag in private at your own place of business. In this economy, screwing up someone's business or sabatoging their work place is almost grounds for murder.

You would call the police if a stranger did this in your store - why is it ok for her to threaten violence in your place of business?

She has problems on several different levels.
 myluv4you
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 67
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 4:12:09 PM
she is inscecure and has ZERO sense of self-confidence .....

wait til you knock her ass up ! she'll feel so fat and undesirable you'll be walkin down the street w/ BLINDFOLDS on.....yep, son

is lotz of ladies out there. find u another honey bet its one standin round the corner..........
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 76
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:41:23 PM
OP - I just noticed your age in your profile. She's too young for you anyhow - that might be half the problem right there. You'd be better off with a more mature, and secure woman, not some little twit, that throws temper tantrums. Let me guess, the ONLY redeeming quality she has is a smokin hot body? A much younger woman thinks she can get away with that crap because a much older guy should be thankful to get them.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 77
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:48:54 PM

She is in her early 20's and yeah, pretty immature.

You made your bed and you're lying in it. Were you to get yourself a girfriend who's not young enough to be your daughter, you'd most likely not end up with this sort of immaturity. Actually, to complain that some gal in her twenties is 'immature' ... well DUH.

You lost my sympathy. You'll have whole heaps of problems due to the age difference - no point in whining about them here.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 78
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:18:51 AM

oops, forgot I had left that in my description.
I joined the site with my photo a few weeks ago when we had 'split'.
I removed all that afterwards when we worked things out. Kept it up because, I
agree, things don't look promising at all, all too often.
She is in her early 20's and yeah, pretty immature.

Which demonstrates thoroughly that, regardless of how ridiculous her object of choice was, her feeling of insecurity in the relationship is well warranted. You've already created at least one exit, which you fully expect to use. Also, you have no respect for her, hide things from her, and don't take her seriously in general. Some of this may be warranted, but that doesn't matter - it's no foundation for a relationship.

She may be unclear on why, but she knows the connection is tenuous between you. You can expect pretty constant drama because of that as long as you're nominally still together.

So do the grown-up thing yourself and break up with her already. That'll prevent any further meltdowns over unrelated trivia. I'm sure she'll have some break-up meltdowns, but at least they'll be about the actual problems. They'll also be over, and permanently, in pretty short order, relative to what you can expect if you keep stringing her along.
 kthgrdnr
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 80
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:14:00 PM
She needs to get over it. She sounds very immature and maybe you need to step back and reevaluate your relationship. People that have such a lack of trust often seem to be the ones you cannot trust!
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 81
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:44:29 PM

WOW ... that's a bit extreme

Atleast you know now that she is wanting to cage you and keep you for your own, hell if she swallows the key to the lock on the cage I wouldn't be surprised. I hope she remembers feeding time.

Think very carefully.


Thats not extreme. My friend had a girlfriend who was very possessive of him. They lived in separate places. She used to break into his apartment and search it. She would find his dirty mags and she would mark out all the genitals or cut them out. She would then caption every photo with things like " you have a hot woman that wants you, why you looking at me" and the best was " why are you jacking off to this slut when you can have a real woman with a real vagina any time you want it". We used to have drinking parties just to read the captions she wrote in his magazines and she was very creative. She was what you would call bat shit crazy back then. It was great free entertainment watching the two of them. They did get married and it was the most memorable wedding I have ever attended complete with groom who was lost and missing clothing to the fight at the reception between the bride and another woman.
 PureReasonRevolution
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 82
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 12/13/2009 7:06:18 AM
"She has a history of becoming aggressive on impulse and being pretty unreasonable in my opinion. "

BI POLAR..RUN.......
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 85
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:11:28 AM
Men are visually stimulated creatures. That psycho needs to accept that and have more of a sense of humor about it.

Yes, you were "cheating"...in your mind and heart, by admiring those babes, but, Good Lord, what red-blooded male (or female for that matter) can't help but admire those carefully airbrushed beauties/creations? It's pure visual admiration, pure fantasy, purely natural, and doesn't take the place of your real flesh-and-blood honey.

What's next--thought police? She'll accuse you of THINKING of someone else if she feels your lovemaking is not up to her standards?

Obviously your girlfriend is a nut. She must be one fantastic lay for you to keep hanging onto her.
 Pr3tty_in_pink
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 86
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/14/2013 11:06:51 AM
You were only looking, that is nothing compared to what I've had off men in my time.
 barnabyjames1
Joined: 1/11/2013
Msg: 87
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/14/2013 8:07:55 PM
Maxim is porn? i dont get it.....
 Windsweptgold0
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 88
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/15/2013 5:04:15 PM
Over reaction in my view

What I think is wrong of you is that you would put the mag back on the shelf after you had it in the toilet YUCKKK
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 89
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:09:08 PM
First it's the Maxim magazine, next it's her snapping at you smiling at that girl and telling her you're doing great (at her asking you how you're doing)--at the cash register at a McDonald's.
 domainfullduplex100
Joined: 12/21/2012
Msg: 90
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Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:20:31 PM
this is why i am going to be single forever and ever from here on in...single meaning no relationships.
I cannot possibly put up with my own BS never mind anothers. This site has been great in reinforcing that.
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 91
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:23:13 PM

I would hate to find a man reading or looking at stuff like that, it makes me feel a bit sick.


I don't get it. What's wrong with Maxim, or mags like FHM?
I need some enlightenment from a woman in here, to explain to me whats wrong with the mag.

I need to know, as I know tons of women, who have read 50 Shades of Grey, and books of the sort, and that's considered a "good read". Heck, some women will read it while having a coffee in public, no less.

At least the dude was reading it in his toilet, while taking a deuce. I don't think there is any risk of your man cheating, while he's stinking up a washroom.

My attitude, is if you need to control what magazines he reads--he's not the issue. No pun intended.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 92
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/15/2013 6:39:59 PM
You are both wrong. You for coming up with that ridiculous story about reading it in the bathroom for the 'articles' . That's the oldest line in the book and is code for spankin off. Still, she's a phyco for reacting like she did, which means you should have a long happy drama filled life together. Can I come to the wedding?
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 93
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/16/2013 6:44:05 AM
Why are you responding to the OP who is no longer on POF? He posted this in 09, answering him is a waste of time.....
 12thour
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 94
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/18/2013 10:35:22 PM
There are several trains of thought here....

Did you and your mate discuss what is acceptable in your relationship when it comes to any form of what may be considered porn before the incident occured? If you didn't then that is a major lack of communication on both your parts.

Some people do consider Maxim and other mags like this porn, others do not. But let's go with the belief that it is....because she obviously feels it is.

Now let’s go with the train of thought about thought itself. If you see a woman in the store and think to yourself "Man I'd sure like to fuque her" is that cheating to you? If your mate could read your thoughts at the instant, would she see it as cheating? If you don’t think it is cheating ask yourself why not? You had that moment of lust and wished to fuque someone else other than the woman you are with right? She thinks it is cheating. I guess you now need to decide how you would feel if she had the same thought about the Cabana Boy. But we are just talking about a mag here right? What is the difference? There isn’t any because (in my opinion only) in neither situation did you actually have sex with anyone…you just “thought” about it. What damage can that do to a relationship? To your thoughts about her the next time you have sex? Would you ever think of that girl in the mag or the one who came in to buy something while having sex with your mate? Could you ever see yourself thinking about another woman while fuquing your partner? If you ever did that would it be cheating to you? Would she think it was cheating? Why? You are fuquing her…not the other girl you were thinking about.
What if she was thinking about the next door neighbor fuquing her while you were the one doing all the work? It is just an innocent fantasy right?

So what defines cheating? Is it only cheating if there is physical contact? Can mental desire for another, even if it is someone you don't know, be defined as cheating? What if it was only for a minutes thought?

People need to learn how to communicate...period. If she told you her thought process about what is and is not cheating (porn for instance or as simple as reading this type of mag) would you do it anyway, when she is not looking and you don't think she would have ever found out? Because if you would...then you are cheating. It is not the act of looking at this point it is the act of doing something she and you agreed you would not do (if you communicated about it).

OK..so here we are. She caught you. She showed her arse BIG TIME. Do I agree with it? No sir I don't. She did not have to react to your action even if you did have this understanding...not in public. You two talking about it yes. Her deciding she didn't want to be with a man that to her, cheated in his thoughts. so she is leaving...well, that is ok in my book of standards as well. She gets to choose how she wants to live. I am not mad at her for believing it was cheating. That is her world and she gets to live it as she see fit….

But to go off on you the way she did...No OP that isn't right.

Now is the time for you to understand what YOUR limitations are. How do YOU expect to be treated in public and private?

Do I want my guy looking at magazines of half naked women (or in some mags full on nudity) or just reading the articles? I never really thought about it being a negative or cheating, just something guys do...but I don't have to agree or disagree as to whether or not this was OK for you or her....only you two do.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 1/7/2013
Msg: 95
Wouldn't ordinarily do this... Maxim mag/porn accusations etc
Posted: 1/21/2013 7:49:26 AM

(demontreal) I assured her I had no ulterior motive for reading it, other than that I grabbed it to read in the can on quick impulse as I had already read the paper yesterday, and like to read while I am on the throne.


Don't apologize for this, or try to rationalize it. Just punt her. She'll make your life a living hell with her irrational behaviour.


I feel this is idiotic and immature, to say nothing of the lack of trust she shows towards me.


That's because it IS idiotic and immature. She needs help; but, you are under no obligation to be her emotional punching-bag while she sorts this out.
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