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 AUTHOR
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 12
Flirting with Married peoplePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
the fact still remains that you do not know what other people think or what the partners of the people you flirt with think ..... most people will avoid making a scene or having a confrontation but it may be a different matter behind closed doors ... you may not even get an honest response if you ask them directly ...

Fair point, and I have already digested it.
Not that it really matters, and the fault is entirely mine, for not explaining properly,
but most of the flirting I was referring to in the OP took place while I was still 'married', (or in a LTR if you want to be pedantic.)
So I wasn't the 'single bloke annoying his married friends', we all flirted with each other, it was all fun.
I seldom see my married friends now, and when I do there's not much flirting, - well it wouldn't be fair, as they can't reciprocate with my partner.
So I'm not really the:


annoying guy who thinks he's really funny and charming, wink wink ... "alright darlin"

This is the guy I have wished I could be more like, but as I said before ( it's probably gone?) I don't usually instigate the flirting with friend's wives, but am confident enough to join in.
The point of the OP was that I have done virtually no flirting in the last 7 years, and I haven't been with, or been looking for a woman, so we're not all desperate and sex-crazed. This was my choice.
Not counting birthday meals, you can count the number of times I've been out in a social setting on one hand. That's less than one a year, for the last 7 years. again my choice.

Having made the decision to 'start looking' this year, I found the prospect of having to flirt for real, terrifying.
So to see myself portrayed as 'jack-the-lad was quite amusing, again probably my wording that led people to that conclusion
Happy Endings?
I spent 5 hours on the phone to a gorgeous lady yesterday!!
so I may never need to master the art, timing and acceptability of singleton flirting.
And it wasn't at all necessary, in our conversations, but we still got on fantastically!
So I am hoping that my flirting days are behind me, as it seems to be a 'minefield'!
Fingers crossed
This will make three people I've spoken to in 5 months.
If I get to meet her, she will be the only 'date' I've had so far,
and the last 'date' I had was in 1975!
So I'm really more 'Jack the recluse', (Jack-the-Lad's older brother)

 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 13
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Posted: 11/13/2009 3:21:00 PM
There is no point........too short, too attached, too complicated, too much hassle
 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 14
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Posted: 5/12/2011 3:20:24 PM
I was once married to a flirt.......am now happily divorced from him and watching his second wife go through the exact same torture that I did
Short and not so sweet !
 NicolaSeven
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/13/2011 7:18:08 AM
Mostly, I dont think there's any problem with flirting with anybody..

It all depends on intent.

As for me, when I flirt with ANYONE, it is definitely not with an intention to seduce or be seduced. If I flirt with anyone, married or not, I am having a laugh, banter, fun, etc. If I do intend to seduce it doesnt usually quite go to plan.

Surely it goes without saying that flirting, with a married person, with an intention to seduce is wrong - not many would disagree I think but that's human nature, it happens.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 16
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Posted: 5/13/2011 9:42:07 AM
"Mostly, I dont think there's any problem with flirting with anybody"

cant agree with that
some think there can only be one purpose to flirting
so it's best to be a bit careful who you flirt with
those that get offended are not a problem, it's the ones that think their ship's come in, you cant get rid of em.

so it's not just your intention, it's their interpretation that counts.
 NicolaSeven
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 17
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Posted: 5/13/2011 5:14:14 PM

cant agree with that


well, I was about to let you know that there's no way you could disagree with my 'I dont think...' stance until I read the rest of your post.

Yes, I think you're right, other people's interpretation of my flirting would possibly be considerably mis-interpreted.. but, if I KNOW I am happily flirting, that is, having a laugh, a bit of banter, mickey take, and all that.. the other party will also know that is all there is to it..

But, I really do think this 'flirting' lark is so individual to each of us that no other person can say what it right or wrong for anyone else. If we all, in our hearts and minds, know we mean no other wrong, then having a laugh with someone of the opposite sex, just for the feel-goodness of it, shouldnt have a detrimental effect anywhere.. well, that's what I think..

and I'll carry on with my pseudo flirtyness.. :D
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 19
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Posted: 5/15/2011 9:34:13 PM
gary wanted an example.
well my sister-in-law and i used to flirt a lot but it's not easy to recall such things as it's a dynamic thing.
but one i recall was when she phoned one morning, i picked up the phone, she said hi! i said oh! it's you! what do you want? she replied well actually i'm after my sister! i said well you may be in for a long wait, she's not had her turn yet!
whenever she called in for the next few weeks she asked has she had her turn yet?
did it bother the her partner or my x? nope they both thought it was funny
but as per my previous post, there are those you just cant joke around with like that.
just as there are those that dont get it if you poke fun at yourself.
or take it dead serious if you poke fun at them.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 20
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Posted: 5/18/2011 10:03:03 PM
gary you do overcomplicate things at times.
to the casual observer how could they possibly know if they are observing flirting or banter?
as they would have to know the intent, which may not be obvious.
one may be flirting the other indulging in banter, in which case the flirting would end up downgraded to banter since it would lead nowhere.

a dictionary is a record of how words are currently used.
if you got dictionaries from different decades you would find different meanings for many of the same words, one of the most obvious being gay.
it had no sexual connotations when i was growing up.

it's one of the problems that face those translating/transcribing old txts, they have to be aware of the changes in use of words, or they would get it all wrong.

you can play at being king canute if you want, but going by many posts on this thread the two are being used interchangably, if thats any indication of the world at large, expect to see it recorded in a future dictionary.
 stonecastle
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 21
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Posted: 5/19/2011 2:37:30 AM
Many people today have open marriages that is why there are swingers clubs for example.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 22
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Posted: 5/30/2011 9:18:28 AM
I would only flirt wih married men if I thought their relationship with wife was secure. I now wouldn't touch them . I'm a woman's woman, and don't want to be a suspect when said dogs cheat.
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 23
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Posted: 5/30/2011 9:23:56 AM
Key thing is that they flirted to start with. Ie poss several women on the side
 stonecastle
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 24
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Posted: 5/30/2011 10:51:11 AM
Many couples these days have open relationships. So in that case it is OK to flirt with married people if they are in an open relationship.
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 25
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Posted: 6/7/2011 2:28:46 PM
OP


I have always flirted with married ladies, and I wondered why this is,


I think you have answered that question in the next sentence -

"I think it may be their unavailability ... - the fact that they are 'safe', that nothing can happen."


Do you think that married people flirt more?


I’ll carry out a survey and get back to you.


Did you flirt more when you were attached?


I don’t think it made a difference.

These comments typify what flirting is all about.

OBird Msg 6 & 16

I flirt outrageously with lots of my married friends.
Like you, OP, I know that there's nothing in it, that it's all in fun only, and that all it does is make us laugh.

Harmless because both parties (and any partners) know that it is unthreatening and completely without malice or intention of anything further developing from it.


Hunnibelle Msg 30

Edit... there is a world of difference between flirting and someone coming onto you. It’s a totally different situation.



Flirting is trying to attract someone sexually but without serious intentions.

If your intentions are serious, it is NOT flirting, nor can it be described as such.

Simples.
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 26
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Posted: 6/8/2011 12:11:09 PM
Zeegary Msg 152


So if they responded in a positive fashion (ie they wished to take it further) the one doing the flirting would rebuff them?


Er….yes, because the one doing the flirting has no serious intentions (of taking it further).

This is the difference between flirting and coming on to someone, or making a move on someone, or indeed, on propositioning someone.

In this case the person would have serious intentions, so the answer to your questions would probably be No.

I hope this explains the position.
 stonecastle
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 27
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Posted: 6/9/2011 4:51:23 AM
Has anyone heard of swingers? They are couples who swap partners regularly. There are several swingers clubs across Britain and some swingers forums on the internet as well.
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 28
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Posted: 6/13/2011 12:39:30 PM
zeegary

Since this subject is concerned with the use of the English language and since
you are quite an expert (albeit self-professed) of same, I would be glad if you could take the time by casting your eye over the following e-mail, which I intend sending.

Dr Mr Oxford

I have long been a fan of your English Dictionary.

In an Internet forum I belong to I gave a definition on the word ‘Flirting’,
‘Flirting is trying to attract someone sexually but without serious intentions’
I even highlighted the latter part of the sentence, as it appeared this was causing problems to some of the forumites.

I was slated by another forumite who insisted that “I don’t know what flirting is!”.
I pointed out that the one doing the flirting has no serious intentions but he insisted that this is wrong.

I felt dejected and humiliated.

I couldn’t sleep and was unable to concentrate at work. At lunchtime I wandered the streets in a state of shock. The next thing I knew I was standing in front of a bookshop.

In a moment of inspiration I headed for the Dictionary section and consulted your excellent book. Suddenly a great weight was lifted from my shoulders as I realised that your definition was exactly the same as mine.

The staff must have thought me potty as I danced about the shop.
In my excitement I almost bought your book.

It is made all the more surprising as this aforementioned forumite is normally an avid fan of your publication, and quotes from it (some might say ‘ad nauseam’), to teach those un-educated amongst us.

He even reminds us -
I don't expect anyone to take my words as 'law', but I do expect them to know what English words mean before they use them.....

And for those who choose not to understand the meaning of words:
"The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms." (Socrates)

(Sigh) Too true….

All I can say is keep up the good work.

Yours sincerely

Forrest Grump

What do you think?
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 30
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Posted: 6/14/2011 12:04:01 AM
Zeegary Msg158



http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/flirting

"to behave amorously without serious intent "


There is that phrase again. That is 2 dictionary definitions, with which you disagree. It seems quite straightforward to me.

I don’t even have to counter your arguments; you’re doing a great job!

[quoteGood job you didn't waste your money on that incorrect version of the OED!

The Police raided an open-air market just the other week and arrested 3 people for selling illegal cigarettes, fake perfume and dodgy OED!

Shocking!
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 31
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Posted: 6/15/2011 1:21:23 PM
I am quite content that there are two definitions on current OED’s and another based on Merriam-Webster dictionary, which shows that flirting, is ‘without serious intentions’ (or intent).

That’s good enough for me.

Just for a moment leave the first part of the definition and concentrate on the phrase ‘ without serious intentions’.

Imagine that you are out with your husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner or friend etc. and they make a joke at your expense.

You say “I’m going to murder you that” (or words to that effect)

Do you really mean that?

No.

You are saying that ‘without serious intent’ or ‘without serious intentions’.

Apply this to flirting.

If you are unable to do so, I would suggest that that you write to the aforementioned publishers.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 32
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Posted: 6/15/2011 8:48:10 PM
gawd it's like watching wimbledon in here at times innit!
anyone fancy a punnet of strawberries?
 Forrest Grump
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 34
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Posted: 7/25/2011 1:50:56 PM
From the only English source worth bothering with.


To behave as though sexually attracted to someone…


You don’t have to be sexually attracted to the person, just behave as though you are.


…but playfully


For amusement, not to be taken seriously.


…rather than with serious intentions.


I have given my explanation in Msg 176 in simple English, with a simple analogy….


Imagine that you are out with your husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, partner or friend etc. and they make a joke at your expense.

You say “I’m going to murder you that” (or words to that effect)

Do you really mean that?

No.

You are saying that ‘without serious intent’ or ‘without serious intentions’.


I take it that those of you say that the intent is still there, may have a skeleton or two in the cupboard…

… or under the patio…

… or buried in the back garden!!!

 ZXTTTT
Joined: 5/10/2010
Msg: 35
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Posted: 7/25/2011 4:36:46 PM
Cam some one teach me this flirting thing please, I would be most greatfull for your efforts.
 fractalena
Joined: 8/16/2010
Msg: 36
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Posted: 7/25/2011 5:29:20 PM
1 - appear interested; if you are genuinely interested, that is a bonus for both of you -cos you won't have to pretend, and you won't be misleading anyone;
2 - a spelling check is always nice; txt spk is cheap...
3 - don't go beyond your comfort level, or you will be disappointed
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