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Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 26
dating a drug (ecstasy) userPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Also, I hate to pull the "he's just not that into you" card, but for real... I was a drug addict too and it sounds like he's just using that line to get you to see him as the victim. I would never just not call someone that I was really into for a month because I was embarrassed about using drugs.
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 27
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:11:59 PM
I'd run like hell before he drops it in your drink while you are not looking.

Remember--tasteless, colorless, odorless. Last holiday weekend a co-worker wound up in the hospital from it.
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 28
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:19:25 PM
Addict talk:

I'm the only one who he could talk to and he wants to see me again.

Co-dependent talk:
I will research and try to find a way to help him and will be there for him when he needs a friend.

He doesn't need a friend; he needs drug rehab. And probably money, which is why he called you.
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 29
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:21:39 PM
That would scare me-I knew a gal in college who was premed and an extasy user(frequently)-she would have grandmal seizures bc the drug messed w/ her spinal fluid so much. Do you want to date a seizure candidate?
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 30
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:43:32 PM
Xstasy is a pretty intense drug of the more mind bending variety, not as much so as peyote or acid, but perhaps a little more so than most shrooms. At least that was my experience of it years ago. If you do xstasy a lot over a prolonged period of time, I don't see how it wouldn't really start messing up your mind. It's just one of those drugs that I have a tougher time envisioning someone falling prey to on a regular basis, like cocaine.

When I did one of those mind bending drugs like acid when I was a youngin, it might have been a helluva great trip, but I was going to take a vacation from it for quite awhile. LOL I think I'm still finding my way back from my last Grand Canyon peyote trip in my 20's.
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 31
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:54:14 PM

I will research and try to find a way to help him and will be there for him when he needs a friend.

If you want to help him then drop him off at rehab. He's been there before so he knows where to go. You cannot help him. All you will do is wind up enabling him. Go visit him in rehab. If he doesn't go to rehab then run the other way.
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 32
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:00:46 AM
OP...10 years on ecstasy is serious.At this point you are not dealing with the person..but the drug itself. Any "caring" person would not pull you into such a disaster. Sure he is crying out for help. Refer him to rehab.. but keep your distance and only see him again as a friend after he's done his time in rehab. Tell him you must make this healthy choice for yourself.It's not's wise. If he truly does care about you and if he can see beyond the warm and fuzzy's of ecstasy,he will understand. Best of luck to you both.
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 33
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:01:40 AM
Basically, as you described it, he's got a REAL problem, as in five alarm fire. There's not much you can do about such a thing. I understand you might not want to abandon him, but a guy messing with a drug like that so much and for so long is someone you CANNOT trust. Their judgment is toast. Their boundaries gone. Believe me. Seen it before too many times.
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 34
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:12:27 AM
are you serious? i think you should do those drugs with him then.
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 35
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 1:34:22 AM
BEFORE you are "there for him" - (and I know your "Intention" and your heart are set on "Helping" him) however - Have you considered that "Helping" him might actually mean Not being available to him While he is still using and/or Unless he goes to Rehab?

I Have been in 'that' world - drugs, booze the works. Been clean and sober for 16 years .. and I can Honestly say that MOST of the "relationships" I sought when I was using were to Enable me 'somehow'. Even if it was "just" emotionally = on some level (in my addicted brain) - If someone could be 'there for me' I wasn't that bad. I HAD TO be Alone. It was the Only way for me to hit my bottom and Every addict I know has Had To hit their own personal bottom Before they could start the journey to recovery.

I suggest your 'friend' needs to find his recovery the same way most addicts do .. and btw .. Most addicts Hate rehab and many go back and back and back before they 'get it' ..

... Just think about it .. and talk to an Addictions Counsellor - someone who Knows, maybe hit a couple NA meetings = they're all over .. but remember - by allowing him into your life and your world while he is still using E may cause him a whole lot more harm than good .. and it will certainly (at the very least) disrupt your life.

I wish you both well.
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 36
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:10:08 AM
10 years is such a long time. I am not familiar with ecstacy but if he uses it that much and for that long, would he even be able to cope with feeling normal again without having a nervous breakdown or serious depression. If this is the case, then he would need real determination and lots of help to ease him back into the normal feeling. Then again maybe he isn't even capable of being normal again because it has affected him that much but sounds like really serious stuff.
 buteo regalis
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 37
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:29:36 AM

he has been using √Čcstacy' for more than 10 years so far.

I've never used any kind of drugs so it seems impossible to even try to understand what it's like.
I want to point out that, all adiction issues aside, it's quite likely that you two may not be suited for a relationship anyways.
This drug, and the culture that surrounds it has been a central element in his life for over a decade. While you on the other handed have never abused illegal drugs.
This makes me think that there's likely some very vast differences in your lifestyles, and your sense of values, the sorts of activities you enjoy, and the quality of people you associate with.
If you've never abused illegal drugs prior to this point in your life, are you willing to suddenly start hanging out with people who's lifestyles involves constantly getting fvcked up on ecstacy ?

seems like he doesn't even want to go to rehab again now.
This should be a huge warning sign to you. It's one thing to offer to be supportive of a person who wants help.
But, if this guy currently is uninterested in getting help, maybe you should keep your distance from him?

will be there for him when he needs a friend.
Just remember: your life was fine before he came into it.
Don't let him fvck up your life like he fvcked up his own.

eats healthy....but is on drugs
I find it ironic when I see some people trying to promote healthy eating, while at the same time abusing drugs that are likey shortening their lifespan significantly.
Just like the time a chain-smoking coke-addict tried to lecture me on the benefits of organic food. Too funny.

seems like to pray for him is the only thing I could do for him now.
I think that's the best thing you can do.
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 38
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:49:59 AM
I had a chance to him on the phone to persuade him to get into the rehab and he made it clear that he doesn't wanna try any more and he uses ecstasy only once in a month nowadays but smokes pot on a daily basis sometimes all day long, which I don't have any clue of how bad it is. Anyways he doesn't think he is that bad and I made it clear that I will be here for him when he needs a friend to talk to but nothing more than that. (I even told him that you'd better not try to find someone for relationship 'cause it's not fair for her...I was bit over the line I guess)

"Just remember: your life was fine before he came into it.
Don't let him fvck up your life like he fvcked up his own."

->My life was fine and am fine. I was bit surprised and confused about where I should stand 'cause I've never known anyone who's been addicted to drugs before him (had couple of alcoholic friends though) but that's all and he said he was sober at least for the time when we were together and he seemed to be at that time. But yeah thanks. A good advice for the fine future :)
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 39
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:58:14 AM
Unless you have been trained to deal with addicts, I would be there as a friend only....

You will be of no help to him ...except to further his addiction as a co-dependent. He is needing you only to confirm that he is "accepted" and his drug addition is "accepted."

By being there for may unintentionally make him think it is ok.

You can't be in love with a drug addict since that isn't really who they are...and if they do clean up might not be the one that they would enjoy being is usually a lose-lose situation.

You will always be surrounded by drama...and one day he will love you...then one month you won't hear from him. Do you really deserve a love life like that....

If you do keep him in your sure to get a life coach to keep you on a straight path and to not lose yourself.
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 40
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:35:32 AM
You need to separate the friend relationship from the romantic one for now. If you want to help this guy, be an ear to listen...a drive to a rehab clinic if he needs the moral support...or even just the ride. But he is in no position to have any kind of romantic relationship at this time. He needs to focus on getting help to get clean if he can't get clean on his own.
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 41
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/2/2013 4:01:46 PM
My girlfriend of 4 weeks came home at 1:30 this morning, saying she'd stopped off for a drink after babysitting for her daughter. A bit later than expected, but I wasn't going to make a big deal about it. She seemed rather subdued, but when I suggested going to bed, she said she felt pretty wired. Then she proceeded to drink about 3 small glasses of port wine.
My question is, is it possible she's a coke or other drug user? I've heard coke users drink beer to take the edge off from the high they get. She's admitted having used coke in years past, said sex with it is incredible.
We went to bed 30 mins later and she awoke about 8 with a headache, which she doesn't usually do. I know the drinking she does isn't ideal, she seems to handle her life relatively well in other ways.
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 42
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/2/2013 4:31:52 PM
Ive heard of the beer thing to moderate the hi, but maybe she just needed the drinks to wind down to sleep.
Not sure what else to say that can help you.
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 43
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/2/2013 11:05:55 PM
People who do x that much are usually part of a counter culture you probably wont fit into. 10 years is a pretty long time to be tripping and I don't think it would work out. If he left the scene for years there would be less to worry about. Anyways I know plenty of people who do x and I don't know people who do designer party drugs like that for that long who don't also do a lot of other hard drugs- the chance of somebody rolling for a decade and not doing a bunch of other stuff too is small. At the very least I bet he does coke or heroin too.

X in itself is easy to quit- so he must not want to or he would have quit by now. To tell you he is addicted to it means to me he is addicted to the party drug lifestyle and that wont end unless he makes it end. And so far he didnt- so probably best to not get mixed up with people who will often be carrying things on them that can get you thrown in jail. Its only worth the risk if you were living the same lifestyle.

Its not like he s just dabbling- he s doing x for a very long time so obviously has to hang out at drug dealer homes and carries the stuff around with him too. Is that what you want out of life? Also- acid or shrooms can be spiritual drugs- but frequent x use is usually the sign of a hedonistic personality- and hedonists don't make for good long term relationships. I don't care if my friends do x- they are all normal and show no sign of mood swings or brain damage- most stories like ghat about drug users are greatly exaggerated- and ive tried many things and would date someone who ocassionally did things in the past- but I wouldn't want to date a raver now that im in my 30s or drive around with the stuff in my car or hang out around drug dealers frequently. Drug dealers are much more dangerous than drug users and are typically part of a package deal. So I def wouldn't be with a girl who says she cant stop x ing
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 44
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 5:42:04 AM
lol and some old dinosaur posters here tried to take some shots at me for being a stoner. Clearly, marijuana is in the same class as X and Coke.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 45
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 8:55:28 AM
Tommyboy, unless there is back story you didn't share, get a grip. You've known her a month, hardly long enough to know her normal behavior patterns given that people are generally for the first couple of months still putting their best foot forward. People don't have to be bouncing off the walls to be wired and unless you asked her why she was drinking, if it was three small glasses of port wine, wtf? Is this a horrendous amount of booze? Doesn't sound like it, although slamming three small glasses seems a bit weird. She woke up with a headache, well does she regularly drink the port wine? And unless she was drinking port wine wherever she stopped off for a drink which is highly unlikely, duh, mixing booze usually creates a hangover/headache.

I have never been a wine drinker but it is my understanding that it is a lot stronger than other wines? As far as the coke thing, so what? I have a friend who used coke during sex for a few years she is now a very active Christian who wouldn't touch the stuff.

I know the drinking she does isn't ideal, she seems to handle her life relatively well in other ways.

This would suggest that slamming three drinks in a half hour is habitual for her and if it is, why the hell are you even asking? This is the honeymoon period where people try to hide that they drink too much. If she does and you don't want to be in a dysfunctional relationship and an enabler, then walk away now. Your question about the coke is a red herring so that in some bizarre way you can make the drinking she does less a direct problem.
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 46
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 7:06:28 PM
For those who claim the "old" dinosaurs don't know what they're talking about when it comes to pot...I have seen and experienced friends/acquaintances left over from the hippie era who are life-long stoners. You know...that stuff that's so innocent and recreational. Here's the report 40 years down the road. Those that are still alive... many are still smoking pot, and other assorted chemicals that can be added. Most are in deadend jobs, if they're working at all. Many are living on the street, or walking them. Many have spent time in jail for possession and/or selling.
So much talent destroyed...Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Keith Moon...just to name a few. And,yes, I realize it was more than pot. Some who survived and finally had to quit are now afflected with COPD, lung cancer and all look like hell. Deep set wrinkles, eye problems, taste buds that don't work, and brains that are faulty. Many are now switch hitters... are now alcholics, prescription druggers, and/or some moved into the present day world of ectasy, meth, and K2.
So take heed young folks...for youth right now is on your side...but one day you'll look back and wonder where it all a drug induced haze...of course. But you'll learn the hard way...just like many others who thought the world would always give them what they wanted.
I realize that this an old post but for those reading this^^^Hello^^^has it nailed and it's worth reading and heeding.
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 47
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 9:59:23 PM
Ill say one thing about pot- it is not as horrible as people make it out to be- minus the smoke is bad for you part. Those musicians were not dropping dead from pot and lots of music and art is enhanced by the creative people smoking it. However- people who are always getting high are not very fun to hang out with when you are not high- and most people get sick of pot after college- so most people will probably not want to spend a ton of time with pot heads later in life as they usually get boring. Its also a waste of time for the most part and will just help you be less healthy later in life.

Its not true though that pot is killing all these young artists and it is also not true that it is getting them into dead end jobs as plenty of people who smoke it are successful- contrary to college age wisdom though pot doesn't ever teach you spiritual insights and doesn't make you special or different either. You look back at all your adventures walking around the forest or laughing at movies or eating the hell out of food somewhat fondly- but you also think " you also think- man a lot of that was a huge waste of time." Its not evil- but its not really special either. Its an unhealthy waste of time that typically makes people less fun to the outside world. Also- people shouldn't go to jail for smoking pot- so criminal records are not proof pot is bad.

Pot is really not a huge deal- but its also not so special and there are better things to do in life than smoke it away and be unhealthy
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 48
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 11:38:06 PM
I met a guy two years ago online and found out he did cocaine, I RAN!!! Nice guy with a young child and a decent job but had a habit of staying up late with the drug so I haul my tail far far way, delete the number and never contact him. He tried to contact me a while back after such a long time but I ignore the calls and thankful he doesn't know where I live. No, people with drug problem need more help than we can deal with. My daughter in law's mom is an alcoholic and she has been a mess with the law and stuff for years.
It takes people on drugs and recovered to know how to handle the situation. Alcoholic, I might can tolerate but someone on drug, I don't deal with.
Run! But then only you know . . .
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 49
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/6/2013 3:58:59 PM
MS, for once I agree with you. There really isn't that much harmful about pot, personally don't think it should be illegal. But that is irrelevant. It is illegal and when people lie about drug use on their profiles they deserve all derision they are getting from other posters.
Joined: 9/17/2012
Msg: 50
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/6/2013 5:07:33 PM
Well I can see why people would lie about drug use on a public forum- probably not the greatest idea to be so open about doing illegal things online- not sure if its illegal to smoke in Canada but here it is- but I totally agree with you that people who hide that they smoke pot should probably expect a lot of criticism when its found out by people who don't want that kind of thing I their lives. Smoking pot IS a lifestyle of sorts and is gonna effect a relationship probably. Even being around friends of mine who are always smoking can get old quick since we re really not on the same level at the time.

I would be annoyed by it too if a girl lied about it- I'm at a point in life where I wouldn't want to date somebody who frequently smoke it- and I don't even have much of a problem with it- it would be a deal breaker for me mainly because i feel it wastes a lot of time in life always being drunk or high. Id put up with a very ocassional smoker I guess but its still not exactly a plus to me. By the way- ill get to that other topic soon- ive been using a tablet to post a lot lately so its too hard to copy and paste anything- i need some time on a computer - and you guys are making some valid points and making me do a little work lol. That's cool though.
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