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Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 3
dating a drug (ecstasy) userPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Recommend he go into treatment. Offer to help support him emotionally throughout his treatment, and offer to be there when he gets out. Write letters to him every day while he's in rehab, and visit him whenever they allow visitors, but tell him unless he goes into treatment, that you cannot involve yourself in his lifestyle.

Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 1:51:15 AM
In addition to the comments by Sleeping, Beth and Nothing, anyone that has been in rehab whether alcohol or drugs is aware that the addict should not be in a romantic relationship for at least a year after rehab because the emotions are something that can easily derail recovery.

It is okay to want to be there, particularly to reciprocate for his support but offer nothing but friendship until he is sober at least a year. But here's the thing, he has already lied to you and I'm not sure if you can be sure of him in a year, two or ever. You should perhaps educate yourself as much as possible to the specifics of his drug of choice and also speak with a rehab facility or drug counselor to determine whether Ecstasy is a drug that someone can kick if they are motivated and seek proper treatment. Also is he being honest with you about what he is using, or will he use something else if he cannot get any Ecstasy?

You're considering very dangerous waters, make sure you are educated so that you can make a decision you can live with.
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 7
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 2:31:13 AM
This sounds like a recipe for disaster...

I took on trying to help a couple that had a little drug problem... ME, never did drugs, and didn't no d!ck about drugs, and what it does to a person. They had this little habit of meth, and the luckiest thing I got out of it, was after 2 mo, of them living off of me, I booted them out, and said no 2nd chances...

IF you son't know how to tackle someones drug problem then I don't suggest you do. As much as you feel he's been helpful for you, sometimes returning the favor means encouraging them/him to get into rehab where people know what they are doing, and what to expect.

You can be the chat friend, and such, however at the same time YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, if you don't you may end up way over your head, and be drowning right along side of him...

Good luck
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 9
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:11:19 AM
I would give him the "Tools" to get help but not DO the work. Look up Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous (12 step programs) and FREE. Then maybe go to 1-2 open meetings with him and get a schedule until he meets others in the group and then let him get himself to these meetings. Talk with him as a FRIEND only and do not ENABLE him by covering up for him, changing your plans for him and sugar-coating when he gets into trouble. BE HONEST. 12 Step Programs work on this principle. BE ONLY HIS FRIEND, nothing more because then he will focus on YOU and not help himself. Maybe refer him to a counselor to help with addiction and other issues. Do not drink or party with him or go to bars (wet places). Do only casual wholesome things and find out what side effects and symptoms ecstacy does through the internet. Educate yourself.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 11
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:50:22 AM
I have a better idea. Why don't you also buy the drugs for him. That way he will always will be in that state of mind, instead of trying to deal with all the withdrawals and who knows what, which he will spring upon you and also destroy your life.
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 13
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:52:31 AM
I would run away from him as fast as you can..most likely he has run out of people to enable him and has abused others to the point that they never want to have any thing to do with him. I met a young woman that was 20 and had been addicted to Heroin since she was 13, her father shot her up for her 13th birthday...some father! She had MRSA in her blood and was in the hospital on antibiotics for about a month. During that time we watched her evolve back to the person she was without the drugs..while she was clean, she was a wonderful person and a delight to be around..but the pulling of the drug and the lifestyle was too great for her to overcome and soon she was using again...about a month later, I received a message saying that she had died from an overdose...what a shame.. It is a very hard life to live and the constant pull of the drug makes it very difficult for someone to overcome and stay clean... you are better off having empathy for him...just don't let him manipulate you..
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 14
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:55:15 AM
I'm in agreement with message #3.


He said he's been in and out of rehab many times and it didn't help him much and seems like he doesn't even want to go to rehab again now.

YIKES! That's not good. He's in denial, and not ready to get clean. I would definitely put some space between you two until (if ever) he decides to get his act clean.
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 17
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:40:38 PM
Leave the E-tard be.

You can do better than that.
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 19
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:03:21 PM
Jane this says a LOT
He said he's been in and out of rehab many times and it didn't help him much and seems like he doesn't even want to go to rehab again now.

I would like you to think of this... He IS a drowning man, and you can't swim, so what you are wanting to do is jump in to this deep rapid moving water, and save him??? Shug you couldn't save yourself, because you wouldn't know how...

I KNOW, I didn't do drugs myself, and had NO CLUE what to do, except get the people out...

All you can do is be there WHEN HE GETS REAL HELP, and is REAL SERIOUS about getting the monkey off his back... Takes a hell of a lot of work, I haven't been there, but I sure have seen it from a distance...

His mistress and love is his drug, whether he likes it or not, and whether you like it or not...

His mind does not belong to him, it belongs to the drugs he's on.

Being a friend means NOT enabling him to continue having someone accept his poor behavior... Sure people can say this is an illness, OK, and so if it is, then he needs to be treated by people who knows how to help him with his illness... Just saying...
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 29
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:54:14 PM

I will research and try to find a way to help him and will be there for him when he needs a friend.

If you want to help him then drop him off at rehab. He's been there before so he knows where to go. You cannot help him. All you will do is wind up enabling him. Go visit him in rehab. If he doesn't go to rehab then run the other way.
Joined: 2/21/2008
Msg: 30
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 10/29/2009 12:00:46 AM
OP...10 years on ecstasy is serious.At this point you are not dealing with the person..but the drug itself. Any "caring" person would not pull you into such a disaster. Sure he is crying out for help. Refer him to rehab.. but keep your distance and only see him again as a friend after he's done his time in rehab. Tell him you must make this healthy choice for yourself.It's not's wise. If he truly does care about you and if he can see beyond the warm and fuzzy's of ecstasy,he will understand. Best of luck to you both.
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 38
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/2/2013 4:01:46 PM
My girlfriend of 4 weeks came home at 1:30 this morning, saying she'd stopped off for a drink after babysitting for her daughter. A bit later than expected, but I wasn't going to make a big deal about it. She seemed rather subdued, but when I suggested going to bed, she said she felt pretty wired. Then she proceeded to drink about 3 small glasses of port wine.
My question is, is it possible she's a coke or other drug user? I've heard coke users drink beer to take the edge off from the high they get. She's admitted having used coke in years past, said sex with it is incredible.
We went to bed 30 mins later and she awoke about 8 with a headache, which she doesn't usually do. I know the drinking she does isn't ideal, she seems to handle her life relatively well in other ways.
Joined: 6/21/2012
Msg: 39
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/2/2013 4:31:52 PM
Ive heard of the beer thing to moderate the hi, but maybe she just needed the drinks to wind down to sleep.
Not sure what else to say that can help you.
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 40
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 5:42:04 AM
lol and some old dinosaur posters here tried to take some shots at me for being a stoner. Clearly, marijuana is in the same class as X and Coke.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 41
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 8:55:28 AM
Tommyboy, unless there is back story you didn't share, get a grip. You've known her a month, hardly long enough to know her normal behavior patterns given that people are generally for the first couple of months still putting their best foot forward. People don't have to be bouncing off the walls to be wired and unless you asked her why she was drinking, if it was three small glasses of port wine, wtf? Is this a horrendous amount of booze? Doesn't sound like it, although slamming three small glasses seems a bit weird. She woke up with a headache, well does she regularly drink the port wine? And unless she was drinking port wine wherever she stopped off for a drink which is highly unlikely, duh, mixing booze usually creates a hangover/headache.

I have never been a wine drinker but it is my understanding that it is a lot stronger than other wines? As far as the coke thing, so what? I have a friend who used coke during sex for a few years she is now a very active Christian who wouldn't touch the stuff.

I know the drinking she does isn't ideal, she seems to handle her life relatively well in other ways.

This would suggest that slamming three drinks in a half hour is habitual for her and if it is, why the hell are you even asking? This is the honeymoon period where people try to hide that they drink too much. If she does and you don't want to be in a dysfunctional relationship and an enabler, then walk away now. Your question about the coke is a red herring so that in some bizarre way you can make the drinking she does less a direct problem.
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 42
dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/3/2013 7:06:28 PM
For those who claim the "old" dinosaurs don't know what they're talking about when it comes to pot...I have seen and experienced friends/acquaintances left over from the hippie era who are life-long stoners. You know...that stuff that's so innocent and recreational. Here's the report 40 years down the road. Those that are still alive... many are still smoking pot, and other assorted chemicals that can be added. Most are in deadend jobs, if they're working at all. Many are living on the street, or walking them. Many have spent time in jail for possession and/or selling.
So much talent destroyed...Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Keith Moon...just to name a few. And,yes, I realize it was more than pot. Some who survived and finally had to quit are now afflected with COPD, lung cancer and all look like hell. Deep set wrinkles, eye problems, taste buds that don't work, and brains that are faulty. Many are now switch hitters... are now alcholics, prescription druggers, and/or some moved into the present day world of ectasy, meth, and K2.
So take heed young folks...for youth right now is on your side...but one day you'll look back and wonder where it all a drug induced haze...of course. But you'll learn the hard way...just like many others who thought the world would always give them what they wanted.
I realize that this an old post but for those reading this^^^Hello^^^has it nailed and it's worth reading and heeding.
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 46
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dating a drug (ecstasy) user
Posted: 6/30/2013 5:43:57 AM
This is your brain (egg). This is your brain on drugs (egg frying). Any questions?
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