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 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 376
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 16 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)
Well, one thing is for sure...we are here looking, and this post is getting a lot of responces.

Who knows who initiates the ending, the question is...who says its over!!!

Now, someone pass me a hotdog and a cold beer.

thats the thing about these dancing banana's..they never sit still.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 377
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 4:40:34 PM

Is it me or is this thread is déjà vue over and over again?...

It is now funny... Truly... I cannot be the only one who sees this...


No you aren't, if this thread was a marriage, it would be going through its 3rd or 4rth divorce due to irreconcilable reasoning.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 378
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 4:49:44 PM

No you aren't, if this thread was a marriage, it would be going through its 3rd or 4rth divorce due to irreconcilable reasoning.


That is so true lets get back OT!!!!

Food for thought Paul Mcartney's divorce with Heather Mills cost him 47.7 Million dollars!!! That is not counting child support and paying for a nanny!!!!!

Now he could have had a $2000.00 a night call girl every night of the week for the 4 years they were married and saved money!!!!!
It couldn't have been that good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 379
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 5:08:14 PM

This is from the article I posted in msg 587.

I think this is a really common reason for divorce, but it sorta sticks in my craw a little bit. Why I don't understand is why does the woman feel it necessary to abandon/leave her husband in order to find herself? I don't know why she can't get new job/go to school/get new friends/do some personal travel/take up new hobbies, etc, in her quest to 'find herself' and still stay married? The same could be said for men who leave a marriage for this same reason. Why is it necessary to leave the marriage to find yourself?

I've not been married, so you married/divorced folks please enlighten me.


I think this is one of the times when the man being left goes HUH?!?!?
I would like to hear some of the women respond to this.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 380
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 5:52:04 PM

I think this is a really common reason for divorce, but it sorta sticks in my craw a little bit. Why I don't understand is why does the woman feel it necessary to abandon/leave her husband in order to find herself? I don't know why she can't get new job/go to school/get new friends/do some personal travel/take up new hobbies, etc, in her quest to 'find herself' and still stay married? The same could be said for men who leave a marriage for this same reason. Why is it necessary to leave the marriage to find yourself?

I've not been married, so you married/divorced folks please enlighten me.

I'm not married or divorced, but I've heard enough stories about this from employers, coworkers, family members, friends and old classmates to know I didn't want to be married, and this is a major reason.

The bottom line is some husbands don't like a new job or one with more hours, school which leads to career, new friends, more friends or getting in touch with old ones, travel by herself or with friends, new hobbies or getting back into old ones, or anything else that takes time and attention away from him - especially in a marriage. Most women who do that stuff didn't give any of it up when they met their husbands and their husbands had lives and didn't expect her to. Those who did expect it of their future wives and got their way won't want them to suddenly have lives down the road.

Some (not all) feel that wives are expected to cater to him to some extent and want to come first. A friend or two of mine have even had a husband who felt the kids got more attention and cheated on them because of it (and didn't apologize for it). I had a boss who told me when her daughter was young her husband not only didn't help with her, but ignored the child and her when the child was in the room. He simply didn't acknowledge his daughter for years.

I'm not saying this is all men, some men are very supportive and want their wives to be active, happy, busy and don't consider all that stuff competition for attention...but it's happened that women have dated and married this great guy, only to find out he had a preconcieved idea of what marriage was but didn't want her to know it until after the marriage took place - or assumed she had the same idea and didn't bother checking to see if she agreed.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 381
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 6:52:43 PM

Here is one I lived.

At some point, my ex-husband got into body building... He was cut and ripped and truly a magnificient male. He became obsessive with his work outs and started taking all kinds of steroids, with time, he was no longer able to have erections and this truly angered him.

He then had these horrible mood swings. I mean rage came out of nowhere... He had become someone I was afraid of.

This is a true story... Embarrassing but true... He wanted to have sex. I was fine with that. Well... believe me ... I tried and tried but he just could not have an erection... In a fit of anger he yelled so loudly and he lifted his fist and I swear I thought he was going to punch me in the face, I was under him... I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best because I simply was pinned to the bed. I had nowhere to go... His fist ended inches above my head and he puched a hole in the dry wall...

-----------------------------------
Believe me... This action caused ripples in our marital relashionship. I no longer wanted to have sex with him and I moved into the guest room for a while because I was terrified of him.

He looked good. Damned good and women did flirt with him but I swear for a nano second, I hoped he'd find a mistress because I no longer even wanted him to even touch me and I went back on the pill because I did not want to conceive a child in that horrible situation.


Wow you had every right to get away from this guy.
I work out but not to the body building stage. I have a friend that is a doctor he put one of his boys on steroids. The poor boy bulked up so quick that he had giant stretch marks on his upper arms and other places to.
He also had fits of rage I saw a couple first hand believe me scary!!!
Tragically the boy kept up on them till they killed him.
Sorry for the pain you had to go through.

I saw this and wanted to add......

He went into body building... I supported him. He started to resent me because of my success at work and the fact that I was making more money than him... see... all kinds of shit happened in those four years that just did not seem to agree with what I believe he perceived marriage to be.


The statement of "all kinds of shit happened in those four years that just did not seem to agree with what I believed he perceived marriage to be."
This is where we all seem to have a downfall. I know on my first marriage I never thought of anyone having a different outlook on this. I was 19 before my second marriage I talked about this in the counseling sessions we went through. I know you can't know the future however if this was discussed more before marriage I believe we would see a drop in divorce rates from both sides. At least you would know going in what your partner expects.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 382
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History
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 7:02:51 PM

the other two were woman that said themselves that they were tired of being married. That their husbands did nothing wrong.

That was my last girlfriend's situation. She had been married before and realized years into it that, basically, she had gotten married for the wrong reasons. She never had a bad word to say about her husband and, in fact, maintained an amicable relationship with him after the divorce (they were sharing custody of their daughter).

Basically, as she told me, one day her husband came home and she finally said "I just can't force myself to do this anymore." She had been miserable not because of anything he did, but simply because she did not love him and couldn't make herself live a lie anymore.

The way she phrased it to me: "I really was a bad wife."
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 383
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 7:14:53 PM

EACH and every dissolution of marriage has to be taken on a one on one basis...



Making gender generalities moot, even when buttressed by bad math and faulty logic.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 384
view profile
History
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 7:15:05 PM

My ex husband did not break any vows and he did not do anything WILLFULLY trying to destroy our marriage...

There are worse things to break than vows... Skulls come to mind...

A lot of people have a rather naive view of marriage, and making a vow doesn't change reality. The most important reality is that people change over time. Sometimes people just grow apart and realize they have nothing in common anymore, but other times, like in your case, the person you shared a bed with was not even close to the person you married.

Nobody should be forced to live a miserable and perhaps dangerous existence because of some quaint notion that saying some words in front of a preacher is more important than being able to be happy.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 385
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 7:24:53 PM
But he did break his vows he put you in harms way. To love and cherish. His job as a husband was to protect and love you not freak out on roids and hurt you.
This is abuse.
I understand people have different values and that is fine. If you are referring to the diatribe about fault if you will look back I asked at least twice to lets move on. I realized she would never admit the facts the numbers showed. But she just kept coming back. By the time I realized I was wasting my time it had gotten ridicules.
I am a reasonable man and try to function off of logic and knowledge. I have no problem with people having different values but denial of fact I do not understand.

I won't beat a dead horse that is over with. The post are there for all to see and add up for themselves.
Again I am sorry for your pain I commented because roids have touched my life too.....dangerous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 386
view profile
History
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 8:28:32 PM
Maybe I'm naive..but, I like to believe that MOST PEOPLE are doing the best they can and try hard not to fail..just because I initiated doesn't mean I didn't feel like I personally failed..divorce is painful for most people, regardless of who "initiated", I refuse to believe the majority go into it lightly, or for superfluous reasons,keeping in mind that one's reasons may not be the same ones another person would find "valid"...and I'm guessing there is some difference between genders, in general, as to what constitutes a "good" reason...

I think I mentioned earlier that the biggest mistake my ex and I both made was to not talk about what the expectations of each other were, or defining them...and as we got married when the "equality" thing was pretty new...my definition and his definitely didn't match...I assumed he saw it the same way as I did...

We were young, we loved each and we thought we could handle/weather anything...he came from a severely dysfunctional family and didn't have any good role models for a good marriage,,I thought love conquered all...we both believed marriage was forever...

I had a fraction of the knowledge and understanding of human behavior that I do now, and I didn't really know who I was at that time either...

We tried everything we could think of...sometimes it can't be fixed. I never believed, and still don't, that he deliberately meant to hurt me, and I certainly never meant to hurt him..

The day of our final hearing, we held hands and cried...the attorney kept asking us if we were sure we wanted a divorce...lol..

If you look at our lives now, it was the right decision for both of us. In retrospect, we both probably ignored warning bells way before we actually got married...but, I wasn't even aware there was such a thing...I chalked it up to cold feet , or my own flaws/insecurities...I am not a quitter...

We were mismatched from the beginning...but, no one told us that...and we didn't see it...

I have tried to honestly explain why I was the one who initiated the break up, and even so far as why it's most often been me...something that really never occurred to me till I saw it in a thread...the simple answer is : I was more unhappy with him, than he was with me, and that doesn't necessarily imply blame at all...could be wrong choice, blinders, naivety, a mismatch, all kinds of things..but, it is never because I take the relationship or him lightly..if anything, I hang around longer than I should, because I would prefer to fix anything that is wrong, and stay together...but, I can't do it alone, and I am not a miracle worker...

Marriage isn't easy. I wonder too, if at my age, the risks are worth it...and I'm completely aware that , in my opinion, the breakdown of marriage totally as a society is not a good thing...if I had the answers, I'd share them with everyone..lol..
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 387
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/25/2010 9:32:54 PM
In message 520 you wrote this.....

I gave him numerous opportunities to work with me, and fix it for both of us, including the counseling..he just wasn't interested or willing..he truly believed that how he saw the world ( and me and marriage) was the only acceptable/valid way..and there was no reason for him to adjust or take my feelings into consideration..because I was wrong...but, he was willing to put up with what he didn't like , to keep what he did...I wasn't...because the bottom line was, what I was unhappy about, was the most important thing in my mind...


In this message you wrote this.....

We tried everything we could think of...sometimes it can't be fixed. I never believed, and still don't, that he deliberately meant to hurt me, and I certainly never meant to hurt him..


I am not being mean I am confused by the contradiction in the two statements. Could you explain?
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 388
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 8:47:49 AM
Really? REALLY?

You mean to point to Murphy Brown? The stigma of single women having children comes down to a societal predisposition against children out of wedlock. This isn't 1953, nor even 1963 it is 2010. There even was a thread about surrogates and men doing it. 100's of threads, including this one, extolling the virtues of the new modern woman, independent, smart and capable, is now reduced to cowering in the corner by the judgements of a few people locked in a mindset, that no longer applies to todays society.

Seems convienent to me.

"Except that you don't want to know what we think if what we think is that a lot of women who file for divorce are driven to it by their husbands' actions."

I guess we're back to the usual square one of the gender argument. "Women good, men bad" which is where most of these wind up. Not much point in continuing as I said. Here it would seem to me AGAIN, given your point of view, and that represented by tacit acceptance by women, since NO woman found fault in the point your making. That marriage should be outlawed at best, at worst mandatory classes before it should be given. Women should rise in droves, with torches and pitchforks and assail the government to throw off this yoke of tyranny.

Given your point "a lot of women who file for divorce are driven to it by their husbands" well let's say then that your right. So 80% of those unions should have been disolved, in those who filed 70% of the time, due to the fault of the man. AGAIN, why encourage it, why do it? Men are not good risks for marriage, they are controlling, abusive and all the other things you ALL have been saying, SO WHY MARRY?

I mean NOT ONE SINGLE WOMAN has disagreed with your point "the fact that women are leaving their husbands in DROVES, indicates that men are doing something wrong." So here we are, obviously most or all women who have read and participated in this thread recently, had no issue with that statement, ergo "women good, men bad"!!

You should be teaching your daughters, that not only should they be planning their sweet 16 party(a uniquely female thing) but also their "white party" a get together in their mid 20's to late 30's where they get to parade around in a white dress, where they are the center of attention, get gifts, someone pronounces some attributes about them and they can feel fulfilled about their celebratory day, without the muss, fuss or expense of the pesky divorce from the "bad man" they were forced to include, who will only prove to be a hindrance to their lives, right?

Look you can't have it both ways. Either what I have just said makes perfect sense for ALL women, or with 70% of women filing first or initiating the breakup, they must own the fact that they would rather "move on" than work it out, no matter if it makes their gender look less than admirable. Trying to slant the debate to excuse the vast majority while putting the blame on the other side totally or nearly so, just seems trite and self serving.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 389
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 8:57:58 AM
Mr E I agree. Trying to have their cake and eat it too!!!!

One other thing look back over the thread count the women that have made the "women are good men are evil" comments and then the ones that make valid points with out the bitterness.
You will see that the ratio is about the same as the divorce rates mentioned here!!!!
Hummmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!! WHAT COULD THAT MEAN?!?!?!?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 390
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:59:29 AM
The Abolition of Marriage

Maggie Gallagher, an affiliate scholar at the Institute for
American Values, says in her upcoming book The Abolition of Marriage
that we have falsely framed the divorce debate as "one between choice
and coercion, individual liberty and state control. . . . The bad
marriage haunts us in part because we have reduced the marriage
commitment to a single, grim, frightening phrase: Couples should 'stay
together for the sake of the children.' The vision it conjures -- of
loveless, bitter, tight-lipped martyrs living in hell with their equally
miserable kids -- is impossible to uphold as a moral ideal. . . ."

"'You can't force two people to stay married,' we tell
ourselves and turn the page," she writes. "Divorce, however, is not
usually the act of a couple, but of an individual. Eighty percent of
divorces in this country are unilateral, rather than truly mutual,
decisions. Rather, the divorce revolution can be more accurately
described as a shift of power, favoring the interests of one party over
others: the interests of the spouse who wishes to leave over those of
the spouse who is being abandoned and over those of the children whose consent is not sought."

Her research about the state of marriage leads her to conclude,
"Reforming no-fault divorce is more than a tactical necessity.
Simple decency requires that the law retreat from relentlessly favoring
the spouse who leaves in no-fault divorces and place some minimal power
back into the hands of the spouse who is being left. Imposing a five- to
seven-year waiting period for contested no-fault divorces (as do many
European jurisdictions) would serve the ends of both justice and
prudence: raising the number of marriages that ultimately succeed, while
at the very least ensuring that those who want a quick and easy divorce
will have to negotiate with their marriage partner in order to get it."

The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting Love is being published by Regnery Publishing (Washington, D.C.).
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 391
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:23:38 AM
"The abolition of Marriage", written by a woman, I LIKE IT!!!

The first thing I have seen of this, but a great notion. Seems a shame though, as I'm fairly sure some will opine the forum numbers soon. The fact that, only(under normal circumstances) 5 to 10% of the population participates in the forums, and with the 'missing link' that number must be down to 2 to 6% or less. If this were the forums of 2007 with wider support and participation, I'm sure we would here from the VAST majority of women who look for, no, even INSIST that marriage is their true goal on here in their profile, when looking for an LTR, and how such a thought was heresy!

As to the 5 to 7 year waiting period, I'm fairly sure that would be unworkable. Far too many "no faults", actually have fault at their causation, abuse, addiction, and other grounds are swept under that montage of "no fault". It would be totally and completely unfair to those women or men for that matter, that would continue to be victimized by unscroupulous spouses, who are lower than dirt, and would physically or mentally abuse them.

Never forget, that many foreign countries, have FAR FEWER, lawyers who make their 6 and 7 figure income picking the bones of failed relationships. We here in the USA, enjoy the most litiguous society in the world, where NOTHING is ever your fault, when another can be blamed and sued. Whether it's divorce, car accidents or even the tempature of coffee or the amount of cheeseburgers YOU choose to have. That group would mitigate any legislation that would inhibit their income, since it's their brethren who enact those same laws.

No the ideal for the 21st century society should be a total abolition of marriage. Contracts could be designed for those who chose to cohabitate and have children together.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 392
view profile
History
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:52:27 AM
Ya know...I made a point of saying that my ex wasn't "bad"...and that all men aren't "bad"...or all women good...what I did say, was in my case, the man I married and I were mismatched in a way that was un reconcilable..and the problem here isn't that I think there is nothing wrong with me..is that HE didn't find anything about me that he didn't like, to be a big enough concern to leave..I went crazy trying to do it all the way he wanted, and I met most of his needs, most of the time...the problem was, my needs were different, and he was unable or sometimes unwilling to see that..I tried for ten years...how much longer are you supposed to try? I didn't bail the minute things got bad...

It can't logically be concluded that because some women leave because they are unhappy with who they are with, that it means all men are bad...what about the ones who are still married? What about the ones where it was mutual? What about the ones where the man wanted out? All this thread has said is that in SOME cases the man's behavior was unacceptable to the woman in question....and in those cases it would be fair to say it is because the men were doing something unacceptable wouldn't it?

You asked why we left...we tell you...then you tell us that isn't a good enough reason..or it is the wrong reason...as usual, it appears one (general) doesn't want to know the reason...particularly if it means saying men could do some things that would help us get along better. Many seem to want to tell us what we SHOULD feel , think or do...sigh...it's this insistence on being the "right" one that gets frustrating...or the inability to admit that men aren't perfect either...

MJ: "We" did as in he agreed to counseling, and also we did extensive reading on relationships, male/female thought process differences etc...we did TWO years of counseling...he neither was willing to accept the professionals opinions/suggestions...or take anything I said as serious or important...I did everything I could as in suggesting the counseling, reading the books, cooperating in the counseling, adjusting my behavior where I could...and consistently trying to talk to him about it for years....It can't be fixed by only one person...your absolute insistence on trying to imply or out right state that it must be ALL my fault is part of the problem..he thought it was all my fault too...I didn't cause him to mistreat me, or hurt me...why would I do that? I bent over backwards trying to make sure he wouldn't...but. my behavior didn't affect his...I could do everything he wanted, just the way he wanted....and he still was the same to me...

Let's say you are right ( which you aren't ) and I am saying it is all his fault....how is that different from all you guys insisting it isn't your fault...and it is all the woman's..isn't that a pot/kettle thing?

I at no time said I was perfect...and I'll take any responsibility for anything I'm actually responsible for...but, in the case of my marriage...my flaws aren't what broke us up..because if he thought I was so terrible a person or wife...why didn't he want to divorce me? He was basically happy with things the way they were...so, I couldn't have been doing anything terrible to him now could I?

Sheesh...
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 393
view profile
History
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 11:40:34 AM
zangie,
Breath in..................Breathe out..........Breathe in........Breathe out,


Don't let posters get to you, breakups are 50% each sides fault, take a deep breath, relax a little. It looks like you took steps to keep the marriage intact, sometimes it doesn't work.
Don't let the negative opinions get to you............

Best of luck in your search
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 394
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:31:21 PM

"The abolition of Marriage", written by a woman, I LIKE IT!!!


MR Evil I am glad you do it was a breath of fresh air to read her words and know there are some level headed women out there.



As to the 5 to 7 year waiting period, I'm fairly sure that would be unworkable. Far too many "no faults", actually have fault at their causation, abuse, addiction, and other grounds are swept under that montage of "no fault". It would be totally and completely unfair to those women or men for that matter, that would continue to be victimized by unscroupulous spouses, who are lower than dirt, and would physically or mentally abuse them.

I think it would there are many laws protecting against violence and abuse.
Take GA for instance the divorce laws there are the best I have seen.



LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: The following grounds for divorce are recognized in the state of Georgia: (1) marriage between close blood relations; (2) Mental incapacity at the time of the marriage; (3) Impotency at the time of the marriage; (4) Force, menace, duress, or fraud in obtaining the marriage; (5) Pregnancy of the wife by a man other than the husband, at the time of the marriage, unknown to the husband; (6) Adultery in either of the parties after marriage; (7) Willful and continued desertion by either of the parties for the term of one year; (8) The conviction of either party for an offense involving moral turpitude, under which he is sentenced to imprisonment in a penal institution for a term of two years or longer; (9) Habitual intoxication; (10) Cruel treatment, which shall consist of the willful infliction of pain, bodily or mental, upon the complaining party, such as reasonably justifies apprehension of danger to life, limb, or health; (11) Incurable mental illness; (12) Habitual drug addiction, consisting of addiction to any controlled substance as defined in Article 2 of Chapter 13 of Title 16; (13) Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. [Based on Georgia Code - Section: 19-5-3]

Disclaimer....The GA laws were taken for a SELF HELP SITE FOR WOMEN!!!

Notice that though no fault is there #13 there are many grounds still available to protect the abused.
Proving abuse is really easy in this day and time so that problem is solved.
The 5-7 years waiting period would make it where both would have to come to some sort of settlement to get a "drive thru" divorce.
As the quote stated if they can agree the no-fault can be quick and easy.

Zangie.....


MJ: "We" did as in he agreed to counseling, and also we did extensive reading on relationships, male/female thought process differences etc...we did TWO years of counseling...he neither was willing to accept the professionals opinions/suggestions...or take anything I said as serious or important...I did everything I could as in suggesting the counseling, reading the books, cooperating in the counseling, adjusting my behavior where I could...and consistently trying to talk to him about it for years....It can't be fixed by only one person...your absolute insistence on trying to imply or out right state that it must be ALL my fault is part of the problem..he thought it was all my fault too...I didn't cause him to mistreat me, or hurt me...why would I do that? I bent over backwards trying to make sure he wouldn't...but. my behavior didn't affect his...I could do everything he wanted, just the way he wanted....and he still was the same to me...


You assume facts not in evidence....I have never claimed it to be "all your fault" Go back and reread my posts I have said over and over the fault is shared. where that is not the case is in a blatant I getting a divorce cause I want one. Again not gender biased. Seeing as both sexes do this.

My question was straight forward about the discrepancy in your two statements.
I never accused you of any wrong doing.
Again this shows how men can ask a simple question and women conclude we have a underlying agenda!!! WE DON"T Please remember what happens when we assume.

I would like to hear the views of the women on the post I made (#630) about the abolition of marriage. This looks like a much more fair system. Giving a more even playing field. No fault is still there and the one being left has a little more input.
WHAT SAY YE?
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 395
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:40:54 PM
Zangie, I'm sorry, if my posts upset you. I am not implying you didn't try, nor that you didn't give it an appropriate amount of time, before you took matters to it's next logical step.

As usual, when we read things that strike an emotional cord with us, we own them, whether they apply to us or not. I understand your situation, your points, your actions and everything you said. I have NO PROBLEM with what you did.

The debate does not at any point center around any one individual.

The issue here is not any individual poster, but the SHEER NUMBER of divorces. While I haven't bothered to look up how many divorces or marriages happen in any given year. We must assume it runs into many thousands, maybe 100's of thousands.

The point of the poster I quoted, was that MEN are at fault for MOST or ALL of those. Or at least that's the way it reads to me. I'm sorry if that upsets you or most women, but it doesn't make any of the men happy either.

So since not one woman objected to that statement, let me repeat that NOT ONE WOMAN OBJECTED TO THAT STATEMENT, I have to assume you all agree with it.

Therefore why do women continue to want marriage with men, since as she implied "women are leaving men in droves, so they must be doing something wrong."
Now I don't know how that sounds to you, but it certainly doesn't sound good to me.

If I were to start a thread or add to one which with a post that implied "all women were good for was sex", not only would I be pounced on by EVERY woman in that thread, but a fair number of men as well. I have jumped all over men and women who have said something detrimental to either side of a debate. I have stood for women as well as men, in many an argument.

So my point stands, "why marry men?" If we are that defective, that a woman may say "you don't want to hear what we think" THEN imply that those women left because all or most of it was due to men, and NOT ONE SINGLE WOMAN has a problem with that, what other conclusion should I draw?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 396
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 12:42:54 PM
I don't know about the lengthy time line but I certainly like putting fault back in the mix.

I absolutely hated having to pay out my cheating partner; like rubbing salt into your own wounds.

When there is fault, there should be a way of injecting it into the financials.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 397
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:20:46 PM
Thank you ItsMargo to be clear on the extended time it is only for a contested no fault. If you have a at fault case it goes right through, and if the parties involved with the no fault agree it is quick and easy!!!
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 398
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:42:29 PM

When there is fault, there should be a way of injecting it into the financials.





...as well as, custody...





~ds~
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 399
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:04:24 PM

I couldn't care less about the actual divorce decree. It could take five years or five decades for all I care, because you only need to be divorced if you want to remarry. You can still move out, and that's the main thing.


emmmjay You are correct on this. However the settlement would have to wait on the decree. Allowing the party that was surprised by the split time to catch up emotionally and financially.
Safe guarding their standard of living.
No matter what gender they happen to be.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 400
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:14:36 PM
And allow me to add, get divorced in any state but NJ, alimony for life to a ex that drank and pilled herself into oblivion then filed for SSDI based upon mental disability

mjyawn, then why is it important to have a divorce decree?

Cause no one on POF will date you without one, seperated over 2 yrs...............
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