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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 451
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 19 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)
While your so called "facts" and "percentages"are not facts at all,and your percentages are suspect I think maybe the reason that women initiate breakups a little bit more is because men are more content to live in a rut then women are.We no longer "need" men like we did before.If we are in a bad, loveless,hopeless marriage we can now leave and not starve while living in poverty.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 452
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 7:35:19 AM
If you guys want to know why so many women leave, try going through this thread and read what the women - who are the ones being asked - have said.

You guys ask why *so many women leave*, we say its because 'guys don't hear us when we say we need the guy we married back - the one who listened and actually heard us'.

And you guys respond with "Well, if you were so unhappy, why didn't you say something instead of just leaving?"

Women say back - "we do tell our husbands/partners so they'll have an opportunity to save the relationship; we try to initiate counselling, we try to talk - only to have our words dismissed and ignored; we tried till we just couldn't any more."

Guys say .... "Maybe, but you don't talk *with* us, you talk *at* us so it doesn't count. Or maybe you talked in code. Whatever the miscommunication was, it was your fault."

Now the guy says " ... we know why women leave --- its because of MONEY! Sure - she has a guy with more money waiting in the wings, she knows she can take the guy for half or more of what he's got, she can get alimony, she can get child support! That's why you women leave, they are mony-grubbing, greedy selfish women who have no care for the family."

Women say "Sure there are women like that, but most women aren't that interested in money; they want a good relationship. They want a man who knows how to listen, who'll take her concerns seriously, who'll work on the relationship"

And the male response is ... SEE! I'm right! Thank you for admitting its all about money for women! And any of you women who don't agree, you are lying shrews!

This thread is an absolutely perfect example of why so many women leave relationships: men don't listen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 453
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 7:49:54 AM

Obviously the former, WIP, because there's a lot of people (men *and* women) here who are still carrying around a complete set of Sampsonite "baggage" over their divorces.

Apparently so. It's no wonder the though of marriage makes me break out in hives. Look at the aftermath it causes.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 454
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 8:16:06 AM

(The law states if their house that increases its value over a marriage, it is divided evenly. No, matter who has title or who put more money "down on the house".
You've interpreted that incorrectly. If you read the link you provided properly.. this should have stuck out.

Next, you deduct the value of all the assets you had on the date you married

And when we separated that's exactly what the lawyer calculated and, the difference in our assets that both of us bought into the marriage were deducted and not included in the net family worth that we both contributed during the marriage.

Stocks/bonds/GIC.s/even our vehicles we had before the union were not divided evenly. They were kept separate. He made more.. he had more. The value of the house was divided evenly, but I took less because I didnt' want to argue and give the extra to the lawyers. I was entitled to part of his retirement pension.. I also declined that he earned that, not me.

Anyway, I digress.. You've interpreted the law of division incorrectly.

That old chestnut about the guy losing half his shit.. is laughable at best. Half the stuff you lost you built together with two incomes and you'd not have as much as you had if you didn't have her helping you build it over the years together.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 455
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 9:45:05 AM

You have it backwards. Mntwldflower (and several others ) unequivocally proved you wrong, and I guess you are having a hard time dealing with that, so now you have resorted to being disrespectful to poster who has been polite and respectful to you. Way to go!


I see no reason to respect mediocrity or liars. Where are the proofs you speak of? Explicitly state/quote them, and explain them - if you can find them.



You know, if you proved the truth to us, we WOULD respect your intellect. The reason that is not happening is because both the form and content of your argument is flat out wrong.


You don't know logic. You don't know the form of my argument, let alone if the form is wrong. You are a liar. Having your respect means nothing. Why don't you show the form of my argument and the reasoning you used to determine it "is flat out wrong"?



LOL...you are still deluded and I still think it's funny.


When you can point out a flaw in my reasoning, then you can claim I'm delusional or partially delusional. If you can't point out a flaw in my reasoning, it's you who's delusional for you are making a claim without a justification and believe your claim is true - and that in itself is what makes you delusional.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 456
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 10:06:40 AM
"I'll pay anything to get out of this marriage."

Exactly, so guys make it simple, don't marry in the first place.

I admit to a sore spot on money, but my issues differ from almost all men on this thread. At the time of my divorce my kids were 8 and 18, so why 12 years of alimony? What when the 8 year old turned 15, and she was with friends most afternoons, made her own meals, in fact helped clean the house, she needed a stay at home mom till she was 21? Yeah right there is no justice in the justice system!

Yes yes, I know I've read the pages upon pages of those complaining we never listened. Yep, I was somewhat complicit in that, already said it. Traveled too much on biz, so she cheated cause she felt unloved, didn't tell me that, but I accpet the blame. Remember I heard her when it was too much work in the house, hired a maid 3 or 4 days a week. The lawn was too much, hired a landscaping service, never had to get her hands dirty. She told me she was bored, I heard that too(now here's where it gets interesting) SHE SAID nothing about me, said she wanted to go back to college, both kids were in school , so no biggie. Finished in 3 year, paid for it all myself. SHE NEVER USED THE DEGREE< NOR LOOKED FOR A JOB!

But she did find time with all the help I hired to find a BF.

Frankly let's drop the money, drop the listening since both sides are deaf to the other.

Both sides have needs, so just date! NO MORE MARRIAGE!!! Hooray! No more family courts, supreme courts, a bunch of divorce lawyers will commit suicide so we'll be rid of a few more blood sucking lawyers.

Again, the answer is simple, abolish marriage!

Women can see men, when they want or not. Same with men.

For the extremely rare occourance when you meet a woman, who knows how to communicate, opens her heart, can see both sides in all things, and can be trustworthy.
Guys grab on for all your worth, do what ever it takes to impress her, learn the lessons of communication and how it works, keep your relationship fresh, think of her before yourself most times, be a good parent.

Now for the rest of you guys, some of the women here (I've heard from some) are definitely worh a good look, they have possibilities. The rest? The ones who start out advocating "men are worthless", "men don't ever listen", and "men are less than women and cause most or all of the breakups".

Those are the ones, most are here just for the forums(gee I hope they are, scary thought them trying to date) the others, who hold you in such low esteem.

The phrase "use them and lose them" rings loud and true in my head. When someone views you as inferior, defective, casuing all the problems. They deserve to get screwed over.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 457
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 10:30:29 AM

That old chestnut about the guy losing half his shit.. is laughable at best. Half the stuff you lost you built together with two incomes and you'd not have as much as you had if you didn't have her helping you build it over the years together.


That is because you were reasonable in your settlement it is normally not that way.

I found a poll on here that was just questions asked to divorced people. So there is not incomplete numbers in it as has been said about the stats that have been quoted.

Found some interesting things.

Of the people polled the men are waiting slightly longer to remarry than women.
3.3 years to 3.1 for women.

When ask if they thought that affairs when married are "OK" 65% of women said yes compared to men of 35%.

Funny thing is the same women when asked if they would divorce their mate for an affair 98% said they would divorce their mate?!?!?!?
Where only 95% of the men said they would divorce!!!!

So if the same women think it is ok to have a affair why would they have a problem with their mate having one?

The number of men not getting married is climbing as well.......rising greatly from 1970 on......Do think that the defective product is learning?

The number of people that are getting married is also declining although the population is increasing!!!!

The poll also pointed out most men would demand a pre nup where most women in the poll said they would not want or sign one?!?!?!?

The fact that two men in their mid 20's commenting on thinking women are "in it for the money" I think show whether or not women like it that men are seeing their behavior as detrimental to marriage.
So the cry so many women made on here for the defective product to be done away with is happening!!!

I know that there will be those that say the numbers mean nothing and that I can construe them any way I want and that is great.
You are free to think whatever you like I have that same right.

The trends show that men are analyzing themselves and the idea of marriage and some are choosing not to, while others are using pre nup's to protect their assets.
I really think what is bothering the women posting on here is that this is just another way for men to talk and learn about marriage and the pitfalls of doing so.

OK go ahead and let me have it tell me how closed minded I am and stupid and sexiest and all the other bad things I am just because I hold a different view than you!!!!!!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 458
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 11:31:05 AM

In fact; even if you do not request child support (as the primary/sole custodian that women tend to get) the provision allows the ex-wife to apply for those benefit "down the road" if she changes her mind. And the ex-husband has to pay those child support payment (retroactively)
What IS your point. They are your children as well as the main custodial parent's children. Do you think that providing for the children should only be the main custodial parents obligation? Do you expect the dessolution of a marital bond should absolve the non-(main) custodial parent of all future obligation to the child(ren)?

As for living together That is why when two people shack up they should be doing their homework to make sure that both have thier ducks in a row BEFORE they move in together should the relationship dissolve. e.g. A new home where both are on title with equal downpayment..not moving into one or the other's existing home. There are many more safeguards. However; and unfortunately today people just move in because they find it's "financially easier on both to share?" *rolls eyes* and the love for each other (or the thinking of love) seems to have very little to do with the decision.


But, MOST assets, net worth GIC, relestate, cars or the main assets - ARE in most cases gained AFTER Marriage. Not before.
Which proves (and I thank you) my point about men whining that the women gets half HIS stuff when a marriage is dissolved when two people had been contributing to the increase in net worth.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 459
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 11:46:30 AM

Living common law is different. There is no provision for any assets to be divided, if proven there was no parenting of children, or no children from ones ex. Or the ex's previous family.

Yet, my girlfriend lived 7 years with a guy; he moved into the home she owned. They bought another, using the money she got for the home she'd originally owned as the down payment. She earned significantly more than did he throughout the relationship. She had two kids from a previous relationship.

At the end of the relationship, he decided that because he had no kids and yet had contributed (through the mortgage/other living expenses) to their support that she should "pay him back". His lawyer told him he was nuts.

In the end, he got 50% of the assets - even though he contributed less to the down payment and, by ratio, to mortgage & living expenses throughout the relationship - and this couple wasn't even married.

Ultimately, she "lost" more than he did when the couple split up. Funnily enough he's the bitter one, declaring how she took "all his money"; she's just glad to be out of the relationship and doesn't consider she "lost" anything financially, but got exactly what she was entitled to - 1/2 of what they had accumulated together. That she contributed more to that half than he did doesn't bother her at all because she considered it a partnership.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 460
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 11:55:08 AM

Which proves (and I thank you) my point about men whining that the women gets half HIS stuff when a marriage is dissolved when two people had been contributing to the increase in net worth.


I see your point and agree that is what the law says.
However what I think their point is most time the man makes more money and that that fact should be considered in the split.

Example........If a man makes 30% more money that the wife then the split should reflect that he receive 30% more of the assets.
Before women say that is not fair if it was that way, a woman that makes more that the man would get the same consideration.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 461
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 12:48:56 PM
ok rant over ...............delete rant

yes jinx................I agree
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 462
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 12:55:23 PM

However what I think their point is most time the man makes more money and that that fact should be considered in the split. Example........If a man makes 30% more money that the wife then the split should reflect that he receive 30% more of the assets.
Before women say that is not fair if it was that way, a woman that makes more that the man would get the same consideration.

Ok, and before one gets married/co-habitates, household upkeep (inside and out), vehicle maintenance and child-care should be assigned a $ value equal to the higher-wage earner's hourly pay. A couple keeps track of the time they each spent in household/vehicle upkeep and child care so that in the case of a split, those formerly intangible contributions to the marriage/relationship can be assessed as easily as the obvious "who brings in the higher paycheck".
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 463
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 1:12:26 PM

Example........If a man makes 30% more money that the wife then the split should reflect that he receive 30% more of the assets.
Before women say that is not fair if it was that way, a woman that makes more that the man would get the same consideration.
So: What do we do about the fact that the women makes less.. but she is the one that paid for all the groceries, all the family gifts (including all christmas presents to the children), All the babysitting fees paid out when the parents are at work, her contribution to the mortgage etc. etc?

It's not a perfect world, but I'd say in most households things are usually divided up 50/50 even when the women does earn less.

Lots of men really do need to let go of the mentality that they got burnt or will in future surely get burnt. Not too many people in general come out better off financialy once they've split. It's not just guys coming out the only losers here folks. Even when the wife keeps the home.. she usually has to re-mortgage in order to get the money to buy out the ex.. Leaving her with payments that neither had to make anymore because the home was paid for prior to the split.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 464
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 1:45:22 PM
There's something to be said for men who obviously de value any contributions women make that aren't measurable in dollar amounts...there is something to be said for how important money is to many men ( and this importance is why it can be used against you)..so, important, in fact, it trumps love, your children and anything else that has real value..some women try to use it to hurt men, because it works...

I have repeatedly said that the cases where men are treated unfairly on a regular basis are getting less and less where I live, I have to assume that's true of most other parts of the country...I lost my job shortly after my divorce, and had to file bankruptcy eventually...my ex didn't suffer much ...he did have to get an equity line to pay me my share of the equity...but, I had already given him his 7K off the top...and our house was worth three times what we owed..and he made twice as much as I did...this doesn't mean I contributed any less...I shared all my money..plus, did a myriad of other things that contriubted to having a nice home, and marriage...my degree and skills just didn't pay the same as his..I didn't work any less..in fact more..I worked 6 days to his five..plus did almost everything else to keep the house and our finances maintained...

You can't put a dollar value on a person's worth..of any gender..and those who try...I will never understand...

The constant threats here about men not marrying just don't scare me..don't even know that I would get married again..and it is in large part due to the number of angry, mean and unfeeling men there seem to be in my age group...

I don't want anything from them but their love and consideration..and that seems to be the furthest thing from their mind....

It is extraordinarliy difficult to to try and understand someone who is constantly "yelling", criticizing and and telling you how evil you are..and how angelic they are..

x-file & mr evil: I so hope that this is part of some internet persona, because I have actually always enjoyed your posts until you have gotten what I think is unnessecarily personal and mean...you can disagree without being hateful....
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 465
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 1:51:05 PM

Do women listen?????? here. Try to focus, less emotion my help.
I listened fine.. I asked what your point was.. I hardly see that as responding to you emotionally. How condenscending!
You are posting as if you think that the "woman" is the one that gets the money. Yes.. she gets the money to put towards the upkeep of her children. It could be argued that not all money goes towards that upkeep.. but neither did it all go towards their upkeep when they were still a family unit under one roof. The main custodial parent (man or women) has an obligation to contribute their own money as does the non-custodial parent (man or woman). As for feeling a second class citizen.. that's your (the general "your") issue.. there's no reason why, when court ordered and payments are being routinely made that you don't utilize your time with your children constructively and lovingly.


I agree with "Mr. Evil", there is something to be said of a pre nup or not getting married at all.
I agree.. but as you say, love is blind ~ particularily amongst the young who are still getting married in droves.

By the way I answered a Trivial Pursuit game question the other night: "What is the percentage of men winning custody of their children after divorce in the USA."

Answer was 7 out of 10 men are awarded the pleasure of being the main custodialy parent after break up. I've not searched how factual that is yet.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 466
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 4:21:54 PM

There's something to be said for men who obviously de value any contributions women make that aren't measurable in dollar amounts...there is something to be said for how important money is to many men ( and this importance is why it can be used against you)..so, important, in fact, it trumps love, your children and anything else that has real value..some women try to use it to hurt men, because it works...


If selfish men would just refrain from reproducing with women they don't love, they wouldn't be having to forfeit their "money" when the relationship has ended. They should get snipped if they do not want to be responsible for a family. Very simple.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 467
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 4:35:35 PM
Eh, jumping in here to add to the wishes/funtalk exchange.

Nup, you guys have missed the bit in family law that really fries my gourd: the property before marriage is not considered in the NFP - Net Family Property equalization.

So, I own a house and we get married. On marriage we have a valuation date and set aside assets held before marriage - EXCEPT for property. On separation, another valuation date - this time including property.

To make this clear, an example:

If I had $200,000 in GIC's, it would get set aside as a personal asset on marriage. If this investment grew during the marriage the only thing that would be split would be the $$ growth - not the original capital. Say it grew $100,000 - depending on the other spouses NFP, they would be entitled to $50,000 and the spouse would keep 200,000 original investment + 50,000 growth.

If I invested $200,000 in a house before marriage, the $200,000 would not be set aside as a personal asset on marriage because matrimonial homes are treated differently under the law from other assets. If the house grew in value $100,000 over the marriage, on divorce the other spouse (regardless of whether they had ever contributed towards a mortgage payment) would be entitled to $150,000 in equalization (depends, again, on their own asset situation what the final amount of equalization would be) and the spouse who bought the house with their own $200,000? They also get $150,000 because that's the equal division of property. In this example, equalization results in losing 50,000 of your original investment and none of the growth benefit.

^^ Let me tell ya, that unfairness really irks me. Pre-nups, baby!

And, not to get into all of this to a heavy extent. Although property is handled differently in commonlaw, constructive trusts and resulting trusts are something anyone thinking about living with someone else had better research thoroughly - and maintain a clear and compliant papertrail throughout.

Edit to add:

Tracking expenses kind of undermines the spirit of sharing a life and a home and a family , IMO. If both people are working full time, and both have responsibilities around the house, why should a person who is making less money (but is working just as hard) be penalized if they split up? Should the lower earning spouse go and get a second job so she/he can kick in dollar for dollar? There are only so many hours in a day...it might not even be possible for some people to equal their partner in earnings, so it is never going to be truly equal, and I don't see why it even has to be...

It does tend to undermine it. One has to set things up IMO in a way where it just runs fairly automatically. I'm very willing to share everything with a partner in relationship. I'm very willing to support them in a career shift, I'm very willing to take on a higher $ amount of a split if that's what fair is based on our respective incomes. What I am unwilling to do is continue to subsidize them AFTER we split up. I am unhappy to give them something I worked and paid for. (I didn't say unwilling, because it is often much cheaper just to hand it over than get in a legal battle over - let's face it - STUFF) I am not at all happy when one gets an advantage over the other - regardless of gender. If leaving me means you go back to renting an apartment the way you did before we began, so be it. No one should be able to take advantage of the other - and that IMO is what our current laws do.

The best thing is to get a prenupt or cohab agreement and get yourself out of the family law default position.
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 468
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 5:28:31 PM
I think it's because women are much more comfortable in general than men are with being alone so we will end relationship that isn't meeting our needs. It seems like the men I know enter a new relationship almost immediately after the previous one ends. I know so many men who have been married three times or more, but very few women.

I read an article recently that discussed the fact that fewer and fewer young men are graduating from college, finding employment, and are able to support themselves, much less contribute financially to a family. Women are finding that they have to do it all, earning the larger percentage of the income and caring for the childen. They don't even have to have a man in their life to have children. Men just aren't needed like they were in the Leave it to Beaver days. Women don't need to hesitate to give a guy like this the boot.

Who knows, maybe men will be extict one day.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 469
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 6:11:53 PM

he made twice as much as I did...this doesn't mean I contributed any less...I shared all my money


If two people was to go into business together partner A had 65% of the start up money and partner B had 35%.
They made money both drawing a pay check of equal amounts for the years the business operated.
Now one day partner B decides that they no longer want to do this anymore.
Demanding that partner A give them 50% of the company's net worth. What do you think would happen?
Seeing as partner B only owned 35% of the business that is what they would be entitled to.
Partner A would be able to go to court and prove that they owned 65% of the business and would only have to give 35% of the worth of the business.

Marriage is the only legal contract that is NOT handled this way!!!

As far as how to split the expenses of the person making less........Hummmm lets see they would have to live on what they what they made if they wasn't married so instead of expecting to drive a BMW they would have to drive a Toyota.

They could figure the percentage of the mortgage they can afford if a divorce occurs then they would get the same percentage that they paid on the house.
In other words handle it just like any other business deal.

As far as 7 out of ten men getting custody that is NOT right it takes all of two minuets to find the true facts on that!!!

BTW In the poll of divorced people when the women that filed first was asked if they could go back to just before they filed would they do it again 45% said they would not that divorcing there husband was a mistake!!!!!!.....Hummmmmm
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 470
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 6:44:08 PM

If two people was to go into business together partner A had 65% of the start up money and partner B had 35%.
They made money both drawing a pay check of equal amounts for the years the business operated.
Now one day partner B decides that they no longer want to do this anymore


Things are not always that simplified in business or marriage. What if partner B spent 50% more of his time than partner A handling the day to day operations of the business which led to a significant increase in the value of the business? Is time and expertise not a tangible asset as well?

Let's say partner A contributed less time because he had another job or business venture that he was involved in............do you still think the business should be a 65/35 split upon dissolution?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 471
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 7:02:22 PM
well, MJ...this is the point you are missing...

Marriages aren't business deals..they are loving relationships...you can not quantify what either partner does that doesn't bring in money...

I do not agree an ex should keep the other half in a life they have become accustomed to ( not even sure I think alimony is necessary except in extreme cases of long term marriage where the wife didn't work by agreement of both parties)..I do think that what you are entitled to in the things that get split isn't just about who made more money..there are many things that help facilitate a smooth marriage that aren't based on money...

I ended up filing bankruptcy after my divorce, so , he didn't give me anything that kept me in a particular lifestyle ( and I didn't ask for alimony, which in hindsight, maybe I should have. because it would have helped me briefly at least, get back on my feet...)..I only got what I thought was fair...and even refused things I was entitled to and seen as fair legally..and I gave him his premarital profit from a fixer up house he had bought right off the top...But, I didn't work any less, or contribute any less than him percentage wise, and besides my money....there was a lot of unpaid labor that kept our house nice, and him happy...I wasn't able to make the money he did..I wasn't refusing to...so, I did other things to make up for that...and they count...

Here's the thing...a decent human being who professed to love someone, and especially if they were never mistreated by this person....why would they try to say after the fact that the marriage wasn't 50/50...because one person made more money than the other..that's my point...money isn't all there is, or all that counts...could I reasonably penalize someone for not being loving or doing their share of the chores? I contributed to our lifestyle..we couldn't have lived the way we did without my income...nor, as nice as we did in other ways...I didn't get anything that wasn't fair..based on what I contributed for ten years...my working allowed him to have all his fancy toys too...which he kept...if I hadn't gotten what I did...it wouldn't have been a matter of me driving a BMW ( this cracks me up...I left the marriage with a used dodge...roflmao)..I would have been on the street...I barely made it as it was...I moved in with my grandmother...his lifestyle didn't change much...he could afford things to start over, I could not...everything I had when we got married was consumed in the marriage...

This is another thing that would scare me about getting married again...I do not want to have to start over a third time ( second time was after the cancer)...I believe agreements about premarital or pre cohabiting arrangements are necessary..because as much as I ideally wish it lasted forever...I know it may not...if I turn over everything I own now..including my house...and we break up...I'm going to have a hard time starting over again...especially at my age...and that worries me...not whether he got any of my money or not....so, pre nups etc are smart...

I don't know how you would figure what % of anything anyone contributed unless you kept copious records on every single transaction..we pooled out money...paid all the bills out of it, and the leftover was used for other living expenses or luxuries..we didn't keep track of who paid for what , or anything...

My brain does not compute putting value on a person, or what they do for you , with money...I am a very fair person, and I'm sure I'm not the only one...

I hate to burst your bubble ( and yes, the 7 out of ten seems high..but...), where I live lots of men get custody...but, actually, there is rare sole custody anymore, only if the other parent is dangerous, or seriously incapable...most couples go with shared parenting...many an actual 50/50 in time with their children...CS is based on a mathematical formula going by percentage of income...and sometimes it washes, based on time with the other parent...sometimes it doesn't..and the higher income person pays a bit more...people also make agreements to change the formula, and as long as both agree and is fair..the judge allows it..I have also seen people trade child support for other assets..one party will give it up in lieu of something else...

I don't know...I believe in fair..but, I also believe that people's value isn't monetary, and I am also a pretty generous person myself...
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 472
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 7:46:23 PM

If two people was to go into business together partner A had 65% of the start up money and partner B had 35%.
They made money both drawing a pay check of equal amounts for the years the business operated.
Now one day partner B decides that they no longer want to do this anymore.
Demanding that partner A give them 50% of the company's net worth. What do you think would happen?


I don't think, I KNOW that the percentage would be decided not merely on the amount of startup capital, but on the value of input into the business that resulted in income. If B was responsible for 90% of the bookkeeping, selling or any of the like, those contributions would be factored in.

Marriage is not like "any other business deal". Rarely does the dissolution of a business deal result in such utter bitterness & hatred towards all salesman, accountants, or result in the inability to admit that anyone else has a valid point.

One poll, or one statistical source does not serve as proof of anything, for either "side" of this argument. There are many sources citing the fact that both men & women who have been divorced tend to remarry, men faster than women. What do you glean from those "facts"? That men are stupid? I, for one, think not. I see, in real life, far more individuals, of both genders, who are able rise above bitterness & take each person and each relationship, on its' merits; they realize that little in life is fair, and admit that personal experiences color one's perception. It takes two to make a relationship & two to fail at one. The act of filing paperwork doesn't define initiation, and it is unlikely that there is any one specific thing that does define it. Making a point you disagree with doesn't make someone else a liar or ignorant, it just means they have a different perspective.

As an aside, and not caring about the risk of starting another futile argument, it IS true that men who SEEK custody prevail approx. 70% of the time. For whatever reason (and I'm sure there are those here who claim to "know" why ) the majority of men don't seek custody, or even request joint custody. At the very least, the statement provides further proof that numbers alone don't go very far in answering the question "why?"
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 473
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 8:24:05 PM

As far as 7 out of ten men getting custody that is NOT right it takes all of two minuets to find the true facts on that!!!

BTW In the poll of divorced people when the women that filed first was asked if they could go back to just before they filed would they do it again 45% said they would not that divorcing there husband was a mistake!!!!!!.....Hummmmmm
You know You post that 7 out of ten men getting custody is NOT right and that it only takes two mins to find the true facts on that.. Yet instead of taking the two mins to back yourself up.. you spew some unrelated crap??????
 Hiiwayman
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 474
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 8:48:46 PM
And how is it unrelated.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 475
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/29/2010 8:54:19 PM
This thread gets betterer and betterer!!! I love it, who contributes what, cost of potatoes, lack of milk for the kids. dummies out with the bath water!!! GREAT!!!!

Ya know, I never counted a friggin dime. Yeah I saved and invested, but my family wanted for NOTHING, let me repeat that for the tone deaf bitties! N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!

When we split, I got hammered on alimony and CS, know what, I didn't like it one bit. BUT I knew my EX hadn't worked but 3 months in our entire marriage, so if I didn't want my kids to starve, I'd have to pay.

So now we'll make this all about Mr. cheapskate, instead of "oh I was bored and fuked tom from down the block" or "he didn't listen to my needs". Horsesh1t!

Most women think life is soooo terrible with this guy. Hes doesn't..., he can't..., when I talk he..., then we hear about their "adventure in dating". Hahahahaha!!!!

He wants me to pay for coffee or my meal, he wasn't tall enough, he said he was an entreprenur when he actually poured manure!!! hahaha

No guy is ever good enough for the little princesses. Well guess what? Resign from dating them, or never marry again. NO BIG THANG!!!!

You don't see what we get on the other side. Love the Q&A what kinda job do you have? or How much CS and alimony do you pay? or Do you own your own home? or Do you lease that BMW? hahaha

YEAH right!! Like after those questions I gonna pop the question. Well then again I usually do, "should I take you home now?" hahahaha

Like I said 50 times before "ABOLISH MARRIAGE"!!!!

I've heard from several women on this thread and about it. Some of them would be real candidates for an LTR, their reasonable, their smart, they know what they want and they respect a man. Those are the women men should crave and look for. Those are the women most men want and desire.

What do the women say "Oh no all they want are hottie's and barbie's" more BS!! Make excuses till the cows come home. Men don't want you cause you have the attitude of a pitbull, the personality of an asp and all you can think about is "what's wrong with men".

Sorry zangie, you seem like a great gal, you stumbled into the wrong thread with all the black widow spiders of POF. They hate men, have no use for them, except to b1tch about them. Geee come to think about it, why are they here?

Because occassionally, they need other entertinment than their cats!!! hahahahah!

EDIT to add: another falacy added to this thread 7 of 10 men get custody! hahaha LOL

OMG this is when I wish the pinochio story was true!!! The woman who told that whopper would have a 20 foot nose!! If it's 1 in 10, it's a lot. More to the point, the only progress has been in joint custody. A woman would have to be an axe murderer for the guy to get custody.

C'mon ladies, let's hear some more lies!!! Keep em comin, this is better than Monty Python!!
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