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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?      Home login  
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 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 576
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 24 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)
But Like I said, many people look at marriage as something that gives them fulfillment of being happy, or a source of it.

Really, than why...

I left my last LTR because she was lazy, and always playing the victim. Course she was horrible with money, had 12 jobs over 2 year period, was always someone else's fault for getting fired.. Just got sick of it and kicked her butt to the curb..

Weren't you happy with her ...anyway?

After all, nothing she could do could effect your happiness with the relationship, right?

Impossible and all that.... would it have "killed" you to stay in the relationship?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 577
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:20:30 PM

^^^^ LOL! Nice try dude! Thats your argument on whatever level? Dude would you stay with that? Naw she had a nice job when I first met her, didn't know how that whole thing would have played out. I kicked her out, because I was sick of many things she did.


So you kicked her out... because you were unhappy with yourself?
Or you kicked her out because you were unhappy with her?

Easy enough question.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 578
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:26:28 PM
Forums1 - If you don't return the cat to your lonely, old biddy, spinster next-door-neighbor, I'm telling on you!
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 579
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 5:58:54 PM

Think your wrong there. Put that same male prostitute at Rodeo and Vine in LA and the guy will make a killing. There are a lot of women that would easily go and see male prostitutes if they performed as a group such as "Chippendales" or any other club like that. Rumour has it women and alcohol and men dancing seems to bring out the wildest of parties.

Ya know, I've been to strip bars for men, as well as to male stripper shows - and I agree compared to men, the woman are very exuberant in the presence of men who are putting on a strip show. I don't think it's because they particularly desire sex with these men, though. To me it's seemed more like a female-bonding experience; celebrating men, and celebrating our sexuality, together. It feels more like a place in which women's sexuality is accepted and encouraged, welcomed, a place of freedom - compared to the 'real world' when a skirt that is too short or a blouse too low is 'inappropriate' and "asking for it", whether it is to be whistled at or raped; where a woman knows if she sleeps with one too many guys, or on the first date she's a slut. It feels kind of like a safe place to express our love and appreciation for men and for sex. At least, that was how it felt to me.

It seems that when men go to strip clubs, they're disconnected both from each other and from the stripper. They like having a naked woman put on a show for them, but for the most part she's not really invited into the "party" in the same way male strippers are. Of course, this is just what things look like to me through observation - there's no way I can say for sure if the impression I'm left with is accurate, since I'm not a guy.

Anyway, the point is I don't think women's enjoyment of male strippers has anything to do with desiring sex enough to pay for it consistently or well enough for a guy to make a living. My guess is that few women would think that an orgasm in and of itself is worth a great deal of money - men, on the other hand, are more likely to be willing to trade money for an orgasm. I think a man who is willing to be a full time companion to a woman, including sex, is more likely to make money. As a matter of fact, I understand that in poorer countires, there are men who make a living doing that very thing. But the difference in value men put on sex/orgasm vs. what women put on sex/orgasm means that men do drive the sex industry.

Qualification: Plenty of men have never used a prostitute; plenty of men are willing to pay for companionship instead of or in addition to an orgasm, and plenty of men would not think an orgasm alone worth even $20, let alone $100s.

Yes, I know this is all off-topic, but the difference in monetary value men and women place on sex vs. relationships is quite fascinating to me.

On topic: women leave marriages/relationships at a higher rate than men do because they are unhappy in the relationship. They are unhappy in the relationship for lots of reasons, varying from horrific abuse to believing that the man is no longer really interested in her - except, sometimes, as an alternate to his hand. IMO, YMMV, etc.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 580
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 5:59:11 PM
I'm sick as a dog and should be in bed, lol..but, I thought I'd throw one more thing out there about this unhappy/happy...

One can be totally happy with oneself, and still not be happy with some part of their life...like their marriage. I didn't leave my ex because I was unhappy with myself...I left my ex because he did things that hurt me, or sabotaged me in a regular basis...this made me unhappy with the marriage...it had nothing to do with how happy I was with myself...I wasn't expecting him to "fix" me..I was expecting him to be on my side, and support me, and be a partner not a dictator...

I can't believe you would think that someone has to put up with abusive or un-supporting behavior...because they are responsible for their own happiness? This is like saying if someone beats the crap out of you...you should ignore it and create your own happiness?

I think the phrase" one has to be happy with themselves" is misused in this context...people who leave marriages in search of themselves this might apply to..but, people who leave marriages because their partners are treating them badly, or undermining their self worth..they are not in control of that...this flies in the face of men who are always saying why did women put up with abuse for all those years?

It is perfectly reasonable, in my opinion, to leave someone who mistreats you , or doesn't contribute to a marriage ( or relationship ) in a positive way...good self esteem does not mean putting up with abuse...in fact, it means just the opposite...

I repeat..I didn't leave my marriage because it failed to live up to some unrealistic ideal...I left because I was miserable IN THE MARRIAGE , and saw no light at the end of the tunnel, after repeated efforts to try and make it better...whatever my personal issues were...that didn't change the fact that I was being dismissed, mistreated, and bullied...which made me unhappy..not with myself, but with my marriage and my exes behavior...( if I was unhappy with myself in regards the marriage..it would be my failure to take a stand and end it sooner than I did....)

Sexiest User: Brilliant...teehee

( And yes, I do own a cat...lol)

EDITED to add:

Am I particularly dense ..wait a minute I just figured it out..YMMV..your own mileage may vary..sheesh
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 581
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 6:17:43 PM

Thats your argument on whatever level? Dude would you stay with that? Naw she had a nice job when I first met her, didn't know how that whole thing would have played out. I kicked her out, because I was sick of many things she did.

So, you were happy in yourself and your life, but you were unhappy in the relationship, so you ended it. Just like a lot of women do, hey? Happy in themselves, but the idjit partner ain't doing his share, so they get sick of it and boot him to the curb, whereupon their happiness with themselves remains unchanged, and they no longer have to deal with a lame partner.

I'd say you perfectly understand the reasons of those 80% of women the OP mentioned.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 582
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 6:23:34 PM
This discussion sure has had a turn around! As for me, while I may be satisfied with who I am as a person, I truly believe that actual happiness exists in moments, as opposed to a state of being. That having been said, of course someone else, someone you have chosen to share your life with, can ruin those moments. Maybe women realize that faster than men, perhaps men have less things that are important to their satisfaction. Either way, if someone makes you, or others you love, hurt or feel insignificant, over & over, or otherwise "rains on your parade", it may be best to cease the relationship. I assume that those in a relationship first make an attempt to deal with the action/inactions that lead to these feelings, but either way, it boils down to the preservation of self worth (happiness, if you'd like). Human beings are affected, and can be demeaned by those they value.

It is true that someone else only has as much power over you as you allow them to have, but that certainly doesn't mean that anyone should simply decide not to let those actions affect them, and continue to live a life less than they feel they deserve.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 583
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 7:41:32 PM

Thats your argument on whatever level?

Actually, it's your argument from post#877, ...let's look at the statement you replied to:
Let's make it gender neutral and see...

"So you don't see the fact that a lot of spouses are unhappy in their marriages as a problem, or you just don't see that the spouses can possibly have any role in the fact that their spouses are unhappy?"

Now let's look at your breakup story...

"I left my last LTR because she was lazy, and always playing the victim. Course she was horrible with money, had 12 jobs over 2 year period, was always someone else's fault for getting fired.. Just got sick of it and kicked her butt to the curb.."

Does THIS still apply?

"But over-all if your not happy, you need to stop pinning this on someone else and take the steps to delve into the issues your not happy. Another person simply cannot be an external validation of ones happiness..."

?

Dude would you stay with that?

Immaterial... How do we know she would have behaved the same if she was with a different man?
"It is impossible for another person to make someone happy."?

Does this extend to: "Can one person be unhappy because of the actions (or lack thereof) of a significant other?


Naw she had a nice job when I first met her, didn't know how that whole thing would have played out.


Let's see, ...what changed for her?

____________

I suppose there is some comfort in insisting that one person cannot make another person happy/unhappy, ...if it's true, ...accountability for how we may affect others is moot.


Hey you were speaking of straw man argument...

I've used your very words, all I've done is make the posit gender-neutral.

It's not like I conveniently left out a word prefix (un) and replaced it with an opposite meaning in order to refute a statement

Or are you saying that there IS a double standard applied to gender, is this the sound of goal-posts moving?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 584
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:26:21 PM
Forums1 - If you don't return the cat to your lonely, old biddy, spinster next-door-neighbor, I'm telling on you!


Heh, I had *5* at one point - and one of them *was* inherited from the "old biddy spinster next-door" (nah, a friend a few years older than me - and not the neighbor, married a guy who's sons were allergic - and she'd kill me if I called her an "old biddy" ). I just kept inheriting them from people who for whatever reason couldn't keep them...
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 585
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:41:47 PM

No cause it is in the definition of happy. So technically the words have pretty much the same meaning yet one is more detailed in what you mean.


See: "Equivocation"

Basically, what he's being called on.

 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 586
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:51:14 PM
"It is true that someone else only has as much power over you as you allow them"

This is very true, don't marry, date em and move on. Don't invest any feelings in them and it'll all be good. Works for both women and men.

Loved the male prostitute debate. LOL You can't get women to email you first, nor ask you out on a first date. Never mind pay for anything. If the guy doesn't pay he's cheap, so why would anyone think women would pay for sex, that way?

No only the desparate women, who keep a man, pay his bills, kinda giggilo thing pay for sex. But they choose to blame the man as lazy, or to good to work. Rather than admit they are paing for sex. Funny when women do it, they are making a home, when a guy does it he's lazy. Just another female myth or double standard.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 587
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:02:17 PM
"What happened to the normal women?"

They started talking and listening to the bitter and disenchanted, thus became the same! If you really thought about this thread title, the only "normal" ones left are the OTHER 20%!
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 588
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:09:46 PM
They started talking and listening to the bitter and disenchanted, thus became the same!

Had they known that they were bitter and disenchanted they probably wouldn't have married them in the first place.


If you really thought about this thread title, the only "normal" ones left are the OTHER 20%!


It's done with magnets.

Boneless ice cream strikes again!
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 589
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 1:23:28 AM
If this is a trend, maybe (possibly unlike what they say) it's NOT them but maybe it's you.

Common, man up and take responsibility that you either fall for the wrong woman and/or don't please them like a partner.

Playing the blame game gets you nowhere - you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself.

Been there, done that, don't EVER want to go there again.

19 years old, and exhibiting far more; reasoning, understanding and self-actualization than most of the people on this thread (gender-neutral) who have self-concern and confirmation bias as their sole source of inspiration.

No wonder the trend of divorce stats is going down.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 590
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 3:15:49 AM
^^^I have never been able to initiate a relationship without the cooperation of the man. In my experience, the relationship begins in mutual cooperation.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 591
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 3:28:49 AM

I don't know about the other men in here but me personally. I've never ever broken up with a woman. As a matter of fact every woman I ever dated thinks I disappeared off the face of the planet. For all I know they are still looking for me. I've never met a man that needed closure and went to break it off with a woman face to face. I've known some that did it on the phone. Text message. Friends. All sorts of methods just never to a woman's face. So I'd say it's a cultural thing. Let the woman break it off even if you have to give her multiple reasons to get it done. Men initiate the relationship. Women break it off. This is the way of the world. Here's another question for ya.
And yet another data point.

I have no regrets.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 592
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 6:57:19 AM

I don't know about the other men in here but me personally. I've never ever broken up with a woman. As a matter of fact every woman I ever dated thinks I disappeared off the face of the planet. For all I know they are still looking for me. I've never met a man that needed closure and went to break it off with a woman face to face. I've known some that did it on the phone. Text message. Friends. All sorts of methods just never to a woman's face. So I'd say it's a cultural thing. Let the woman break it off even if you have to give her multiple reasons to get it done. Men initiate the relationship. Women break it off. This is the way of the world. Here's another question for ya.


I said this earlier, does it come down to courage? When a man does the above, he is nothing but a coward to me. Not addressing or trying to address sh*t in your relationship makes you a coward. I've noticed that men will be aware of their wife being unhappy but not say a word and wait until she says something. The problem is she may not say anything either. This is where there is equal blame. But I think all of us should start speaking up.


Here's another question for ya.
Why are 80% of men initiating the relationships?


Yeah, I've discussed this many times. Simply put, men need women more (in the relationship sense) than women need men. Yes, as a society I believe both sexes are important. Women seem to be more capable of not being in a relationship, of not going to places where men are, of not having to pursue men than men are. And please don't give me that crap about "if we didn't do it, who would" because honestly maybe we would do it if you stopped and WHO asked you to do it anyway?
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 593
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 7:18:51 AM


Let the woman break it off even if you have to give her multiple reasons to get it done.

LOL....most people get dumped simply by being themselves!

Not that funny; it's the method my ex used to dump me. It's quite a head trip as one gradually realizes that what he wants is to be dumped, and all the while he's saying how much he loves you. Yeah. Women could take lessons on the way some guys manipulate.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 594
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 7:34:10 AM

cuz men are the A-HOLES 80% of the time.

surely someone already told you that, eh?

I am sorry that I see some validity in this based solely on the contents of this thread.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 595
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:10:46 AM

cuz men are the A-HOLES 80% of the time.

I think that was a pretty useless and inflammatory remark, even if you meant it fun. Men aren't the A-HOLES 80% of the time; relationship breakup is something BOTH people take part in at least 80% of the time, regardless of who first says "I'm done with you" or who first files legal papers.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 596
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:10:49 AM
I soooo did not get that memo... A life sucking vampire that will put their poker nights forever in jeopordy... Interesting... I LOVE poker night with my friends...

... Are we seen as desperate cougars?... I give up...

I am soooo out of the loop. I have been dancing most of my life... Always have...

For some reason those words just plain hurt...

In my experience anyway... Why on earth men asking me to go on dates then?...

I feel weird now... I never thought men would see us that way when they are the ones looking for a mate, surrogate mother or maid or all of the above... etc... I give up...
Me too. Who wants to be around someone who thinks women are intent on ensnaring a man, bleeding him for his money and tossing him aside when she has a better offer? I am happy that I am old enough that few people ask me about my marital status any longer. I think they assume I am divorced. My best friend lost her husband about a year ago. She has mentioned Internet dating. I will dissuade her from this site, for sure.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 597
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:18:32 AM

has mentioned Internet dating. I will dissuade her from this site, for sure.

I think you'd be doing her a disservice, then; your experience with the men who post in the forums is not applicable to men universally, even those who only use the dating portion of the site. Anyway, I met my guy of POF and he actually knows how to communicate, isn't bitter/angry and thinks many of the guys who post on here are simply unwilling or unable to see themselves clearly. Not to mention, other sites have the same people, or same type of people; it's not specific to POF.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 598
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:26:01 AM
Having yawn gone (haha - made a rhyme) has at least allowed the discourse to broaden to some different perspectives (instead of beating the stat horse over and over) with a few newcomers rather than having 6-10 posts per page of "The Yawn Show."

Edit: Speaking of stats, the last two posts from the OP (195 & 197), make it clear he is talking about BREAKUPS as explicity stated in his title. While he acknowledges in post 195 that divorce filings are 2/1 for women/men, he goes on to explicitly address BREAKUPS in general. There are no stats to support the 80% breakup hypothesis, so this thread was derailed long ago for the apparent purpose of lending some sort of credible blame to the failure of marriages as personally experienced by some of the posters herein. How this thread has survived with all the bashing is beyond me, but this is the type of thread that was a contributing factor to my own deletion of my account years ago. I guess I had a faulty memory because I wonder now, why I bothered to return?
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 599
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 9:21:48 AM
I think you'd be doing her a disservice, then; your experience with the men who post in the forums is not applicable to men universally, even those who only use the dating portion of the site.
Sincere congratulations on your good fortune. While I realize the forumites represent a small percentage (and now that the link is gone, even smaller) of the PoF population, my take on free sites is that they attract largely cruisers (not serious), a higher percentage of married men (no credit card trail) and those for whom a pay site represents a financial burden. Yes, yes ... not everyone is married or destitute. Both my dear friend and I are self-sufficient and while, in the past, I may have been one of those "desperate, gigolo-supporting women" who paid the mortgage on my own while allowing my BF to cohabitate, I have certain responsibilities to my family that would make it unlikely I would enter into an arrangement that required me to contribute to an SO's support at this point.

Add: my friend had a wonderful marriage (her second) and I know she will be able to attract a wonderful man again.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 600
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/2/2010 9:30:59 AM

my take on free sites are that they attract largely cruisers (not serious), a higher percentage of married men (no credit card trail) and those for whom a pay site represents a financial burden.


I always find it funny whenever I read the above in threads since none of those reasons apply to me. I only bring it up since one of the reasons why I refrained from posting in this thread that the 80% figure was so ridiculous that it really didn't need rebuttal - but the above posted text has the same concrete reasoning as a basis, so go figure.
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