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 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 626
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 26 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)
Good post mjyawn. One of the things I've learned in a few years of hanging out around here is that sometimes the most contentious threads lead to greater understanding for some people if they just keep hanging in through the hard going and keep seeking to understand and be understood.

Heck, maybe if that happened more often in real life we'd have less divorces.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 627
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 11:42:40 AM

^^^actually I think you missed this one too:

A well-cultivated critical thinker:
* Raises vital questions and problems, formulating them clearly and precisely

Your questions were for the most part not questions that were vital, but rather were more defensive of your position and "what should I have done" type, basically questions that were rhetorical.


Really not vital? Seeing as the OP"s question is posed to women and the major majority of women have given vague responses at best. I would think a question of "what should I have done" is seeking information. Not rhetorical.




I know what my reasons (fault) is for the breakdown of my major relationship and the last relationship I had I made sure to discuss those. However, I was still dumped anyway LOL.

I don't get dumped for the usual reasons. I get dumped because I can't give a man children and I suffer from a health issue that most people are afraid of or find too "inconvenient" lol. That said, I'm more healthy than some of my friends.....


So if you know he told you. Isn't that the question the Op is asking here for a more detailed reason for the breakup.
Because it is hard to glean much knowledge from IDK I'm unhappy or because I wanted to.
So in your case at least you were told what he saw as a problem.

I have been out the last few days so I must have missed that if you will tell me what the post number is I will read his comment and gladly respond. I did go back and look but didn't see what your referring to.

To Margo thanks I happen to believe you are correct. I do see that the way I was trying to say what I meant was not plain and being misconstrued. However I hope now it is concise enough to be understood.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 628
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 12:26:39 PM

Now while this may not totally cause an absence of happiness, it does create blind spots at the least, at the most it voids many feelings that the rest of us normally have.

The thing I have noticed most about this condition is they constantly try to fill the hole with either things(possessions) or people(lovers usually), to no avail. The hole needs to be closed, through therapy of one form or another(individual or support group). Because no matter how much sh1t they throw in the hole, it is in essence a bottomless pit. No amount of things or lovers will give them that inner peace that come from self worth.

So in these cases, he is right, happiness for them is elusive, maybe impossible. They don't understand it, what it is, how to find it or frankly what to do with it, when they have it. They are happy for a few minutes or a few days possibly a few months, then onto looking for the next thing to throw into the hole.

I forget the exact name you gave it (I call it a 'hole in the soul') but I've noticed the same thing and describe it in much the same way. It is genderless, although I think it does tend to be expressed differently among men and women.

Although not as extreme, I think the general state of ennui can operate in much the same way. We TEND to look for things, events and people outside of ourselves to "solve" our boredom or discontent and a partner can easily be blamed for our own boredom. Afterall, they are there and we're not happy, so responsibility can readily (although incorrectly in my view) be attached to them for our state or for resolving our state.

I once ended a relationship with a fellow because I was not happy. At the time he said he thought I was unfairly attaching my own discontent with myself and my life to him or to our relationship when he felt my discontent was mine, agreed I ought to do something to sort it out but flat out rejected the notion that our break up would be the solution. He suggested I would have the same feelings whether we were together, or not, and that the break up would simply provide different terrain for me to begin to sort out my discontent with myself and my life. He asked what would I do alone that would have me be happier and more engaged in my life and why did I feel I could do that without him but couldn't do it with him?

Although I broke up with him anyway, I did pay attention and realized he not only had a valid point, he had given me an extraordinarily valuable insight. I looked at my behaviours after we broke up (cleaned up house, improved diet, regular exercise, reconnecting more frequently with friends, doing more things) and realized I could easily have done them within our relationship and it would have altered things. I was a bit miffed he was right about that, lol, but grateful to carry the lesson forward in my life. And no, in that case, I would not have stayed within that relationship because we weren't compatible... but it sure wasn't the cause of my ennui.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 629
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 12:30:58 PM
Really not vital?

Definitively "not vital", "vital" in this instance meaning "necessary" or an "essential". One of the basics of critical thinking is given to us by William of Ockham, though I find it best expressed as the "Law of Parsimony", either one will do here, this is the point being made; "entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity".


Seeing as the OP"s question is posed...

As a benign (and a presupposed) introduction to what is an obvious angry rant. The list seems to include faults attributable to either gender on the surface, but those where the male fault is posited, the OP then ascribes an underlying cause laying the fault on women, revealing the OP's stance as being based on a foundation of fallacy.


What should one do when in a miserable marriage?
Step 1. Do your best to make it not miserable.
If that doesn't work, go to
Step 2. Get a divorce.


What the generalists are tending to deny is the relationship of step 1 and step 2, with the presumption being that step 1 has not been realized.

Step 1 is implicit in step 2 by default, the only way to avoid this in this context is via confirmation bias (also quite obvious).
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 630
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 12:35:31 PM

Actually, the OP had a whole bunch of theoretical sociological reasons for why women initiate BREAKUPS (not DIVORCES). The OP also deployed a MADE-UP STAT, the 80% (personally, I think it was intended to be read as made-up, and not taken at absolute face value).
The OP did not ask for our personal stories. The OP asked for an exploration of the "issues," and gave us some theories to get the ball rolling.
When that is what you offer/ask, you are going to get equally "vague" detached responses.
The OP went blah blah blah with complex widely-applicable theories, and most women basically said: "uh, no, we ended it because we were unhappy in our marriages - it was PERSONAL to us."


If the stat was made up he sure got close to the actual number, however you are entitled to our opinion.

You also say he gave us some reasons to get the ball rolling. Kinda like a example of what he was looking for. A detailed reason I posted his last statement below if you notice he said. There are other possibilities. and the reason for asking was to "gain a better understanding of women"


There are other possiblities of course, these are just a few. I suspect it is a combination of these things in many instances, who knows? Please know I am not saying women are "wrong" to leave a relationship, of course a woman should have that right. Am only asking "why" this appears to be the case so that men can gain better understanding of women.



The OP did not ask for our personal stories. The OP asked for an exploration of the "issues," and gave us some theories to get the ball rolling.
When that is what you offer/ask, you are going to get equally "vague" detached responses.
The OP went blah blah blah with complex widely-applicable theories, and most women basically said: "uh, no, we ended it because we were unhappy in our marriages - it was PERSONAL to us."

Personal stories no but reasons yes. If you really didn't want to give reasons that would help enlighten us readers why post at all?
Personally I don't see the OP as vague as he did give examples of what he was looking for and as far as the thread getting off on tangents have you ever seen a thread that stayed completely on topic?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 631
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 12:53:11 PM

Definitively "not vital", "vital" in this instance meaning "necessary" or an "essential". One of the basics of critical thinking is given to us by William of Ockham, though I find it best expressed as the "Law of Parsimony", either one will do here, this is the point being made; "entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity".


I don't see it as multiplying the entities but gathering information to get to a sound decision. As it is a request to attain knowledge not add more to the problem.


As a benign (and a presupposed) introduction to what is an obvious angry rant. The list seems to include faults attributable to either gender on the surface, but those where the male fault is posited, the OP then ascribes an underlying cause laying the fault on women, revealing the OP's stance as being based on a foundation of fallacy.


Even if the OP had this as a motive I feel there are many on here male and female that really would like some answers. As I said there have been a few that gave some really good reasons that I have not run into before. So even if the OP's post was angled to invoke a particular response isn't it possible to obtain real knowledge, if you refrain from falling into his trap?


What the generalists are tending to deny is the relationship of step 1 and step 2, with the presumption being that step 1 has not been realized.

Step 1 is implicit in step 2 by default.


I can understand that but are you saying that one could not be really trying and just miss the signs about step one and find themselves in step two unknowingly. Or even tried to preform step one only to have their partner go straight to step two?
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 632
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 12:55:57 PM
MJ: I think overwhelmingly..most women said, whether specifically or detailed or not...that the reason was that whey weren't being heard...or taken seriously..and after numerous attempts to get cooperation from their SO's,,,they gave up...

Something Alpha said is important: you are operating under the presumption that all the women who responded, or all the women that exist and initiated, didn't try to fix things, though many said they did..including myself..and you on numerous occasions said that our reasons weren't GOOD enough..thereby proving, to some extent, our issue...many men either don't listen, or dismiss you when you try and tell them...

Itsmargo makes some good points about personal satisfaction is not gained by the behavior of others...but, there is a world of difference with being unhappy with yourself or your life, and being unhappy with the behavior of your SO..who, theoretically could be your biggest ally to make the changes /improvements you need...though, it takes an enlightened person...many men on the threads complain about women who grow or change in a relationship...especially if it changes their lives in any way,,,I'm sure some women ( and in another relationship I might have, I'd have to think about it), leave because they aren't happy with who they are, and they reflect it outward...my issue ( and many women I know) was that he wasn't a positive force in my life, but a negative one...which wasn't good for the marriage or me personally..and for me, the emotional needs not being met would be the biggest motivator for me to leave....

And there we have it boiled down..for many women..emotional needs not being met are a very good reason to initiate a break up....
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 633
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 1:09:00 PM
Junkyard dawg:


"Isn't the human factor that connects us so deeply to our past? Will future generations care as much for chronologies and statistics as they would for the personal accounts of individuals not so different from themselves? By excluding the human factor, aren't we risking the kind of personal detachment from a history that may, heaven forbid, lead us one day to repeat it?"


I too am not crazy about all these stats.....


So if you know he told you. Isn't that the question the Op is asking here for a more detailed reason for the breakup.
Because it is hard to glean much knowledge from IDK I'm unhappy or because I wanted to.
So in your case at least you were told what he saw as a problem.


Nope, I was not told any of the times. I knew because it was obvious and also because of certain things men would say - but ALL were too chicken to be completely honest. It's not the easiest thing to say to someone. There were shorter relationships where the issues were different and some of those I was even given a bogus reason (lied to).

I'm not sure what the real meaning of vital questions are in this instance, but for me they are questions that foster thinking and create new ideas - your questions did not do this.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 634
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 1:37:08 PM

MJ: I think overwhelmingly..most women said, whether specifically or detailed or not...that the reason was that whey weren't being heard...or taken seriously..and after numerous attempts to get cooperation from their SO's,,,they gave up...

Something Alpha said is important: you are operating under the presumption that all the women who responded, or all the women that exist and initiated, didn't try to fix things, though many said they did..including myself..and you on numerous occasions said that our reasons weren't GOOD enough..thereby proving, to some extent, our issue...many men either don't listen, or dismiss you when you try and tell them...


I never presumed anything. If I had I would not have been interested in the details of the answers.
Is it possible just like the lady that said her car was shutting off "all the time" that both partners are trying to understand each other, and missing a very small important piece of information that would be the key to getting what they both want?
See even though we both knew the problem was with the car. When she mentioned her car would die in the driveway I knew that we had to see what was different about the driveway that it would cause the car to shut off.

I do understand that there has to be a line in the sand. However when you see a poll that says 45% of the ladies that filed first say they made a mistake divorcing. What is wrong with trying to find a answer to these questions?

The following is a joke sent to me by a woman and she noted the thing that was funny to her is the truth to it.

hi stranger!
4/14/2010 833 PM
It's not difficult to make a woman happy..
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY


1. Show up naked
2. Bring alcohol

Now this might be what some of the women are saying about men being simpler!!!!....lol
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 635
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 2:41:04 PM
Thats like reading profiles..............just the rotations are different........

I dont drink so bring the naked body with a smile, I'll take it from there, lol.......

man.........I like your tenacity, you have determination of a pitbull.......
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 636
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 2:59:40 PM
I don't see it as multiplying the entities but gathering information to get to a sound decision. As it is a request to attain knowledge not add more to the problem.

I don't think you are understanding Ockham's Razor/Law of Parsimony in the context of fallacious arguments.

So even if the OP's post was angled to invoke a particular response isn't it possible to obtain real knowledge, if you refrain from falling into his trap?

In refuting arguments based entirely in confirmation bias fallacies, the solutions should be obvious (as has been pointed out by a few).


are you saying that one could not be really trying and just miss the signs about step one and find themselves in step two unknowingly.

Sure, why not, ...but this is decided by individual circumstance/perspective, -> pretty much ignoring a problem and fixing blame on the horse for leaving through an open door and the barn set on fire. Sometimes the ignorance is willful, sometimes it's just plain ignorance.

Or even tried to preform step one only to have their partner go straight to step two?

Sure, why not, ...but this is decided by individual circumstance/perspective. Blaming the horse for leaving through an open door even though the fire has been put out. Sometimes the "try" is also just thinly veiled "it's not me it's you".

Also, many marriages aren't well thought out to begin with.

The MAIN point of learning anything from one's own experiences is to avoid Franklin's definition of insanity. Two options here, either:

Presume that this is a gender conspiracy and operate on the assertion that "it's all their fault", and never enter into an LTR with the opposite gender again;

OR, learn to not repeat your own mistakes, take greater care in the discernment of character in others (as individuals) and make sure your words and deeds match.

This makes for the likelihood of a a happier and more fulfilling outcome, but there are no guarantees (random variables being a given).

In short: Learn from your baggage and let it go, don't bring it with you on the next "trip".
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 637
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 4:43:52 PM

Sadly, just identifying the problem in a relationship does not always lead to an easy fix.
I imagine it is pretty easy to identify the fact that one has become a gambling addict, or has totally lost interest in sex with his/her spouse. That doesn't mean that it can be fixed.

Identifying the problem is KEY. Mostly, I think people identify the wrong problem and focus their efforts on solving that wrong problem. Addiction or loss of interest in sex may not BE the problem. Hell, I'd argue it usually isn't the problem.

In my observation, most people spend their lives trying to fix the wrong problem. They have the same core argument throughout their relationship and the problem is usually not what they are arguing about.
 Sun_Devil_92
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 638
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 5:07:15 PM
Margo, you're right ... and I'll admit part of the reason for not responding specifically to the subject is the 80% figure was ridiculous.

The other reason is because break-ups are extremely complex. I'm thinking that there isn't too many people out there that say, "You know, today I will start a relationship that will last 2 weeks, of which I will leave the person no matter what ..."

The reason for the break-up involve actions that a person who is the target of the break-up does. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involve actions that is initiating the break-up does. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involve actions that happen outside the relationship. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involve actions that happen right before the person decides to break up. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involves actions that happen on the first date. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involves actions that the initiator openly attributes the break-up. (or not)
The reason for the break-up involves actions that the initiator truly doesn't know. (or not)

Thus with the above knowledge in hand, we can proceed forth and perform an accurate autopsy on each break-up.

(or not ... )
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 639
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 5:25:54 PM

In my observation, most people spend their lives trying to fix the wrong problem.

Or concentrating on fixing blame...

An analogy for "blaming the gender":

You select a shoe from a display in a shoe store, you try it on and it doesn't fit, you try another, it doesn't fit, and then another that fits even less.

Instead of "fixing the problem" by selecting the correct sized shoes for your feet, it's easier to blame shoes, in general, ...for not fitting.


Addiction or loss of interest in sex may not BE the problem. Hell, I'd argue it usually isn't the problem.

...rather a symptom of an underlying cause.

Most often, such dysfunctions are just another layer of communication, a non-verbal unconscious language.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 640
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 5:45:38 PM

Although I broke up with him anyway, I did pay attention and realized he not only had a valid point, he had given me an extraordinarily valuable insight. I looked at my behaviours after we broke up (cleaned up house, improved diet, regular exercise, reconnecting more frequently with friends, doing more things) and realized I could easily have done them within our relationship and it would have altered things. I was a bit miffed he was right about that, lol, but grateful to carry the lesson forward in my life. And no, in that case, I would not have stayed within that relationship because we weren't compatible... but it sure wasn't the cause of my ennui.


That's really interesting, but wouldn't you say that some of those things were changes that you made? Remember change is not as easy as everyone thinks and often people who find change easier are those who were previously "forced" into it. So often, a failed relationship will do that for people.

But yeah, it was a learning experience because I went through the same thing with an ex.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 641
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 6:52:48 PM
Wow! It is so good to see the turn around to this thread! imo, junkyarddawg has hit the nail on the head; statistics are mere measurements, quantitative in nature. They never tell us why, and to use them to further any argument that attempts to answer that question often proves to be the basis for heated argument, rather than thoughtful discussion. It is nearly impossible to answer "why" without bringing one's personal experience into the discussion.

The only way to ascertain why women initiate a breakup more often then men is to ask women who have initiated a breakup why they did so, don't you think?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 642
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 7:54:26 PM

I sometimes think people avoid exploring the real underlying problems because they are afraid of one very scary truth---that maybe the two people are fundamentally wrong for each other.

True, and let's not rule out the other big scary truth... *shhh* maybe it's me


For example, I know a man who met, fell in "love" and got married just weeks after his fathers death, to the woman who was his father's nurse. At the time, he felt like he was in love, but later said it was more of a comfort, companionship type of thing, and the marriage did not last. They were not right for each other.

Yes, but. Did she break up with him? LMAO, couldn't resist.

edit to add:

That's really interesting, but wouldn't you say that some of those things were changes that you made? Remember change is not as easy as everyone thinks and often people who find change easier are those who were previously "forced" into it. So often, a failed relationship will do that for people.

That's very true. I'm good with change *now* and had to examine my relationship with security and risk before I got ok with it.

People get caught on whatever hamster wheel they have placed themselves on and *generally speaking* don't consider getting off of it. Don't like your life? Change it. Make a small baby step to improve one thing. If you change the dance steps you are making it will automatically change things for your partner as well. As far as I can see, telling your partner you want changes and *they* are the ones who have to make them *often* just defines the hamster wheel and locks in a core argument.

All too often - certainly never close to always, lol - I see someone totally occupied with how stuck they are because of something their partner is or isn't doing. *Sometimes* their occupation with it is a really good excuse to not do anything about the one thing they can affect - themselves. To them, it certainly SEEMS like they are working on the problems in their life or their relationship because they are fully occupied with it - or fully occupied with what their partner is or is not doing.

 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 643
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 8:17:14 PM
Many men often say, and for a long time I have been one of them, that women marry men hoping they will change, men marry women hoping they won't.(feel free to substitute whatever type of relationship you like where marry apprears)

Part of this has an element of truth to it, part is pure fiction.

When most marry the first time, they are fairly young(teens, 20's early 30's) depending on where or when you grew up, and how you were raised. While many women(I think) have some rose colored hope glasses on with regard the mans ability to mature, and men(I think) enjoy that feeling of being special, which like it or not, will undergo significant changes with the arrival of children and the burdens of normal family life. I believe this is the basis of the notion I quoted.

However, my real point is life is growth, growth is change whether you believe that or not, it is the truth. So who you were, when you fell in love and married, many times changes, which is hard on both AND the relationship.

"one scary truth---that maybe the two people are fundamentally wrong for each other."

That could be, OR as I stated the person grew, or worse outgrew their partner. So what may have been a good match at a given point in time, may well not be, as they develop as people and grow.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 644
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/3/2010 8:35:26 PM
People get caught on whatever hamster wheel they have placed themselves on and *generally speaking* don't consider getting off of it.

One of my favorite analogies is; "The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead".

I'm not even going to try to explain this one on this thread.

However, my real point is life is growth, growth is change whether you believe that or not, it is the truth.

Yes it is, and when apathy is self-directed via self-concern, ...there is no growth, ...such is the peril of gender based entitlement generalities.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 645
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 7:25:39 AM
I'm kinda late in joining this discussion, but I completely agree with this:


I sometimes think people avoid exploring the real underlying problems because they are afraid of one very scary truth---that maybe the two people are fundamentally wrong for each other.


True, and let's not rule out the other big scary truth... *shhh* maybe it's me

Often what I see in marriage therapy is the couple has failed to negotiate and want me to decide who's right. I spend a lot of time teaching couples how to communicate with each other when what they want to focus on is a specific problem. The ability to successfully resolve problems is a skill and has more to do with the failure of relationships than the actual amount of conflict involved.

Regarding the stat being used as the basis for discussion: The actual stat is that 80% of women initiate the divorce filing. Initiating a divorce filing is not the same as ending the relationship. It's just the person who filled out the paperwork. In my own example, my now ex-husband, left me. He moved out and moved in with someone else. I wanted to attempt to work things out but he chose not to do that. Six months later, I filed for divorce. So even though I am part of that 80%, I didn't initate the end of the relationship.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 646
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 7:35:53 AM
Another thing where are yall getting off saying men need women so much more than women need men?

Agreed. Although it's nice to be with someone who you dig and who digs you, and many may have had that and want it again - neither needs the other to survive. Especially these days. No gender is cornering the market on need.

That's a good thing - people should be wanted for who they are, not needed for what they provide/bring/fix/own.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 647
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 7:39:44 AM
A man dosen't initiate the relationship and isn't expected to?
How can someone go with you to talk to themselves and ask for their own number with you?
Another thing where are yall getting off saying men need women so much more than women need men?

Who have you been responding to? ...and which thread?

Dang! just when this thread was becoming reasonable....


Fact of the matter is a man is the one responsible for initiating the relationship. A woman is responsible for initiating the break up.

Utter nonsense...
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 648
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 9:37:00 AM
Another thing where are yall getting off saying men need women so much more than women need men?


If you are referring to my post, please go back and read the context I put it in before quoting.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 649
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 10:48:57 AM
Sorry there cowboy, your only half right, as I've said on many a thread.

"So if I never went over to talk to them no relationship would have taken place."

Then before that:

"put myself out there to be rejected cause women don't like to do that."

Here's where your right, women don't like to contact guys first, they like to be approached. Yes there are some women who do that, but as I've said many a time, under 40 the number is probably 35%, maybe even a little higher. Over 40 the number falls off the shelf to about 1 in 5 or 20%. Maybe it's the rejection aspect, maybe it's that guys don't like it, could be in the past it didn't work when they did it.(that's a whole nother thread entirely)

Here's where your wrong, they reject you, as you've said. NO relationship starts or takes place without BOTH deciding to do it. It does take 2 people saying yes I'll try it out with you.

So first contact yes your right, relationship no your wrong.

As for women leaving and gawd damn percentages, again who cares if it's 60%, 70% or 80%, it's more than men do. Men should not be so contentious to go "see, see, see you break up first" and women shouldn't be on here going "uh-uh, I didn't do that, or I did or it's because men never put the seat down in the bathroom"

It should be about fixing the gawd damn problem, either by learning about how the other gender thinks and communicates. Or about how to recognize the problems and deal with them before they kill the relationship and stop affixing or focusing on the blame part, if that gets everybody's jollies off, then why bother?

There is no right or wrong, only opinion. There is no hard and fast rule, by now someone would have found it. If we discuss, then we learn, then we grow, MAYBE then we can fix ourselves, before we get into another relationship that looks like the Titanic, before it leaves the damn dock!!!!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 650
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/4/2010 11:10:10 AM
Somewhere in the maw of the forums there is a thread from a few years back that dealt with this issue without the offending and distracting 80% stat. Someone had noticed women break up more than men and had what they perceived to be a bit of pride in their apparent fickleness... which the OP found puzzling.

It was the first time I had really sat down and considered who had initiated all of my breakups. It was the first time I had considered was there a gender bias in breaking up and, if so, why?
I was startled to realize I have initiated 100% of them.
^^ Exception is the partner who cheated on me.

Further, although it wasn't a sense of pride, I had a sense of relief about it.
"well, I'm doing ok because I have never been rejected" Although the relationships failed I had a very strong sense that it wasn't my fault, I had done my best beyond having a broken picker (which caused me extreme discomfort). Afterall, no one had ever dumped MY azz, so I must be ok except for picking lousy partners, right?

The fallacy of letting yourself off the hook because you "picked lousy partners" kept me awake for more than a few nights, lol.
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