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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?      Home login  
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 deepbluesee
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 51
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 3 of 54    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
I thought everyone knew the answer to this one: they're smarter with better taste!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 52
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:59:40 PM
i guess i have has 3 major relationships, two of them i was the one that left,the other was mutual
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 53
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:07:22 PM

i guess i have has 3 major relationships, two of them i was the one that left,the other was mutual

DUDE--quit skewing the results!!!

Now I suppose I have to go out and dump three or four guys to "correct" this anomaly. ARGH, a woman's work is never done...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 54
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 8:14:11 PM

If you want equality then make it about equal ethics, equal respect -- or forget it. [/quote\

You may not hate women but many do and it's blatantly obvious by the way some consistently post. You're right, equality is equality and certain men have to stop making statements that match their mindesets such as, "I'm forced to give up half of what is mine"....which means they consider everything to be theirs and are like little boys who want to take their ball and go home if they're forced to share...equally. Because many men say they've been taken to the cleaners, doesn't make it so...it just feels that way because they expect more than their fair share in communal property, etc. I know of many women who feel exactly the same way - most of it stems from anger on both party's parts which fosters greed, which fosters anger and on and on it goes until it eats them up. In many cases also there definitely are injustices brought on by legal wrangling, often fostered by lawyers who have their own best interests at heart and not that of their clients and it doesn't just affect men. It's definitely not cut and dried to say the least. If it were, the 80% figure could be statistically proven but it can't.

Custody issues are an entirely different matter, but again, this too often is more a war for supremacy with children being used as pawns, rather that what's in children's best interests.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 55
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:37:51 PM
Interesting. It seems that you have decided that "initiate" means file for divorce. I don't believe, personally, that that is true. More women do file for divorce, but that doesn't mean they initiate it. Finding out that your spouse has a lover may make you file for divorce, especially when they refuse to give her up & seek counseling, but it definitely does not make you the initiator. Simply, whomever breaks the marriage vows is the initiator in my book. The filing of paperwork is simply the legal method of dissolving a contract already broken.

Not to say that there aren't women who break their contracts; of course they do, but my personal experiences have been that no matter who breaks the contract, women are usually the first ones who take ACTION in the form of seeking legal remedies. It seems that men believe that they have the most to lose, usually financially, so they have no desire to do so. Not trying to judge, merely stating what I have seen.

and, yes, TAKEN, it is not gender specific. It's a wonder anyone dates at all, after reading these forums!
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 56
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 10:44:33 PM
Casa--there u go again. first you got to get the men to dump the men.
ciao :)
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 57
I've got two divorces behind me and, by golly, I filed for both of them.
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:20:47 PM

Now that's an interesting point, also. Why do women, who choose the man,
choose them so badly and then say men are to blame? It might seem women have never had more choice, and made it more badly from what u are saying.


No I am not saying that I am "innocent". I did chose my first husband while still believing that because he asked me to marry him that he wanted to grow together. I think a lot of people assume that getting married means you are both going to be committed only to be shocked by reality.

I also married my second husband harboring another silly belief, but that was delusional thinking on my part. However, this doesn't change the fact that both men had already checked out of the marriage by time I filed.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 58
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/30/2009 11:39:00 PM
eden: i think you're on to something...one question tho: are women willing to make the men happy given that fem libidinous states this is not something women should worry about (should men then worry about women's happiness)?
Could it be the woman's unhappiness is caused by the fact that she won't try to make the man happy, which makes him unhappy and thus her unhappy? the man's unhappiness that she does little to make him happy makes her unhappy, which makes him more unhappy, ad infinitum until the whole thing bursts into a fiery ball of nuke-sized flames of hatred, vengeance, and death-by-chocolate? the proverbial hall of mirrors? what r we coming to? personally, i like it, give me blood, volcanoes, and thunder any day.
you're not taking us very far, but a good try as far as it goes. bless u.
I have to go into the good nite, gently, she awaits my soft approach. Will check up on you in the a.m...try not to be unhappy till then, u are sweet, lovable, and sooo deluded but we luv u and look f/w to giving u the chance u richly deserve. till we meet again....nite.
don't wait up :)
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 59
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:02:10 AM
(CassaGo) Ummm...define manipulated? While I agree on the face of it that neither is "right", ummmm...knocking someone's teeth out versus saying if you take the garbage out I'll **** you. Really? You don't see a difference, there?


Stop making it sound as if the only reason men get married, is so they have their own private punching bags.

Bimbly

ETA: Stop making it sound as if physical abuse occurs with the same frequency as emotional manipulation.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 60
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:27:58 AM
Bibmly et al: Stop making "emotional manipulation" sounds like some nefarious thing that every social animal doesn't use. Stop making it sound like this isn't part and parcel of being a human being. The thing of it is, we ALL strike bargains EVERY day, and YOU are spinning an innocent social interaction as "emotional manipulation".
=====
BTW, I juxtaposed MY comments because I was repliying to someone who did the same. How come you didn't call out the MAN who did it? Hmmmmm?
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 61
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 11:40:44 AM
(CassaGo) Bibmly et al: Stop making "emotional manipulation" sounds like some nefarious thing that every social animal doesn't use.


Very true, that all social animals use emotional manipulation. Sometimes it's relatively benign. But, there is a marked difference between the "take out the garbage and I'll rock your world!" (the inn0cuous example you used), and the, "Do what I want or I'll make it hard/impossible for you to see your child/ren!". Both are examples of emotional manipulation; the second is rather more aggressive than the first.


BTW, I juxtaposed MY comments because I was repliying to someone who did the same. How come you didn't call out the MAN who did it? Hmmmmm?


Because I'm a big sissy-pants and I don't wanna get beaten up!

Bimbly
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 62
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:25:32 PM

Sometimes it's relatively benign. But, there is a marked difference between the "take out the garbage and I'll rock your world!" (the inn0cuous example you used), and the, "Do what I want or I'll make it hard/impossible for you to see your child/ren!". Both are examples of emotional manipulation; the second is rather more aggressive than the first.


I agree, but that's not what that guy said--he said "sexual manipulation" as his example, not "I'll use custody of the kids against you". I happen to know now that he meant "psychological abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I sort of agree, but not really though--"fear of death" or "fear of not getting some nookie" don't quite have the same cachet to me.


Because I'm a big sissy-pants and I don't wanna get beaten up!

I'm withholding sex from you--that is, according to your argument, every bit as bad.
 ab07
Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 63
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:51:42 PM
It's pretty obvious why. Men tend to be under no allusions about their relationship. They don't expect their wivers to be everything to them. So (wrongly) when things go bad they just get a girlfriend on the side or something like it. Women (wrongly) expect their man to be everything and when they aren't ... leave them after a certain amount of time. Nobody's right and nobody's entirely wrong it's just the way it is (often).
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 64
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:54:49 PM
On the other hand you see testimony after testimonial (bemoanial?) that states they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt.

Show me *one* "testimony" that says this, much less many. I have never heard of a woman saying "I am looking for my Prince Goofus, the man who will treat me like the dirt I am". That's an outlandish statement that exposes your own warped view of women and relationships.


The men who have agreed to equality, mutual respect, orgasm "entitlement" and the like are the ones that women don't want.

Where are you getting your misinformation? Is this something you read, or are you making this up? Can you show me the "Book of Opinions Couched as Facts" that you're consulting? As one of the women you are speaking for, I can assur eyou that a man who treats me with respect and whom I respect is EXACTLY the sort of guy I want (to me, everything else you say in that statement comes down to respect). Now, just because a man respects me, that does NOT mean that I will love him, necessarily. Perhaps this is the part of the puzzle you're not understanding. That relationships are complex and can't be boiled down to a few statements on an open forum?


Men stick with relationships longer...out of duty and loyalty.

Really? Because most men have said on HERE that they do it out of fear of losing money/things, and access to their children.


"Modern" women on the other hand have a different agenda

What is it?

My main problem with everything you say, eye, is that you say it as though it's all fact, and it is SO clearly opinion. Why don't you say things like "I feel women have an agenda". But the way you say it is as if it's a factual statement, but then you don't back it UP with any fact.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 65
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:25:25 PM

It's pretty obvious why. Men tend to be under no allusions about their relationship. They don't expect their wivers to be everything to them.

That's a new one. IME, from people I know, what I've read and posts here, more men tend to drop friendships and relationships outside their SO than women do - not all but it seems to be more from the feedback I see. More women maintain their social support system single or not.

So (wrongly) when things go bad they just get a girlfriend on the side or something like it.

They may do that, but it's usually for something the relationship is missing, which means they don't have a lot of options for where to replace it in their platonic lives.
Women (wrongly) expect their man to be everything and when they aren't ... leave them after a certain amount of time.

From what I've seen, heard and read - women tend to keep hobbies, family, friends, alone time and work balanced with relationship time (in fact, I've seen men complain women don't drop enough for them when they come along or are too busy with other things to give him attention).
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 66
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:36:22 AM
I don't think it is fair to suggest that the man loses money as the woman might have lost a lot of money by being in the relationship like earning potential and less working hours and the interest on that and other investment opportunities or retirement savings so i think most of the time the woman doesn't make the huge amount of money that they are supposedly making out of it when you take everything into account. Sometimes it can be over the top but most of the time it isn't really that bad.
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 67
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:35:23 AM

Again, it's just my opinion but....this myth that women want men who treat them badly is a myth propogated by MEN.


Scott Peterson was found guilty of murdering his wife and unborn infant. On the very first day he reported to San Quentin the warden received 16 requests all from women for his address and one young lady proclaimed she was going to marry him.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1049605,00.html
http://cmm.lefora.com/2008/10/23/groupies/page1/
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/919219/posts

The Menedez brothers who murdered their rich parents both were married in prison and received tons of mail from female wooers seeking matrimony.
http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20144791,00.html

The nightstalker receives more mail from women then the rest of the prisoners at the prison he is housed in.

Hillside stranglers both were found guilty of multiple murders and still were both married in prison.

Ted Bundy killed dozens of women had "lots" of women writing him and seeking to be his wife. Even one of his female attorneys was smitten by him and yes he was married in prison.

They call this in the psychology world "Prison groupies" supposedly the club is almost exclusively female as women prisoners don't experience the same "cult like following" as infamous male prisoners do.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,151271,00.html
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/psychology/s_k_groupies/2.html

So to blame men might be politically correct, but even in recent events with the kidnappings of Elizabeth Smart and the Jaycee Lee Dugard who was held for 18 years the male perps have had female accomplices.

I might add the "Bloods and Crips" , Latin Kings and other nefarious motorcycle gangs have no problem finding women that will support them, and stand by them, have their children, and even commit crimes with them despite the well known sinister acts that some of these groups commit.

I guess I just get so sick and tired of seeing the "Poor Me's" and women portraying themselves as innocent victims when in reality they are in alot of cases just as culpable and guilty.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 68
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:03:14 AM
Realy....how come so many of still complain as much as ever.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 69
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:28:33 AM

(moi) Sometimes it's relatively benign. But, there is a marked difference between the "take out the garbage and I'll rock your world!" (the inn0cuous example you used), and the, "Do what I want or I'll make it hard/impossible for you to see your child/ren!". Both are examples of emotional manipulation; the second is rather more aggressive than the first.

(not-moi) I agree, but that's not what that guy said--he said "sexual manipulation" as his example, not "I'll use custody of the kids against you".


... and, of course, you chose the most benign example of "sexual manipulation" possible, as if every example of physical violence involves "knocking teeth out", and every instance of sexual manipulation involves nothing more than getting the guy to take out the garbage...


Because I'm a big sissy-pants and I don't wanna get beaten up!

I'm withholding sex from you--that is, according to your argument, every bit as bad.


I said I'm a sissy-pants. I didn't say that I wasn't resourceful...

Bimbly
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 70
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:40:44 AM

(e.o.t.c.) "Modern" women on the other hand have a different agenda

(CassaGo) What is it?


That's like the old Buddhist question, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?", right?

Bimbly
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 71
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:40:58 AM

(betterthanyourex82) Im just at a point where Im fed up with the bs and this site as well..

Im not an idiot I know theres good women out there, but holy shit the majority of them I truely believe are on here for attention...


Meh, don't let this site fool you into thinking that all, or even many, women are the head-cases they portray themselves as here. Real life is hardly so nail-bitingly frustrating.

Bimbly
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 72
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:35:44 PM
Johnny, I would suggest that it has more to do with your military career. That can be a very tough life for a couple. Few people posess the stomach to deal with that kind of relationship. This is particularily true for young people in your age group.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 73
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:16:53 PM

2 things..

1. If a woman thinks their man might be thinking about breaking up with them they will do it first, woman cannot handle rejection Ive had 2 gfs in the past who i brokeup with and when i took them back they broke up with me for revenge...

2. The grass is always greener on the other side for women, most men if we like a woman than thats all we need but women are far more complicated, you can do the right thing 95% of the time and the 1 time you mess up they cant live past it..

If you'd made that gender-neutral, I'd have agreed with you. But blaming women for these foibles? Not so much--MEN DO EXACTLY THE SAME THINGS. Especially the "if you're not perfect, you're outta here" part.


You come up with a couple of examples of woman freaks and think this applies logic to the rest of the 3.2 billion of womankind. No wonder you guys can convince yourselves of just about any ridiculous thing to justify your absurd position. And you have the nerve to call US irrational.

Honor. Also, coming up with a few crazies isn't even proving the orginal statement, which was "On the other hand you see testimony after testimonial (bemoanial?) that states they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt." Even these CRAZY women aren't saying they want to find a guy who treats them like dirt. THAT STATEMENT WAS FALSE.


What he comes up with are a few examples of women that proves there is a percentage of the 3.2 billion women that seek dysfunction in a way that is statistically higher than what men would.

Huh? Check your numbers again, give us the "male crazies" stats, then get back to us. Maybe you're right, but I'm not convinced, just based on YOUR say-so. Depending how you define "seek dysfunction" and I probably coudl come up with a significant number of threads by guys just right on here on Pof who "seek dysfunction".


The larger picture (that those studies indicates) is that there is probably a much, much larger percentage of women who would actually be interested in, and be drawn to men who are far from ideal, who have not done anything that even approaches the level of pathology of serial killers.

Probably, huh? I'll even agree that maybe that's true that women would be atracted to men who are "far from ideal"--but is that the same thing as "guys who treat women like dirt" (NO)? But the original statement was a "fact" that all women are like that, so now, using these stats, it turns out to be a very small percentage of all women, not even close to "most", even. And I think you'd have to account for the frequency in the population of male serial killers (or less than ideal guys) versus the number if female serial killers (or less than ideal women). Maybe I'll go ahead and posit that there are FAR more "far from ideal" males than there are "far from ideal females", so there aren't enough "ideal" fellas to go around. So these poor women *have* to go for "far from ideal guys" (or live life alone). And then women are blamed for going after "far from ideal guys" and then we're ALL told that ALL women are irrational because some small percentage of women choose "far from ideal guys".

Men's "logic" NEEDS those bunny ears.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 74
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/1/2009 11:34:31 PM
gents.....you're not getttttting it...we must have a TALK, ok, maybe tomorrow, maybe never, i don't know...should I? ladies, i am not hopeful about our future together.. everybody must do better
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 75
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:55:27 AM
Show me *one* "testimony" that says this, much less many. I have never heard of a woman saying "I am looking for my Prince Goofus, the man who will treat me like the dirt I am". That's an outlandish statement that exposes your own warped view of women and relationships.


testimony? 1.5 million abortions a year

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