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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 726
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 30 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)

It is doubtful if you respond I will be able to respond back since I am the only one who seems to be confined to 2 posts in 10 on this thread.

This filter only kicks in if your reply is too brief, approx less than two or three lines.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 727
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/6/2010 7:41:13 PM
MJ: not that you will listen, because you haven't yet...No Faults have to be agreed to by both parties...if the parties don't agree..it is converted to a standard divorce...attendant with all the fighting back and forth, or who' s more at fault, eventually leading either to an agreement both parties can live with, or a trial where both sides present their points and the judge decides who gets/does what...

No Faults, by definition, can not force anyone to get divorced or do anything they don't agree to..they are used by adults who can be civil about their break up...and want to not spend a lot of money arguing over everything..they are agreements...if the other side doesn't want to agree...it is no longer a no fault..it's a contested divorce..

So, I'm not getting your point where these make it easier for women to get divorced...they make it easier and less stressful and more civilized...and way cheaper for either gender to get divorced...and actually, I see more men suggesting them than women..it almost always is a better deal financially for the one who has the higher income, and they can negotiate they own terms, almost always more favorable and less costly than letting the judge do it...they weren't created to favor women, they were created to make divorces less acrimonious, and not tie up the courts with petty arguing...or, vindictiveness...which still exists in those who insist on making it that way...if you want people penalized for who is more at fault...with the exception of extreme behaviors...that is hard to quantify...who decides that? Slippery slope... It is in a contested divorce that fault comes into play..and that would be where financial punishments for bad behaviors ( not that I believe this should exist) would take place...not a no fault...

By the way..I don't have stats...but, being female, I have some authority to comment on why women initiate break ups, and working in the field , I have some authority to comment on how domestic law works, ..but, besides that...I don't think anyone said my "stats" were better...I think they said my reasoning made more sense, and my presentation was clearer and less confrontational...

You have to quit believing that most women are saying all men are evil or defective...you are projecting..some women said men they have known were not men they wanted to stay with... and gave reasons why...not any different than the behaviors of women you yourself said were un acceptable...

I'd really like to hear your answer to itsmargo's question...
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 728
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/6/2010 7:48:18 PM
I have avoided this thread after earlier participation, because it became laughable. Having read through much of the more recent postings, though, it seems that the statistics have led some to wage war against no fault divorce, as a means of "protecting" those who poorly choose partners. To force someone to remain in a marriage they no longer wish to be in not only seems cruel & unjust, it flies in the face of contract law, as that would have to be (I think) the legal basis; specific performance. Marriage is the only legal contract requiring sex as a means to have it remain valid. That being the case, enforcing such contracts would only prove fruitless, as the lack of sex between the parties is, in & of itself, reason to void the contract, and forced sex is not legal, whether by contract or not. You can't enforce an unenforceable contract, so there goes that argument.

As far as frivolous divorces, the truth is, in those cases, the marriage itself was likely frivolous. Buyer beware.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 729
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/6/2010 8:16:18 PM
I'd like to see limited fault introduced, but as I see that would be problematic I doubt we'd ever see that put in place. But dragging out my pipe dream... as the higher income earner I paid quite a bit of money out when my common law relationship ended. It ended because my partner cheated on me and I found it offensive to essentially have to pay them off for their infidelity. Frankly, it pokes me in my "fairness" issue.

Looking at why people become so fatigued with the problems in their relationships such that the only recourse would seem to be to end it is valuable. Playing at how to force them to stay in something they are no longer willing to be in strikes me as useless.

My most interesting break up... I once told a bf it was over. His response? "Will you marry me?" Yeah, right, I'm sitting here pining away for a ring on my finger... NOT. Anyway, he did convince me to give it another, real try. OK. So a year later I said, again, it was over. His response this time? "I decline". Huh? What do you mean "I decline"? He said if he refused to call it over, it wasn't over and I couldn't end it without his agreement. OK. So I suggested we could end things nicely as civilized human beings or we could get nasty about it. I preferred nice, I had no ill will toward him, but I would be willing to play hard ball if it was necessary.

MJ, reality TV is carefully engineered to have high entertainment. Please do not think it has bearing on reality.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 730
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 1:32:18 AM

We get it, you're mad at women and want to find things to blame on them.


That, Alpha, is the best one-liner description of what I get from MJ I've seen so far. He's so blinded by his own bias, he can't possibly see the forest through the trees (the ones he's firmly planted in front of him).
 Devilsfan58
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 731
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:36:59 AM

I'd like to see limited fault introduced, but as I see that would be problematic I doubt we'd ever see that put in place. But dragging out my pipe dream... as the higher income earner I paid quite a bit of money out when my common law relationship ended. It ended because my partner cheated on me and I found it offensive to essentially have to pay them off for their infidelity. Frankly, it pokes me in my "fairness" issue.


Yeah I would like to get rid of that mid 1600 law where if a child is born to a married couple the husband is respossible. Why should a single man have to support a child that his wife cheated on him with. Make the real father pay child support. Fraud is fraud in my book.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 732
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:54:51 AM
Yay! Yet another unrelated gender war issue to bring to this thread

You forgot to post the 10% non-paternity stat though
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 733
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 9:04:14 AM

I'd like to see limited fault introduced, but as I see that would be problematic I doubt we'd ever see that put in place. But dragging out my pipe dream... as the higher income earner I paid quite a bit of money out when my common law relationship ended. It ended because my partner cheated on me and I found it offensive to essentially have to pay them off for their infidelity. Frankly, it pokes me in my "fairness" issue.


I appreciate your point of view, it would gall to think that someone benefited from misbehavior. On the other hand, my ex cheated on me - should I have been allowed to take away more than my share of his stuff as punishment to him? Even if his was the greater crime, assigning blame so someone could punished through financial means I think would contribute to a lot more "he said/she said" and lying/falsifying evidence in order to make sure the other one is to blame. There's enough of that now, even with no-fault divorce, so I don't agree that returning to that in even a limited way would be a good idea. I think there needs to be less focus on 'punishing' the other guy during break ups, since too often kids, along with money, end up the ones being used as the tools of punishment.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 734
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 9:40:13 AM
^^that's a really good point and I agree. The whole punishing thing needs to be left behind and even more so when children are involved.

My brother had every right to play that game, but he didn't. His main concern were the kids. He even asked me to move in with him so that he wouldn't have to give up the house so that the kids would have the same babysitter and the same home to come to. He wanted to provide some stability for them in a time of upheaval of having to watch their parents seperate. My brother will still not talk badly of his ex even when others right around him are doing that exact thing and even when the kids are not around.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 735
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:22:59 AM

what happened to the real topic?



The feeding frenzy of the fresh-water red herring....
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 736
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:40:56 AM

what happened to the real topic???????

I think it's kind of in the nature of conversations to meander here and there and as long as it's done civilly, what's the harm? Although I expect someone'll report this thread for going off-topic and mods'll show up and delete posts or maybe the entire thread.


y'all juss got sucked in by a troll.

And I just got sucked in by someone going off-topic in order to chastise us for not staying on topic. Doggone, I'm such an idiot!

OT: 80% of divorces are filed by women because men can't find the courthouse and refuse to ask for directions.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 737
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:57:52 AM

I think it's kind of in the nature of conversations to meander

...and often a ploy to hijack a topic to press a peripheral (like say, ...misogyny?) facet, or "agenda trolling".

OT: 80% of divorces are filed by women because men can't find the courthouse and refuse to ask for directions.


Nyuk nyuk nyuk, ...funny, ...but the thread is about "the breakup" in general, ...not divorce (see: OP), still divorce is germane as far as "why" is concerned (fair enough), but other divorce issues aren't really relevant, unless one has a "gender war" agenda... And, there are plenty of specific divorce issue threads for these issues already, no need to hijack this one, ...or "meander" ...that far off topic.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 738
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 3:50:32 PM

MJ: I think you are a person who sees the world in a very black and white way...and doesn't accept anything that isn't supported by "the facts" ( or, at least the facts as you see them)


Really? How about when I relayed my life experiences they were dismissed and I was told they were irrelevant.
Yet yours was met with acceptance. Why do you think that is? Could it be that they showed the woman in a negative light?
If it is so easy for people to believe your experiences but are down right hostile to mine.


looking at all other sources of information, and actually talking to people who are part of the group being compiled, to get real life experiences...and the sample is never totally representative...because it would be nigh on impossible to poll every person who was a part of that group...


I am going to shock you I AGREE!!!!
However even though you will never be 100% accurate wouldn't it be reasonable to say by getting a large cross section of results, that it would be more accurate and Representative of the situation than the experience of one?

Do you really think there is a VAST CONSPIRACY to sway the stats? I mean really the logistics in that make it impossible.


I "intuit" that it is true...and it is just as valid a tool as using numbers, and in my case, the way I operate best...I find people and their experiences to be very valuable for myself in determining trends, or behaviors...


Ok then why did you dismiss my experiences?
They are just as real as yours. As I said my last ex took out a life insurance policy betting I would kill myself like her first ex did.

Why is it so hard for you to believe there are women out there that use men to profit, whether it is in a marriage or just a relationship?


BTW: Cheating is wrong. ( One of my few black and white beliefs...lol)...I don't really care who does it more often or not by gender, it's still wrong..but "finding a better guy" does not mean she cheated


Another shock coming....I AGREE!!!
Please notice in the stats, only women were questioned. They readily told they were cheated on, yet not one admitted they cheated.
Are we to believe that in finding a better guy not one had sex with this "better guy" while still attached to the last one.



this is your myopic view, and your blinders...you give lip service to men having any responsibility for the breakdowns in communication, and yet, accuse women of doing the same thing..


In other words I have said both sexes have there own problems communicating.......Hardly myopic don't you think?


Even with all your stats and facts...you do NOT make logical sense in your conclusions, most of the time...but, the real issue here is that you can not stop yourself from doing what you accuse women of doing...blaming a whole gender for the ills of the world


Again please show me where I ever blamed a "whole gender" I have said over and over this is a very small number of women that do this.

However many of your gender did make the statement the "all men are evil".


you can't seem to accept the fact that sometimes women leave because they aren't happy with the behavior of the man in question..and that some traits we have experienced enough times to wonder if it isn't something common to many men...


You say "and that some traits we have experienced enough times to wonder if it isn't something common to many men"
Now please tell me how that is different from me saying that what I am about women?
They are based on my experiences.......Are my experiences any less valuable to draw the same type of conclusion you have?


you have belittled me on several occasions for just having an opinion you don't agree with, you dismiss almost anything I have said out of hand, you are convinced in your "rightness"


Did you not belittled me by saying your experiences are more important than mine to draw a conclusion off of.


you truly believe men are better by virtue of being male , and that any bad behavior they exhibit had to be "caused" by a woman...where does that inherent misogyny come from?


Please quote me where I have said that!
In all my post I have said it takes two however in you post you said it didn't matter if you had done everything just as he wanted he would not treated you as you thought he should.
That sounds like to me you are saying it was all his fault!!!

My views are misogynistic because I say a small number of women are using the current laws to profit from divorce or divorce because they want to with disregard to all others.
However your experiences you say have shown you many men have bad traits, and there is nothing wrong with that view.

Please explain the difference as it escapes me.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 739
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 4:28:50 PM
Getting back on topic.....The question is why do women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
The answer that I have seen way to often is that women is looking for the BBD.....Bigger Better Deal.
Where the men seem to want to work on the relationship.
Let me stress that this is from first hand experience. Not only of my relationships but those of my friends as well!!!!
One more point guys if your wife of many years says she wants breast implants go ahead and get the best attorney you can find!!!!......To back this statement up myself and 3 of my friends got divorced just weeks after buying boobies!!!! These divorces took place within a year of each other


Yawn...this is your comment from post 449...and this is where I think you lost support for any opinion you might project or empathy for your situation.

Yes, some women, commonly referred to as gold diggers, might be looking for the BBD, as you call it. BUT....most women are just looking for a loving, equitable, reciprocal, productive relationship!!! Deny it all you want to....this is a fact.

It has been illustrated here numerous times, women are looking for men to meet them halfway in the relationship in matters of responsibilities, communication. cooperation, sexual engagement, family priorities, interests...the list goes on, depending on individuals and needs.

How do you know how long someone has worked on the relationship before they finally decided enough was enough, and without any degree of cooperation and support from their spouse, they decided to move on, to preserve their own needs and perhaps a better future for those who rely on them? Most women I know dont just pick a fight and pack their bags....they try and try again to make things work. Sometimes to their own peril.

You have made too many assumptions which translate to accusations in these forums. As I have said before, women are more likely to take initiative, while some men is content to let the chips fall where they may, or may inwardly be a coward at heart. And that....is why women break up, move out, call the lawyer...they are move pragmatic than you give them credit for. When its over....its over. Time to move on.
 KingRomanticRebel
Joined: 4/5/2010
Msg: 740
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 7:10:29 PM
woman and selfish and cold heart-ted. Nuf-said!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 741
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 7:17:24 PM
^^but still seeks a long term relationship?

I don't understand people on here who have a view of the opposite sex that is so negative, but want to live the rest of their lives with that sex.

Twits.
 KingRomanticRebel
Joined: 4/5/2010
Msg: 742
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 7:48:16 PM

I don't understand people on here who have a view of the opposite sex that is so negative, but want to live the rest of their lives with that sex.


Yes, it is a perplexing idea - eh?
When we were 8 y/o and boys hated girls, we boys were onto something, then those damn male hormones kicked in, and like dogs and all animals, we became attracted to a girls butt.
To think, like dogs, we want to stick our mouths down there too. Yuk!!!

Guess man are a gluten for punishment.
 KingRomanticRebel
Joined: 4/5/2010
Msg: 743
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:00:13 PM


with over 1100 posts and most of them by the same long-winded and hot-winded contributors......don't hold your breath.
where's the forum gods when you need them?


4 god sake, let people have freedom of speech! It is our fundamental right!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 744
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:06:55 PM

Getting back on topic.....The question is why do women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
The answer that I have seen way to often is that women is looking for the BBD.....Bigger Better Deal.
Where the men seem to want to work on the relationship.
Let me stress that this is from first hand experience. Not only of my relationships but those of my friends as well!!!!
One more point guys if your wife of many years says she wants breast implants go ahead and get the best attorney you can find!!!!......To back this statement up myself and 3 of my friends got divorced just weeks after buying boobies!!!! These divorces took place within a year of each other



Yawn...this is your comment from post 449...and this is where I think you lost support for any opinion you might project or empathy for your situation.

Yes, some women, commonly referred to as gold diggers, might be looking for the BBD, as you call it. BUT....most women are just looking for a loving, equitable, reciprocal, productive relationship!!! Deny it all you want to....this is a fact.


Yes it is and please notice where I say "Let me stress this is from first hand experience"
I never said this is how all women act.
One more point if I used the same standard that Zangie so proudly, I WOULD think all women are like this.


It has been illustrated here numerous times, women are looking for men to meet them halfway in the relationship in matters of responsibilities, communication. cooperation, sexual engagement, family priorities, interests...the list goes on, depending on individuals and needs.

How do you know how long someone has worked on the relationship before they finally decided enough was enough, and without any degree of cooperation and support from their spouse, they decided to move on, to preserve their own needs and perhaps a better future for those who rely on them? Most women I know dont just pick a fight and pack their bags....they try and try again to make things work. Sometimes to their own peril.

You have made too many assumptions which translate to accusations in these forums. As I have said before, women are more likely to take initiative, while some men is content to let the chips fall where they may, or may inwardly be a coward at heart. And that....is why women break up, move out, call the lawyer...they are move pragmatic than you give them credit for. When its over....its over. Time to move on.


All of this part of your post is very fair.
However their are people that stay for months even years plotting how they can get all they can before they leave.
Or using what one called the Tarzan theory holding on to one and grabbing onto another before leaving.

What I have said the current laws should be changed to protect the one that does not have a clue.
Giving them time to process the demise of the relationship and have a chance to protect assets.

The suggestions I have made and have shown they work is no fault with a extend waiting period unless they both agree on a settlement then it is quick.
If what most of the women say and both want the divorce then it would not impede them at all.
In the case of children joint custody and nesting have leveled the playing field. Both ideas keep both parents in the children lives sharing, the cost of and time with their children evenly reducing or eliminating the need for support to be paid.

While I could have talked about the implants in a kinder way.....It is the truth.
Thanks for pointing out where my communication skills had short comings with you I hope this has cleared them up.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 745
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:26:39 PM
This thread is like a broken record (click) broken record (click) broken record (click) broken record (click)...
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 746
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 8:32:27 PM
What I have said the current laws should be changed to protect the one that does not have a clue.
Giving them time to process the demise of the relationship and have a chance to protect assets.


So how do you propose this should happen? How should this be assessed? There is no practical way for any of these circumstances to be determined. This is the illogical premise of your argument. You would be asking a judge to assess circumstances that are speculation at best.
The law is reason, free from passion.~Aristotle

You are asking a judge to be passionate in a man's favor. That is unrealistic.

Perhaps it is the circle I happen to find myself, but several of my female friends who are either divorced or in the throes of it, have had to pay off their spouse. Some paid substantial lump sums, some pay monthly alimony that would make your head spin. One of my friends lives in a small condo while her husband, who claimed custody of their child so he could continue his relaxed lifestyle, he hasnt worked in 8 years, lazes around in their former 4 bedroom house, drives a brand new car he bought on her dime and wont settle and finalize the divorce, as punishment. He is a pothead to boot. So indeed, the pendulum does swing.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 747
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:13:20 PM

So how do you propose this should happen? How should this be assessed? There is no practical way for any of these circumstances to be determined. This is the illogical premise of your argument. You would be asking a judge to assess circumstances that are speculation at best.
The law is reason, free from passion.~Aristotle


I love the Aristotle!!!
The waiting period of 5-7 years like many countries have enacted has worked well for them the divorce rate has even dropped in the jurisdictions it is in.


You are asking a judge to be passionate in a man's favor. That is unrealistic.


No favoritism for either side. In the no fault it would be up to the two people to decide the split during the waiting period. When they agree the divorce is granted in as little as a month.

Joint custody allows both parents to have equal time with the kids and they share the cost of raising them equally. With little or no support having to be paid to either spouse.

Nesting is the newest idea to come about that is where the kids stay in the marital home both parents have to find there on place to live. Each takes turns living in the home with the kids. A week or two at the time each share the cost of the former martial home and the cost of raising the kids. With no support paid to either party ever.

Now if the one wanting to leave really just wants to be fair both of these ideas should be easy to agree with.



Perhaps it is the circle I happen to find myself, but several of my female friends who are either divorced or in the throes of it, have had to pay off their spouse. Some paid substantial lump sums, some pay monthly alimony that would make your head spin. One of my friends lives in a small condo while her husband, who claimed custody of their child so he could continue his relaxed lifestyle, he hasnt worked in 8 years, lazes around in their former 4 bedroom house, drives a brand new car he bought on her dime and wont settle and finalize the divorce, as punishment. He is a pothead to boot. So indeed, the pendulum does swing.


So see this is where the fairness would balance it out for these ladies. My point is the current laws that MOSTLY favor women in divorce need to be changed to really balance the field.
The thing is in every jurisdiction that they are used in the divorce rate has went down.

Though many won't believe me I have a very high regard for ladies. I have dealt with the "baggage" in my life left from my relationships.
I have no problem with any one wanting or getting a divorce but the laws should not favor either sex. Same thing in relationships that have children these changes would show the kids both parents want to spend equal time with them even if the parents can't live with each other anymore.

Thanks for the reasonable questions and statements on this it is refreshing.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 748
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:27:24 PM

Guess man are a gluten for punishment.
Does that mean my gluten allergy can also be triggered by mean guys?
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 749
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:30:32 PM
Does that mean my gluten allergy can also be triggered by mean guys?

Not as bad as the potential anaphylactic shock from, ...nuts.

When you're choosing a spouse, avoid nuts, or the relationship could become too glutinous
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 750
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/7/2010 10:34:22 PM
When we were 8 y/o and boys hated girls, we boys were onto something, then those damn male hormones kicked in, and like dogs and all animals, we became attracted to a girls butt.
To think, like dogs, we want to stick our mouths down there too. Yuk!!!


You silver-tongued devil! How DO you keep the women at bay? Can't believe any of the "less than WOW" women could resist a charmer like you!


I love the American Express!!! I always buy a ticket in the observation car.
Unfortunately, as alluded to previously, I have an allergy to nuts as well as gluten.
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